Im impressed i should say. You were able to fight your way through the paparazzi to be here tonight. A lot of photographers in our alley tonight. Im not sure if theyre here for bob odenkirk or Kendall Jenner because theyre really almost the same person. Bob is the emmy nominated star of Better Call Saul. We called saul. Kendall jenner is a model whos on the cover of the new issue of vogue magazine. Being on the cover of the September Issue of vogue is a very big deal because the fall fashions are revealed. Guillermo, it would be like if you were on the front of a tequila bottle on cinco de mayo. Guillermo thats right, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tell you what, between Kendall Jenner and me, between the two of us weve now graced the cover of vogue magazine once. [ laughter ] and music tonight from Kiefer Sutherland, the actor. [ cheers and applause ] this is not one of those things where a band name themselves Kiefer Sutherland. It is actually him. Either that or the lead singer looks exactly like him. I dont know if youre aware of this but donald trump is currently running for president of the united states. Its true. [ laughter ] and at first he came out with guns blazing, said hes going to kick all the mexicans out, hes going to build a wall to keep them from coming back in. Last night during a town hall on fox news he said he could be softening, which is normal, it happens to a lot of men his age. [ laughter ] the reason hes softening is he hosted a meeting with his hispanic advisory council. He invited them to meet. Which is a little bit like gargamel inviting the smurfs over for a dinner party. Hes now agreed to, and this is big for him, hes agreed to give immigrants a 30minute head start before he tries to catch them with a net. So thats nice. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] not only is he reaching out to the hispanic vote, hes been reaching out to the black community. Donald trump donald trump said he loves africanamericans, in fact some of his best credit cards are black. He was in austin, texas, yesterday where he made yet another appeal to black voters which we slowed down to half speed for another intoxicating edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing very slowly ] give donald trump a chance. We will turn it around. We will make your streets safe. So when you walk down the street, you dont get shot. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy actually not a bad idea, i hate getting shot. This is funny, remember how melana trump gave that speech at the Republican National convention that may or may definitely have been plagiarized . Turns out the writer of the speech, the trump family speechwriter, her name is her myth mac diver, was paid 365. 01 for writing that speech. Which on the other hand is a lot of money, on the other hand its she didnt write the speech, so it is kind of a lot of money. We learn this from the Financial Disclosure they provided to the fec. The Trump Campaign spent more on Dominos Pizza than on melanias speech. Even though they both delivered them in 30 minutes or less. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] in a prepared Statement Today the speechwriter said, i worked hard for the money, so hard for the money, i worked hard for the money so you better treat me right. Meanwhile, revealed today that donald trump, the Trump Campaign, used Campaign Contributions to buy 55,000 worth of Donald Trumps own book to give out as gifts at the rnc. Which not only is that probably illegal, its like sending yourself flowers on valentines day to the office, its sad. Delegates at rnc were given canvas tote backs with a copy of his book, kleenex, make America Great again cups and tshirts, and plastic fetus figure reasons. You know, when youre traveling and you need one. Sounds like the worst oscars gift bag ever. They bought the books at barnes noble for full retail price, which interesting because it means for the First Time Since 2006, someone bought books at barnes noble. Which i believe counts as a charitable donation. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] many on the far right wing have been questioning Hillary Clintons health lately. This is the new thing. Karl rove was on fox news last night where he went through hillarys alleged Health Issues in great detail. She has a concussion on the 13th of december but were not told about it until the 15th of december, two days later. Were told on the 25th, or excuse me, ive got this written down on the white board. Ive never seen that. On the 28th, were told on the 28th of december that shes going to be back to the office next week. On the 30th shes hospitalized with a blood clot. But were not told about it until the next day. It takes it over two months for her to get rid of the glasses. In fact, the next year her husband, bill clinton, insists it was terrible. Jimmy thats the universal symbol. [ applause ] here in california, the state senate yesterday rejected a bill that would abolish Daylight Saving time. How do you feel about that . Would you want to get rid of Daylight Saving time . Huh. Traditionalists, i guess. Some lawmakers want to get rid of it because they cant figure out how to program their microwaves and theyve had enough. Must make you feel very powerful getting the vote on what time its going to be. Why is the Senate Voting . Isnt this something flavor flav should decide for us . It did not make it, Daylight Saving time will remain in place which is probably for the best. We already have Recreational Marijuana on the ballot in november, we cannot legalize pot and change Daylight Savings in the same year, it would be a disaster. It really would. What id like us to do is instead of scheduling Daylight Savings to happen in march and november, surprise me with an extra hour of sleep whenever it feels right. The morning after the super bowl when i need it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] or when im in line at the dmv, go backward. Im going to be a great vice president. As you probably know the rams have returned home from st. Louis after 20 years, theyre back in l. A. Theyre the subject of a new season of hard knocks on hbo, where they document what goes on inside a Team Training camp, where we get to know players like rams defensive end william hayes. Hayes looks good on the field but the old mans new life by the sea has revealed some startling beliefs. Will hayes absolutely believes and is totally convinced that there are mermaids and they do exist. In fact, i remember him getting real excited about the potential for moving out here because he knew that he would be closer to mermaids here on the west coast. Its a mermaid, though. It could be. Its a different species. Thats true, keeping an open mind. I saw a mermaid in a tom hanks movie once. While william does maintain a healthy belief in mermaids, one thing he does not believe in is dinosaurs. I just think its [ bleep ] to be completely honest with you. I just cant trex Walking Around here . No, dinosaurs never walked this earth. All this fairy dust, the easter bunny and all that [ bleep ], they fall in the same category, them and santa claus. Why arent there dinosaur in the water . They are. They in the water now, sharks. So thats a [ bleep ] dinosaur . Yeah. Okay. Alligators. Look at alligators. Just because youre a reptile youre a dinosaur now . Yeah. Alligators are [ bleep ] d e dinosaurs . Definitely a crocodile. Jimmy i think i have a new favorite football player. [ cheers and applause ] this is a bonus. Can we please get in touch with him . I would like to take him on a field trip to the museum of natural history. Maybe get him his own show on Animal Planet or something. You know, if you watch a lot of cable news in the daytime like i do youve seen older celebrities doing commercials and infomercials for unusual products. Sydney williams who was shirley on laverne and shirley for visiting angels, chuck woolery. I hope when i get older ill do commercials like that too. That said lets travel into the future together to the year 2046. The following is a paid advertisement for death alert. This is rose. One day rose tripped over her late husbands bass soon. Hi. Im jimmy kimmel. Rose is dead. And unfortunately for her and the millions of other seniors who live alone, her body might not be discovered for days. Even weeks. Imagine that. Lying dead on a cold floor. Well now you dont have to. With death alert, the electronic death notification bracelet that constantly monitors my vital signs. The moment i stop breathing, death alert automatically notifies my next of kin to discover my lifeless body and make arrangements for my inte internment. Dont trust those other death notification bracelets that give false positives. Im alive order now before its not too late. Get your death alert death notification bracelet today for only 39. 95 plus shipping and handling. Death alert. Dont get eaten by rats. Jimmy we have to take a break. When we come back, my very impatient aunt chippy teams up with one of the kids from blackish to learn how to play pokemon go. Stick around, well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ tires screech ] flo [ ghost voice ] oooo [ laughs ] jaaaaamie, the name your price tool can show you Coverage Options to fit your budget. Tell me something i dont know oh ohhh she slimed me. Which i probably shouldve seen coming. 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Thats why i got a subaru impreza. avo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Get zero percent on select subaru models during the subaru a lot to love event, now through august thirtyfirst. Jimmy randolph sitting in with the cletones. Welcome back to the show. Kendall jenner and Kiefer Sutherland on the way. This pokemon phenomenon, youd think it would be over. In taiwan a very rare pokemon, something called a snorlax, appeared and people just started stampeding when word got around. Thousands of people rushed to capture a snorlax, which doesnt even exist by the way. You used to think people who would play video game shtds get outside, now i think they should go back inside. Pokemon go is here whether you like it or not. We thought it would be fun to teach my aunt chippy, whos 77 years old, how to play it. To guide her we asked miles brown from the show blackish to team up with cousin sal, who is not on the show blackish, to welcome aunt chippy to the world of pokemon. Hello. Hello, miles. Nice to meet you. Hi. Youre aunt chippy, right . Youre going to make me look stupid . Youre going to make me look stupider than i look . No, i wanted to show you this really cool game called pokemon go, have you ever heard of it . Never. Never, okay. I need your credit card to pay for this. My credit card . I need your Social Security number. [ bleep ], i aint giving you my Social Security number. You put yours in. I dont know what this is all about. First ive got to put my glasses on because i cant see what the heck youre doing. Right now you have a mobile sort. Thats your first pokemon. I already got one . Good, i got one, lets quit, im done. No, no, you cant do that. Yes, i go to the casino, hit one four of a kind, you cash out, you go home. No, no, no. Now we have to start walking to find more pokemon. All right, okay. Are you ready . Lets go. Were going to go this way. Theres one right here, okay. So you see the pokemon right here . Yeah. What do i do with it . Press it. Press that . So now see, okay, see, its right there. See . Get off the pokemon thing okay, i have to go and see the green circle . Yeah. See that . Wait, wait we got a squirrel. You got a squirrel . We love it up to level 2. Oh. Oh, wait. Yeah, you still havent given your credit card. Youve got to play to pay to game . Its very entertaining. Its also a workout game so well be walking a lot. Okay, so now were really close to this pokestop. Were going to swipe. Weve got another three pokeballs. So were like this. Miles. Lets keep going i know youre speaking english. Yeah. I know that. Were this close. Only i dont understand any of this stuff. Its a pokemon, okay, where is it . Where is it . Okay, its right there. What am i supposed to do with it . Youre going to flick the ball toward the back. Nice got him . Hopefully. Lets see. You got him. Lets go home yay no, no, we have to catch more. You caught your first pokemon, youre ready. Well have to go to a park where the real action is, okay . Come on lets go. Aunt chippy, shes pretty shes pretty keyed up for such an old lady, though. But she is using a lot of bad language, though. Pokemons a [ bleep ] game. Kids learn [ bleep ] on it. You dont learn nothing. Sad. Do you remember the park . And they have like swings and monkey bars and seashores and [ bleep ] like that . This park has nothing. Look at all the ground its got. And they got nothing in here. [ bleep ]. Thats my nephew. When i get ahold of him when nobodys around im going to smack the crap out of him. I promise you. Okay. Oh, you leveled up. You leveled up to level 3. Good, can we quit . No, we have to level up to level 4. Lets go. Theres a pokestop right here. Where . Right here, see it . This is my territory. Sal this is my pokemon territory. This is my pokemon territory. Your pokemon territory . Yeah. You want to play, you gotta pay. You gotta pay . Thats how it works in my park. This aint your nothing. Get out of here. Where the hell did you find this kid . Sal you let your pregnant grandmother fight your battles . You look like a pregnant grandmother. A pregnant grandmother . A little brat like you should learn some manners and you aint going to learn it through that. What are you going to do about it . You really dont want to know what im going to do about it. Do you . You really dont want to know. Good. Guess your ass the hell out of here. Shes the meanest lady ever go to hell thats it. Im finished. Im done. I poked enough men. We can go home now. I hope you had fun. Me . Tortured. Ill never play this game again. But it was a pleasure being with you. Thanks, punk. You little bastard. Get that thing from that kid arrest that little b achastard i get ahold of you, im going to smack the [ bleep ] out of you. Nobody should play that game because look what it made, it made a thief out of a little kid. Im done. Im done with this game. I got it [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thanks, cousin sal, miles, aunt chippy. Music from Kiefer Sutherland, Kendall Jenner is here, Robert Randolph is sitting in with the cletones, be right back with bob oaten kirk introducing tmobiles most epic deal ever get a free Samsung Galaxy for everyone in the family. Thats right, a free Samsung Galaxy with every new line and get 4 lines with 6 gigs each for just 30 bucks a line. Plus everybody gets unlimited streaming from their favorite services. Dont wait. Get a free Samsung Galaxy for everyone. So get tmobile now. Because our most epic deal ever is only for limited time. With this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. With this degree of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. And with this standard of luxury. Its an oasis. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Lease the e300 for 549 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Honey nut cheerios. Get their delicious taste from real, honest ingredients. Real oats. Thats a big bowl. Real honey. Yeah, honey. And real patience. Hurry up i like that bee. Narrator it wasnt that long ago. Years of devastating cutbacks to our schools. 30,000 teachers laid off. Class sizes increased. Art and music programs cut. We cant ever go back. Ryan ruelas so vote yes on proposition 55. Reagan duncan prop 55 prevents 4 billion in new cuts to our schools. Letty munozgonzalez simply by maintaining the current tax rate on the wealthiest californians. Ryan ruelas no new education cuts, and no new taxes. Reagan duncan vote yes on 55. Sarah morgan to help our children thrive. Jimmy Robert Randolph sitting in with the cletones. Tonight, from keeping up with the kardashians, the cover of vogue magazine and every instagram like ever, Kendall Jenner is here with us. Then, hes an actor and a musician too. This is his debut album, its called down in a hole Kiefer Sutherland from the samsung stage. Kiefer has a new show called designated survivor premiering next month but he really would rather travel around the country with a bunch of guys in a bus. By the way, down in a hole, or down in ahole . Ill ask him later. [ applause ] tomorrow night, Natalie Portman will be with us. Usher will be here and well have