Musical guest tegan and sara. And featuring the legendary roots cr. Questlove 468. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, everybody. Hello. Thank you very much. Thank you very much [ cheers and applause ] thats what im talking about. Steve thats a crowd. Jimmy thats what im talking about right there. Hot crowd. Hot crowd. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the tonight show. Oh, its going to be fun. Heres what people are talking about, everybody. I saw that donald Trump Supporters are upset with the show family guy after it recently made fun of trump. [ light laughter ] i see both sides of the issue. On one hand, its just a a cartoon. But that cartoon could be president of the united states. So, i mean, they should be [ applause ] but now that trump is the only one left on the republican side, hes starting to set his sights on Hillary Clinton. But hillary dismissed trumps attacks, especially on her personal life saying hes using a playbook from the 90s. [ light laughter ] which backfired when americans were like, oh, my god, we love the 90s. [ cheers and applause ] full house. Urkel. Did i do that . I love it. Speaking of hillary, yesterday the state Department Said that it cant find any emails belonging to Hillary ClintonsSenior Technology staffers from when clinton was secretary of state. Then hillary said, you wont find that staffer either. [ laughter and applause ] bring the car around, buddy. For more news out of washington, they finally got something done and passed a a bill, thats right. [ light laughter ] yesterday, president obama signed a law that makes the bison the official mammal of the united states. [ applause ] after hearing the news, american buffalo said, yes. [ light laughter ] wait, are we bison . [ laughter and applause ] we are bison, right . Is that right . We look like that. People are really excited about this. A team of scientists at m. I. T. Have developed a new cream that tightens skin and provides a a temporary facelift. It really makes people look younger. Look at what it did for bernie sanders. [ light laughter ] steve wow. Jimmy thats unbelievable. Thats unbelievable. [ laughter and applause ] thats unbelievable. Steve unbelievable. Jimmy yeah, unbelievable. Steve i dont believe it. [ light laughter ] jimmy unbelievable. Steve yeah, you got to believe it. Jimmy i saw that snapchat ran into a little trouble recently. Hear about this . They actually had to apologize to a russian artist after they used some of his artwork for one of their filters without asking permission. The artist said the whole ordeal made him so upset, very upset, he was up all night puking rainbows. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] new Research Finds that retweeting and sharing posts can create cognitive overload and can make you forget what you read. Not only that, new Research Finds that retweeting and sharing posts can create cognitive overload and make you forget what you read. [ laughter and applause ] think about it. You guys know periscope . Familiar with that . Its that streaming app you can use to publish videos. Theyre now testing out a a feature that will let you save your broadcast instead of having them disappear after 24 hours. Yeah, its called youtube. [ laughter and applause ] try it. Kind of cool. A little Business News here. I read that jcpenney is trying to cut expenses by reducing employees hours. When asked when the changes will go into effect, the companys ceo was just a a mannequin in a suit. [ laughter and applause ] theyre cutting back starting today. This made me laugh. An opera singer in antarctica performed for some penguins [ laughter ] performed for some penguins this week. But i dont think the penguins were too impressed. Take a look at this. Oh, wait. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy opera sucks you think theyd love opera since theyre all wearing tuxedos. [ light laughter ] this is going viral here, you guys. Someone in scotland staked out what they thought was a perfect spot to film a building that was getting demolished this week. Yeah. Things didnt go exactly as planned. Check this out. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy youve got to be kidding. Cool bus. You dont get to see that everyday. [ light laughter ] glad they got that bus on film. Jimmy hey, guys, heres a a local story. New Yorks City Council recently voted to charge people 5 cents per plastic bag. Yeah, thats right. Soon, new yorkers can pay 5 cents for a plastic bag or just walk outside and wait for one to blow into your face. [ laughter and applause ] oh, and finally, this is kind of awesome. Yesterday, the planet mercury crossed in front of the sun. You hear of this . It hasnt happened in ten years. Scientists warn that looking directly at the event could cause damage to your eyes. But nasa released some footage of what they say is safe to watch. Its pretty amazing. It happens superfast but is very cool looking. Check this out. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] cool bus. We have a great show. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, roots. Thank you, roots. We have a big week of shows ahead. Tomorrow night, our pals Jada Pinkettsmith and andy cohen will be here. Thats right. [ cheers and applause ] jada, andy and i are going to play a game of famous faceoff. Its a fun game. Yeah, tune in for that one. Then on thursday, we have drake will be here. [ cheers and applause ] steve love me some drake. Jimmy on thursday, we have drake, megyn kelly and meghan trainor. Steve wow. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy same show, double megans. Steve double megans. Jimmy different spellings. Different spellings, yeah. On friday from the hit series game of thrones, jon snow himself, Kit Harington will be here. Or maybe not. [ cheers and applause ] steve maybe. Jimmy maybe not. He may be here, he may be not. Steve friday. Jimmy he probably will be here. But first, we have a fantastic show tonight. I just hope every time hes on, i lose a hes the funniest guy. Every sentence out of him just makes you laugh. I was just laughing backstage. Anyways, hes so funny. [ light laughter ] he was just saying hes bummed out because he didnt go to the snl after party, the 40th. Steve he didnt . Jimmy no, the one where we all had the biggest jam out and everything . He was in the show. Steve yeah. Jimmy we hung out with him all day. Steve he did bye bye. We were there all day with him. Jimmy he just got bored running into each other so he left. [ light laughter ] he thought he was playing it cool. He missed the biggest jam session of all time. Hes just complaining backstage. Its hilarious. [ laughter ] hes in the new netflix film the dooffer which i just love. Its him and adam sandler just being awesome. David spade is here, you guys. Steve yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i just love him. He had an awful im getting the giggles already because oh, whatever. He had an awful flight over. [ light laughter ] ill let him tell you the story. Its so silly. [ light laughter ] just made me laugh. I love that guy. Plus, we have a new this is a great Childrens Book out there. Its called our great big backyard. Former first lady mrs. Laura bush and her daughter Jenna Bush Hager are stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] steve yes. Jimmy i love this book. Steve its fantastic. Jimmy i read, like, thousands of books a night. Steve thousands a night . Jimmy yeah, i just cant because kids, they just read and they want the same book every single night. Steve you do a thousands . Jimmy my babies like to read a thousand books. [ light laughter ] we start a couple days before. Steve right. So they just keep on going . Jimmy yeah. Its like a big weekend reading thing. Its like bonnaroo. Steve the bonnaroo of reading . Jimmy we have the same five books we just read all the time. But any ways, this one is fantastic. Good messageut there as well. And theres fun little easter eggs in there too. I wonder why george w. Didnt do the drawings . Hes a great painter now. [ light laughter ] have you seen any of his paintings . Steve ive seen it. Ive seen a painting of a dog. Jimmy yeah. Thats the only one . Steve thats all ive seen. [ light laughter ] jimmy the bathtub, too. Steve whats that . Jimmy theres one where hes in a bathtub. You ever seen that one . Steve no. Jimmy its not that. [ light laughter ] yeah, yeah, you can tell hes in a bath. Just like a rubber ducky or something floating in the water. Steve yeah, a rubber ducky. Cute. Jimmy i love no, its fantastic. Really talented. Anyway. [ light laughter ] if you havent seen it, you got to see it. [ light laughter ] the book is our great back yard right there. There you go. [ cheers and applause ] i love it. Its a good, good, good book. I read kid books all the time. We have great music. Oh, yeah, tegan and sara are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] guys, it is time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. Its time for pros and cons. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] pros and cons and pros and cons and pros jimmy tonight, well be taking a look at the pros and cons of being Donald Trumps vice president. [ light laughter ] now, hes the Presumptive Republican nominee and now hes searching for a running mate. So lets take a look at the pros and cons of being Donald Trumps vice president. Here we go. Pro, youre next in line to donald trump. Con, which means youre the heir to the hair. [ laughter ] steve nice. [ applause ] yes. The heir apparent. Jimmy pro, getting to know your fellow cabinet members on a firstname basis. Con, because their names are meatloaf and omarosa. [ light laughter ] easy to remember those. Steve yeah, you dont have to beep her monogram. Jimmy pro, meeting leaders from all over the world. Con, having to learn how to say sorry about him in hundreds of different languages. [ laughter and applause ] its kind of challenging but its fun. Rosetta stone. Steve yeah. [ light laughter ] jimmy pro, trump wants a vp that can help him with both women and hispanics. Con, hes leaning towards dora the explorer. [ laughter and applause ] steve smart choice, very popular with kids. Jimmy i like boots. [ light laughter ] pro, trump could choose kasich, cruz, rubio, bush, fiorina, huckabee or carson. Con, or as he calls them, loser, liar, low life, lazy, crazy, dopey and sleepy. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he means well. Steve he means well. Its all from a place of love. [ talking over each other ] jimmy he didnt mean it, yeah. Pro, doing whatever donald trump wants, whenever he wants you to do it. Con, or as its also called, being the governor of new jersey. [ light laughter ] steve really . Jimmy hey, thats not fair. [ applause ] steve is that true . Jimmy thats not true. Is that true . Not true. Steve not true . [ light laughter ] jimmy pro, trump is looking for a young vp to help attract millennial voters. Con, which explains his new slogan. Ermahgerd. Merk amerrica gert again. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] steve merk amerrca gert again. Jimmy merk amerrca gert again. Steve ermahgerd. Jimmy ermahgerd. Ermahgerd. [ light laughter ] merk amerrica gert again. What would it be . Dernerld trump. Steve dernelrd trump. [ light laughter ] jimmy what would it be . [ light laughter ] steve dernerld trump. What . [ light laughter ] steve derneld trump. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] steve derneld termp. Jimmy dermald tremp. Steve i love dernerld trump. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah. Steve you bern to termp towers. [ light laughter ] jimmy we get the popcorn shermp . Steve how much you want . Jimmy whats that . Steve want some popcorn shrimp . Jimmy no, dernerld trump. [ light laughter ] what you say . Merk amerrica gert again. Steve merk amerrica gert again. Jimmy yeah, thats good. [ fart noise ] [ light laughter ] [ duck noise ] and finally, pro, giving a a twohour speech where you talk about how great donald trump is. All the Amazing Things hes done and how much better he is than everyone else. Con, realizing you accidentally grabbed his speech. Oh, theres what happened. [ applause ] thats pros and cons. Well be right back with more the tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, guys, i want to tell you all about the new bud light. Ill take a beer please. [ light laughter ] dont worry. [ glass shatters ] still the same beer. My beer, please. Byebye. [ glass shatters ] now its a great new look. Hey, bartender. Beer me. [ glass shatters ] [ light laughter ] the best part is its available right now. Come on, man, give me a beer. [ glass shatters ] bud light. Raise one right now. [ cat screech ] [ car horn ] [ cow moos ] thank you. Well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [engine sounds] the Bud Light Party believes in change. Thats why bud light has a new look. And we want to share it with everyone. From our National Parks. To our furthest shores. Jackpot to your living room. Look under your seats [squeals of delight] still the same refreshing bud light. With a new look. Dove men care. The strength test. Like leather, skin is stronger when its hydrated. Thats why dove men care bodywash has a unique hydrating formula to leave skin healthier and stronger. Jay knows how to keep nice shorts, dad. G. This is what the pros wear. Uhhh. Thats why he starts his day with those two scoops in heart healthy kelloggs raisin bran. Ready to eat my dust . Too bad i already filled up on raisins. Kelloggs raisin bran. Deliciously heart healthy. Tmobile does data differently. Now, stream video and music on your favorite services. Free without using any of your lte data. And, roll your unused data forward. Nobody does data like tmobile. So switch today. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a very funny, very talented man starring alongside adam sandler in the new film the doover, which premieres on netflix friday, may 27th, memorial day weekend. Please welcome our good friend, david spade [ cheers and applause ] jimmy National TreasureNational Treasure. Jimmy david spade. Totally good to see you, buddy. You look great, man. Nice to see you. Thank you, pal. Rough ride in, but overall, good. Jimmy you flew in from los angeles . Oh, yeah. Jimmy thats cool. But sometimes when youre on a plane, i get grossed out when people sneeze too much. And this happened. I know it sounds mean, but someone was going nuts behind me. Like [ sneezing ] like the grossest. Over and over. And i kept going, like, i gave them a couple of bless you, bless you. Third one, shut up [ laughter ] then im like [ ding ] because i need someone to help. I dont know. How do i stop it . It was 70 sneezes, easily. And then its toned down for a a second, then [ coughing ] i go, dont switch it up. [ laughter ] now youre not starting the clock over at one. So i know i have zika. Thats not even a question. Jimmy no, no, no. [ laughter ] thats not true. How am i going to manage it and deal with it in my life and find a cure . Jimmy no, no, no, no. But other than that, how good shape, everything good . Obviously, im ripped. [ laughter ] no, im not really, but i tried to go skiing. That was my big athletic maneuver. Jimmy that is athletic. Skiing is pretty fun, and it was hard. And i dont know how to ski. My friends take me. They go, the best way to learn is to go to the top of the mountain. Its really the best way to ditch you, you know what i mean . Because they just go. And so i get the map. And i want to go down all the green runs, you know, the easy ones. So, i map out first of all, i snowflake. I ski like this. I ski like im looking for a a contact lens, you know what i mean, im like this. [ laughter ] like really slow. Everybody shh. Jimmy everybody shh right around this area. I start, and i go, guys, i feel like as a group we should go together. Lets go down bambi. Right . And they go, no, were going down devils ball sack. I go, no, no, no. [ laughter and applause ] no, that sounds like a hard one. Jimmy sounds hard. It sounds dangerous. I dont even have to look at the map. I go, honestly, if we start on pop tart. [ laughter ] and then it goes into pillow town and then peekaboo. Its aggressive but its not challenging, overwhelming. And they go, nope, hitlers abortion, here we go. Two by two. [ laughter and applause ] no, no, no, no, no. Jimmy that doesnt sound that one sounds hard. Jimmy lets go to pillow town. Lets start there. Thats the best, thats beautiful. Well, here you are. Youre here and youre safe and were happy youre here. Yeah. Jimmy and were going to talk about the doover, your netflix film. Yeah, of course. Jimmy youre in new york city. Love new york. Saw andy and katie, my brother and sisterinlaw. I saw my niece, bea. I went to do you guys have a macys here . Jimmy yes. Went to macys today. [ laughter ] it helps the bit. I went to macys and, first off, sometimes, im not in l. A. , youre always in your car. But people here, they see you out. I know you get a lot of selfies. The selfie is sort of, you know, im sort of like the joe dirt guy, so they rough me up a little bit. Its really like a hard head lock, you know what i mean . Like, they come in at you a a little fast. You know, coming in hot. Selfie im like, ahh theyre like, sorry. Syour honor, its over, its over. [ laughter ] jimmy what happened . Yeah. Im finding i dont look great from eight inches away. Ive seen the photos, and im like, hit me with a filter, pal, you know. [ laughter ] jimmy help me out a little bit. Do me a solid. So i go in there. And i have to buy socks because, you know, i dont have em. Its boring. But they still sell them fits sizes six to 13. Thats a wide net. You know, they dont hit it like on shoes, like every size. Jimmy yeah. Im glad they dont sell condoms like that, you know what i mean . Fits sizes asian to black guy. I dont want that. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] because i know where i fall and i dont im telling you, theres nothing worse than a a droopy rubber, girls will tell you. Jimmy no, no. I dont know. Its a turnoff. Im Walking Around going, i think this ones broken. Theres too much extra. Like, i never write a company, but im going to fire off an email. Jimmy no, no, no. This is ridiculous. And loose side to side, somethings wrong here. I mean, its a dinner bell effect that you shouldnt be getting. Jimmy its always good to see you. Oh. [ laughter ] jimmy always good to have you here. I mean, because youre doing standup. Were going to get into yeah. Were going to get into doing standup. No, were going to get into the movie, but also youre doing standup as well. And you just did a well, youre going all over the country. With the doover to