Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon July 26, 2016

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 507, minnesotta steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Sit down, enjoy yourselves. Enjoy yourselves. Thank you so much. Hot crowd that is a hot crowd tonight. [ cheers and applause ] seriously, its 150 degrees in here. Steve yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy youre an actual hot crowd. Guys, welcome to the tonight show. My name is jimmy fallon, im the host. Thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] were going to have fun tonight. Its a good one. Heres what people are talking about. Of course, tonight was the start of the Democratic Convention in philadelphia, where today the temperature was over 100 degrees. [ audience oohs ] as if Hillary Clinton needed another reason to sweat. [ cheers and applause ] she went through two pantsuits. [ light laughter ] it was over 100 degrees on the first day of the Democratic Convention. In fact, it was so hot hillary met with some bernie supporters just for the chilly reception. [ cheers and applause ] cool you down a little bit. And this dnc scandal just keeps getting worse. Have you heard the latest now . Turns out that they rigged it so hillary would catch all the pokemon. [ laughter ] [ applause ] theres no way a snorlax was in her living room. That just doesnt happen. But thats the big story. There were almost 20,000 Democratic Party emails leaked over the weekend. Actually, people were even more shocked to find out there were 20,000 emails hillary hadnt deleted yet. [ audience oohs ] it takes a long time. Steve yeah. Jimmy just use select all. Steve then they all go away. Jimmy select all and delete. Yeah. Very easy. Steve selectall, thats a a pokemon. Jimmy but theres good news for hillary. She finally picked her running mate, senator tim kaine from virginia. [ cheers ] yeah, there you go. They really seemed to have some chemistry there. In fact, hillary just shared a a photo of the two of them doing a first bump. Take a look at this. Yeah. [ laughter ] unfortunately, they didnt release photos of the five or six times they missed that fist bump. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you dont you dont move. Ill move. You dont move, ill come to you. Just stare at my elbow. Look at my elbow and ill forget it. [ laughter ] i saw that tim kaine took over hillarys Instagram Account on saturday as a way to introduce him to voters and get them excited. But im not sure that kaine came off as exciting as theyd hoped. Ill show you what i mean. Tim kaines first post said, excited to run with hillary and make some real change in the world. Then he posted this picture of plain toast with the caption, had a delicious breakfast this morning. [ laughter and applause ] then he posted a picture with some khakis with the caption, not sure if i should go with my everyday khakis or my regular khakis. [ cheers and applause ] steve im just not sure. Jimmy he posted this picture, using my favorite app today, the iphone clock. [ laughter ] kind of fun app. Finally, he posted a picture of saran wrap with the caption, now heres some wrap that never goes out of style. [ laughter ] timkaineinthemembrane. [ cheers and applause ] gettinjigglywithit. [ laughter ] steve getting jiggly with it. Jimmy getting jiggly with it. Steve yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] tim kaine in the membrane get jiggly with it [ cheers ] jimmy he seems like an exciting guy. Tim kaine also appeared with hillary at a rally on saturday, and at one point kaine even addressed the crowd in spanish. Check it out. [ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers ] jimmy hold on, can we get some subtitles on that . [ speaking in spanish ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ah, that makes sense now. I heard it before, like whered i hear that . Thats what it is. Hes doing well. Last night, hillary and kaine did an interview on 60 minutes with scot pelley, and i think hillary was hoping pelley would go easy on her since the convention is this week, but im not sure that happened. Madam secretary, did you hear the Republican Convention chanting, lock her up . Whats your responsibility for benghazi . Do you think you blew it on the emails . Wont your hopes and dreams be dead on arrival at the Republican House of representatives . [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] jimmy why do you hate christmas . [ laughter ] is a hot dog a sandwich . [ laughter ] whats your problem, dude . [ applause ] during the interview, hillary also said that her campaign is all hands on deck, and said, quote, were going to have a a cracker jack staff. You could tell hillary has a a cracker jack staff when its filled with nuts and disappointing surprises. [ cheers and applause ] i got a sticker. A tim kaine sticker. Over on the republican side, donald trump just posted an ad bragging that 33 of his speech at last weeks Republican Convention was actually applause. [ laughter ] while 33 of melanias speech was actually melanias. Steve oh [ audience ohs ] jimmy i mean, which is good [ cheers and applause ] thats not bad odds. Not bad percentages there. We may be seeing more trumps in politics. In fact, Donald Trumps son, donald, jr. , told cnn he hasnt ruled out running for mayor of new york next year. [ audience oohs ] when she heard that, Hillary Clinton turned to chelsea and said, clear your schedule. [ laughter ] [ applause ] steve do it jimmy this is cool. I saw that Eddie Redmayne gave out 6,500 free magic wands to the crowd at his Comiccon Panel for his upcoming harry potter spinoff. When asked how he was able to give away so many wands for free, eddie was like, theyre actually just sticks. [ laughter ] [ applause ] magic isnt real. [ cheers and applause ] steve do it jimmy and, finally, it seems like the pokemon go craze isnt showing any signs of slowing down. In fact, People Magazine said that its even bringing more people to our national parks. When asked if it was their first time visiting a national park, pokemon players were like, is that where i am . [ laughter ] i dont care, whatever. [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show. Give it up for the roots right there [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, thats how you do it right there that is my man, grammy awardwinning musician cory henry sitting in with the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] i knew this was going to happen. I knew youd be here. Oh, man. Jimmy i went we went to i went to go see you at the jazz standard . This is here in new york city. Unbelievable. The trio thing you were doing, and you blew everyones mind. You have to go see this guy. Hes unbelievable. You start off you played like, i think the first one was like a like a Gnarls Barkley thing . Yeah. Jimmy did you do that . You were played some crazy thing, i didnt know what it was. But then everyone was, like, in a trance. You were phenomenal. You are so talented. Thank you, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the new album, the revival, is available now. Right now. Check out the revival. Cory henry, everybody. Is that a is that a b3 . Yeah, a hammond b3. Jimmy gosh. Man, oh, man. What tricks can you do with that . Can you give me a little taste of what it does . [ cheers ] jimmy a magician. Hes a magician [ cheers and applause ] he is a magician. Oh, my goodness. Check out his stuff. Thanks for being here. Before we get started, guys, i want to say thank you to all of our fans on facebook because today our show page passed over 10 million likes steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats unbelievable. Thank you so much. We have so much fun making this show. I love you, jimmy jimmy i love you, too. [ light laughter ] we love being able to share it with you on tv and online and your phone, wherever, so thank you again for checking us out, and i think Mark Zuckerberg said hes gonna be buying me a a plane. Steve are you serious . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy isnt that nice . Steve what kind of plane . Jimmy isnt that nice . A gold plated plane. Steve a goldplated plane . Wow. Jimmy i guess thats what happens when you get 10 million likes. Steve when you get to 10 million likes . Yeah. Jimmy 10,000 likes. Oh, is that all we did . 10,000 likes . [ laughter ] oh, never mind. Steve i didnt want to tell you. I didnt want to tell you. Jimmy hes gonna get me a a bike seat cover. Steve really . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Steve its gonna be plain. Jimmy yeah, black. Just plain. Guys, its monday. Were so excited to be back. We have a giant week of shows coming up. Tomorrow night, Michael Fassbender will be here steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy love that dude. And were going to play a game of frozen blackjack. Steve ooh. Jimmy yeah. Plus we have music from bastille, and then later this week [ cheers and applause ] later this week, we have matt damon will be on the show [ cheers and applause ] steve oh jimmy will smith, usher, and Margot Robbie will all be joining us. Its going to be really fun. Steve hey jimmy but first, we have a a fantastic show tonight. Its always fun when he stops by. From ice age collision course and sex drugs rock roll, my main man. He is funny, he is talented. Denis leary is here, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] one of my favorite people. Denis and i are going to play a a game of catchphrase later in the show with some special guests. [ cheers and applause ] plus, from the hit show Pretty Little Liars, Shay Mitchell is dropping in [ cheers and applause ] Shay Mitchells here and we got great music from geazy, everybody. There he is. [ cheers and applause ] there he is. Having a party. [ laughter ] well, you got the party has to start somewhere. Steve yeah. Jimmy you just invite one or two people. [ laughter ] then eventually more people show up, and there you go. Steve oh. [ laughter ] jimmy about seven people, that looks fun. Steve sounds like a fun party. Jimmy having a blast. You do this, and you have the geazy doll house. [ laughter ] and then you play steve you put them in there. Yeah. Jimmy can we have a beat . Can you give me a can you give me just a good little steve so hes moonwalking. Jimmy yeah, he does the moonwalk. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy geazy. Yeah, just like that. I mean, you can do thats what im saying. Steve you can do whatever you want. It comes with cutouts. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy when its dark out. Geazy. Steve geazy. Jimmy guys, lets just admit it, we live in a a branddriven society. [ laughter ] name recognition is everything. Steve i know jimmy problem is, what makes a good name for one thing might make a bad name for something else, or make a great name for something else. With that in mind, its time for a segment we call, good names, bad names, great names. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy first up, we have mashable. That is a good name for a a website. Steve yeah. Jimmy its a bad name for a a hamster. [ laughter ] great name for a potato. See what im saying . [ cheers and applause ] good names, bad names, then theres steve im not sure. Jimmy good name, bad name, great name. Next up, we have virgin america. Steve okay. [ light laughter ] jimmy thats a good name for an airline. Its bad name for a dating app. [ laughter ] a great name for comiccon. Wait i mean wait, come on. Wait a second. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i dont know if i could lets try another one. Next we have wikileaks. Steve wikileaks. Jimmy thats good name for a, Investigative Journalism website. Bad name for an adult diaper. [ laughter ] steve yeah, you dont want that. Jimmy great name for both if youre bernie sanders. [ laughter ] i mean [ cheers and applause ] next we have talking heads. Steve oh. Jimmy thats a good name for a band. Steve yeah. Jimmy bad name for taxidermy shop. [ laughter ] great name for a taxidermy shop that also sells lsd. [ laughter and applause ] steve i see. Jimmy after that, we have rage against the machine. Steve sure. Jimmy that is a good name for a rock group. Bad name for an i. T. Service. [ light laughter ] great name for your dad trying to use an ipad. [ applause ] steve what . Jimmy next, we have instagram. Thats a good name for a photo sharing site. Bad name for an antiageing cream. [ laughter ] great name for a pot delivery service. [ cheers and applause ] instagrandma. Steve yeah, you get an instagram. Turns instantly into a grandma. Jimmy yeah. Now we have jason bourne. Thats a good name for a super spy. Bad name for a birth announcement. [ laughter ] steve he bourne jimmy jason bourne, yeah. Great name for a writein vote for president. Well, i would vote for him. [ cheers and applause ] we all love jason bourne. And finally, we have ugg. Thats a good name for a brand of boots. Bad name for a brand of makeup. [ laughter ] great name for the 2 2016 election. There you go. [ cheers and applause ] thats all the time for good name, bad name, great name. Well be right back with denis leary [ cheers and applause ] if you love crab and who doesnt then seize the day already. Crabfest is back at red lobster with so many kinds of crab and the most crab dishes of the year. So dive into whatever floats your crabloving boat. Like crab lovers dream. Crack open tender snow and king crab legs, and twirl creamy crab alfredo. Or try the new alaska bairdi crab dinner. Sweet and straight from the icy waters of alaska, youve gotta get it. To really get it. But it wont last forever, so hurry in. Thats why bud light has aes new look. And we want to share it with everyone. Jackpot still the same refreshing bud light. With a new look. Whats yours . Illion ways to top your kids rice krispies. A dash of fruit in their favorite color. A bunch of pineapple cause hey its summer bananas and berries cause the letter b rocks. A little bit of yogurt . Sure why not . The fun never stops how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop . Blades here, blades there. Some more over there. Whoa thats not a blade. This is gillette shielding. With lubrication before and after the blades. Shields from irritation for a close, comfortable shave. Proshield from gillette. Intrthe only lemon lime soda with a twist of real juice. Its a crisp, refreshing twist on lemon lime. Insist on the twist. Youll never have to fear a tight parking space. In parallel and perpendicular spaces, the car can steer itself right in. Introducing the 2017 ford fusion with enhanced active park assist. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. Trouble can pop up anywhere. The ford fusion can detect a pedestrian, alert you and if you dont brake, it can brake for you. Introducing the 2017 ford fusion with precollision assist with pedestrian detection. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. He gets a ready for you alert the second his room is ready. So he knows exactly when he can settle in and think big. And when josh thinks big you know what he gives . Ill give you everything ive got and then some. He gives a hundred and ten percent im confident this 10 can boost your market share. Look at that pie chart boom youve never seen a number like that you feel me lois . Im feeling you. Yeah you do lets do this watch out he just had a whole thimble full of coffee. Woot woot the ready for you alert, only at laquinta. Com. La. Quinta yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a talented actor who currently stars in the new movie ice age collision course, which is in theatres now and sex drugs rock roll. Hes fantastic in that. It airs thursday nights at 10 00 p. M. On fx. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for denis leary [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, this is the coolest place in new york city right now, and i mean that literally. [ laughter ] its 107 degrees outside. Jimmy its hot. Heres what im pitching. Jimmy yeah. We all stay here all night. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you guys down with that . [ cheers and applause ] we get pizza in. We do the longest tonight show in history. Jimmy yeah, lets do it [ cheers and applause ] guys, we can break some records were in. I call the couch jimmy no first, i got the couch, yeah. Look at you. You look so handsome. Jimmy i do look yeah, look at you. You thank you very much. [ laughter ] now wait a minute, you almost said i do look handsome when i said you looked handsome. Jimmy no, no, i know i did not say it. You look handsome as well. Do i look handsome . Jimmy you always look handsome. I do . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy dude, youre a rock star. But also, you know what you know you really look handsome on your tv show, on sex drugs rock roll. Really . Jimmy youre a rock star. Yeah, its awesome. I watch that and i go, this is fantastic. Denis must be loving this. I love that youre home thinking im handsome. [ laughter ] jimmy no, no, i didnt think that. While youre hanging out with your wife. Honey, isnt denis handsome . [ laughter ] jimmy no, no. I think its just rock n roll. Yeah, i love it. I love it. Jimmy every comedian wants to be a little rock and roll star in there. So im trying to get like hopefully get a little bit a a cool factor out of it with my kids because my kids are, you know, my kids are in their 20s now, so ive been uncool for a a long, long time. [ light laughter ] jimmy how do they not ice age. Like ice age one jimmy yeah. They thought was cool. Jimmy yeah. Ice age 2 they were like ice age 3 they were like so now, ice age 5 they are like, forget about it. [ laughter ] jimmy but youre im not cool at all. Jimmy wait but you were with everybody who is cool. Jennifer lopez that doesnt mean anything. Ill give you an example. Like my kids, they might be spoiled because, you know, but you know, youre never cool to your kids. Im sure stings not cool to his kids. You know what i mean . Jimmy yeah. President obamas not cool to his kids. Jimmy thats true. So i was doing this thing called fashion rocks, do you remember that . Jimmy yeah. Huge fan of this thing they used to do. Jimmy ive done those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we were doing radio city music hall, and i saw the lineup. I was hosting. Beyonce, usher. Jimmy oh yeah. David bowie, brian adams, sting. I mean, it was incredible. My daughter was in love with beyonce, still is. Thats her favorite artist in the world. I love her too. Jimmy yeah. So i looked out and i went, this is my chance. She was like a teenager then, to get big cool points. [ light laughter ] so i go, hey, why dont you get a bunch of your girlfriends from school and bring them to the show . You know, im hosting. Ill get backstage tickets and ill introduce you guys to beyonce after the show. Jimmy yeah. So first of all, the show went great. And i introduced beyonce, even though i hadnt met her yet. Introduced her, and i should have had cool points by proxy just off that. Jimmy exactly. Youre

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