Her wit is dryer than cleo pat troughs uterus. Bonnie mcfarland. He is like a glob of grape jelly, but still the most trusted newsman andy levey and more muscles than a raw bar, yummy, it is terry shapper. That was lame. A tblok. A block. The lede. Thats the first story. Are we coming around to boots on the ground . President obama, if thats his real name, bonnie has asked congress to authorize the use of military force against isis isil and the Islamic State which i just learned are all the same thing. The president said this resolution is necessary because our coalition is on the defensive. Isil is on the offensive and isil is going to win. Our coalition is on the offensive. Isil is on the defensive and isil is going to lose. The alleged president s proposal calls for the deployment of Ground Forces in iraq and syria and it is the authorization of another ground war like afghanistan or iraq. The resolution we submitted today does not call for the deployment of u. S. Ground combat forces to iraq or syria. It is not the authorization of another ground war. Like afghanistan or iraq. Shouldnt have been drinking when i was listening to this. The resolution would expire after three years which obama says is a timetable that announces the mission will be completed after that period. It is not a timetable. It is not announcing that the mission is completed at any given period. Just like i said. Meanwhile, airstrikes on isis continue. I like how when you are bombing them you can be up in the corner and watch it and laugh to your hearts content. As someone who may be part of boots on the ground even though you may be too old, what do you think of this . I just turned 49 so where do we start . Let me ask you this isis or isil first of all can we just get this right . I thought he was pretty strong today. He is our president. Do you support what he said . Do you think it is wrong . Listen, we were talking in the green room and a year ago i was on some show and i said there are no other ways to do this but with guys like me with a gun. You cant beat a guy in a mosque or somebody who puts kids in front of bombs. It doesnt work. I have a problem in his statement i read a bunch of it, and i read it once or twice. The word limited was a whole lot there, and i dont understand that. Here is what he needs again, it is the boxer coming to the fight saying i am not going to throw a left hook and i am not going to jab. The time starts now. He should be cool and pick up the mic and say i speak for america. Thats my bad obama impression. Isis dont go to bed dont look behind you and watch where you are. Im out. And then walk away. Mic drop. I say that to my wife a lot. He has been doing this for so long. Were ready to fight and ready to go. Just stop talking about it. He is a fan of limited. It is an amazing store. I am wearing their scent. I knew i smelled something, bonnie. We listened to the amateur here with an opinion. You often wear boots on the ground. Do you have any opinions on what this war authorization act or waa. You have to be pretty liberal to not want to kill isis. I mean you have to be a really really lets go back and see how their childhood was. Obamastein, i dont know if people know thats his real name. He is either jewish or a monster. I am canadian. I dont know what is going on. I wrote a lot of jokes about this, but i dont think they are appropriate now. You always do that. I will be the judge of that. You cant do that. I know you cut out a lot of my great stuff and then you leave the mediocre we had this discussion. We never cut out one of your jokes. That is untrue your honor. You just say we cut out the punch line . I do tweet a lot they cut a lot of the stuff and thats why it does doesnt make sense. I apologize to my fans. Andy, go ahead and explain why your hero president , everything he said was perfect. I do think they said all of the right things. He said we will degrade and destroy the terrorist group. It was nice they called them a terrorist group. He said the resolution reflects our core objective to destroy isil and he said we should not get dragged into another prolonged war in the middle east. To be serious, thats why it had to be limited. There is no way it will pass congress. You say we are ready to fight. America is not ready to fight. It is not americas decision. It is kind of not though. We work for you. One thing he did say i know. Stop being smart. One thing he did say that was good is we will nome limit not limit. Who is the language for . It is not for me, and the guys will be the boots on the ground. It is for a group of people that i think have never had the stomach for it. You are talking about congress i assume . Yes because Congress Works for you. If you look at congress and say what do we stand for . Are we cool with kids getting crucified . By the way one more thing, take the u. S. Out. Where is the u. N on this . Why even have a u. N . Didnt they have a peninsula a Peace Keeping board . Where is russia and china . Where are all of the other nations that bash us. It is unamerican. Yes, it is unamerican. The thing is, this will have a hard time passing congress as it is and thats with it being limited in scope. How is it going to be hard . You think . You will have a lot of noninterventionist republicans and noninterventionist democrats who dont want boots on the ground, period. This is going to take months. You think . Absolutely. I want to bring in joanne. As a patriot, when you looked at our kenyan born interloper president he was just like all of my exs. He cannot commit. This is like a man who says lets give up a test run. Three weeks but you cannot call me your boyfriend. You can move in for three weeks and we can have fun. Maybe you will go. Does that work for you . Sometimes. It never works for them. They get rid of me. Thats the thing. He wants to please everyone. He uses language that will get this passed. Now is not the time to be vague. We need to be as specific as possible and not just with the time frame or logistics, but in identifying who our enemy is. He hasnt done that much. It is funny he comes on and says we Want Congress behind us because we want them unified. He was the one who bombed libya. Thats a good point. Now you are coming to the table saying we want to do this the right way. There is probably not a lot he can do to make me happy. You hate him. No, as a special forces soldier i will fight to the death for president obama. I will leave tomorrow and leave everything behind and fight to the death. You wont leave me. You complete me i completely lost my point. Can i ask a question . Go ahead. Why do they always show them doing the monkey bars, isis . That is an interesting point. They are always doing a crazy exercise or they are chanting which leads me to believe that chanting is great exercise because you dont see fat terrorists, do you . They are not heavy at all. Maybe it is the goat sex. Greg. I know. Andy, you are somewhere off in space. I dont like the goat sex comment. I think it is culturally insensitive. I am canadian so i take exception to that. It is not fair to bonnie. My father did what he had to do. And look how beautiful you turned out. Dont get me in the rain. Do you still eat newspaper . I like garbage. I just wanted to say that i am glad that it is vague because if it is not vague you are telling them it is not vague. It is vague but not vague. It is not vague because he says we are not this and not that. Limb limited limited, limited. Dude were coming for you. Im out. Make it a big mystery. It should be a mystery. Ever since this started with this guy, president obama, it is stein. President obamastein. There is no way he can come out and say there is a chance we will get involved in the middle east. He cant because we are not going to. He looks at president bush as the father he hates. It is the American People dont want it. I think if it was actually explained in a way that doesnt it is like we are not going to send in 100,000 ground troops. Well we cant deport 11 million illegal people. Well done. By that logic we cant collect all taxes so lets not collect any. You have to do what you can, when you can. The language is vague enough. He can sit there and say in his speech oh this is going to be the language is vague enough that he can send troops wherever you want. You are talking a political thing. I am talking i want isis freaking dead. I dont feel that way, im sorry. We do not agree. I want to get the girls into this story. We are going to move on. We have a big segment on make up and how to cook for your boyfriend. That will never happen. I thought you wanted to get the girls involved. John stewart is gone stewart. He will be leaving after 17 years onthejob. 17 years is the longest i have ever in my life held a job by 16 years and five months. But in my heart i know it is time for someone else to have that opportunity. Thank you for that. Who will fill his tiny shoes . Speculators have been speculating. Some of the names mentioned include the very sexy late night host seth meyers. Good looking. They show samantha b delight and jason jones, unemployed Brian Williams realtimes bill maher and finally clint howard. What is so funny . He is the better howard. Think about the howards ron howard. When you think of good movies it is clints you will go to. Bonnie, now that you started talking what did you make of his departure . I am just finding out now. You know me. I only watch fox. I dont think it should be samantha b and jason jones. They are a husband and wife team. Husband and wives that Work Together are gross. I dont agree. Samantha b could do it on her own. I know your name has been bantied about. It would be like the male porn stars that do it for the money. There is always a period of time where i had fallen into the weird world. I am not even gay. Why is this so much fun . You know what is even worse, the money is terrible. Why am i doing this . You gave the money to charity. Charity is a woman who needs the money. Joanne you are a mill millenial and i dont mean the pep ridge farm cookie. Rut core audience even though it is 42. Are you as distraught over this as the Washington Post editors believe . It is a new trend with mill 11 yalls to get their news in nonnewslike ways. A lot of my friends will watch this. They will dvr it you dont have friends. The two people i happen to speak to on my commute here happened to watch this. People want some humor. I think he would be great because he has been all over the place and he can transition nicely. Terry, you said you have no opinion on this. Have you changed your mind . No. It would be cool, but it will never happen. Thats because of you and your talent. You complete me and you had me at hello. By the way, they would never take a risk on you. You are too risky. Because of the movies we made . Yes and the things we said back then. Isnt it a weird comment i want to give somebody else an opportunity . That seemed like something. Just say i am tired of doing the damn show. Im taking a break. Nobody will knock me off my thrown. I will step aside and therefore it is time for someone else to have a shot. You let me know. You have nice work legs and boobs. I feel like i am in a broadway play that i am leaving soon because it is making me ill. Who is that . Oh god. Am i supposed to know that . It is okay. I probably should death of a salesman. Andy, should they can sell the show . First of all i want to defend you greg. They say it should be you, but they would never ask you. It shouldnt be you. In your defense the brand is too powerful. He was playing a character and it was his show. But i wish they would bring back tough crowd with colin quinn. It was a great show. He couldnt do this either. He is not a lefty. Thats why he is not on the network anymore. I just thought it was for other reasons. His issue . That cleared up. No there are still a lot of photographs around around. It was consensual. You know what i love . Did i just talk about this tweet . John stewart leaving the daley show is equivalent to the beatles breaking up for people under 30. Thats a great tweet. Is it though . You can use that tweet for anything now. You tweeting that is like the beatles breaking up. What about Brian Williams though . People say i dont know. He wants to do that. In fact we are going to do that story next. He really wants to be an entertainer. And this could be it. This could be the on tray to the world. There is that saying that they say because you know it is untrue. Do you think he told stories. He lied. He can no longer be on the news because there are two thens you need to be to be an anchor. Read from a teleprompter and be trustworthy. Thats it. He violated one of those. You can never watch network news again. I see those ads and i think, i used to believe that most trusted team. How dare you . What is terry doing for valentines day . Well later he will show us how to strangle someone with a long stemmed rose. It is easy. Should she say she is a combat vet . You think of terrys tattooed pet. When it comes to your credit, in the know is the place to be. Transunion. Com makes it easy. We give you 24 7 access. You get instant credit alerts to keep you in sync. You can even lock and unlock your transunion Credit Report from your phone. And all that information feels pretty good. Come to transunion. Com and get in the know. Is she a liar for not taking fire . Seen here she maintains she is a combat veteran even though she didnt come under enemy fire while serving in kuwait and iraq in 2003 and 2004. Last week a Huffington Post story found a veteran to call her a fraud because she commanded a Transportation Company that was never attacked. How dare she never almost be killed . While campaigning last year she brought up her war record and her website refers to her as the first female combat veteran elected to serve in the u. S. Senate. Sorry, terry. And she is not wrong. The entire Arabian Peninsula is technically a combat zone. He said on monday it was only by luck and the blessings of god my soldiers did not encounter an assault and i wasnt kicking in doors. I dont believe i am less than a player. As for the editor this is the closest he has come to combat. These are really gentle bees. They havent tried to sting or anything. Ow danger it. I guess one got me ow dang it. He is not prepared. Should she make a retraction because she didnt see action . Feel free to rhyme in your response. I didnt know how to rhyme with that word. I was using orange in my answer. If are you a Football Player and you dont get on the field i dont know all of the technical terms for this analogy i am about to make but you are still a pro Football Player. You are still there doing your job. Thats true and there are things you are doing to help the team win even though you may not be doing all of the tackling. Flicking a towel at someones butt. You are both so not Football Players and it is funny. I played Freshman High School at serra high school. I was a linebacker i will have you know. I retract my statement. I stopped playing. Isnt that a girlss school . No, it wasnt. You were on the field hockey team. No. Lets stick to the story. You are a combat veteran. Whatever. Is she is she a combat veteran . Her unit her and her unit unit im sorry, that was stupid. They could be subjected to contact with the enemy. If you are not an infantry guy or combat arms guy you get a combat action badge. It is people who are Truck Drivers or Something Else and they still found themselves in a fight. She is a combat veteran and Huffington Post i am going say that again the Huffington Post actually you question her Huffington Post. Question her credibility as a woman in combat. Arent they supposed to be all go go gals in combat and kick butt and they bring on loser vets. You are a loser vet for saying that. She is a female combat vet. Get over it. She was part of the party that the Huffington Post didnt like. You claim to be in the military. After wearing a purple sweater i doubt that is the case. I guess you never heard of the purple heart. Boom. I think it is clear he has a problem with strong women. I am calling on the Huffington Post to fire him. He is problematic and he is apparently living in the past where women are not allowed to serve in combat zones. As long as he says it in the Huffington Post they agree with him. They clearly endorse everything he said. His first paragraph was they think firefights with the enemy, but the military defines it differently. That should have been the last paragraph as well. She is absolutely 100 correct. Unlike Brian Williams. She is telling the truth. They are embarrassing themselves. It was disgusting, joanne. You are a veteran of the war on leggings. He must feel sympathy. Nobody ever attacked me because i looked great in them. I was about to. I still feel insecure. I worry about people coming forward and saying you should take those off. No thanks. Like everyone has said eloquently she has never lied about it. I was people keep saying technically. It is not technically. It is what it is. This is not on you. This is what they keep saying in the article. It is a snarky delivery. Technically she is it is not technically. I was in the gulf war. I dont know if it is appropriate to bring it up now, but i was in a fight at a gas station, but i feel like it applies. There is oil there. And it was with an iraqi fellow. Thats good news. At least you didnt lie about it. The most dangerous place for a blogger is going to the bathroom to load up on porn tissue. That went over my head too. It is selfdescribed. Do you people not have tissue specifically for porn . I have my bathroom tissue and i have my porn tesh tissue. Thank you bonnie. Does it have little drawings on it and then you flip it . You save a lot of time. It is more ply. There is more ply. It goes to 11. Never. Coming up will Charles Manson ever get married . I hope so. He deserves real punishment. First, a word from our sponsor. Tonights sponsor is shepherds pie. Do you wish you were a hunk of man meet like terry shappart . It is a years supply of protein and made from hgh and menitard meat. 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