To dancing with the stars. This morning, President Trump woke up, tweeted from the toilet, which means we get six more weeks of spring. What a day in washington today. Fbi director james comey, remember james comey, the guy who many believe handed donald trump the election. Well director comey this morning did not do the president any favors. Officially confirming that they are investigating potential ties between the russian government and the trump for president campaign. I have been authorized by the department of justice to confirm the fbi as part of our Counterintelligence Mission is investigating the russian governments efforts to interfere in the 2016 president ial election. And that includes investigating the nature of any links between individuals associated with the Trump Campaign and the russian government, and whether there was any coordination between the campaign and russias efforts. Jimmy i know trump doesnt watch cnn. If he find out about this that guy is so fired. Surprising, moments after comey confirmed the investigation, trump held a press conference and finally came clean about his involvement with russia. I am a traitor. Whoa. That is a bigly director comey also weighed in on trumps claim that obama wire tapped him at his office. That didnt go trumps way either. Director comey was the president s statement that obama had his wires tapped in trump tire a true statement . With respect to the president s tweets, about alleged wiretapping directed at him by the prior administration, i have no information that supports those tweets. And we have looked carefully inside the fbi the department of justice has asked me to share with you, that the answer is the same for the department of justice and all its components. The department has no information that supports those tweets. Jimmy imagine working at department of justice, having the boss tell you, i have some tweets i need you to look into. The fbi and Justice Department have no evidence to support trumps story. That means donald trump really did just see something on fox news, assumed it was true, and ran with it. I turn on fox news this afternoon. After three minutes of watching, i saw a commercial for walkin bathtub, and lemon pepper tuna in a pouch. So, this is where the president is getting his information. This fake news thing, this isnt just a strategy, he really doesnt know which news is fake or not. Somebody should make sure he knows game of thrones isnt real, so he doesnt start working on a dem to protect us from dragons. Even with all this unprecedented madness going on, this is what we are focused on. Type fbi director comeys name into google, the number one most searched phrase, before russia, before trump, james comey height. More than anything, we want to know how tall he is. President trump wasnt busy Googling James Comey today going berserk on twitter this morning. He tweeted what about all the contact with the Clinton Campaign and the russians . Also is it true the dnc would not let the fbi in to look . We dont know. Why are you asking us . You are the president. Donald trump knows he is in trouble, he immediately, he fires back. Kind of like when your wife catches you sexting with another woman, going, what were you doing looking at my phone. Meanwhile, while all this is going on, president obama is in tahi tahiti, playing hackysack and making a necklace of pooka shells on the beach. No idea what is happening. Trumps Approval Rating down to 37 . Bill clinton had to do weird stuff with cigars to get it to 37 . Trump has the highest low Approval Rating of any president ever. [ applause ] he met with, bill gates today, it was, an historic meeting. Americas two worst haircuts in the oval office together for the first time. They reportedly talked about their shared commitment to finding and stopping disease outbreaks around the world. You know, thats great. But if bill gates wanted to do some good he should have grabbed trumps phone and locked him out of his twitter account. I guess trump had enough of this sitting in the white house thing. He is back to basics. At a rally in louisville tonight. Slowed him down to halfspeed, for tonights edition of kgs drunk donald we could have been watching a basketball game. So what happened . What happened . Thats all right. [ cheers and applause ] thats what we should be doing. Saying hi to people. When all the mud gets stirred up on a day lake today, White House Press secretary, sean spicer, he has to come in with a bucket. Go out there every day to explain what the hell is going on. This one especially was a difficult afternoon. To lighten the mood we put this together. A curated assortment of stumbles and bumbles from sporty spicer. Guys, good afternoon. Good afternoon. Yesterday the president , president , trump, the president issued a memorandum. Outlining executive branch hiring. The president made it clear throughout the, throughout his time. The president will depart from this white house to the winter white house, welcome and confirm, swear in, secretary tillerson. Secretary, with the, the, as, the prosecuted. The pro law enforcement. Humanitarian imperative. This meeting was an important, important, economic, economically. Lowering drug prices. First order, order. In that, these, brave men and women. He appointed a, tough, calling for tough vetted individuals from travelers, large physical barrier. Good morning. Good afternoon. Not my fault jimmy well, a powerful speaker. Today was a very good day for tom brady. They found his missing super bowl jersey. Found it in mexico of all places. Reported it had been stolen by a member of the Foreign Press after the super bowl. This its a photo of the man who took the shirt. Oh, no, wait a minute. Thats you. You didnt take the shirt . No, i didnt. Jimmy the man who is actually suspected of the theft is former director of the mexican newspaper. They say he used media credential to get access to the locker room. They think he may have stolen one of vaughn millers helmets from the superbem last year. A fairly serious crime. The jersey worth 500,000. The fbi played a rolen recovering it. The morning meetings of the fbi must be very strange right now. Any news on the president conspireing with the russian government . And where are we on tom bradys laundry . But, did get it back. Finally something good has happened to tom brady. And i think we are all happy about that. This is another kind of football. From south africa, where a player from ghana won the award for man of the match. Followed by a medal for husband of the year. I always wished to win one of these. And i got it. So, thank you very much for, for this, for giving me this. And i appreciate my friend also. My wife, and my girlfriend. I mean, my wife, sorry to say. Im sorry. Very sorry, my wife. I love you so much. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy both, i mean maybe a good idea to pick up flowers on the way home. The dating app tinder, exclusive feature on tinder, tinder select. Like a secret vip version of tinder. Available by invitation only. You cant pay for it. You have to be pecked by someone at tinder, hence the name tinder select. Really the only thing more depressing not getting picked by a person on tinder, knowing there is a top secret version of tinder you are not getting picked for either. I remember a simpler team you didnt have to be in a club to have casual sex you. Just want to the rest stop off the freeway in the middle of the night. It can be hard to keep track of vip, tinder select, uber select, now tinder and uber are teaming up for a new service, you probably cant join either. Tinder select gets you into the members only section of tinder. What if you need a date and a ride . Introducing, tuber select. Open the tuber select app enter your location. Then scroll through the profiles of single uber drivers in your area. And when you find one you like, swipe right. If you match, your driver date will arrive in minutes. Allison. Allison. Okay. Thanks. Tuber select makes dating easy. Where do you want to go . I dont know. Where do you want to go . Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Tuber select. Wow, your trunk is so big. Thank you. Coming soon, tuber pool. For sharing ride and so much more. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are going to take a break. When we come back, my sal, lend an unhelpful hand at the l. A. Marathon. And explain what guillermo has in his mouth right now. Stick around. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] the birds and the bees by dean martin let me tell you bout. The birds the bees and the flowers and the trees and the moon up above and a thing called love. Let me tell you bout the stars in the sk , a girl and a guy and the way they could kiss on a night like this. When i look into your big brown eyes its so very plain to s e that its time you learned about the facts of life startin from a to z. Let me tell you bout the the birds and the bees lifes as big as you make it. Introducing the allnew seven seater volkswagen atlas and a thing called love. I bet you a buck hek catches this salt shaker. U. Youre on. Hey chuck you owe me a buck. You cant always see whats coming. But when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an innetwork doctor is easy. Unitedhealthcare before we hit the beach, iwe cant stay here o. Why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you, big daddy. Aww charmin ultra strong. Its washclothlike texture helps clean better. Its four times stronger. And you can use less. Beautiful view. wiggles butt thanks to charmin. And you, honeybear awwwww we all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin . Hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® zyrtec® starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec®. Muddle no more®. Try rhinocort® allergy spray for powerful nasal allergy relief. Jimmy hi there. Wonderful to have you back. And adam carolla, yara shahi dim. And icet. I. Today, today is International Happiness day. [ cheers and applause ] i dont know. First off, it is monday. Which is the least happy day of the week. Dont know why you would have it today. Secondly, why is every day a second day of something. And how do the made up holidays spread. Every day is a day. Tomorrow is National Fragrance day. Wednesday is national melba toast day, wines day wednesday with kathie lee and hoda. A rule going forward. Unless a special aisle selling candy for it. It is not a holiday. See you at easter. Okay. Earlier tonight, actually today is kind of a holiday. Earlier today here on abc, season 24 of dancing with the stars premiered. This is the series that constantly redefines the words dancing and stars. It is the cast this time around, includes, olympians, simone bile, nancy kerrigan, bachelor, nick vile dancing, mr. T on the dance floor, charo, like love boat from 1982. We have a tradition around here. Start of every season, before a single paso has been dobled, i predict which dancer will win it all. Real money. Bet on dancing with the stars. I won a lot. I cant fill out an ncaa bracket for the life of me. Got the super bowl wrong. When it comes to ballroom dancing and the bachelor by the way, i am golden. Correctly predicted, winner of dancing with the stars, again, make this choice before the season starts. Nine out of 18 times. Thats almost half, i think. This afternoon, i wrote the name of my dancing star on a piece of paper. Folded that paper up. Locked it in a tiny briefcase. I lovingly placed that briefcase inside guillermos mouth. Guillermo is the briefcase still safely stored in your mouth . Uhhuh. Jimmy has it been tampered with in any way . [ mumbling ] jimmy no one touched the contents of the briefcase . [ mumbling ] jimmy if you would sneeze, a chance you would swallow the briefca briefcase . [ mumbling ] jimmy time to reveal my selection. Drum roll, please. Guillermo, open wide. Show us the winner, the champion of dancing with the stars, season 24 is . Rashad jennings. Jimmy Rashad Jennings will bring home the mirror ball. Or i will lose money. So, lets hope he does. Yeah, think he is 141. I will win a lot if he wins the to night was premiere of dancing with the stars. Yesterday another major parting competition through hollywood, l. A. Their thmarathon . Anyone in our audience run in the l. A. Marathon . No, of course not. We dont attract that type. The l. A. Marathon is more difficult than marathons in other cities, we dont close the streets here. Since traffic is stopped any way. We run on top of the cars. The race started at dodger stadium. Usually, someone running from dodger stadium, they made the mistake of rooting for the other team. In this case, marathon. Started at dodgers stadium. Ended in santa monica. 25,000 runners down hollywood boulevard. Right past the front doors of the studio. My cousin sal represent us, providing nourishment and encouragement to runners passing by. Thank you, jimmy. Here at mile 11, l. A. Marathon. Tens of thousands of participants are on hand. Many here for the glory. Others for ham. Get your honeybaked ham here. Who wants some . This came from a very athletic pig. There you go. Oh, come on. This is grocer than i thought. Take the whole thing. Making me sick. Oh, look at that. Great. All yours. Cotton candy here. Pure sugar. Who wants a bite . Girl. Boy. Girl. Boy or girl . I hope you got your flu shot. A lot of people have been biting from that. Arent you Jimmy Kimmels cousin, sal . I am. You want some candy. Cotton candy. I think i am in love. Football. Hut, hut, hike whoa yeah. Oh. Catch up to it. Oh. Do a hook on two. Set, hike. Turn. Turn. Turn. Yeah whoa. Good grab. Take a whack at the donkey pinata, who wants a whack . Ooh, come on, get in there. Oh. Go get it. Water, go get it. Who wants a blowout . Good. Good. Good. Beautiful. You are ready now. Go. Go. You want to look good. Okay. Go. Win. Win. Win. Come on. Thanks. That will be 35. Plus tip. Whoo. Lot of lice in this brush. Ton of lice in this brush. Look, i found richard simmons. I found richard simmons. He is all yours. Take him. Do me a favor. Take richard to a safe place. Go, go,akm. Come on, richard you and rich who doesnt love crab legs . Get your crab legs here. Get your crab legs. Crab leg, sir. Straight from the l. A. River. Youll like it. There you go. All right. Take a bite. Take a bite. Take a bite. Thats yours. Fresh socks here. Trade in your old socks for new ones. Do you have socks . Switch out your socks . Right now. Okay. Come on in, hurry. Hurry if you want to win this thing. There you go. Thank you. Ill take those. We have a deal. All right, thank you. Old socks. Who wants some old socks. Maam. All right. There you go. Old socks. Thats nice. Everybody got something. Jimmy thank you, uh cousin sal. Jimmy tonight on the show, mashup monday music from icet. I. From blackish yara shahidi is here, and well be right back with adam carolla. So, stick around t [ cheers and applause ] head right to theentic nearest subway. Introducing the italian hero footlong. Stacked with genoa salami, mortadella, and spicy capicola. Add oil and vinegar and some mediterranean oregano. There you have it. Its our better italian flavor, for a better subway. The goalie has studied every one of your shots. She knows youre going for her left corner. She even teases you, calling the shot. But her legs are the ones trembling, not yours. Time to shine. Orbit. Guyoull swear it came from aew frfancy brunch place. Its 100 real. Just like my favorite sport pro wrestling. Um. Yeah, about pro wrestling. Its fake. What . Lies its. All. Lies why didnt you tell me . sorry jack, i thought you knew. Try my new grilled french toast plate with syrup and Hickory Smoked bacon. The newest addition to my brunchfast menu. Hit me with this, youll feel better. Jimmy tonight, from blackish, which can be seen wednesday nights here on abc, yara shahidi is with us. Then, its mashup monday. Ice t and t. I. Join forces to form ice t. I. From the mercedesbenz stage. Tomorrow night, Dave Chappelle will be here, naomi scott will be with us, well have music from weezer. And later this week, bill hader, shaquille oneal, america ferrara, noah hawley. With music from imagine dragons and mondo cozmo. You know this is a special night tonight. Tonight, we mark the 50th guest appearance by a man i not only a friend, but the first person i call when something is wrong with my toilet, hes a world recordholding podcaster and host of a new show called adam carolla and friends build stuff live. It airs tuesdays at 10 on spike. Please welcome adam carolla. [ cheers and applause ] yeah jimmy really good to see you. Congratulations on your 50th. That is more times wow. Jimmy anyone has been on the show. To be fair to me. The first 43 times were like year one. Jimmy uhhuh. It would be 5 30. Be at home. Id get a call. Joey buttafuoco has violated his parole. We need a lead guest pronto. That was the first 43. It slowed down a little bit. After that. Jimmy you havent slowed down at all. Still have the towel which is good. We were going to get you hey new towel to celebrate your 50th appearance on the show. Then we forgot about it. We will get you a new towel. Continue. Jimmy yes, well make up after the show. You have done one show. I have been on the show. Explain the concept of the show. It is one of the strangest ideas for a show ever i think. Thank you. Jimmy yeah. Wait a minute. I build stuff live. We have someone in, adam sandler tomorrow night. Jimmy your guest tomorrow. Last week. Thank you. We take a project each week. We build it out for an hour. We have one hour to complete the project. So all done live. All done within the span of the show. Im answering questions, doing the hosting stuff, the guest is building, trying to interview them. It is all done live and in one hour. Jimmy i didnt know really what it was going to be. I knew the concept. I show up. Theyre look you are going to build a loft. So we had a bunch of wood. We had tools. And screws and the whole time, adam is talking. Im sitting drilling screws in. What becomes of the loft. Will that go in the smithsonian, the loft i built . No, no, no, no. We donate all the projects to rich people. Jimmy rich people . Been there done that with the jimmy they get everything. Funny, telling jimmy doing the loft. I have this neary which is your bed is too low to the ground. You are a loser. Too high off the ground, there is a sweet spot of 27. 4 inches. Which is, i grew up with a futon on the floor. Loser. Then you get to a prison cot, and you are upstairs, right, on the bunkbed. Three stooges triple style. If your bed is just this height. Go to a four seasons or a la quinta, measure the bed it will be 27. 4 inches the exact height you want to be. Everyone should be striving for that by the way. Jimmy adam sandler building a bed tomorrow . What will you build tomorrow . We save the good projects f