I should also say welcome back to you too, guillermo. When did you get back . This morning at 9 35. Jimmy guillermo was in chicago in chicago watching the cubs. Right here wrigley field. How many drinks did you have last night . Like, 12 shots. Jimmy people were buying you shots . Guillermo shots, beer, everything. Jimmy how many drinks did you tell your wife you had last night . Guillermo oh, three. Jimmy yesterday in chicago theres a local show called windy city live. And on yesterdays show they had a special guest. Oh, thank god the bell is ringing. We have a guest. Who is at the door . Come on out, mystery guest. Guillermo from jimmy kimmel live. [ applause ] jimmy wow. Look at that. [ applause ] jimmy why dont you enter this show like that . Youre like a mexican allen. I had no idea. Guillermo well, it was a lot of fun j jimmy. Jimmy i see. It was an interesting interview. I learned some things about you that even i didnt know. Look at this. Youre so famous now. Can you even walk down the streets of l. A. Without people stopping you. No, people are like thats guillermo, and i say hi, thank jimmy kimmel, hes a great guy. He is a great guy. Because you were working at the parking lot attendant, right . Yeah. I was a security guard. And jimmy decided to put me on tv, and everybody liked it and he liked it and everything, you know, at the beginning i didnt like it, but now i like it. Jimmy i didnt know you didnt like it at the beginning. When did you start liking it . When you got the check for the first time . Guillermo yeah. Checks and i meet a lot of beautiful women. Jimmy did you mention the part where you would go to sleep in the car in the parking lot and then wed find you there . Guillermo yeah, when we went to commercial. Jimmy you had fun in chicago . Guillermo everybody was so nice. Jimmy you have fun everywhere you go. Apple had a big announcement event today. That means its time to stuff your old apple products in a drawer again. Today they announced from here on out, all mac products will be fully charged forever. Youll never have to charge them again. [ applause ] jimmy it was exciting for a moment, wasnt it . Now they introduced a new mac book pro, and you can use the apple watch to deflect bullets. This is the second apple announcement in two months. Its not as exciting as it used to be. In a way they get hurt by their own success. They made Amazing Products with the computer and the ipad and the phones, but now unless they come out with a light saber, its like oh, all right, whatever. We love the products, and we want them, and apple is now focussed less on what were buying and more on why. You love your iphone. But youve had it for a while. Now you need Something Else to distract you from the gaping hole inside. Introducing a new thing from apple. What does it do . We dont know. And honestly, do you care . Just rub your hands on it. See . Youre happy. Now, but the darkness will find you once again. Which is why were also introducing the new apple thing s. It fixes everything wrong with you yoor you, right . Right. Soon even this joy will pass just like Everything Else you love, leaving you empty, cold, and alone. With nothing and no one to hold onto. Until the apple thing two. And two s and three s and of course, the apple thing pro. Youll buy every single one of them. And then youll be dead. [ screaming ] and none of it will matter. Apple, the grave awaits us all. [ applause ] jimmy thats a hell of a new slogan. I dont know. Well have to research that one again. Were now 11 days away from bringing a merciful end to the race for president. Its been going on for, like, four years, i guess. Hillary clinton has plans for election night. Win or lose, shes hosting a party at a center in new york. It has a glass ceiling. If she wins, shell have shattered the ceiling symbolically, and if she loses, thats how shell kill herself and everyone in the room. If i was her, id have my Election Party at a trump hotel just to confuse him. [ applause ] jimmy id host a party and talk about how beautiful the hotel was and then id leave on the access hollywood bus. This is a good moment. The trump family was on Good Morning America today. Donald trump junior was generous enough to provide us with the unintentional joke of the day. Don, theres a lot of talk about the possibility of you running for office yourself. Is this more or less likely . Its a tough, brutal process, but theres also an element of being able to touch someone that way. Ive seen my father do it. When you look at the people hes touching on a daily basis. I thought he did he didnt touch any of these people. Jimmy donald trump is involved in something amazing today. Just when you think he cant top himself, he says he loves hindus. Although theres a chance hes confusing them with someone else. I dont know. This is a Real Campaign ad. This is how its edited. This is exactly what they put out. I look forward to working with Prime Minister modi. We love the hindus. We love india. Im donald trump and i approve this message. Jimmy you do . Its hard to imagine any part of that being approved, but mike pence saw that and his plane skidded off the runway today. Lets watch the part where he speaks hin di again. Okay, its one sentence. Five words, and one of the words is trump. But still, he couldnt get through it without an edit right in there. Look at this. [ speaking Foreign Language ] jimmy the guy who shot the video said trump said it 15 times. You would assume he got it correct after 15 times. I dont know. I dont speak it, so we went on the street to find people who do. We played the tape for them, and will those people who speak it understand what trump was trying to say in lets find out. Were going to play this clip of trump saying and tells what you think hes saying. Okay. [ speaking Foreign Language ] what . Can i have it again . [ speaking Foreign Language ] i have no idea what hes saying. How long have you been speaking hin di . Since i was born. I have no idea what he just said. Lets try again. [ speaking Foreign Language ] i have no idea. I dont understand it at all. [ speaking Foreign Language ] that does not sound hindy. [ speaking Foreign Language ] sorry, say that again . [ speaking Foreign Language ] sorry. Thats no pronounced as well as, not very well. You cant understand what hes saying . Not at all. Hows his accent . That was quite funny. [ speaking Foreign Language ] can i listen . Sure. [ speaking Foreign Language ] put it right up to your ear. Ent [ speaking Foreign Language ]. This time, it is trumps government. Thats what hes translating. Thats what hes saying. Hes saying this time it will be trumps government. Why was it so hard to understand . Because it was not clear. Would it make you want to vote for him . Definitely, no. I kind of hate him. [ speaking Foreign Language ]. Thats like i ruin the world. [ speaking Foreign Language ] wow. Jimmy either way, this is historic, because this is the first time any group of hindus has ever endorsed a candidate who has his own line of signature steaks. Cows, theyre sacred and delicious. We have to take a break. When we come back, its our annual halloween steal your candy challenge. Its back. Plus a special 500th greatest hits edition this week in unnecessary censorship. Stick around. cheering on tv you may write me down in history, with your bitter, twisted lies. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still like dust, i rise. You can shoot me with your words. You can cut me with your lies. You can kill me with your hatefulness. But still, like air. We rise. With a healthy smile. Start yours with Philips Sonicare, the no. 1 choice of dentists. Compared to oralb 7000, Philips Sonicare flexcare platinum removes significantly more plaque. This is the sound of Sonic Technology cleaning deep between teeth. Hear the difference . Get healthier gums in just 2 weeks vs a manual toothbrush and experience an amazing feel of clean. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save now when you buy Philips Sonicare. This is pezero sugar. Gar. ooooh zero calories. ooooo but max pepsi taste. wow applause pepsi zero sugar. [ rear alert sounds ], [ music stops ]on ] on the road again just cant wait to get on the road again [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] on the road again like a band of gypsies we go down the highway [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. [accordion music] jimmy welcome back to the show. Jimmy tonight on the show, music from alessia cara, science Bob Pflugfelder is here, and surprising news from the world of social media today. Twitter announced theyre shutting down vine. Vine at one time was very popular. Twitter bought it for 30 million a few years back. The idea of vine was posting videos about six seconds and watch them on a loop. It was like a tv channels for kids who forgot their rit lin. They were just punchy videos that were over almost as soon as they started. Videos almost like this. [ speaking Foreign Language ] jimmy im not letting that one go for a while. So vine is done. The good news is halloween is on monday, and we still have youtube, which means its time once again to tell your kids you ate all their halloween candy. Everywhere i go, people ask me are you going to do it again, and the answer is yeah, were going to do it every year until these dopey kids figure it out. It isnt hard to do. Its easy. You can do it at home. No, my candy. Its gone. Where did it go . Mom and dad ate it. I ate it. I ate it all. Mommy ate all your candy . I hate it. Or you can do it in the car. I got really, really hungry, and i ate all your halloween candy while you were at school. How . What do you mean how . I ate it. I dont want to see you ever again. Now, go get a job. Jimmy little donald trump. Im officially inviting you to take part in our sixth annual halloween candy youtube challenge. Tell your kids you ate all of their halloween candy. Record it and post it to youtube with this, hay jimmy kimmel, i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy. Well put the best ones on the show next week. Make it a halloween your kids will remember forever and ever. All right . So the nba season is underway. This is from last night. The thunder guard Russell Westbrook learned through sign language why their crowd is the best. Got hit just inside the foul line, and continued jimmy just a traditional philadelphia greeting. Its why they call it the city of brotherly love. All right. Now we go from obscenities that we have to blur. Its thursday night. And thursday nights we bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. This is not an ordinary thursday. Tonight were giving you our favorite bleeps and blurs of all time because this is our 500th edition of this week in unnecessary censorship. I told members of both parties that they must come up with a fair compromise in the next few days that can pass both houses of congress. And a [ bleep ] that i can [ bleep ]. You won the toss. You go first. [ bleep ] you, bob. I make my special announcement that i [ bleep ] my fist black [ bleep ] here. Just ahead, how would you like your kid to be [ bleep ]ed by tony danza . Im going to throw it to you, but i would like you to [ bleep ] your fathers [ bleep ] first, please. A country wide [ bleep ] fest. They are gagging on the [ bleep ] but not yet ready to swallow the [ bleep ]. I dont want to hear with the psychology aspects are, but i was a [ bleep ] sucker for so long i had to wear braces. The blue team is doing the first part of their punishment. I really want to [ bleep ] hillary, i really do. I promise you the president has a big [ bleep ]. I promise you. I know its cold outside, but im [ bleep ]ed up. I think im falling in love. Name something everyone knows about abraham lincoln. He [ bleep ]ed his slaves. He [ bleep ]ed his slaves. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, that even smell like letter f. Oh, [ bleep ]. It isnt always for cookie. Jimmy tonight on the show, music from alessia cara, science Bob Pflugfelder is here, and well be right back with miles teller. What is that . Man, i dont know. Ask google lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for 349 a month. Only at your lincoln dealer. Jimmy tonight, hes the author of the nick and tesla book series, he is a teacher, and an explosion maker, science Bob Pflugfelder is here. This is the kind of thing science bob has in store. Jimmy whoa. There it goes. Whoa. Jimmy oh, my god. Jimmy tonight, he brought tesla coilpowered gatling guns. So, this could be goodbye. Then, she was just nominated for an American Music award for best new artist of the year, this is her song, called scars to your beautiful, alessia cara. Next week on the show, the return of parents stealing their kids halloween candy, and we have an allstar lineup with jake gyllenhaal, jamie dornan, hailee steinfeld, kathy griffin, khloe kardashian, music from keith urban, kings of leon, alice cooper on halloween, and on wednesday night, a special postcma show, with jessica chastain, willie nelson, justin moore, hunter hayes will perform via hologram and an allcountry music edition of mean tweets. And by the way, if youre in nashville next week, and want to be part of our live cma show there, go to 1iota. Com for tickets. And you can see our show beamed live, in hologram form, at the cma theater, for free. Jimmy our first guest is a very talented young actor, you can see him beat other talented young actors up as the great fighter Vinny Pazienza in the new movie bleed for this. I got a little surprise for you. I dont know what to think. This is going to be 140 pounds even. Yeah. Jimmy bleed for this opens in theaters november 18th, please say hello to miles teller. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats exactly how i weigh myself every morning. I assemble a group of people. I get into my speedo. Was that your own or did costume provide that . The movie, we didnt take too many liberties. Thats something he did. He sent me a picture in the mail when he found out i was playing him. He tried to get the movie a couple years. It wasnt working. He sent me a signed photo of him in his boxers that side miles, stuff a banana in your undies if you have to make it look bigger. Dont f up my reputation, kid, seriously, much love, pazz. Jimmy heres a character. This is a boxing comeback story, but not the usual one. Vinny was a twotime world champion. Had some kind of ups and downs. He had just beaten a guy to get a belt and was on top of the bok boxing world. Gets in a car accident and breaks his neck. They say you may never walk again, youre not boxing again. He didnt listen to it. He started working out five days after breaking his neck, and which we didnt think that was believable, so in our movie, it makes it seem like it happened a month later, but in real life it was five days. He went down to the basement and started trying to bench press. He comes back a year later and wins the title and three more world titles, and its like jimmy hes a maniac. Hes a maniac, yeah. Yeah. I love the guy. So much respect for him, but he lacks that cautious chromosome. Jimmy you met him at some point . He sent me the letter and then i was like oh, man, but, yeah, i met him. I didnt meet him during the prep, because i i dont know. A, i felt embarrassed. I had to lose, like 20 pounds, and i had to get down to 6 body fat. Jimmy where were you for . I was at, like, i was saying that i was in funny friends shape. So i could go because i was playing the funny friend in some movies. But i got on the scale and i was 188 pounds and 19 body fat, and by the time we started. Jimmy thats pretty much exactly what i weighed this morning. And theres nothing wrong with that. Dont let someone tell you theres something wrong with that. Jimmy they cant measure body fat on this. It doesnt work. But you can look in the mirror and say this isnt pro fighter shape. Jimmy every morning. Youre in phenomenal host shape. You look great. Jimmy was it fun . It seems to me as an actor, there are a few jobs that would be more fun than any other jobs, and playing a boxer and film seems to me like it would be one of the most fun things to do. Yeah. Its brutal. Im not im not trying to say it was all fun, but, yes, as a young actor, i have this romantic idea of or did, of being a boxer on screen, playing somebody like vinny who broke his nose, like every fight and was always covered in blood, but he was a warrior and honestly had so much heart in the ring. But it was very intimidating. Jimmy were you on a restrictive indicdiet . Some guys have a cheat meal or day. I didnt do that. But at one point the diet was so strict, and there was a jolly rancher and i was staring at it. Jimmy what flavor . Water melon. Thats the one, and it was 15 call cally calories and. Jimmy you squared off with a jolly rancher and you won . I did. Jimmy the movie came out great. And vinny won a belt at three different weight classes. So i had to lose 20 pounds, and then throughout filming i think i had two and a half weeks to gain 15 pounds back. Then i was like all jolly ranchers. A giant bag of ranchers. Jimmy if you win an award for the movie, which could happen, i hope you remember to thank jolly ranchers, and bananas while youre at it. Jimmy miles teller bleed for this opens in theaters november 18th. Well be right back with science Bob Pflugfelder. Oh dtake 50 off hundreds of items plus take an extra 20 off plus take an extra 10 off your purchase of 50 or more plus get kohls cash plus yes 2 you members earn triple points. Now thats the good stuff. Kohls is depression more than sadness . Its a tangle of multiple symptoms. Trintellix vortioxetine is a prescription medicine for depression. Trintellix may start to untangle or help improve the multiple symptoms of depression. For me, trintellix made a difference. Tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young