Thank you for watching. Thank you for coming. Im glad youre here. Let me tell you, you could not have picked a better night to join us. We have some major star power under this roof tonight. Johnny depp is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] linkin park is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] sitting in with the cletones, rock n roll hall of famer, the great ann wilson from heart is here. [ cheers and applause ] if that isnt enough, the reason all the ladies have been lined up since last night, camping out in tents, science Bob Pflugfelder is with us. [ cheers and applause ] science bob always has something fun up his sleeve. Most of the fun involves explosions. So tonight for the show, he built a huge two huge cannons, i think, from which to shoot a lot of pingpong balls. For safety reasons we had to test it. Heres how that test went in rehearsal this afternoon. And three, two, one im fine, i think we might need to repair this, though. Jimmy thats not a cartoon character, thats a man. Thats a human man. [ laughter ] well see how it goes on the air. Hey, speaking of premature explosions. President trump is having [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one heck of a week. The Justice Department appointed a special counsel to investigate ties between his campaign and russia which he did not like at all. But sources inside the white house say when he found out about it, he didnt yell or scream. He told his staff, brought them in, he said, we have nothing to hide. He was palm, he punched sean spicer in the stomach a few times. [ laughter ] just released the statement. So thats progress. But then this morning at 7 52 a. M. , he got on twitter and wrote, this is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in american history. Even his witch hunts are the greatest in american history. [ laughter ] he also posted this. He posted, with all of the illegal acts that took place in the Clinton Campaign and obama administration, there was never a special counsel appointed. Im not sure if hes bragging about that . [ laughter ] maybe thats because neither one of them fired the person who was investigating them at the time . Anyway, with all the drama going on trump is getting out of town, hes headed to saudi arabia tomorrow. Hes going to give, this is not a joke, hes there to give a speech on islam. [ laughter ] seems like a good idea. Im sure the Muslim Community is very eager to hear the [ laughter ] orange man whos trying to ban them from the country give a little speech. Islam is fantastic, i have so many muslim friends. [ laughter ] trump will be out of the kun re for nine days. See, this is when they should put that travel ban in place. You know . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the president got practice for his trip overseas by holding a joint press conference with the president of colombia at which he was asked a dumb but straightforward question. As you look back over the past six months or year, have you had any recollection where youve wondered if anything you have done has been something that might be worthy of criminal charges in these investigations or impeachment as some on the left are implying . I think its totally ridiculous. Everybody thinks so. There was no collusion. And everybody, even my enemies, have said there is no collusion. Jimmy really . [ laughter ] which enemy said that . Was it the riddler or the joker that said that . [ laughter ] according to multiple reports, there may be some changes when the president gets back from his trip. White house stress Secretary Sean Spicer might not do his might not be allowed to do the Daily Press Briefings anymore, which would be a shame because thats one of my favorite shows right now. Sometimes i like to think what goes through sean spicers head when he learns about the latest crazy thing his boss is up to. Today reuters reported the Trump Campaign had at least 18 undisclowed contacts with the russians and this is how i imagine that went over. Heres your paper, mr. Spicer. [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy understandably under a lot of pressure. The president made an interesting move today. He hosted a lunch at the white house with all the cable and network news anchors. He invited them all to the white house. He definitely spit in their food, though, right . [ laughter ] the lunch was off the record. Which means by tomorrow well know every word of what was said. But on cnn today wolf blitzer did say the president was mad at the luncheon. It was supposed to be private but we obtained video which we can share with you now exclusively. This is video from inside the news anchor lunch at the white house today. [ laughter ] ive given you meats, wine, music. But i havent shown you the hospitality you deserve. Jimmy oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] only Tucker Carlson survived. Tune in next season to see how it all turned out. Heres some Washington News that doesnt involve donald trump. This is from last nights game between the nationals and pittsburgh pirates. Watch the kid at the end here. This is quite a moment. Sunday is kids day at pnc park. All kids 14 and younger taking home a pirates baseball glove. Thanks to highmark and the pirates. Com kidsdays and get your tickets. Always fun. They can run around the bases [ laughter ] jimmy dont worry, its a light beer. I hope hes not driving them home. Another good one. We have a team of tv watchers who spend all day and night looking for weird stuff. This is from last nights rangers game. You know you see people jumping around and popping up behind the local News Reporter . Tonight im proud to present what i believe might be at least from a fame standpoint, the single greatest behind the news moment of alltime. For more on mike napoli, we send it down to emily jones. Yeah, i talked to nap about whats been the difference, what clicks for him. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy she got photo bombed by president bush. He and obama are having a lot of fun with this ill tell you. [ laughter ] i would like to offer congratulations to jayz ask beyonce. According to Forbes Magazine their combined net worth is now more than 1 billion. 1. 16 billion. I think that should take care of all 99 of jayzs problems. [ laughter ] they have twins on the way which means theyre going to have to buy two car seats. And they probably have more than one car. So this is very good news, congratulations to them. [ laughter ] meanwhile a gnaw season of the bachelorette begins on monday. Abc, our network, im glad youre excited, has unveiled photographs of the 31 men who will vie for bachelorette rachels love. Chris harrison said rachel knows what she wants, shes not looking to date, shes looking for someone serious. Oh boy did she come to the wrong place. [ laughter ] every season with a lot of help from my wife, i make a pick for who will go the distance on the bachelor. Ill do that mondayy night when rachel is here, shell be here monday. Before i predict who will win, i want to take a moment to sing out to a few guys who based on photos alone i know they definitely wont. Okay . Number one is lucas. Lucas lists his occupation as waboom, which means i hate him already. Lucas is out. Next up, blake e. , an aspiring drummer. Goodbye. Blake, the e stands for eliminated. Jedediah. Believe it or not hes an e. R. Physician from georgia. Which is great. But i just, sorry, dont see a jedediah winning this thing. Finally, we have jonathan, a 31yearold man who describes himself as a tickle monster. Which im fairly sure is code for unemployed sex offender. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] theres a good lesson in there. If a grown mantels you hes a tickle monster, dont date him, call the police immediately. Even elmo doesnt call himself a tickle monster. There you go, jonathan will be at home tickling his monster by week three. They already shot the show. They shot the whole season. Rachel announced today she is very much in love and very much engaged. So i guess we dont have to watch, right . [ laughter ] one more thing before we forge ahead, its thursday night which means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. It is this week in unnecessary censorship. Im thrilled to be back at liberty university. Ive been here, this is now my third time. And we love [ bleep ]ing [ bleep ]. Right . We always [ bleep ] [ bleep ]s. We have no choice. Does the president , hes [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. What do you think is going on . The president needs to [ bleep ] off here and let the investigation go forward. We ar group of people that is not ashamed to [ bleep ] other people up. A little boy got the chance of a lifetime to [ bleep ] the dutch chess of cambridge. Seeps the moment was just too much for the little [ bleep ] to handle. Theyre saying the real problem is not that trump might have blown an israeli spy, blew his [ bleep ], that is. How is it [ bleep ]ing a girl . Is it tricky . Lets get everybody to the phones. I hope you have a big [ bleep ]. Id like to solve the puzzle. [ bleep ], [ bleep ] in my cabana. Then there were three remaining, dr. Johnson. Maybe hes got the magic touch tonight, folks. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have a good show tonight. Science Bob Pflugfelder is here. We have music from linkin park. Ann wilson is sitting in with the cletones, and well be right back with johnny depp. [ cheers and applause ] when a fire destroyed the living room. We were able to replace everything in it. Liberty did what . Liberty mutual paid to replace all of our property that was damaged. And we didnt have to touch our savings. Yeah, our insurance wont do that. Well, there goes my boat. You can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™. Liberty stands with you™ Liberty Mutual insurance introducing new depend silhouette active fit, with a thin design for complete comfort. They say move it or lose it and at my age, im moving more than ever. Because getting older is inevitable. But feeling older . Thats something i control. Get a free sample at depend. Com. Music volume rises ] you guys wanna go . [whistles] get all summer essentials 30, 40, and 50 percent off. Hi, fashion. Old navy its theat olive gardenver introducing new giant stuffed pastas starting at 12. 99. Pastas so big you could share them, but so delicious, you wont want to. Giant stuffed pastas. For a limited time at olive garden. But the way we watch it is not. So, lets do something else. Like what . Like, watch tv wherever. Whats that supposed to mean . It means, anywhere. In a car . Yep. Oof. But not like that. Like this. Oooh, family boat trip yeah. And check this, record as many shows as you want. What . What . I just got chills. I know tv, like, made for us. Finally finally. Yeah. Finally. Wait, thats way cheaper than cable. Jimmy thats ann wilson sitting in with the cletones. That sounds so great, ann, really. You should come here every night, we would love to have you here doing that every night. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ann begins the second leg of her tour tomorrow night in indio, california. Tonight, one of our very favorite guests, he is a School Science teacher and exploder of many things. Science Bob Pflugfelder is here. [ cheers and applause ] then, their new album comes out tomorrow its called one more light. Linkin park from the mercedezbenz outdoor stage. You can see linkin park on tour starting july 27th in mansfield, massachussetts. Both linkin park and ann wilson will be paying tribute to the great Chris Cornell tonight. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we have brand new shows with jim carrey, zac efron, jada pinkettsmith, rachel, the bachelorette Connie Nielsen will be here, jon bass, plus music from bush, zach brown band, lil yachty, and u2 will be here in celebration this is very, very exciting of the 30th anniversary of the joshua tree album. Please join us for all of that. Our first guest is an oscarnominated, golden globewinning actor who buckles swash again as captain jack sparrow in pirates of the caribbean dead men tell no tales. It opens in theaters and imax a week from tomorrow. Please welcome johnny depp. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its starting a tradition now. Its tradition. Nobody else has picked up on it yet. Jimmy thank goodness. Hey, i want to tell you a story. I came into work this morning as i typically do, drove in, parked my car. There were a bunch of people waiting outside, which normally there arent. So some of the people wanted pictures. And i was kind of wondering what was going on. And so finally this guys like, can i get a picture . I posed for a picture. He goes, yeah, i really im really waiting for johnny depp, but this is good too. [ laughter ] i have a lot of relatives out there. Jimmy yeah, no. People dont have to be totally honest all the time. Thats really the lesson that i learned from this. Each time it happens. Its very good to see you. You just got in from shanghai which is pretty crazy. Shanghai, then shanghai to paris, then paris back here. Jimmy what was the first like overseas trip you took to promote a movie, do you remember which movie it was . Which trip it was . I think it was sometime around gilbert grape. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy where did you go . We kind of went to we were in barcelona, we were in madrid, we were in paris, stockholm. Like all over the place. Jimmy was it great . Were you just tickled to death to be doing that . Yeah, it was kind of great. [ laughter ] i wasnt tickled to be jimmy the tickling, i forgot. Weve got a tickle monster on the loose at abc. Yeah. [ laughter ] you want to be careful. Jimmy yeah. Everythings great until one night i walked back into the hotel. Because we were leaving the next morning. About 1 00 a. M. I passed by the bar. And the entire crew of the plane, pilots and the steward s stewardess, were in there. The pilot was wearing the stewardess hat. [ laughter ] im standing there in this pair littic shock. Pair littic shock. This guys driving the bus, right . He looks at me and he goes, chucks away, ginger. [ laughter ] so the next morning he said the same thing. [ laughter ] jimmy did you live in hollywood the first when you first moved to l. A. . Did you live in this neighborhood . Yeah yeah, i lived in a building the fountain right off it was yucca and whitley. Jimmy you moved out here, you were part of a band originally . Thats why you came out, to play with the band. Wound up getting into acting. Did you have a regular job . Or was the band paying your bills . No, there was no no, no, no. [ laughter ] you had to like pay clubs to play here. Jimmy you did . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy you had to pay them . It wasnt like getting your friends to come and well let you pay . There was that and you had to pay them. Jimmy how much would you have to pay . I dont remember. It was more than we had for sure. [ laughter ] jimmy right. Yeah, but i did have a job. The entire band got a job at this gals a telemarketing place. Jimmy what were you called . Ink peps. Jimmy were they penalized . Yeah. Jimmy aunt chippy did this too. What she described, tell me if its the same. They would sell pens for a lot more than they were worth but over the phone they sounded great. Like well send you a pen, it has 4 business name on it, you can give to it your clients. They were like two bucks, 2. 50 each. The people got the pens and inevitably they were furious because they were clearly not worth more than 5 cents. Yeah, yeah. There was the yeah. We sold ink pens with their business name and everything. Jimmy that was the one. Youd do this whole theres a whole rap to it. But we had the extra added pleasure of offering them either a trip to greece [ laughter ] jimmy really . Or a grandfather clock. [ laughter ] i think the other thing was like, you know, a half a tv set or something. [ laughter ] jimmy were you good at it . I was not good at it. Jimmy not good at it. I did make one sale. The guy was going to buy like a gross of pens. Jimmy yeah. Some inordinate, crazy amount of money. Were making the deal, i finally went, sir, dont. Dont. Dont buy these pens. [ laughter ] youre not going to greece, i can guarantee it. [ laughter ] that doesnt exist. And the grandfather clock, which does exist, is made out of pressboard. So like your dog, if your dogs tail wags against it jimmy its going down. Its going to come down. Jimmy did he thank you for your honesty . He did, in a confused way. I think he wanted pens. Jimmy did you get fired from that job . I took it upon myself to leave. Jimmy you fired yourself from that job, yeah. Sounds like that was going to happen one way or the other. Yeah. Jimmy you how old are your children now . Oh, man. I believe rose is about to be 18. Jimmy okay. And your son is how old . 15. Jimmy are you teaching him to drive . As far as a 15yearold . Is that the time where you do it, right . Im not teaching how to drive. Jimmy youre not teaching how to drive. No. Jimmy because you dont think youd be a good example for driving . Or because he doesnt want you to . Or its too early . He has my instincts, my boy. And hes crashed about five golf carts. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, really. Does he golf . Nope. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy johnny depp is here. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by clif bar. Celebrating cycling adventurers, whether you bike to work or bike for fun. Now look what you made me do you and me baby it takes two bringing new moves to the Old School Time for the whole world to enjoy the view we can go left they can go right save me a dance for the end of the night when im with you its a party dont care where were going 1, 2, 3 get loose no it takes two to make a thing go right it takes two to make it out of sight. Oh d. Represent ist barrow spanish . Aahh ah, theyre unable to stay on land. I knew that, though. Ghosts you will soon pay for what you did to me. Theres no need to bother, really. I have no time to chat. I will be waiting. For you. Why would you be waiting for me . Jimmy thats johnny depp in pirates of the caribbean dead men tell no tales. You dont like seeing yourself. You dont like to watch yourself but if youre heavily made up can you watch yourself . Does it make any difference . No. Jimmy no, make not difference at all. No. Jimmy do you go to the movies . Whats the last movie you went to . In a theater i mean . Probably the towering inferno. [ laughter ] jimmy the 70s. So it hasnt happened for quite a while. Yeah, its been awhile. Jimmy yeah, yeah. That looks good. Those are fun. You did a fun thing at disneyland. Whose idea was this . You went and hid in the pirates of the caribbean ride. Kind of jumped out at the people in the boat as they floated by. Yeah. Jimmy what was their reaction to that . Well