Hillary clinton in the first of three president ial debates. It was a long 90 minutes. But the results are in. And not a single voter changed their mind. [ laughter ] a huge waste of time. Its very hard to believe that there are still undecided voters. The choice is pretty orange and white. [ laughter ] this was expected to be the mostwatched debate ever. The ratings were expected to rank up with the finale of cheers, the finale of m. A. S. H. , for real. Makes sense, in a way this election feels like the Series Finale of america. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i watched a lot of analysis. The experts said in order to win, Hillary Clinton had to project an image of competence, experience, wisdom, health, and vitality, without coming off as angry, bookish, or overbearing. Donald trump had to not mention his penis. [ laughter ] so i feel like this should have been this would have been better on pay per view. You can bet on this like a sporting event. Not on the winner, the winner wont be announced until tomorrow nights results show but you can make a prop bet on things like will donald trump mention bill clinton . Yes was the favored. You had to bet 210 to win 100 for yes. Will Hillary Clinton mention Melania Trump . Yes, bet 100 to win 300. These are not jokes. This is for real. Total number of times the word racist or racism is used by either candidate, over 2 1 2 times, 165 to win 100, under 2 1 2 times its complicated. Number of times the word liar or lying is used by either candidate, over 5 1 2 135, under 5 1 2 plus 105. Another yes no, will trump say crooked hillary . No 185 to win 100. What will the candidates do when they meet onstage for the first time . Shake hands, no embrace, you have to bet 350 to win 100 on that. No physical contact with each other, 100. If they dont touch, 350. Hug with no kiss, plus 400. Hug and kiss on the cheek, 100 to win 800. And have hot and crazy rage sex. If you bet 100 you win the trump hotel of your choice. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i dont think there are too many people who would disagree this has been and is the most controversial and heated election of our lifetimes. The stakes are very high. Especially for clinton and trump, who you know, whoever wins in november will get to do things like this. This is president obama today. Being decked out by native americans at the white house. At the tribal nations conference. Usually obama has a strict no headwear policy. But you see very clearly this is a man who does not give a rats ass anymore. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, really. You know, this debate was a Major Television event. And theres pressure to appear to know whats going on, to be informed. So we went on the streets and asked people what they thought of the debate last night. Of course the debate wasnt last night. Its tonight. And this was done hours before the candidates took the stage. So theres no way any of these people should have an opinion on what happened. But did that stop them from weighing in . Oh, no, it did not. In this special debate edition of lie witness news. The big news is last nights debate. Who do you think did a better job, Hillary Clinton or donald trump . I think Hillary Clinton did, actually. She made a lot more valid points. Donald trump had his valid points as well. What impressed you the most about Hillary Clintons performance last night at the debate . Impressed me . Her poise, her confidence . I liked her poise. I liked her poise. She was very poiseful. What did you think of that moment when donald trump challenged hillary to do pullups on the pullup bar he brought out . I thought it was funny. Because, i mean, come on, hillary i could barely do a pullup. But she did. Yeah, right, so she proved him wrong. Hes just like kind of ignorant. Hes all about like showcasing. Were you surprised last night during the debate when donald trump said hed only use Nuclear Weapons if he was real pissed off . That will be more than just his call. Hes going to have some good advisers. I think that will work out. Were you surprised when donald trump screamed at Hillary Clinton, liar, liar, pantsuit on fire . Wasnt that expected, though . I saw it on social media. So hes acting as always. Was it cute after the closing statements they gave each other that cute little kiss that peck on the lips . Barely. It was. Like it showed that theres like peace between the two parties. But it kind of was fake. Yeah. Kind of like the entire debate. Right. Which didnt happen. Right. So i mean you just never know. I mean, right now im really confused. No, no, wait yeah, whatd you say . I said that the debate didnt happen. Oh. What about Donald Trumps debate spoke to you . Made his points clearly, honestly, showed more leadership than i expected. Is honesty important to you and your son . It is to both of us. Do you have an honest dad . Yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy as you may know, i am currently in the midst of an historic run to be the next Vice President of the united states. Of america. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i am running without a mate. I am mateless. Neither of the candidates picked me. Which was a mistake. They both admitted that privately. Just because i did not get tapped, just because my name isnt on a Bumper Sticker with clinton or trump, it doesnt mean im giving up. Quite the contrary. Let me tell you something about me. When other people give up, i get up. When other people concede, i proceed. Thats right. When they throw in the towel, i go on the prowl. [ cheers and applause ] when they wave the white flag have i should i keep going . Im not on anyones ticket but im not sitting down. I issued a challenge to Hillary Clintons running mate senator tim kaine, lets go head to head, and he accepted on one condition, we had to find a neutral site. After a lot of back and forth we found a place we could both agree on. Buffalo wild wings. Game on senator, we finally meet. I do feel a little bad that ive been in your way. Jimmy and you should. Its good to sit down and hash it out a little bit. Jimmy yeah, i like that. Im a person that likes to sit down and hash things out. Especially if we have chicken wings in the middle of us. So i mean, whats your plan for the country . Well, you know, stronger together. Hillary and i, we got a good plan to build an economy that works for all Jimmy Hillary and i would have a good plan too. Im always into good ideas. We got to win this thing. Any advice for me . Jimmy i propose that we have the monday after super bowl off. From work. Super bowl monday. Hows that hit you . I wish id thought of it. Jimmy i wish you had too. I believe we all wish you had. It would be very popular if we could do that. Jimmy it would be very popular. Its why i thought of it. Where do you stand on social media . You know, im not exactly the most savvy guy. Im kind of a jimmy my thought on that is were spending too much time on it as a country, its affecting our productivity. I think you get two posts a day, thats it. More than two . For each time you spend one day in county jail. Can i maybe improve your plan a little bit . Jimmy good luck but yeah. Two a day but with an exception for unlimited if its about sports or if theres animals in it. Jimmy ill give you sports. I dont want to see more of peoples pets. You dont, okay. Jimmy its enough already. It gets old. Jimmy during march madness, isnt it weird that gambling is illegal . Shouldnt we maybe have a amnesty period then . Yeah, i mean, i think that makes a lot you know. Join a march madness pool, i know i do. Jimmy youre violating the law . If i was betting when i was joining one, i would be. Jimmy youre not betting . You never gambled illegally . If i was betting when i did it, it would be violation of the law. Jimmy i see, youre a bit of an outlaw, interesting. Phone books. The yellow pages. How is this still happening . How is it still happening . Do you ever say, man, im being sued for libel and fraud, i better go to the yellow pages. You dont even find escorts there anymore. I do. I mean jimmy trust me on this. I will trust you. Jimmy water fountains. I dont know. Jimmy when was the last time you drank out of a water fountain . I would say probably at elementary school. Jimmy stickers on fruit. Where do you stand on those . Ive jimmy i probably have 1,300 stickers on my body right now from apples. Are you supposed to get the sticker and trace it to its point of origin . I thought it mattered to some of you guys in california, knowing the tree where the apple came from. Jimmy yeah, no, we need to know which tree it was. Very organic here. Yes. How often do you go to concerts . I go to maybe four, five a year. Jimmy my idea is, concert audiences would be organized by height. Short people in the front. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Yeah . But then hold up the phone and tape it . You get sent to the back. [ cheers and applause ] i dont have an argument with you about that. I dont have an argument. Jimmy i didnt think you would because it makes perfect sense. Its called common sense. Something i have a lot of. I feel right now like you would vote for me for Vice President. You know, i frankly think you are probably superior to me. Its just that when hillarys making a choice, she had a couple of criteria. Looks was a big important thing to her. Jimmy was it . There are other things. That was one of the things she said. Jimmy i never thought about that, yeah. Wow. I think theres only one way for us to settle this. Wingeating contest . Jimmy no. No . Jimmy harmonica battle. If thats the way its going to be. Jimmy that is the way its going to be. Okay. Lets see here. Jimmy oh. Im already outgunned. All right. Okay. Do you want to start . Jimmy let me have it. Jimmy i get it, i get it, its very cute. Its called democratic donkey. Oh my gosh. All right, i got to call hillary. Yeah, give her a call. Oh my gosh. Is this who i think this is . Jimmy that is who you think it is. Look who popped in, john popper. Thats how much i love this country. John popper. Man. Jimmy if you want to jam we should do it, right . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thanks to tim kaine, he was very gracious. John popper too. We have a great show, Zach Galifianakis, owen wilson, kristen wiig are here. Kristen is on the roof of our building. Hi, kristen. Dont jump i know its very hot, im sorry youre up there. But over on the other building across the street are zach and owen. When we come back, were going to play Long Distance charades. Stick around, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] enjoy your phone you too. inner monologue all right, be cool. You got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at t. What . . Aand you got unlimited data because you have directv . . Okay, just a few more steps. Door its cool get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data when you switch to at t and have directv. [diggy by ncer ludwig] take one of those pillows they smell really fresh. What if we told you we washed these sheets 7 days ago. Really no way downy . Downy fabric conditioner. Give us a week, and well change your bed forever. Want more freshness . Add new downy fresh protect. But she always told me i dont mcare if you turn out, to be a great athlete or whatever but, you need to make sure you get your college degree. Sometimes i call the house, just to hear her voice. phone ringing answering machine hi, leave a message after the beep. beep hey mom, this is larry. I just want to let you know that uh, i fulfilled the promise that you held me to. Love you. beep was she expecting to find ther perfect designer boots at such an amazing price . No. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. With another new flavor you never saw coming. Grilled, glazed korean bbq shrimp. And try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. Just come in before it ends. [diggy by ncer ludwig] we cant go back to the years of devastating cuts to public education. Exactly why i urge you to vote yes on prop 55. Prop 55 prevents 4 billion in new education cuts without raising taxes on anyone. And theres strict accountability in prop 55. With local control over School Funding decisions. And mandatory annual audits guaranteeing the money goes directly to our classrooms. Not to bureaucracy, not to administration. So vote yes on 55. Because it helps our children thrive. Jimmy hi, there. Were on the roof. This is kristen wiig. Im jimmy, you saw me earlier. Right now Zach Galifianakis and owen wilson are all the way across the street on top of the hollywood highland complex. Hi, guys. How you doing . Jimmy doing great, its like 185 degrees on this roof, are you okay . Its cool over here, were getting a great breeze. A nice crossbreeze going, nice. Something about the beach i think. Jimmy you may never see this again depending how it goes. Its called Long Distance charades. Kristen and owen are on one team. Even though were standing together were not on the same team. Zach and i form the other team. Guillermo will be our referee. Guillermo, where are you . Guillermo here i am. Jimmy there he is. Okay. Please explain the rules to us. Guillermo the name the game is Long Distance charades. Jimmy okay. Guillermo each team will have 10 seconds to act out a title to your teammate. When were running out of time you will hear a gong. Whoever gets most wins the game. Okay . Jimmy yeah. Okay. Jimmy i didnt understand any of that, basically its charades and were on the roof. Do you have the white shirt on . Jimmy thats me in the white shirt, thats me. I cant make it out. Jimmy im going to take a movie title from the fish bowl. Guillermo get your binoculars ready. Ready, set, charade two words. Jimmy no, its three. Three, thanks. Hold on im getting the shakes. Hes driving. Okay, driving. Youre juggling. Youre making tea. I know it, i already know it hold on. Youre making tea the tea party there is an earthquake going on . Im getting the shakes. I know it, jimmy. Youre doing great. Oh, god. Hold on. Hank aaron hank aarons tea party think about golf. Like hes hitting a ball. Golf cart no, no. No, like like hes you know. Guillermo 10 seconds how many seconds, guillermo . Guillermo 10 seconds jimmy i dont know what else to do. Morgan freeman driving miss daisy. Jimmy driving miss daisy. I totally had that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good. Jimmy thanks. Who goes next, guillermo . Guillermo okay, owen. Pull a title from the fish bowl. Kristen, go, binoculars. Guillermo ready, set, charade youre being scary . Oh my god, i cant hold these straight. I know it. You do . You showed me the word. Okay, do it again. Scream . Scream. Jimmy scream is a movie. Sky . Look at the ceiling. How do you do this . This is a tough one. You can do sounds like. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy oh, yeah, do a sounds like. But what does this sound like . Jimmy do a smells like. Yeah. Okay, sounds like three syllables. First one, alphabet guillermo 10 seconds i cant see the fingers. [ bleep ]. Horror, scream yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sigourney weaver. Jimmy what was it . Aliens. I was pointing at the sky. I wasnt giving. Jimmy you should have pointed at guillermo. I think part of the problem is were so far away. You think . Jimmy yeah. Guillermo kristen, pick a movie. Owen, get your binoculars. I pick a movie. Jimmy yes, then show to it me as well. I can read lips. Jimmy all right. Guillermo ready, set, charade first word. Knocking. Two words. Up, thumbs up. I know it. Thumbs up. Up, sky. A puppet . Knocking. Its two words . The movies two words and youre knocking. Now youre like sex . Humping . What is that . Oh, first word is knock. Knock. Second word. Sky. Knockout. Knockout knock, knock, knock up . Knockout . Knocked up . Jimmy you guys got it, yeah. Got it whoo guillermo wow, they got it. That was hard. Jimmy its that were so far away. If we were closer this would be easier. Guillermo zach, pick a movie. Jimmy, get your binoculars. Jimmy zach, you look great, you look like you lost a lot of weight. Wrong again. Jimmy oh. All right, im ready to go. Show me. Oh you ready . This is a good one. Guillermo set, charade jimmy two words. Its a film. Its a movie. Guns . Shooting . Do on the nose, on the nose. Jimmy shootout. Gun. Do on the nose. He got it. Second word is . Jimmy second word is no, first word, you got the second. Jimmy smoking gun . Sky gun. Top gun. Yeah top gun. Good one. Guillermo they got it. Its tied 11. Jimmy what do we do when were tied . Guillermo were tied. It is time for sudden death round. Jimmy sudden death round . Should we go over the side . Guillermo for a final movie, kristen will guess. Jimmy okay. And so you guys, whoever of us guesses first okay, tell us when to start. Jimmy zach, you can start now. Owen, you can start later. Guillermo ready, set, charade go . Jimmy go. One word. One word. Jimmy flap. Wing. Jaws. Yes, yes jimmy we lost . Oh, just i lost . Now what happens . Jimmy zach, we lost. Now i think we should go downstairs. Wait, we won . Jimmy you guys won. Oh, great. Jimmy its not as exciting when youre on the roof. Downstairs its easier. The audience went home. All right, when we come back, we have music from lumineers. Well be right back with zach, owen and kristen. Wherever you are, stay there. [ cheers and applause ] inside the rack houses every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . Theto her, green. A. Was always more than a color. And style, was more than what you wear. Theres more to emma than youd expect, and shes always found her more on ebay. You can find your more on ebay too. Shop fall fashion today. Jimmy hi, there, welcome back. Tonight this is their latest album its called cleopatra. The lumineers from the samsung outdoor stage. Were happy to have them with us. Tickets for their upcoming show at Madison Square garden go on sale saturday. Go on your computers and get those. Tomorrow night, j. K simmons, Action Bronson and music from air and later this week, Sarah Jessica parker, armie hammer, daveed diggs, piper perabo, and we will have music from dan and shay and Damian Marley too. Please join us for all of that. Our first, second and third guests tonight are very funny actors and even more than actors, people. They are people, lets not forget that tonight. You can see them lead an allstar cast in the new m