Thats right. Ivanka trumps new book went on sale today. I cant wait to learn to read it, said eric. [ light laughter ] Hillary Clinton today said she is very aware of the shortfalls of her campaign that caused her to lose the election. Specifically short falls, michigan and short falls, wisconsin. [ light laughter ] White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer today left his Daily Press Briefing without taking questions from reporters. Spicer was apparently too busy taking questions from himself. Why do i keep doing this . What . [ light laughter ] whats wrong with me . Why dont i just quit . [ light laughter ] President Trump tweeted yesterday, quote, president Andrew Jackson, who died 16 years before the civil war started, saw it coming and was angry. Would never have let it happen. Oh, man. Now that trump learned when Andrew Jackson died, how often do you think hes gonna squeeze it into conversation . [ light laughter ] i was so sorry to hear about your mother. Its just like when Andrew Jackson died 16 years before the civil war started. Not a lot of people know that. Thats factually accurate. [ light laughter ] my condolences. [ light laughter ] a video surfaced today of a fist fight that broke out between passengers on a flight from tokyo to los angeles. Man, first the airlines stopped giving you a meal, then they charge you to check a bag. And now passengers have to physically assault themselves. [ light laughter ] the met gala was last night, where celebs hit the red carpet to answer the question, why are you wearing . [ light laughter ] thats right, the annual met gala was last night, an event thats known for the over the top, avantgarde outfits that people wear to it. Now, to every day people, those outfits might just look like the collection of crazy styles. But in the fashion industry, every style has a name. For example, my style might be called junior attorney, or stepdad in court. [ light laughter ] but we want to take a look at some of the most exciting looks from last nights met gala and let you in on their official industry names. Here goes. First up, we had helen lasichanh. Heres what she wore. That look is actually called the koolaid man. [ laughter ] carly steel was in the met gala last night. Lets see what she wore. That look is called bride of wolverine. [ laughter ] madonna always looks great on the red carpet. Heres what she wore. That look is called papa dont shoot. [ laughter ] here is model grace hartzel. This look is called spf 10,000. [ laughter ] next is katy perry. In the fashion industry they call this look the prom scene from carrie. [ light laughter ] heres beyonces sister solange, and this look is called three sleeping bags. [ light laughter ] next up, priyanka chopra. She looked great. This look is called the incredible shrinking detective. [ light laughter ] and finally, heres rihanna with the look called confetti and spaghetti. [ laughter and applause ] there you have it, official industry names and looks of the met gala. A british study found that drinking two or three beers may be a better pain killer than tylenol. The study is called time to find a different pediatrician. [ light laughter ] taco bell will begin to sell socalled naked chicken chips. Naked chicken chips. [ light laughter ] its not my fault they named a food naked chicken chips. [ light laughter ] and what they are, are triangular pieces of chicken that are dipped in nacho cheese sauce. And if you eat them, theyll be the only naked thing youll get to enjoy. [ light laughter ] a man is honoring his late friends wish by flushing his ashes down toilets in baseball stadiums across the country. While the mets are honoring his wish by flushing their season too. [ laughter and applause ] its early, its early. Itll all turn around. And finally, researchers have successfully generated cartilage tissue by creating stem cells using a 3d printer. And you know what that means, the mcrib is back [ light laughter ] we have a great show for you guys tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she is the host of the Rachel Maddow show, Rachel Maddow is back on the show, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] from snl, hes had a fantastic season, i cannot wait to talk to him about it. My friend beck bennett is on the show for the very first time. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have music from a great baltimore based rock band, all time low. [ cheers and applause ] so, youre here on a good night. Now, if youve been following the news recently, you may have heard that a man got violently pulled off the united flight, even though he had a ticket. And hearing things like this always get me to thinking, you know, im getting older and sometimes i look around and well, i dont even recognize the world im living in. Things are changing every day and not always for the better. And sometimes, i like to think about how things were a little bit more simple. Even putting on sweaters were easier. [ light laughter ] back in my day. [ cheers and applause ] seth back in my day, airlines werent physically assaulting passengers. That was the tsas job. [ light laughter ] and boy, did they love those patdowns. When they checked your balls, they used the back of their hand. Which somehow made it creepier. [ light laughter ] its kind of like how this, is intrusive, but this, is a serial killer. [ light laughter ] back in my day, uber wasnt trying to invent flying cars. If you wanted to ride in a flying car, you just waited for apple maps to direct you off the side of a cliff. [ light laughter ] then for a couple of seconds, you were a real george jetson. [ light laughter ] back in my day, new york city busses didnt have wifi. Foffyknockers back in my day if you wanted to make a connection on a city bus, you had to do it the Old Fashioned way, by making eye contact with a public masturbator. [ light laughter ] back in my day, the Cleveland Browns werent hoping to turn around their fortunes with the number one pick in the nfl draft. Well actually, a few years ago they had the one. And then the three, and then the three and the one. The six, the three, the seven and the one. But hey, maybe this time, things will be different. [ dog barking ] yeah, i dont think so either, rusty. [ light laughter ] back in my day, we didnt have venmo. If you wanted someone to pay you back, you had to nag them for two weeks. And then they still wouldnt pay you back, even though you saw them at jennys party. And when you talked to them at the party, they didnt even mention the 20. When you didnt bring it up, it goes, you didnt want to be rude. I mean, its only 20, after all. But its not about that. Its not about that. [ light laughter ] but its like, why are you putting me in this position . The onus is on you. [ light laughter ] and now im the one who feels weird, even though it was you who did something wrong. [ light laughter ] bottom line, [ bleep ] you, jeff. [ laughter and applause ] back in my day, we werent worried about north korea starting world war iii. The biggest bomb we were worried about back then was the movie john carter of mars. [ light laughter ] [ dog barking ] whats that, justice . Whats that, rusty . [ laughter ] im sorry, i just called you justice. [ dog growling ] [ light laughter ] now, back to the script. [ light laughter ] whats that, rusty . [ dog barking ] john carter of mars was your Favorite Movie of all time . Well, what did you think of the godfather . [ dog barking ] a bag of turds, rusty [ light laughter ] you have bad taste. [ light laughter ] [ dog barking ] back in my day, donald trump wasnt signing executive orders, he was signing womens breasts. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] and with apologies to those women, things were a lot better back then. [ light laughter ] back in my day, we didnt have the fyre festival, the failed Music Festival and a private island in the bahamas. Unthinkable. Back in my day, if you wanted to eat bad sandwiches with ja rule, you had to be ashanti. [ dog barking ] [ light laughter ] is that right, rusty . You never told me you were a ja rule fan. I only think about you so baby go and put it on me yeah [ laughter and applause ] rusty, you can talk . [ dog barking ] and finally, back in my day we didnt have face app to see what wed look like when we were older. No sir, if you wanted to know what youd look like when you were older, you had to make a wish on a zoltar machine. [ light laughter ] next morning youd wake up big, take a quick gander at your fully grown penis and then sleep with elizabeth perkins. [ light laughter ] no matter that she was an adult and you were a 14yearold boy. Thats on her. [ light laughter ] not you. Well, im sorry but sometimes this grumpy gramps has got to get his gripe on. This has been back in my day. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] so ammara, youre a verizon engineer, tell me, whats one really good reason why the Samsung Galaxy s8 is better on verizon . Well we have the largest 4g lte network in america. Yeah thats a pretty good reason. And the most reliable. Uhhuh. And, with unlimited, you get full hd video. Oh wow, yeah, thats, uh, two, maybe even three reasons right there. Its exactly three. Okay. Sure, whatever you say. vo if you really, really want the best, switch to verizon unlimited and get the galaxy s8 for just 15 a month. I saw you take those phones, you know. No, you didnt. Mohi teddy. S teddy. Oh youre a hugger, huh . Im a bear. Say hello to teddy. A new treat baked to perfection using quality ingredients. Like flour, milk and eggs. Discover teddy soft bakes. T. J. Maxx asks, shes pretty and nice like me. 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A camera fast enough to catch this, and intelligent enough to understand what it sees. It connects you to home, and takes you anywhere you can imagine. Which makes it infinitely amazing. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Congress today held a hearing questioning Airline Executives about what changes they plan to make in light of some horrific incidents lately on airlines like united, delta, and american, because while those events prove shocking to most people, after nearly 40 years of government deregulation in the Airline Industry, perhaps they shouldnt. So how do we get here . Well, its time for the check in. [ cheers and applause ] seth now all those trump announced the United Airlines incident it may be a bit difficult relate how awful air travel is these days. Since hes now flying on air force one and before that, had his own private airplane. Trumps own plane. Perhaps the most ostentatious. It has gold plated seatbelts. A bathroom with gold plated fixtures. On board home theaters, even a special vip lounge. Seth he has a vip lounge in his private airplane. [ light laughter ] thats a rich thing inside of a richer thing. Its like keeping the keys to your maserati in a faberge egg. Also imagine getting on a private plane and finding out you are not on the list for the whole private plane. Yeah, im sorry, bro i dont see an eric on here. [ light laughter ] dad, dad, im not on the list [ light laughter ] now United AirlinesCeo Oscar Munoz was asked about the debacle on his plane as well as the bizarre incidents on other airlines and had this reaction. The industry is getting black eye. Yeah, black eye probably not the best choice of words right now. [ light laughter ] i would say currently the whole industry as being dragged down the aisle with his belly exposed. And munoz also referred to the united situation as a system failure. And hes not wrong when he says that because in this system, anyone can be kicked off an overbooked flight against their will. In fact, according to the department of transportation in 2015 alone, 46,000 customers were involuntary bumped from flights. You might not know about it but its a policy to which you agree to when you book your tickets. In the fine print, you can be asked to leave a flight, involuntarily, without any compensation as you decide it. Either words, in the fine print, it also says ass kickings are like checked luggage. Only the first one is free, after that, theyre 50 each. [ light laughter ] so howd it come to this . Well, years ago, only the wealthy and privileged could afford to even get on an airplane. But that all changed when president carter signed the Airline Deregulation act in 1978 which basically removed government control over everything from prices to routes which also meant the government could no longer keep prices of flights artificially high. And this was good for travelers who could now make much quicker trips to visit relatives, unless they hated those relatives, in which case air travel robbed you of the 15 hour drive where you could psych yourself up to deal with your passive aggressive motherinlaw. [ light laughter ] good to see you lydia. Good to finally see you, kevin. Kids, get back in the car [ light laughter ] but with cheaper fares the airlines had to figure out how to make up for the lost income. So over time the seats became smaller, the food became either inedible or nonexistent. And everything in general got worse. Remember the Mile High Club . There was a time where people actually wanted to have sex in an airplane bathroom. Now, airplane bathrooms are so small, if you get an erection, you have to open the door. [ laughter and applause ] and that will ruin the mood. And some experts have drawn a link between how the Airlines Operate these days and the deregulation of the industry in general. You saw this week, United Airlines with that horrible situation. Those are a direct result of deregulation going so far that companies literally have no regard to their for their customers, excuse me and no fear of repercussions if they treat them badly. Seth to make matters worse, according to reports since deregulation, the Airline Industry lost a collective 60 billion, more than 160 airlines filed for bankruptcy. And even a former airline ceo said the Market Forces alone cannot and will not produce a satisfactory Airline Industry. Thats right, Airline Customers dont develop brand loyalty the way they do with other products. Your pilot might as will say, hey folks, we know you have a lot of choices when you fly so thanks for choosing the cheapest flight you can find on kayak. Because, lets be honest, the main reason Airline Travel is so awful is that we the customer are okay with it being awful as long as the ticket prices are low enough. If there was an airline that offered 50 roundtrip tickets to any destination in america as long as the pilot can open hand slap one passenger of his choosing in the face that airline would never have an empty seat. [ light laughter ] you would just click on it and say, i like those odds. [ light laughter ] so whatever solution there may be will probably have to come from the government. Unfortunately, it probably wont come from our government. Because trump made this promise to the u. S. Airline industry executives less than a month after he took office. Youre gonna be so happy with trump. Think you already are. So we want to help you realize these goals by rolling back burdensome regulations and you people are regulated probably as much as almost anybody, although i can think of a couple of industries that are even worse. Seth like, for example, of the phony university industry, thats worse. [ light laughter ] i mean there are so many regulations on phony universities its almost impossible to keep them in business. [ light laughter ] and by the way, trump has also promised to privatize air Traffic Control, calling the system totally out of whack. So who does the president turn to for advice when it comes to our airlines, airports, and air Traffic Control issues . I have a pilot whos a real expert. My pilot. Hes a smart guy and knows whats going on said the government is using the wrong equipment. And before you trust trumps pilot, remember, this is trumps doctor. [ laughter and applause ] so, i wouldnt be surprised if this is trumps pilot. No, no trump has already taken steps to dismantle obama era rules to try to make the airlines more transparent by putting on hold a proposal to require more disclosure of passenger fees. And according to reports and filings, delaying the implementation of a separate regulation requiring airlines to disclose when they miss handle wheelchairs and motorized scooters for the disabled. Because if theres one thing our founder fathers believed it was you had the right to [ bleep ] with someones wheelchair and not admit to it. [ light laughter ] and although some regulations are burdensome and ineffective, trump seems to blame them for pretty much all the governments problems. And about a month into his presidency he had already signed an executive order aimed at rolling back regulations across government agencies. And heres how he made the case for that. Were gonna be cutting regulation massively. Now were gonna have regulation and it will be just as strong and just as good and just as protective of the people as the regulation we have right now. Seth what . [ light laughter ] were gonna get rid of regulations massively but it will still be as good as what we have now . Thats like your surgeon telling you hes gonna cut off bot