An average moment the next is the rim. singing one average moment laughter one average moment hey, come on guys. Im not wearing a cup. laughter its the late show with Stephen Colbert with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Esposito and joey bada , jon batiste and bannestay human. From the ed sullivan theater, its the late show with Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome thanks, everybody welcome to the late show. Im so glad youre here. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause i just want to start out by saying congratulations to the universityov South CarolinaWomens Basketball team, who last night won the national championship. Good for you, gav give it up foe female gamecocks, everybody cheers and applause im so proud of the female gamecocks, or as i hope no one calls them, the lady cocks cause i googled it and those were not basketball players. laughter jon hey, hey, hey stephen i will say, there was some impressive ball handling. laughter applause thank you very much. Thank you very much. Now, where were we . Oh, we taped this show at 5 30, so we dont know who won the mens championship. As a celebrity, i dont find out until 7 30. But still i would like to offer my congratulations. So great job, team name here. laughter you earned it you wanted it cheers and applause truly a cinderella or totally expected story. laughter super dramatic game tonight. Wish i would have seen it. Theres drama brewing in washington because the senate is about to vote on nominee and banker getting stoned for the first time on vacation, neil gorsuch. But democrats arent going to let gorsuch get confirmed without a fight. Sure, its a fight theyre going to lose but those are the kinds of fights democrats love. cheers and applause yeah im not sure if you know what you were clapping for just then. When you get home tonight, watch the joke. Im not sure you know what i said. Today, Senate Democrats announced they have enough votes to filibuster gorsuchs nomination. If they do, the republicans have threatened to use whats called the Nuclear Option. Which would upset donald trump, because he wants to be the first to use the Nuclear Option laughter possibly against north korea or maybe jake tapper. So this is going to answer a lot of questions, like are the democrats going to filibuster . Will republicans go nuclear . And will gorsuch go with one of those ginsburg neck doilies . laughter really nice. Soaks up the gravy when you eat barbecue. I would eat a lot of barbeque if i was on the bench. laughter some are saying there shouldnt be any vote on a Trump Nominee until we find out if trump colluded with the russkies. Now, we thought we knew everything russia did to help trump hacked the dnc, gave that material to wikileaks, smuggled dolls into our country inside larger dolls. Diabolical. laughter diabolical. Turns out, the most effective thing they did was change Public Opinion through social media because Senate Hearings revealed that russia hired 1,000 people to create anticlinton fake news in key states during the election. And when i say fake news, this is real fake news, not fake fake news that is real news that donald trump just doesnt like. cheers and applause piano riff there is a difference. See, the russians have an Internet Troll operation that created fake news stories, then spread those stories using a network of hijacked pcs in order to fool users into believing misinformation by artificially increasing shares and retweets. Because if enough people Say Something is popular, i might trust that its good. Its like how if one person tells me transformers is a good movie, i might not see it, but if everyone on facebook is raving about it, ill go. And by the time i realize i was lied to, megatron is president. laughter applause do not vote for the deseptacon. Jon oh, i wouldnt. Stephen and according to one former f. B. I. Agent, the russians realized trump himself is really susceptible to fake news. So these russian government trolls tweet at President Trump during high volumes when they know hes online, and they push conspiracy theories. Thats almost as devious as when putin put on a blond wig and guest hosted fox and friends. laughter yeah. Jon i remember that story. I liked that. I dont know who that is but i like her laughter plus, theres big news from National Security advisor and dad who told you not to touch his model airplanes because theyre not toys, Michael Flynn. On thursday, flynn offered to testify before congress in exchange for immunity from prosecution. This looks bad for trump. Not as bad as making mike flynn National Security advisor but, still, pretty bad. cause the question is what does he know about donald trump . And how could it be any worse than what we know about donald trump . And i think the pressure is starting to get to trump because here he is at the beginning of an executive order signing ceremony. Its friday. Youre going to see some very, very strong results, very, very quickly. Thank you very much. Mr. President , today with your tweet, were you trying to tell the Justice Department to grant immunity to Michael Flynn . Were you trying to do that, mr. President . Was that your intention, mr. President , sir . Was that your intention mr. President . Was that your intention, sir . laughter so he didnt sign them . He did not sign them. He didnt sign them, right . Stephen he forgot to sign the executive orders at the executive order signing applause oh he forgot to sign the executive orders at the executive order signing thats why youre there its like going out to dinner and ordering just the check. Jon i aint worried about the food. Stephen but its been a busy few weeks for the president. Every day, he gets to work, rolls up his sleeves and gives a new job to jared kushner. laughter so far, kushner is in charge of brokering mideast peace, negotiating the wall with mexico, tackling americas opioid epidemic, fixing the department of veterans affairs, handling diplomacy with china, and dyeing the eggs for the white house easter egg hunt. laughter im worried this might be too much for one guy. Jon he has a lot. Stephen he might need some help. You know, a backup soninlaw. So, tiffany, no pressure, but tictock. And this weekend, Jared Kushners todo list got even longer, when he made a surprise visit to iraq. He wanted to go somewhere with less sectarian violence than the white house. laughter kushner had to make the trip because the state department is a mess. They havent even hired a spokesperson yet, so the state department has had to cancel their daily press briefings, which have been a fixture since the eisenhower administration. audience reacts of course, back then the spokesman was howdy doody. laughter they do have some people working for them because, on friday, the white house made public the Financial Disclosure forms of about 180 staffers. Want to guess which white house staffers Financial Disclosures were not included . Ill give you a hint hes the fatherinlaw of the most important man in government. The documents revealed that trump adviser omarosa received a 25,000 Wedding Dress for appearing on the tlc show say yes to the dress. No word yet on the money sean spicer had to report for his appearance on toddlers and tiaras. laughter piano riff a crowd pleaser. The disclosures also show that spicer owns several rental properties. And you think your landlord is a liar. laughter hey, sean, our water heater is broken. No its not, and, frankly, its appalling that you would even question the temperature of the water. The water has been outstanding. It is the hottest water in the history of this country. Period. laughter applause stop shaking your head. Stop shaking your head. A judge just ruled trump can be sued for inciting violence against protesters at a Campaign Rally. cheers and applause although, im really more upset that he incited voting. laughter the case centers on a Campaign Rally in kentucky, when protestors were thrown out after trump yelled this get em out, get em out get em out. Get outta here. Get out get out. Get em outta here. Get em the hell out. Get him out. Get out get out. Get out get em outta here oh, get outta here. Get outta here. Get out out out out stephen it sounds bad though it is possible he was just describing his immigration plan. Get out get out get out applause piano riff well, after the rally, the protestors filed a lawsuit claiming that trump encouraged violence and that they were the targets of racial and sexist slurs. Or, as trump calls them, campaign promises. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight Jason Sudeikis is here and ill do a special bonus performance with green day. Stick around. cheers and applause band playing when youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. Before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. Taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. Or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. Inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. Including worsening of symptoms. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Nows your chance at completely clear skin. Just ask your doctor about taltz. Hey, leggo my eggo. Nows your chance at completely clear skin. I dont see your name on it. Really . Ba bam know the rules. Keep your eggo. Leggo my eggo. Okay. A car that can seeltima. What you cant. And the new 2017 nissan rogue. A car that could help stop for you. Take on the unexpected. Nissan rogue and altima, with available intelligent safety shield technologies. Pg e was convicted of six felony charges including five violations of the u. S. Pipeline safety act and obstructing an ntsb investigation. Pg e was fined, placed under an outside monitor, given five years of probation, and required to perform 10,000 hours of community service. We are deeply sorry. We failed our customers in san bruno. While an apology alone will never be enough, actions can make pg e safer. And thats why weve replaced hundreds of miles of gas pipeline, adopted new Leak Detection technology that is onethousand times more sensitive, and built a stateoftheart gas operations center. We can never forget what happened in san bruno. Thats why were working every day to make pg e the safest Energy Company in the nation. Stephen welcome back, everybody cheers and applause band playing give it up for jon batiste and stay human right over there cheers and applause jon, you excited about tonight . Jon yeah. Stephen these people watching at home dont realize theyre in for a huge treat because you and i and green day jon thats right. Stephen played a special song two weeks ago when they were here. We did good riddance, time of your life. Well do a special performance of that later in the show. applause now my first guest is making his sophomore appearance on the late show. His career stats include horrible bosses, hall pass and saturday night live. Please welcome, from overland park, kansas, Jason Sudeikis cheers and applause band playing stephen there it is. The big man. Thats a good feeling. Stephen the big man from downtown. Thats a good feeling. Stephen you showed admirable hustle out there. Obviously, were taping at 5 30 tonight and dont know who won the national championship. Not really. Stephen no, we dont likely know. Anything you want to say about the team who won before knowing who snifts. I mean, just greatly job. Great job. laughter stephen heart. They had heart. They didnt let their brains get in the way. laughter stephen no, no they did not. I think its odd for us grownups to guess what a bunch of teenage boys are going to do for a half hour before they do it, then they do it for 40 minutes, and then for another half hour were saying why didnt they do what we wanted thethoughtthey were going to do . Stephen you think about teenage boys a lot. laughter i think about a 3yearold boy a lot right now. Stephen oh, youve got a 3yearold no, why . laughter im sorry for the northwestern what do they call them . Wildcats . Stephen the victors purple cats purple and grey. Stephen why would you think to have the jay hawk. Depends on the sign. Stephen how big do they get . If you feed them well, nine, ten feet. Stephen sort of that steve rogers Super Soldier some of that good stuff. That and the ice cream. Stephen what were you going to say about Jennifer Esposito. Why do you let her steal your thunder about a western grab. Stephen what about him . H hes a walkon. Stephen youre a bad person. Are you kidding me . Shes the all time greatest. I have no beef with her. He could probably as walkon in northwestern kick your as. Stephen even after all that hustle out there. Absolutely mix best guest. The best guest is to lather up, make the floor sweaty and make it difficult for him to keep his footing on. Thats my only strategy. Stephen lets get back to your 3yearold. Please. I should be back there now. Stephen you should. Yeah. Stephen people are obsessed with you and your lovely wife olivia wilde. cheering you guys seem really cool, and youre funny and one of you is so attractive yeah, yeah. Will have laughter stephen youre a funny guy and a reasonably good looking man, but shes a different species. Its a different thing. Bone structure, eye color, literally just about everything. I would say mypeepenis is bette. Ill go on record saying that. Stephen ill bet you five bucks. Ill give you five bucks youre wrong stephen i bet youre tied. At best were tied. She would win because look at everything else. Stephen im left with what you give me. True. Stephen how did you meet here . How did you, no offense, schmo and get her . Nice thing about working at saturday night live people show up and get if your circle. I hit her at a party for snl. We hit it off that night. We sort of reconvened or, you know, reintroduced ourselves later in the fall. Stephen reconvened. Lets reconvene. Stephen why dont we table this relationship. Cant do late spring, summers a mess, what about fall. Yeah, so the universe had more planned for us in the fall. I actually came off looking a lot cooler than i really am because i heard through the grapevine, mutual friends, one of her good girlfriends who would report back said i think shes dating somewhere so i didnt make any moves. Stephen is that the trick, show no interest . laughter no, just dont i think so. You hear that sometimes. But all i did was i was just very, very busy with other things and next thing you know, when i stopped being busy, she stopped dating someone, and then it was off to the races. Stephen the trick is to seem busy. Oh, sure. In this day and age, i would say, yes. Just fill up your icalendar with gobbledy gook, doesnt matter. If she gets specific, then youre dealing with a different animal. Olivia is not as nosey in that regard. Then just be, like, you know what . Ill just get rid of it. Yeah, lets go out. Then, yeah. Stephen oh, so looks like youre clearing your schedule for her. Yeah, so youre not lying. Stephen you are lying. Little bit. laughter stephen okay. We can stephen the trick is lying. I let the cat out of the bag. Thats all right. Stephen you got the new film colossal. I did. Stephen with the lovely and talented Anne Hathaway. I did. Stephen we set up a clip. That would be television. A couple of pros, i guess, make it look easy. I had a hard time explaining. I had to explain three or four minutes, what are you up to . And i asked the director, nacho is his name. Stephen nacho . Yeah. Nacho vigalando. Stephen sounds like you just made up a racist nickname for him. laughter really . Its in my icalendar, i can show you, its real. laughter i asked, how do you explain this to people . And he goes and i do a horrible nacho accent laughter stephen its called spanish, but go ahead. But not too specific. Hes just, oh, i just tell the people its a movie about a woman who goes home she drinks and every time she drinks a monster attacks seoul, south korea. So i start telling people that and i say the woman is played by Anne Hathaway and people say, oh, youre bleep nuts. Stephen so shes associated with the monster. A little bit. You dont find out how but you find out that. Stephen jim, try to clear things up here. Yeah, here we go. Holy bleep . Its back. You see it . You there . A giant monster, yeah. Holy bleep youve got to see this whats it doing . Its dancing. Like holy bleep . It stopped. laughter bleep cheers and applause stephen this isnt a metaphor that women are monsters that destroy things, is it . Well, thats the thing about art, you can watch what you see you can need what you need to see into it to make things easier for you. When i look at it i just think its a great looking guy in a jean jacket. Stephen thats true. Also myself. Stephen listen, youre from kansas city and you guys are known for your barbecue and you love your hometowns barbecue. Yes. Stephen im from South Carolina, home of the championship gamecocks, and i love my states barbecue and i understand my state is better than yours but you probably feel differently than that. Markedly so. Stephen so we went to the trouble im talking about a city, youre talking about an entire state. But here we go, this is fair. All right. Stephen i went to the trouble of getting some of my home states barbecue right here. Thats pulled pork. A lot of great b