. . . Stephen hey hey nice to see ya cheers and applause i got it whoo thank you so much thank you, ladies and gentlemen please thank you so much welcome to the late show cheers and applause wow wow. Thank you. That is a fresh audience. cheers and applause jon they got a good vibe stephen you know the audience is fresh, because we keep it here in the crisper. Welcome to the late show. Im stephen colbert. Everybody wants to know about how the candidates are feeling. There has been a lot of talk about the candidates health in this election. A lot of people are worried Hillary Clinton isnt healthy enough to be president , and a lot of people are worried that donald trump is. laughter like that. One or the other. Dont know. You dont know which one to be worried about that. And its no surprise people are raising the health issue, candidates ever to square off in a president ial election. Which means, whoever wins, white house state dinners will now start at 4 30 p. M. laughter Early Bird Special. Its the Early Bird Special. Jon that old early bird piano riff stephen i waited tables for many years. Jon oh, yeah . Stephen i waited tables for many years and there was a guy who used to come into the restaurant i worked at, called he had the Early Bird Special every night. You wrote abe, and took it to the kitchen, it was whatever the fish was, and then he would say, ill have a honeymoon salad lettuce alone, no dressing. laughter abe. Abe. laughter what were we talking about . Oh, right. The election. I about the candidates stamina so much, how strong they are. Its like weve gone back to a primitive society in which whatever village elder can lift the biggest stone will be made chieftain. Yesterday, Hillary Clinton addressed all of this by releasing a letter from her doctor. Right now, we have a summary of some new information about Hillary Clintons health from the clinton campaign. We know that the results of her the doctor calls this a mild noncontagious bacterial pneumonia. She is up to date on her vaccinations. Stephen good, up to date on her vaccinations. Okay, she is ready for first grade. Good to hear. laughter in fact, i believe we have footage of her getting on the school bus. Okay, there she is. She seems a little nervous. Youll feel better when you get there, honey. Jon wow. Stephen but overall, it sounded like a good report. The remainder of her complete physical exam was normal, and she is in excellent mental condition. Stephen unfortunately, excellent mental condition not what the voters are looking for this year. laughter applause not high on the list, evidently. piano riff not to be outletterfrom his medical records on the dr. Oz show. Dr. Oz, the place america turns for to medical advice, when wheel of fortune goes to commercial. Little lumps in here. Dr. Oz has a huge following, of course, but he is not without controversy, such as the study by a british medical journal found that about half the claims made on his show were not supported by evidence. Hey, if you want evidence in laughter and i dont think any of us should be shocked that he pushes diets and remedies that only work in a fantasy world. Hes not doctor kansas. Hes doctor oz laughter applause song from wizard of oz im not sure thanks very much. And when he met with the good doctor, trump wasted no time getting the audience excited for his records. If your health is as strong as it seems, why not share your medical records . Well, i have no problem in doing it. I have it right here. I mean, should i do it . I dont care. Should i do it . Stephen should i do it . I dont care. Should i do it . I believe those are the exact words he will say right before he pushes the button. Should i do it . Should i do it . I dont care. Should i do it . Should i . cheers and applause jon oh, no stephen its funny because it might happen. Jon yep. Stephen now, trump admitted hes overweight. Hes taking medication for high cholesterol and i think i may know why. Trump eats a fair amount of fast food because, according to him, at least you know whats in it. laughter you know whats in it . Donald, the only thing we know less about than whats in fast food is what is in your tax returns. cheers and applause 70yearold candidate to diagnose himself. When you look into the mirror, how old is the person you are looking at . What do you see . I would say, i see a person thats 35 years old. cheers and applause stephen 35 . Donald, thats not your reflection, thats your wife. Beautiful woman beautiful woman. Shes a beautiful woman. Jon cold blooded its true. Stephen beautiful woman. Trump also said he doesnt exercise that often, but even so, hes good enough at golf to play with the pga. Thats a real medical shocker. Judging by the size of his hands, i would have guessed minigolf. piano riff which, according to a new survey out of the university of california, overall, most u. S. Men are satisfied with their genitals. So satisfied, in fact, that many would like to text you a picture of them. The researchers behind this survey came up with a scale called the index of male genital image, also known as tinder. This index asked how men felt about every aspect of their genitals, such as penis length, girth, shape, and scent. Look, fellas, if you can get your nose close enough to smell your own genitals, first of all, congratulations. laughter cheers and applause second of all. When do you ever go out . laughter researchers found that out of the nearly 4,000 men surveyed, a total of 86 were classified as satisfied with their penises. While the other 14 said, yes, of course im satisfied. Why, what did you hear . They could be surveyed, im not sure if the penises would be all that satisfied with the men they were attached to. Ehh, hes okay. Could be a little taller. Also, why wont he let me sleep . Now, say hi to jon batiste and stay human, everybody . . Stephen you know, one of the other issues people have been talking a lot about this election is the clinton foundation, and whether big donors received favors from Hillary Clinton when she was secretary of state. But whatever you think about the real charity work earthquake relief in haiti, expanded access to h. I. V. Drugs in africa, and one assumes theyre working on a cure for secret pneumonia. But now somebodys got to do it. But now trump is under fire for his charity, the Trump Foundation, because it gave an illegal donation to Florida Attorney general and rush chairman who doesnt believe youre the theta material, pam bondi, when she was considering investigating fraud at trump university. And yesterday, we learned that new York Attorney general Eric Schneiderman is investigating trumps foundation. We dont know much about the Trump Foundation. All we know is that nearly all of the foundations money comes from people other than trump. And trump is truly generous with other peoples money. For instance, in 2010, trump got Police Foundation for his selfless support of its cause. And thats unusual, because trump usually marries his trophies. cheers and applause again, beautiful. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And this selfless gift truly had no self in it because the 150,000 he gave to the Palm Beach Police came directly from a new Jersey Charity who gave the money to his foundation. That 150grand couldnt be a more of a regift if it was on an itunes gift card. Best of all, in the trump charitable spirit, trump may have actually made money that night because the gala was held at his maralago resort, and the Police Foundation paid to rent the room. audience reacts thats the soul of charity you scratch my back, and i rent you a backscratcher. laughter but, one of the foundations office. Because in charity auctions, it spent 12,000 on a football helmet autographed by tim tebow, and 20,000 on a sixfoottall painting of donald trump. And i believe we have that painting. Do we have that, jimmy . laughter there you go. Yes. That, of course, is actually vigo the carpathian from ghostbusters two, but the first time i saw it this afternoon, i didnt know we had made it up. It really looks like something he would buy. And with all this good work, its no surprise that the Trump Foundation has a staff of four trumps donald, ivanka, eric and donald jr. , who work a grueling halfhour a week, and that includes two 15minute breaks. laughter got to have em. But despite all this controversy, the Trump Foundation is continuing its charitable outreach with this new ad we somehow exclusively acquired. . . . Every week, children like these are forced to work for dozens and dozens of minutes on a heartbreaking task trying to make donald trump look generous. Thats why the Trump Foundation needs your help. For just the price of a cup of coffee inside a new lexus you can help donald trump buy so many things, like some solid gold desktop clacky balls, a diamond trophy that says most charitable and a tiger signed by peyton manning. The Trump Foundation, arent you glad you helped out . cheers and applause stephen do the right thing do the right thing well be right back with the ellis ross. . cheers and applause hey, need fast heartburn relief . Try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. 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She made sex trafficking a felony crime. She worked with the bush and obama administrations to combat terrorism. As attorney general, she helped reduce crime. Thats why shes endorsed by Law Enforcement across nevada. E cortez masto. Catherine cortez masto. I trust her to keep us safe. Im Catherine Cortez masto, cheers and applause . Stephen hey welcome back, my friends cheers and applause good to see you again. My first guest tonight is an emmynominated actress who stars in abcs blackish. Please welcome Tracee Ellis Ross . Stephen welcome to the show. That is an absolutely stunning dress. Thank you very much. Stephen you look beautiful in it. Dolce gabbana. cheers and applause stephen is this your first emmy nomination . Congratulations. It is. When i heard you say it, i thought i like that sound cheers and applause stephen were you awake when they announced it . Anthony anderson did the announcements and i was sitting in front of my television. Hes a very energetic human. Stephen yes, he is. And so i was very excited for him. And when it got to my category, i thought, oh, my god, are they doing the e of the ellis or the r of the ross, and then i thought, they passed the es and then i got so excited, i got up, ran around my dining room table, opened my front door, ran and i thought, what are you doing . There is nowhere to go call somebody stephen so you were running around screaming in your front yard . Totally. Stephen did the neighbors think there was a fire somewhere . Oh, theyre totally used to that. Stephen you just informed me of something i didnt know about, the emmys are alphabetized. I didnt know that. Anthony, when they did his category, his name was first. He must have picked the name, the a. A. , Anthony Stephen or ace acme. Not as good. Stephen your family celebrated when you got nominated. This is a fullpage ad, from a newspaper, that your mom put out congratulations to my daughter Tracee Ellis Ross cheers and applause so sweet. I do want to point out that your mom, the font of mom is bigger than Tracee Ellis Ross. I hadnt actually noticed that. Stephen youre welcome. Its like a yearbook times a hundred. Stephen it is. Did anybody sign it . No, but you should sign it. Stephen hold on. Stay sweet. Have a great summer. You should make a heart or something. Stephen there you go. Thank you very much. Shellacked and framed. Exactly. applause stephen so we have been lucky enough, ive had a lot of fun with some of your costars, and ill ask you the same question, what is blackish . Okay. Stephen i dont know the black experience, i dont think i know the blackish experience. What is blackish, as opposed to black . Okay. Stephen good question. Its the hot seat. 30 seconds on the clock. Expresses, being black is not a monolithic experience. Stephen mmhmm. So our show explores what it is to be black today and how that evolved and how its changing and what that experience is for this family. So that does not answer your question. Stephen no, anything answers my question. So thats really what it is. Its exploring what black is today. Stephen do y im definitely not black. Does anyone have a shot at being blackish . Could i have a shot at being blackish . To a certain extent you missed the point by asking that question. laughter however. However, i understand that, within that question is your desire to be black. Stephen to understand each other is what my desire is yes, and i am half white. Stephen really . Yes. Stephen i am all white. laughter as a matter of fact, in websters, there is a little picture of me next to the word white. laughter you grew up all around the world. But i think, the thing is, though, i believe in a colorful world. So its not about you needing to be something other than what you are. Its about two people celebrating what they are and finding the connection in that and the human experience. cheers and applause stephen you were a model when you started. A short time. Stephen a short, fun time . Yes. Lots of not eating. Stephen that doesnt sound like fun at all. There were a lot of beautiful clothes. When i was in my early 20s im 43 now so its a little bit ago, 21 to 23, i walked into a some modeling. Most of the photographers were like, could you stop talking and be sexy . I would be telling jokes and being silly. Stephen did you go to fashion week . I caught a show, i went to the marc jacobs show. I caught a show. Stephen wow. Did anybody get wobbly on the high heels . These were not high heels. They were platform extraordinary shoes. Stephen they were high though. Beyond high, four bricks on top of each other. Stephen i watch Fashion Shows like i watch nascar, im waiting for the ankles to snap. Thats terrible stephen why . Thats hilarious. What did you say, honeymoon salad . Stephen lettuce alone, no is it like a skinny martini, where they put a lot of vodka and nothing else . Stephen just wave the vermouth bottle at it . Yes. Stephen abe would say 8 with the Early Bird Special with the scrod. He would do this every night. Same jokes every night. Just like i do. Not at all stephen you have a character. Yes. Stephen who is this . Clyde. Stephen this is actually you. Okay. speaking in french accent could i be offended clyde is boring because tracee is boring . My name is her name stephen could that mean mushroom . Yes. speaking in french accent but i dont speak french, i only speak with a french accent. Stephen so what would she make of my outfit . Oh, its nothing. Stephen nothing . No, its nothing, nothing is happening here, no style, nothing, its just clothing. Now, this. cheers and applause i will tell you, stefan, i want to be your friend. Stephen i want to be blackish. laughter blackish season three premieres september 21 on abc. Tracee ellis ross, everybody well be right back with an Important Message that just might calm you down. . foot steps . crickets chirping . jet engine . heart beat . water splashing engine revving tires on wet road dennys introduced new buttermilk pancakes and now were introducing free pancakes for kids. Whos crazy idea was this . Well, were pretty sure we know who. For a limited time, kids get our new pancakes in any of these flavors, free. Look at you. Mr. Spontaneous. Feeling good today. Until you realize, your phone is in your pocket. Sure, you could get a new one. But your photos . What, will you do . Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Nothing. Because every pic and video youve ever taken in your entire life. Was already backed up. For free with google photos. Man, im glad aflac pays cash. Aflac aflac like rising copays and deductibles. Aflac or help pay the mortgage . Or child care . Aflaaac and everyday expenses . Aflac learn about one day pay at aflac. Com boat blurlbrlblrlbr tired of redosing antacids . Try duo fusion new, two in one heartburn relief. The