Its one more night of politics, tonight from philadelphia, the home of rocky balboa and cream cheese, the Season Finale of the Democratic National convention. The big question tonight, would Hillary Clinton accept the nomination or would america go home crying in a limousine in the most dramatic president ial nomination yet . [ laughter ] and she accepted the nomination. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy w night. Were either going to have our first female president , or first president who sold a line of steaks at the sharper image. Remember that . By the way, i just want to say, after the two weeks of all this every night, im pretty sure Everybody Knows who theyre voting for. So why dont we save a lot of time and vote now. I mean, really, were going to sit around and wait for the ones who havent decided yet . I thought this was a nice touch. Of the conventional end of convention balloon drop, bill clinton personally climbed to the top of the rafters and released all the old condoms he had hidden [ laughter and applause ] last night, president obama gave mrs. Clinton a powerful endorsement at the end of which, she joined him on stage for an embrace that was about as awkward as when the groom dances with his motherinlaw at a wedding. You know, Hillary Clintons secret Service Code Name is evergreen. Bill clintons is eagle. Donald trumps code name is mogul. It is. And the secret Service Code Name for melania was just revealed. Its muse. She wanted to be called moose, but they couldnt understand what she was saying. [ laughter ] mike pences code name is hoosier. I tell you something. This is when im especially sad donald trump didnt pick Chris Christie to be his running mate, because theres no way his code name wouldnt be hilarious no [ laughter and applause ] by the way if youre going to announce someones code name, why give them a code name . Hillarys choice for running mate, virginia senator tim kaine gave a speech last night, where he revealed that not only does he habla espanol, he does an impression of donald trump. Hes got a way of saying the same two words every time he promises. Believe me. Its gonna be great, believe me. Were going to build a wall and make mexico pay for it, believe me. Were going to destroy isis so fast, believe me. Theres nothing suspicious in my tax returns, believe me. Jimmy she believes him. He did such a convincing trump that tim kaine is now leading Hillary Clinton by 3 . [ laughter ] since the candidates are now doing impressions, we decided to do the same. We went to the dnc this week, we went to the rnc last week, with sock puppets of Hillary Clinton and donald trump. We handed the clinton puppet to republicans and the trump puppets to democrats and let the impersonations fly. Can you do an impression of donald trump talking about Hillary Clinton . Hillary clinton is hillary. Hillary needs to learn that law and order law and order is where this country needs to go. Give me an impression of Hillary Clinton. La la la la la la la la. If the mouth is moving, she must be lying. What do you mean i have emails on my private server . No, theyre all deleted. Well, first, were going to build a real big wall, and then were going to make them pay for it. And satan, and god will win every time. And, mr. Trump . Well, i i am better than god. Do you write speeches for him . Why do you expect the American People will believe what you are saying when you have done so many things that have hurt us and that we will get no relief let her talk a little. With the world you have left well, i think that i have done everything right. I have given hey, youre a white guy. Hey, youre an older person. Hey, youre a republican. What do i have in common with you . Why would i talk to you . Ask her out on a date, she likes you. I would say no, he cannot make America Great again. And what do he mean about making what would you say to that . You misunderstood me. I said im going to make america hate again. I agree with that. Compliment her hat. Hilla hillary. Compliment her hat. Say something about her hat. No. Ill give you something. What will you give me . Free schooling. Free anything. Its a pretty good hillary. Thank you. This is my first time. Would you like five or ten minutes alone with that . I dont. What would you like to say to Hillary Clinton . Drop dead. No, im serious. Do me a favor, drink this bottle of water and have her sing Yankee Doodle dandy. I dont think thats going to happen. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy if the puppets cant bring us together, were in a lot of trouble. Donald trump is having a bumpy week. Theres a big investigation today from buzzfeed that shows trumps private club, maralago and the golf club he owns filed foreign workers, including housekeepers, servers and cooks, to come into the u. S. To work for him. Which is crazy. Because its very unlike him to say one thing and do the other. [ laughter and applause ] he wants to build a wall and bring in foreign workers. Its like hes playing a game of tick tack toe against himself. Or maybe this is a telemundo prank show. We sent a bunch of workers to the united states, wait until they find out who their new boss is trump also claimed that he was joking when he said he hoped russia would be able to find Hillary Clintons emails he said he was joking, being sarcastic. But hacking, especially from countries that arent our friends, is no joke. And on that thought, please welcome the troompaloompas, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] . Troompaloompa doompety doo . . Ive got another puzzle for you . . If you are wise . . Youll listen to me . . What kind of nut asks russians to hack . . Rashly inviting a cyber attack . . You should think twice what you ask them to do . . Someday the russians might hurt you . . It might take your tax returns . . Troompaloompa doompety doo . . You will live in happiness too . Doompety do . . . I must break you . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, troompaloompas. He imported them too. We have to take a break. When we come back, that loser matt damon was on jimmy fallon last night, attacking me. Well talk about that, and this too. So stick around, well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] . Introducing tmobiles most epic deal ever get a free Samsung Galaxy for everyone in the family. 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And our Adult Children are being savvy with rent, we tried the bargain detergent, but we had to use twice as much. So we switched to tide now, we get three generations of clothes cleaned in one wash. Has anybody seen my pants . I found em ellen put those on, dad lasts up to two times longer tide, number one rated. The new chicken mcnuggets look fantastic made with 100 white meat chicken, no artificial preservatives, flavors and colors, it just might convince the judges here today. crowd cheers and theyve done it the new chicken mcnuggets rightfully claim their gold this is the best day excuse me. I think theres a misprint. Oh. Model year end clarence event. Looks right to me. Shouldnt it be clear clearly. It is time to get a great deal and a reward card on this turbocharged jetta. Gotta make room for the 2017 models. It is a clarence event. Why is that so hard for people to understand . It seems clar to me. Clear to me. Ready for a test drive . Whatever you want to call it, dont miss the volkswagen model year end event. Hurry in for and 0 apr on a new 2016 jetta. And here we have 1893, from the makers of pepsi cola. Im gonna smell it. Im just gonna take one small sip. Kinda seemed like more than a sip. [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy sitting in with the cletones. Welcome back to the show. Greg kinnear is on the way. I dont want to ruin the mood, but im beside myself with rage. Can you see how much im shaking . Look at this. Look at my hand. Im very angry, because matt damon do you know who that is . Anyway, he has matt damon has a new jason bourne movie coming out tomorrow. I have no plans to see it. I dont know anybody that wants to see it, but hes going around trying to convince people to waste money on it. This is what happened last night when he was on the tonight show. Ive seen you on talk shows. Youve been on jimmy kimmel, ive seen that. No, no, i havent. I havent. Maybe one day. You called me, one invite, boom, here, made it on the show. Thats how you host a tv show. Thats gonna hurt his feelings. Jimmy oh, really . Thats how you host a talk show . [ cheers and applause ] well, then i have some very bad news for you, matt. Youre not getting on the show tonight again either. [ cheers and applause ] thats right, youre not on the show again tonight. Sorry, dummy, we cant hear anything youre saying. You can sit there all night long for all i care. Siamese twins with that guy for a whole movie. [ laughter ] anyway, back to the convention. Snoop dogg is in philadelphia right now. Hes hosting what they call a unity party. It is easy to be united when everyone is high, i will say that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but snoop is not your average popstar. He snoop has his mind on his money and his money on his mind. But he also has a deep interest in learning. So tonight, we challenged him to guess what product is being made. We showed him video from a factory. Well, the rest explains itself in the inaugural edition of howz it mizzade. What up, this is big snoop dogg, trying to get how this [ bleep ]s made. Let me see what they making right here. Oh, thats cereal. Thats cream of wheat. Wait a minute, maybe sheep hair. Ooh, what is that, boo boo . Cookie dough. Manure. Chocolate. That look like a malt. Chocolate malt. Damn. What is it . Oh, beef jerky . Hotdogs . This is a hotdog . Oh, man, i aint never eating no [ bleep ] hot dog, ew [ laughter and applause ] every time i see my kid with a hotdog, im knocking that [ bleep ] out of his hands. If thats how they make hotdogs, i dont want one of them. That was oh, kuz. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy one more thing before we forge ahead to this thursday night, which means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. Whether they need it or not, it is this week in unnecessary censorship. I want to start off by tonight i ask you to do for Hillary Clinton, what you did for me. I ask you to [ bleep ] her, the same way you [ bleep ] me. I wanted to [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]. I still see the donald trump who likes to [ bleep ] people in the [ bleep ] when he feels it. Pat lewis, are you [ bleep ] in your britches this morning . One, two, three, [ bleep ] you. Dont let anyone ever tell you that this [ bleep ] isnt great. I think its an all hands on [ bleep ] big time. Im a new yorker and i know a [ bleep ] when i see one. The dirty [ bleep ] you know is better than the dirty [ bleep ] you dont know. Sometimes a jockey needs a [ bleep ] horse. It isnt always pleasant to watch, but it gets results. Ooh, he likes it when you roll him over and ride on his [ bleep ]. Show of hands, who likes small [ bleep ] . Shes a natural leader. Shes a good organizer and shes the best darn [ bleep ] i ever met in my entire life. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy we have a good show for you tonight. Weve got Joe Bonamassa sitting in with the cletones, comedian dino archie is here, from the Ufc Dana White is here, and well be right back with greg kinnear. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] . Uide the surface pro 4 is the most powerful computer ive ever used everything that i do is really fast, and this is the best tool for running my business. Crabfest is on at red lobster so come dive into dishes like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. Or try crab lovers dream with tender snow and king crab legs. Love crab . New schick h versus a lube strip. A hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40 less friction. Its designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Sorry, lube strip. Schick hydro . . Jimmy the great Joe Bonamassa sitting in the with the cletones on guitar. Wheres joes album . This giant square that i couldnt find is called blues of desperation. Theyre saying its the feelgood album of the summer. So pick that up. Joe will be here all night. And the multi millionaire, p promoting ufc 201 saturday, dana white is with us tonight. And this is his cd, its called choosy lover, dino archie is here with us. Lot of guests and ill name them noun, chris pine, salma hayek, hugh grant, morgan freeman, jojo the bachelorette, whoever she did or didnt pick. Funny if she comes alone. Mark consuelos, nikki glaser, steve martorano, and we will have music from kelsea ballerini, grouplove, miranda lambert, and young the giant. Please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a multitalented fellow who has oscar and golden globe drawer and an emmy welded to the hood of his car. His new drama, little men, opens in theaters a week from tomorrow. Please welcome greg kinnear. . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i like your facial hair. Is this your own hair or hair that belongs to a character you are playing . Matt damons backstage and hes pissed, okay . Try owl your jokes out right now because hes coming out here. Hes rocking up dana white back stage. Hes serious. Jimmy im glad hes not crazy glued to you, that must have been the worst weeks of your whole life. Matt and i did a movie called stuck on you, it was during that phase when they were making [ laughter ] jimmy i wonder if that will come back around. Yeah, well, its a cyclical cycle. And it was brought to my attention the other day, that the person who separated us was dr. Ben carson. No kidding. Thats absolutely true. Jimmy dr. Ben carson. Yeah, at that time, we didnt know how interesting he was. We just thought he was a genius. Listen, hes the only actor ive ever worked with who was able to give me an ekg after the scene was over, but, yeah jimmy thats really crazy. Have you been working all summer . Ive been editing a movie. I directed a film at the end of last year. Jimmy oh, whats the title . Have you settled on one yet . It is an untitled project. Jimmy you should give it a title. You really need to. Yeah. I know. Jimmy whats the hold up . Maybe we can figure it out tonight with the audience. [ cheers and applause ] a depressed dentist in the portland area. Jimmy depressed dentist in portland. Who is basically meets a man who has everything who ends up taking his own life by suicide. So hes trying to save his life by finding out an unraveling mystery as to why this guy did that, and in the course of this, becomes a greek plumber. Jimmy i have the title. Drilling deep. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy right . Its not a porn film. [ laughter ] jimmy well, well come up with it later, then, i guess. Talk backstage. Jimmy yeah. Everythings with your family how many kids do you have now . I have three daughters. Jimmy three daughters. Do they go to camp at this time of year . You know what, they dont go to camp. My wifes from england, and this is an ongoing debate. Its not as much a part of the culture. Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy i didnt know that. Yeah. Jimmy huh. Yeah. I didnt either. So id like them to go to camp. But i had kind of a bad experience. I truthfully did have a very bad it wasnt bad for me, but there was a somewhat jimmy can you tell us what happened . I cant tell you. Jimmy you cannot tell us, okay. [ audience booing ] jimmy eh, come on. I was im from the midwest, from indiana. Jimmy no, we dont allow them in. Go ahead. [ laughter ] this concludes the interview, ladies and gentlemen. I actually was at this camp as a kid. And there was a there was a gentleman, you know, it was standard camp. Did you go to camp as a kid . Jimmy i didnt, no. My parents dropped us off at a schoolyard and paid 25 cents. There was a tether ball pole with a deflated tether ball at the end of it. Okay. Well. This wasnt drastically different. Jimmy really. Other than you would spend the night there. You would go for a week or two weeks. I went there. I was dropped off at the Station Wagon by my parents. Got situated, went with a few friends. Had a cabin. There was a kid in the cabin who was somewhat of a troubled kid. He was a pain in the ass, really. He was upsetting the cool Camp Counselor guy. So you had that dynamic. Jimmy what was his name, the troubled kid . Dougie. Little dougie. I do remember that. I dont know why it stuck with me. So this kid is nagging on this counsellor for a long period of time, and eventually i can tell that theyre getting theres a tension building. And one day, we were doing archery, which for some reason, i dont know why archery is the de facto, goto sport for camp. The counsellor, nash, cool guy, 18, got the brillo haircut. Hes like taking care of us. Hes like, has anybody seen dougie . And nobodys seen dougie for a while. And he is just m. I. A. On this particular day. So were shooting our bows and arrows and over the meadow, quite a ways away, suddenly a sesame seed of a kid walks up and hes shouting at the counselor, antagonizing him. Hes a jerk, hes wearing the wrong outfit. And the counselor in a moment of ill never forget, he didnt do it to didnt think he was going to hurt the kid, but he did take his bow and arrow, and he shot it in the direction of this sesame seed thats approaching us. And all ten of the little kids in this camp suddenly stop and im looking up, thinking, thats got some pretty good height on it. And you can see this arrow moving, moving across the sky. And su