So now that were all good, im going to take a moment to enjoy canadas beer in the most canadian way possible. Thanks, ryan gosling. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes America FerraraThomas Middleditch and dave and virginia grohl. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause stephen good to see you. Ladies and gentlemen welcome, welcome, everybody be down here, up there, down there, around the world. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Well, the big news out of washington, d. C. , just this afternoon, as the white house finally released trumps tax plan. That plan . Never release trumps taxes. laughter anything . Has he released them yet . No, no. So far, all hes released is his 1040 fu. To explain the plan, trump sent out his team of working class, blue collar, former Goldman Sachs executives, gary cohn and steve mnuchin. We are going to cut taxes and simplify the tax code by taking the current seven tax brackets we have today and reducing them to only three brackets a 10 bracket, a 25 bracket, and a 35 bracket stephen oh, yeah, baby, fewer brackets. Its really going to simplify your office pool during tax madness. , of course, look at the bractses. You can tell. Its poor versus middle class, and rich versus nobody, because they win. Now, the Trump Administration has a very strong rationale for simplifying the tax code. In 1935, we had a onepage tax form consisting of 34 lines with two pages of instructions. Today, the basic 1040 form has 79 lines and 211 pages of instructions. Glsk, 1935 was the height of the great depression, so the twopage form was just page one do you have money . Yes or no. And page two was so you would have something to eat. laughter but trumps made this plan even simpler because its just one page of doublespaced bullet points with some hefty margins. Im going to say its not realluconfidence building when really confidence building when your tax reform plan is half as long as the instructions to set up a vitamix. Hey, you guys remember about trump and russia and how maybe they have incriminating information on our president and are running him like a Foreign Agent and how members of his team were caught on tape by the f. B. I. Talking to known russian operatives after promising theyd never met them . Remember that . applause well, theres more. This time, its about former National Security advisor and before picture in a laxative ad, Michael Flynn. The president fired flynn back in february because flynn lied about discussing sanctions with the Russian Ambassador before trump took office. Turns out, that was just the tip of the corruptionberg, because we learned yesterday that flynn also didnt disclose that he had been paid more than 65,000 by companies linked to russia in 2015, including a 45,000 speaking fee from the kremlincontrolled tv network, russia today. And i believe we have some footage i know, its upsetting, its upsetting. We have footage of flynns speech. Ohohohohoooo lalala thank you for your service, sir. But its not like flynn was a double agent working for russia. He was a triple agent because he was also working for turkey, which paid him more than 500,000. Look, when youre National Security advisor, youve got to disclose foreign payments. Otherwise, you end up with a situation like this general flynn, should we bomb turkey . Hold on, sir. Let me check my venmo. And id hold off. And the chairman of the House Oversight committee, jason chaffetz, had what i would describe as a flaccid condemnation of flynns actions. From what youve seen so far, do you believe that Michael Flynn broke the law . Personally, i see no information or no data to support the notion that general flynn complied with the law. Stephen i have seen no information or data to confirm that flynn comflied with the law. There it is. You cant say anything stronger than that, darling, i have done the research, and i see no evidence that im not in love with you. Therefore, the only possible conclusion i can reach is will you marry me . laughter then chaffetz burrowed over to greta van sustrens new msnbc show to clarify. All right, to shorthand this, would you say after what you reviewed today that general flynn is in a heap of trouble . Yes, yes. Clearly, uhm, you cant do this. Stephen yes, you cant do this as George Washington said to benedict arnold, no fairsies, benny you promised to be on our side. Knock it off seriously jason chaffetz, please, just grow a pair and tell us what flynn did. cheers and applause you gutless Charles Schulz rough draft. Quick aside, quick aside. Congratulations to greta on her new, show for the record. If you remember, for years, her old show on fox news was called on the record. Because for the record, she no longer believes anything she said that was on the record. I look forward to seeing her future cnn show, please erase the record. As a political outsider, its taking donald trump a little while to get a handle on how stuff works in the nations capital. But theres one piece of white house protocol that trump has mastered, because according to the associated press, with the push of a red button placed on the resolute desk. Oh, god what happens when he pushes the button . A white house butler arrives with a coke for the president. laughter applause cheers and applause thank god. I was worried there. Hes just turning the oval office into an 8yearolds drawing of a dream treehouse. Thered be a button where i get coke wherever i want, and a slide into a ball pit, and bigfoot sleeps over and he teaches me karate. cheers and applause thats nice. Good for him. Good for him. He should have some fun. The president deserves to be refreshed. The pause that refreshes a butler bringing him his coke really living the dream. I believe we have a picture of the butler. There you go. Yeah, yeah. Heres some good news. On sunday, we got some unlikely allies in the war on terror when three isis fighters were killed by wild boars. That is both shocking and not halal. laughter and kind of not fair. applause theyre wild pigs. They cant eat them back. Its not fair. Of course, its not the first time animals have helped in the war on terror. After all, Osama Bin Laden was taken out by seal team six. Huge news in the world of sport. You know i love sport, jon. I talk about sport all the time. Jon all the time. Stephen it looks like baseballs Miami Marlins are going to be sold to a group led by derek jeter and jeb bush. Or as theyre known by their celebrity couple name derek jeter. applause fits. Fits. Works. Baseball apparently very popular with republican dynasties because this is true look who just got edged out from buying the team tagg romney. I think this isnt fair. I think a guy name tagg should really own a baseball team. The same way the knicks should be owned by billionaire. Dunk hooperson. Weve got a great show for you tonight. America ferrara is here. But when we return, ive got a special message. From jesus. Stick around. Its crispety. Its crunchety. Its a oneofakind experience. Butterfinger. Theres nothing like it. Im dr. Kelsey mcneely and some day you might be calling me an energy farmer. Energy lives here. band playing cheers and applause stephen wooo welcome back, everybody. Give it up for jon batiste and the whole band right over there cheers and applause jon, jon amazing. The people at home people at home didnt hear that whole thing. But these guys just burned the room to the ground just now. Jon, you are totally in your element tonight. Please tell us why the band seems to be twice its normal size tonight. Jon because it is. Weve got preservation hall jazz band playing with us tonight stephen welcome to the show, gentlemen. Good to see you. Theyll be these fellas are going to be here all night long. Theyll be playing some songs from preservation hall jazz bands new album, so it is. So it is. Jon yes. So it is. So it will be. Stephen tow it is, so it was. So it ever shall upon opinion jon, you like ted talks . Jon i love ted talks. Stephen did you do ted talks. Jon i did. Stephen what was that about . Jon jazz, there is it is. Stephen there it is. So it is. Right now the reason i ask is the annual ted conference is happening in vancouver, and it kicked off yesterday with a surprise skyping in from none other than pope francis i think its impressive for an 80yearold to set up his own webcam. Its not like he can get help from his grandkids. Jon oh, yeah, yeah. applause stephen pope francis talked about developing a healthy relationship with technology. translation how wonderful would it be if the growth of scientific and technological innovation would come along with more equality and social inclusion. laughter stephen im sorry. I was on my phone. What were you just. I just blocking jerks who dont agree with me. And the pope used a powerful metaphor to describe how power corrupts people. translator power is like drinking gin on an empty stomach. You feel dizzy, you get drunk, you lose your balance, and you will end up hurting yourself and those around you. Stephen true. Though, he left out calling your exgrilfriend at 3 00 a. M. And buying a broken turntable on ebay. And ive just got to pause here and say, gin on an empty stomach . Thats pretty specific, your holiness. Are you filing the job pressure right now . Is this why you spend all day in your bathrobe . Of course, a lot of people were surprised that the pope decided to do this, but religious figures actually have a long history of giving ted talks. Jim . Ladies and gentlemen, i come here today as a simple carpenter who also happens to be the son of god. But i didnt get here today through nepotism. No. I got where i am today because of a few simple systems ive developed. First up, weve all been there, right . All youve got is a few loafs and a couple of fishes, right . And you have to feed a crowd of thousands. What if i told you that you can do it. Now, i know what youre think ago geez, me . No, geez, us. Right . Thank you. applause now, ordinarily, someone slaps your cheek, what do we do . We want to slap them back, right . But weve been testing a Pilot Program where you turn the other cheek. Now laughter excuse me. Just needs to get a drink of water. Or is it . cheers and applause thank you. Thank you, guys. You guys have been an amazing audience. Ill be out in the lobby signing copies of my book. Thank you so much. I love you all. cheers and applause stephen well be right back with America Ferrara. When youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. Before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. Taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. 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See your vet for more information on flea and tick protection you and your dog will love. band playing cheers and applause stephen thats springtime right there. Wow. Welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Emmy Award Winning actor who stars in superstore. Please welcome back to the show, america ferrera. applause stephen highway are you . Im good. Stephen you look good. Always nice to have you here. Its your third time on the show, i think . It is. Stephen one of these frequent cards we punch out. What do i get . Stephen a free sub, i think. Legally, all of those cards have to be paid off with a free sub. The last time you were here was in the before times. You were here in september of 2016. Yes. Stephen i dont know if youve been checking the news. Since november. But you were a big clinton supporter. You were out there on the stump. I was. cheers and applause stephen for the secretary at the time. How how have you been . How have you been dealing with reality . Uhm, well, for a while, not dealing. Stephen yeah. You have to cope the way you can. Stephen sure. I have a bar. You have a what. Stephen i have a bar in my office. laughter . And then, you know, then we had to get back to work and, you know, figure out what was next and galvanize our colleagues and our friends and our families, and figure out how are we going to protect people . cheers and applause stephen good luck. Thank you for doing that. Last time you were here, you were also you were also branching up on the in another way. Last time you were here you just finished your first triathlon. I did. Stephen now youve done your second triathlon. I did. Stephen and youre on the cover of triathlete magazine. cheers and applause yeah. Stephen which im not sure im even allowed to subscribe to, given the shame im in. What do you get out of it . What do you get out of it . Is it like is it one of those things its so greet when its over that you feel good . Like keep punching me in the face. It feels wonderful when you stop . What is it about the triathlon that draws you . It makes me week looking at this. That surprises me. I pictured myself on the cover of a lot of magazines. Triathlete magazine was not one of them. For me, its this thing ill never be great at, so it takes the pressure off. I get to just do it and have fun stephen but finishing one means youre great at it. I mean how many people have done a triathlon here. light applause youre liars. What are we talking about . How many miles swimming, biking . Swim a mile in the ocean, which is scary. Stephen with sharks and everything. Sharks arent real. Stephen sharks arent real . Not real. We get to decide whats real now. Stephen sure. laughter applause the upside. Then we ride 25 miles on the bike. I get super bored on the bike. I start singing super loud. Stephen are you allowed to have music . Youre not allowed to have music. So you have to make your own music. Stephen wow. And i start singing my beyonce real loud so i can get through it. Stephen all right. And then you run 6. 2 miles. And four weeks before this triathlon, i spraend my ankle. Stephen what . What did you do . I know. I was running and i just, like i sprained my ankle. And then i rehabbed it, not knowing if i was going to be able to do it, and i did it. cheers and applause stephen you also do you do soul cycle. I hear about that a lot. I do. Stephen is it a cult . It sounds leak a cult. People who get into it get really into it. They have to have it. It is an allornothing kind of thing. Yeah, it is kulti. Stephen what happens in there . Is it dark . Its dark. There are candles. Theres sweat and a lot of tears sometimes. Stephen that sounds like an orgy. Candles, sweat and tears. laughter hmmm. Yeah. Stephen i understand, you know, you directed an episode of superstore. I did scwhr. Stephen this season . The third is going . The third season is going. So well be back. applause . Stephen what was it like . So youre in it. Youre directing yourself. Yeah. Stephen what would actor you say to director you. What does actor you think to director you . Actor america says to director america like, calm down. Take a breath. Youre telling me too many things at once. And let me do my job. Thats what actor america says. And director america says actor america is a diva and she doesnt listen. Stephen you know, one of the things i i love about superstores myself, real super stores, is i love the announcements, kind of random announcements happening any time. When youre in there to buy your fraeptpack of paper towels. You hear a random announcement and you go, maybe ill bay buythat thing. Maybe ill go to aisle five. I didnt realize i needed that thing they talked about. And i love the old mics they use. They still use these to talk with them. And i would love right now with you, because youre an expert at this and you directed this sort of thing, if we could actually do some random announcements. Okay. Stephen that would appear in a giant box store, okay . Yeah. Stephen ill start. And well just say them into these. Okay. Stephen and these are random announcements that you might hear at a box store. Stephen colbert and mferreira. Here you go. Attention, please. We have lost a sixyearold at the desk, and a 20yearold who cant decide on a major. Attention shoppers can Randall Jenkins please make his way to the Principals Office . Also, can th