Thanks to each and every one of you for coming. Hey, i dont know if you know. I dont know if you heard outside. This neighborhood is a hotbed of controversy right now. The l. A. City council today voted to start cracking down on the costumed characters who bring so much joy to so many on our street. [ cheers and applause ] the new rules would require anyone hoping to dress up as a superhero to get a daily pass to do that. And the city will only give out 20 passes a day. Which is nuts. We have 20 captain americas alone out there. We visited with these men and women. Its like going to disneyland if disneyland didnt drug test their mascots. Theres a captain america. Darth vaders, batman, batman being arrested. This is elmo being arrested. Poor elmo. This is a skirmish between chewbacca and a couple other friends. For some reason a lot of Business Owners in the area dont like having these guys around, i dont understand it. But now under the new rules the city would hand out 20 passes every morning on a first come, first served basis. I dont know what time theyre going to hand them out or where but that line is going to look like the worlds saddest avengers movie. Costume party is over, i guess. Fortunately were probably going to have legalized marijuana soon. So thats [ cheers and applause ] should i be worried when our employees are cheering louder than anyone . [ cheers and applause ] no, no. Alec, no comment . He couldnt have to put it up his butt anymore. [ cheers and applause ] so in november, california voters will vote on a measure to legalize marijuana for recreational use. Supporters of the amendment turned in the required amount of signatures on time to get on the ballot. Whether the measure passes or not, turning something in on time is a huge victory for marijuana enthusiasts. Medical marijuana is legal here already. But its hard to get. Right now the only way to get marijuana is to tell a guy whose name is dr. 420 your elbow hurts. The measure will almost certainly pass which will bring about 1 billion to the state. But i feel bad for the drugsniffing dogs. What are they going to do for work . Practice sniffing each others butts, i guess. Donald trump and Hillary Clinton are currently sniffing each others butts. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] Quinnipiac University poll, the new poll has them almost tied, hillary up 42 to 40 over trump. The other 18 said theyre going to kill themselves in november. With the margin of error, theyre in a virtual tie which is a big deal. This is the first tie for donald trump that wasnt manufactured in china. When you break the numbers down, clinton got the support of 91 of black voters. Trump took just 1. Not 1 . Literally 1 black voter. His name is leonard, dont call him leon. Leonard. Among hispanic voters clinton leads trump 50 to 33 which spry me. Youd think hed have more support from africanamericans than mexicanamericans. But you remember if you cross the border to move to another country theres a good chance one of the reasons you did that was to get away from your family back home. Guillermo, hows your motherinlaw . Guillermo terrible. Jimmy shes terrible . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy maybe youre hoping theres some more Border Control based on that, right . Guillermo yeah, well send her back. Jimmy okay, very good. In case youre wondering what jeb bush is up to these daze . There he is, jeb bush, standing all by himself at Miami International airport. No entourage no secret service, no one. Jimmy for jeb, hes just a man in a cinnabon now. 165 pages of Hillary Clintons emails, most if not all unremarkable. We asked people about the emails that were released. The specifics which of we made up. But that didnt stop people from pretending to be outraged in Hillary Clinton email lie witness news. Talking to people about the Hillary Clinton emails that have been released. Im sure youve seen some. Ive seen a lot. Were you disappointed how many nigerian princes Hillary Clinton wrote back to . Think someone in that position would fall for Something Like that . I mean, its not surprising considering its Hillary Clinton. Were you surprised that hillary forwarded bill cosby jokes to Vladimir Putin . Am i surprised . Nothing she does surprises me. You saw those jokes . I heard about the jokes. I did not see them. It doesnt surprise me. How many bill cosbys does it take to screw in a lightbulb, it depends how [ bleep ] up the lightbulb is . Yes. What about the email she sent to putin asking him to send shirtless pec shots . Was that president ial . No, not at all. My opinion, not. Are you surprised to see that . Yes, i did. You heard the bombshell hillary once accepted a linkedin request from Osama Bin Laden. What does that say about her . Honestly, you really want me to be honest . Please. It means shes not a true american. I see her as a traitor to the country. Because of Osama Bin Laden . Yes. Or because of linkedin . Everything. Hillary, you call yourself a christian, you call yourself a believer, but the problem is you dont practice it because youre living this lie. And you need to turn yourself in. You should not live a lie . You should not live a lie. Were you surprised hillary sent that email to sugar ray saying, i just want to fly your Favorite Song . Nothing about her surprises me. She doesnt have any scruples or boundaries. You saw that email . Uhhuh. You like that song, i just wanna fly . Uhhuh. Hillary clinton is not trust worthy. And you are very trustworthy . Im a trustworthy person. You saw those emails about sugar ray . Uhhuh. Did you think it was sad you found out she had been sending Edible Arrangements to herself just to make the other girls in the office jealous . I do, those cost a lot of money. I mean you cant just be sending differents to yourself. Thats ridiculous. I heard about that and it was just did you feel bad for her . Not really, no. I could never feel bad for her. Why is that . Its Hillary Clinton. I mean, all she does is lie. She lies . Yeah. But you dont . I dont, no, never. You saw that email about the Edible Arrangements . Yeah, i did. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its all completely clear. When im Vice President , there wont be any emails to read because i will communicate exclusively through snapchat. That will be the only way. [ cheers and applause ] bring in my podium. Thank you. I have a major announcement to make tonight. As you may know, im making a histor historic, in fact a firstever independent run for Vice President of the united states. So far ive been endorsed by oprah winfrey, l. A. Mayor eric garcetti, the president of cbs drugstores, Rob Gronkowski of the new england patriots, and courtney love. Tonight i am so happy to add the support of another proven winner. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome 15time World WrestlingChampion John cena. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you. I am honored tonight to stand at this podium with the great candidate and even greater man. You are killing it in the polls, right . Jimmy i am ahead in the polls, yes. Youre not just ahead, man. Kimmel has 100 of the vote with no opponents [ cheers and applause ] its very kind of you but i dont think this audience or the people at home realize exactly what a bigassed accomplishment this is. Jimmy well its not that big a deal its a big deal this man, this man is the product of our country, wasnt manufactured in some factory overseas, he was made in america. [ cheers and applause ] a man who embodies hustle, loyalty, hard work. How many millions of people a day do you entertain . Jimmy i dont know, maybe where between 2 million and 30 million, not including india. Damn right, between 2 million and 30 Million People [ cheers and applause ] wait for it. Not including india jimmy thank you. Do you have any idea how many people that is . Jimmy its between 2 million and 30 million. Not including india. That is exactly right this man entertains millions of people, pays his taxes, eats hot dogs, lights off fireworks with his teeth. It doesnt get more american than that [ cheers and applause ] youre very welcome. You see, this is our man Jimmy Jefferson kimmel the next Vice President of the ups of america [ cheers and applause ] he will fight for america and i will fight alongside him [ cheers and applause ] and as a matter of fact, if you dont vote for jimmy kimmel for vp i will personally give each and every one of you the attitude adjustment that you deserve [ cheers and applause ] who wants some . Jimmy john cena, everyone. John. That seemed unnecessary to me, but john by the way is hosting the espys on july 13th here on abc. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you are an american hero. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] this prepaid, man, i cant even. My prepaid is much better than yours. My prepaid brings all the gigs to the plan my network is better than yours verizon is better than yours no surprises always know the charge lalalalala no annual contract my prepaid lets me stream what i want my speed is better than yours my prepaid is better than yours i can be free with no Strings Attached lalalalala on your favorite spaghetti sts only at olive garden. Like a deep dish spaghetti pie topped with chicken alfredo starting at 12. 99 with unlimited salad and breadsticks. Hurry in. Offer ends sunday. Olive garden. The ford freedom sales event is on with our best offers of the year im free to do what i want. And 0 financing is back on a huge selection of ford cars, trucks and suvs. Plus get an extra 1000 smart bonus on specially tagged vehicles. Thats freedom from interest. And freedom to choose with ford. Americas best selling brand. Im free, baby now get 0 financing plus a 1000 smart bonus cash on specially tagged vehicles. Only at the ford freedom sales event. Feel free. Wannwith sodastream®er . You turn plain water into sparkling water in seconds. And because its so delicious, youll drink 43 more water every day. Sodastream®. Love your water. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Zac efron, adam devine, but first summer is here. We invited our friend and former nasa engineer, very popular, hes here to share weird ideas you can try at home for your kids, friends, et cetera. Say hello to mark rober, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jimmy so last time you were here, you came up with these great ideas for people that they could do most of these things you can do at home thats right. Jimmy you have more stuff specifically themed to summer . Yeah, thats right. So like the fourth of july is right around the corner. So the concept here is that these are just four ideas you could do just without much effort at all. Jimmy okay, perfect. We have kind of like last time, starting from easy all the way up to expert. Well start on the easy stuff. Jimmy what about these . The worst that can when at your barbecue, youre going to cook everyones hot dogs and your barbecue runs out of propane or charcoal. Jimmy or a hand blows off. Maybe that is the worst. Dont worry, turns out that doritos are actually super flammable. Jimmy you didnt spray these with something to make them flammable . They are naturally genuinely flammable . Super flammable, yeah. You got a bore right toe bonfire. Well come back to that. Jimmy how do you know this by the way . Eat them while on fire . Thats the flaming hot variety. Dont touch that. Jimmy put theet out with cool ranch doritos. Im going to move this over here. Good idea, safety first. Jimmy well come back to the deer rotos. When the fires gets out of control well return to it. Every good party needs a good beverage. Heres be a idea for a simple watermelon smoothie with no mess. Cut a hole in a watermelon. It would be nice if its chilled. Take a coat hanger thats clean and macgyver it and put it in a drill. Jimmy arent most coat hangers pretty clean . Youd hope so. Jimmy so you drill a hole. Thats right. You put it in here. You go to town for about 30 second. Jimmy this is like out of a saw movie. After that youre going to take it. Jimmy this is burning out of control over here. Its under control. Youre going to open it up a little more, put a cup in there maybe draw a little face on here. Jimmy okay. Thats fun. Then youve got this super creepy guy jimmy you need a cup . A cup would be awesome. Jimmy i dont think we have a cup. All right. Jimmy no we dont have it. Well pour it directly into my mouth. Chug, chug. And it looks super creepy. Jimmy yeah, looks like its a prompting watermelon. No mess, right . Jimmy love that. Yeah. Maybe we should have taken jimmy maybe we should get to this, this is scaring me. Now skew your hot dog and roast it over. Just seal in that rich hickory nacho cheese flavor. There you go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy brilliant. Its a good way to light the grill with one of those too. Very true. Now that weve got food and drink taken care of, well move on to dessert. What youre going to do is go to your local Industrial Supply store. For 30 bucks get a couple of gallons of liquid nitrogen. Put it into a bowl like this. Jimmy do they have stores that have this . Yeah, google Industrial Supply store. Jimmy shall we wait while people do that . And so jimmy thats a good way to get the fbi to come to your house. Thats right. Jimmy liquid nitrogen. Take ice cream, different flavors. I use neapolitan. Youre going to sort of squirt it into the liquid nitrogen. And whatever flavors you use, thats what color youre going to have. When you put it in there, it naturally jimmy i dont know if we can see that. It naturally sort of forms these balls. Whoop, got a little excited. Now all you do is take that. And you scoop them out. You have homemade dipping dots. Wow. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fresh dipping dots. Ow very cold, i forgot to mention that. Jimmy this is great. Or you could just buy dipping dots. Nice and easy. Jimmy theyre delicious. By the way, this is, if you never had it, this is the absolute finest quality black dot ice cream, its the best. What else do we have . Youve got Something Else here. Now that people are fed and happy what your party needs is entertainment. People like nerf wars. Thats call but i feel we could take to it the next level. All youre going to do for this next idea is first get a job at nasa. Jimmy uhhuh. You learn the skills necessary to make one of these. Jimmy you made this . [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Jimmy wow. Thats awesome. So this is the Worlds Largest nerf gun. Were going to like test it out here. What i want to do is give you this. Jimmy okay. Ill take this one. Jimmy great. Were going to take turns shooting each other. Jimmy youre trying to humiliate me. This does not represent anything, by the way. Im overcompensating. We have this dart. The darts are actually like foam. Jimmy what is this, a plunger . A foam over a toilet plunger. Jimmy that seems safe. It sticks to thins. Youre going to kill somebody with this. What should i do . Aim it at that. Jimmy now . Im going to charge this up. Jimmy we only have three darts in here, what happened . Budget cuts, huh . All right. I dont know that its working. Should i shoot it now . Yeah, give me one sec here. Jimmy give me the big gun right now i want the big gun [ cheers and applause ] im going to shoot this then to see whats going on. See . Nothing happened. Yeah, the guns not working. Its like the least dangerous oh, there we go, all right. Look at that. All right, here we go, ready . All right, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats not safe. That is not safe. I was curious if this actually worked in real life. Jimmy it does. I challenged my niece and nephew to a nerf dart war. And this is how they reacted. Jimmy oh, okay. Oh, thats your niece and nephew . I neglected to tell them i made this. Jimmy little did they know. Thats great. Its also the Worlds Largest super soaker. Jimmy oh all right. Wow. Thats unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy mark rober, everybody. Look at his youtube channel. Well be right back. We have music from Melanie Martinez, zac efron, adam design when we return [ cheers and applause ] dicky porings of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by pepsi. Tell the world how you feel and what you love. Find your pepsi emoji today. Rob. This is the nicest Ride Sharing Service ive ever been in. Im so comfortable. I could take a nap right now. So, our rates are a little bit different. Okay we charge by the amount of gas consumed. Ooh since we traveled 4. 43 miles, and this chevy malibu offers an epa estimated 47 miles per gallon city. Your total is. 22 cents. both noo way. I can afford that 26 cents. Do you have a quarter . Hahaha the all new 2016 chevy malibu hybrid. Its just so smart. Ugh. Waa. Wow ohhh aaaaahhhh. Find your diet pepsi emoji today. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hello, there. Tonight, from the forthcoming comedy vice principals, which premieres next month on hbo, Walton Goggins is here. Then, her album is called crybaby. Melanie martinez from the samsung outdoor stage. Tomorrow, Christoph Waltz will be here. From orange is the new black, danielle brooks. And well have music from maxwell. Please join us then. Our first guests tonight are not really brothers, but they pretend to be for the movies, mike and dave need wedding dates. Please welcome zac efron and adam devine. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy just switch around. [ cheers and applause ] i cant take this guy anywhere. Whats up, guys . [ cheers and applause ] and they started again, man. Whats up, guys . Jimmy i dont know, is that for adam or zac or the combination . [ cheers and applause ] what a sweetheart. Thank you, thats my mom. Jimmy yeah. Shes here. Jimmy your mom is here . My mom and dad are here. Jimmy is that right . [ cheers and applause ] its so embarrassing. Look how hard my moms smiling she got scared, she got scared. Jimmy its good to