Musical guest, phoenix, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 666. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness hey welcome welcome [ cheers and applause ] you know its going to be a hot show. I feel it. I feel the love i give it right back to you. Thank you very much. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the tonight show. This is it, baby [ cheers and applause ] this is it this is the show to be at tonight. Hot show tonight. Heres what people are talking about. This is pretty big. I saw that today President Trump had a phone call with vladimir putin. Yeah. Actually, theyre just continuing the phone call they were just having last night, since neither of them would hang up first. [ laughter and applause ] [ as putin and trump ] you hang up. No, you hang up. No, you hang up. No, you hang up. [ laughter ] thats right, putin talking to trump. Even obama was like, now, this call im going to wiretap. [ laughter and applause ] put the popcorn on. [ applause ] thats not the only world leader trump wants to talk to. Yesterday he said he said this that he would be honored to meet with kim jongun. [ audience groans ] [ light laughter ] he would be honored. When asked why, trump said, because ive heard her music and she sounds beautiful. [ laughter ] youve got the wrong no, the wrong [ applause ] trump also took some heat this week when he said he didnt know what caused the civil war. [ light laughter ] to prove that he does have a a good understanding of history, trump just released his own textbook. Yeah, and take a look at some of the definitions he wrote. For example, for the ottoman empire, he wrote, fantastic store. Its where i buy all of my foot stools. Steve wow [ applause ] thats not 800588 [ laughter ] jimmy next for plymouth rock, he put, this is where simba was held up after he was born. Thats not true. [ laughter ] nants ingonyama thats not true. Steve thats not thats pride rock. Jimmy its not that either. [ laughter ] next for the gunfight at the o. K. Corral, he put, fake news. It was a tremendous corral. [ laughter and applause ] better than okay. Thats fake news. Fake media. Next up for the bubonic plague, he wrote, a World Without boobs . Can you imagine that . That would be the worst thing. [ laughter and applause ] and finally for the battle of the alamo, he put, makes sense, i hate paying my exwifes alamo. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] he shouldnt release that. Steve no. Jimmy this kind of surprised me, but White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer gave a new interview where he said that he loves his job and hes humbled to have it. [ laughter ] then spicer blinked his eyes in morse code to spell out, help me. [ laughter and applause ] im so happy to be here [ laughter ] hey, i saw that this years tony nominees were announced, and [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Exciting. This years tony nominees were announced, and groundhog day was nominated for best musical. [ cheers and applause ] thats right. This years tony nominees were announced, and groundhog day was nominated for best musical. [ audience groans ] [ laughter and applause ] hey, if youre excited about the tonys, you must be pumped about the nba playoffs. [ laughter ] last night the cavs were playing the raptors, and after a play, lebron james went into the crowd and almost drank a a fans beer. [ laughter ] check this out, its real. Despite the foul, would have gotten the call and one. Continues to hit the free throw six for seven. Oh, lebron tempted to take a a sip. Jimmy he was going to drink it until he saw how much the arena charges for beer. [ laughter ] what, 9. 50 for a plastic a a fake plastic bottle of beer . Some health news here. A new study finds that high salt diets actually make people less thirsty over time. [ audience oohs ] the way it works is, you die. [ laughter and applause ] another study finds that american toddlers are more likely to eat french fries than green vegetables. The study is published in a a collection called, how is this a study . [ laughter and applause ] really . Oh, so they liked, uh [ light laughter ] spent four years on it. Absolutely. Kids like chocolate better than they like vegetables. Steve whod think . Jimmy they like chocolates better than they like vegetables. [ laughter ] steve do they like broccoli . Jimmy they dont like broccoli as much as chocolate. Steve i set two pieces of broccoli next to four chocolate bars. [ laughter ] the children almost every time ate the chocolate bars. [ laughter ] jimmy i got to catch my train. Ill talk to you later. Steve one minute can i borrow a dollar . Jimmy yes, just take my metrocard. [ laughter ] finally, new Research Finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. [ laughter and applause ] well, well, well, look who we have here. We have a great show. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh [ cheers and applause ] woo steve hey jimmy we have a fun show tonight. This guy is one of the alltime greatest. Oh, hes doing his first standup tour in nine years called the total blackout tour. The one, the only, chris rock is here tonight steve oh [ cheers and applause ] woah funny dude. Jimmy unbelievable. Hes not coming out here now. No, sorry. [ laughter ] people stood up, they thought chris was no, he will come out here, yeah. Steve yeah, weve got some stuff to do. Jimmy not here yeah, what a great crowd. Wow, they love him. [ cheers and applause ] quick story. I dont even know if we even have time for this. And this whole thing will probably be edited out. But years ago, id say 98, i got to see chris rock did the best standup show ive ever seen in my lifetime. And i got to go with a friend that knew chris. And i saw him at the universal amphitheater. And man, oh man, it was the greatest show. I was sore from laughing. It was like i did crunches for like two hours. [ laughter ] it was the funniest thing ever. Ive never seen this happen. He got four or five Standing Ovations during his set. Which never happens. Its insane. You hope to have one standing ovation on the way out. [ laughter ] he just crushed it. He was so good. I got to meet him backstage. I was nervous to meet him, you know, cause hes it was just fantastic. And then he took me and my friend and a couple of his buddies i think Garry Shandling was with us to kate mantilinis, which i dont even know if its open anymore. And he treated us to dinner. I could never afford kate mantilinis. At the time i was living off ramen noodle soup. [ laughter ] and i was like, sure. Ill get the i think i ordered the ramen. [ laughter ] and he goes, ill treat. I just will never forget that, cause i was just a young comedian. And he was being a cool guy. I just love him. And anytime he comes out with anything guys, if he is close to your town, go see chris rock live. [ cheers and applause ] you will talk about it like im talking about it years later. Hes that good. [ applause ] plus, hes one of the busiest guys in tv, our pal, andy cohen is stopping by [ cheers and applause ] steve come on jimmy hes rebooting Love Connection. Steve what . Jimmy i cannot wait for that. Im very excited. And then, weve got great music. Phoenix is here tonight, guys [ cheers and applause ] ti amo hey guys, it is time to take a a look at the stories making headlines today, and weigh the good with the bad. Its time for pros and cons. Here we go. Pros and cons and pros and cons and pros [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight well be taking a look at the pros and cons of donald trump returning to new york city. [ audience groans ] can tell the crowds excited. Hell be back in town this thursday. Its his first trip back to the city since becoming president. So now lets take a look at the pros and cons of donald trump returning to new york city. Here we go. Pro, trump can visit his Favorite Places in new york. Con [ as trump ] wall street and chinatown. [ laughter ] chinatown. [ laughter ] pro, trump buying a shirt that says i heart new york. Con, mike pence buying a shirt that says, i heart my wife and like new york as a friend. [ laughter and applause ] thats a catchy slogan. Thats catchy. Steve fits on the back. Jimmy pro, seeing donald trump climb aboard the u. S. S. Intrepid. Con, then seeing new yorkers untie the rope and push it towards new jersey. [ laughter and applause ] hes your problem now au revoir steve say hi to Chris Christie [ laughter ] jimmy pro, going to koreatown. Con, starting a war with north koreatown. [ laughter and applause ] thats a tricky situation. Steve id be honored. Jimmy pro, itll cost the nypd over 300,000 in extra Security Forces to control crowds. Con, or they could do it for free with two United Airline workers. I mean [ cheers and applause ] get over here come here pro, hell be here for cinco de mayo. Con, betsy devos thinks thats spanish for, sink full of mayonnaise. Well, thats [ laughter and applause ] not quite, not quite. Steve almost. [ laughter ] its hellmanns. Jimmy pro, trump giving his wife melania a long, heartfelt goodbye as he leaves for his big trip to the city, telling her hell miss her and vowing to return as soon as he possibly can. Con, melania replying, k thanks, bye [ laughter and applause ] i know, i know, i know. I know. Were good. [ laughter ] au revoir steve say hi to Chris Christie [ laughter ] jimmy dont have to speak so fast, we can hear you. Take your time. Steve dont yell. Jimmy and finally, pro, new york is hosting President Trump. Con, in other words, the big apple is hosting the big orange. [ laughter and applause ] there you go, thats the pros and cons [ cheers and applause ] well be pack with chris rock come on back [ cheers and applause ] deartheres no other way to say this. Its over. Ive found a permanent escape from monotony. Together, we are perfectly balanced. Our senses awake. Our hearts racing as one. I know this is sudden, but they say. If you love something set it free. See you around, giulia grooves in your sandwich . Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Chips made with 100 real cheese. Dang right its a chip [ ] bmilk and fresh cream,a. 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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest this evening is a brilliant comedian in the middle of his total blackout standup tour all over north america. It is his first tour in nine years. Go check him out. Or see him right now. Please welcome chris rock [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my goodness whoa jimmy my goodness. Whoa jimmy thats what happens when chris rock comes out. There you go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy new york city wow jimmy new york city loves chris rock. They stood up. You would have thought i had a a stroke last year or something. I thought he had a stroke. Doesnt he look good . He just had a stroke. [ light laughter ] jimmy chris rock is here. What the hell was you playing . Questlove naw man. You always complain about your song. No, no. Normally its a song with rock in the title. So its king of rock, or rocking it. Questlove i was ran out of rock songs. It was blackout by redman and method man. Oh, okay. Too much, man. Jimmy too deep. That was some deep stuff. Theres white people here [ laughter ] jimmy thats a damn redman song. You got to entertain the white people. [ light laughter ] jimmy redman. Yeah, i love redman. I guess you dont want to be here that long. [ laughter ] you know . You know, theres nine commodores that need a job. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy nine commodores. Im just saying. Jimmy nine commodores. Theres nine commodores. Like, what are we going to do . And theyll play a bruno mars song in a minute. [ laughter ] it aint too hip for them. Play the hits. Jimmy you and quest you and quest know each other but you yeah, we go way back. Jimmy were you at the were you at the white house final party at the white house . Yes. I was at the white everybody was there. It was like it was whoa, the last party at the white house cause have you been to the white house . Jimmy yeah. Its amazing. You walk in, and you see these humongous portraits of the president s, everywhere you go, right . Jimmy yeah. So im there, and its me, and then amir is there, and jayz, beyonce, oprah. It was like i died and went to black heaven, right . [ laughter ] so were all in jimmy d. C. Yeah, it was unbelievable it was a few white people there, too. You know . Couple you know, kid rock or somebody. Anyway somebody, katy couric. And [ laughter ] there was a couple. There was a couple. You know, theres a lot more now, ill tell you that. And [ laughter ] so theres a lot more now. Jimmy yeah. And they had entertain you know, you were sitting around, youre meeting people, and you mingle. First you mingle. And at one point im its me and Michelle Obama, just talking. Im not really supposed to be alone with Michelle Obama. [ light laughter ] thats not really my lane. I dont know how to talk politics. And you know, Michelle Obama is like, i dont know what were going to do, the country, and were talking about elections and stuff. I dont know i dont know whats going to happen. This is such a crazy time. And i go, youll be all right. [ laughter ] i literally said that i said that to michelle i said youll be all right. Jimmy to the first lady. And then i said, you know, you get any kind of job you want, i mean the view, the housewives of atlanta. And she goes and Michelle Obama looks at me and was like, i was talking about the country. [ laughter ] i wasnt talking about me. Jimmy the house wives of atlanta. I was talking about the country. And i never felt so stupid in my life. Its like my ged flared up, you know . [ laughter ] and she gives me a look like, who let this [ bleep ] in my house . [ laughter ] and she didnt say that. But thats what the look was like. And then she goes, oprah, ive got to talk to you. And she runs she runs away from me. And then im feeling dumb. Im like, okay, i got to find some people thats dumb as me. Like ive got to find ive got to find my intelligence. Im like, okay where the athletes at, right . [ laughter ] where are the athletes. Then i see Charles Barkley, im like ahh my [ bleep ] whats up . Right . [ laughter and applause ] so i see Charles Barkley. We talked for a minute, right . And then, they they ring a a bell and youve got to go watch the entertainment, right . So it was me, Charles Barkley and jayz going in this room and watch the entertainment. First, it was it was herbie hancock. He was amazing. Like bom bom bom bom bom bom bom then Stevie Wonder like kind of snatches the mic from herbie hancock, right . And starts playing his stuff like and put some extra blind in it. You know what i mean . [ laughter ] put some like put some [ laughter ] you know what i mean . So stevie you know, stevie stevies been in the white house more than most president s. So when he act like he dont know where hes going, hes lying, right . [ laughter ] hes been there for like nine president s, all right . So stevies playing, and me and jayz get sad because we realize were never going to play the white house, you know . I mean, like hes never going to be, like, [ bleep ], whats my mother [ bleep ] . Thats never going to happen. You know . Jimmy i dont see that. Thats not going to happen. Not with one were only on the first black president. Jimmy thats right. You know black president 12 there might be a wutang reunion. But not [ laughter ] not. Jimmy but not now. Not now. Not going to happen. Not while were in the Single Digits of black president s, right . Then, the party started. And quest starts playing music. And its amazing. And were dancing. A bunch of black people dancing our asses off. Just amazing. In this place in a place that slaves made, okay . In a house that slaves black people enjoying the white house, man. Just amazing. Sasha, malia, and obama saying goodbye to people and everything. And as im walking out the white house, i look up on the wall, and i see a picture of George Washington with a bloody tear coming out of his eye. [ laughter ] and that was pretty much jimmy thats pretty much the party at the white house. Thats pretty much it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy chris rock, go see him on tour oh, my gosh. Well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ouch new bandaid® brand skinflex™, bandages. Our best bandage yet it dries almost instantly. Better . Yeah. Good thing because stopping never crosses your mind. Bandaid® brand. Stick with it™ officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. Woo hoo over you to you tom things have gone totally around the bend. Has the world gone completely bold . New doritos mix. Four snacks in one. This is how many people were born here. This many are fifth generation. This is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee. He keeps the town dry. Theyd prefer it a little wet. This many are proud of what we make here. This is how many will go around bragging about it. This is our town. If you cant get here, just look for one of our postcards. We send them all over. They look like this. Dont miss the 1 movie in the world. Er. [ music playing ] ha. Ha. [ pop ] [ sigh ] despicable me 3. Rated pg. Now playing. Ow no no whats going o