Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes olivia wilde. Eddie izzard. And misical guest nick cave and the bad seeds. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, whats going on hey, everybody thats nice. cheers and applause whats up . Welcome to the late show. Thank you so much. Have a seat. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Everyone out there im sure you know everyone is talking about americas favorite new reality tv show, so you think you can testify about russia. Todays contestant attorney general and last surviving little rascal, jeff sessions. laughter i think he was spanky. I think he was spanky, wasnt he . Jon that was spanky. Stephen anyway, as soon as sessions sat down, everyone had the same question it are you now, or have you ever hidden any pots of gold . laughter Committee Chair richard burr started by reminding us this was to be a nonpartisan affair. Im hopeful that members will focus their questions today on the russia investigation and not squander the opportunity by taking political or partisan shots. Stephen okay, no political or partisan shots. How about whiskey shots cheers and applause oh, sweet darkness, cover me. Ready to watch the senate. Sessions may be small, but hes scrappy. For instance, there have been a lot of conjecture about the Trump Campaign colluding with the russians. And sessions was a part of the campaign as the first senator to endorse trump, but he was having none of it. And the suggestion that i participated in any collusion that i was aware of, any collusion with the russian government to hurt this country which i have served with honor for 35 years or to undermine the integrity of our democratic process is an appalling and detestable lie. Stephen i say, pistols at dawn, sir pistols at dawn applause which which which is actually not a great idea since the Committee Chairman is named burr. Now at this room where it happened, session claimed to have had no contact with russian officials during trumps campaign. But we later found out he met with Russian AmbassadorSergey Kislyak twice, but hes almost completely 100 pretty sure he didnt do it a third time, maybe. I guess i could say that i possibly had a meeting, but i still do not recall it. Stephen i mean, it was a long time ago. Who can say who met with whom and who promised to lift sanctions on what before taking celebratory shots of whatever. Sessions was asked about one of the more incriminating aspects of comeys testimony, that trump cleared the room at the white white house, including sessions. Well, i would just say it this way we were there. I was standing there, and without revealing any conversation that took place, what i do recall is that i did depart. laughter stephen i dont we know you departed, attorney general sherlock. laughter why wont you tell us any part oft he conversation . Somebody help me out here. Just so i can understand, is the basis of that unwillingness to answer based on executive privilege . Im not claiming executive privilege because thats the president s power, and i have no power. Stephen no power . Really . I need a second opinion. Senator theoden . You have no power here. Stephen okay, that checks out. So youre not let me get this straight, senator sessions or attorney general sessions youre not answering, even though the president hasnt claimed executive privilege, and you havent claimed executive privilege. So what are you claiming, White Privilege . Becasue i hear thats a thing. Sessions, there is some privilege applause there is some privilege being claimed. Sessions did tell us one thing about leaving comey alone with trump. I do recall being one of the last ones to leave. Stephen im a partier by nature, and as a rule, i go on and on to the breakabreakadawn and, additionally, burn the mother down. And it seems im paraphrasing, obviously. cheers and applause thats very nice. Do you have any more of that . Do you have any more of that . Now, it seems that oregon senator ron wyden for one little minute there, really got under sessions skin. Mr. Comey said that there were matters with respect to the recusal that were problematic, and he couldnt talk about them. What are they . I that why dont you tell me . Stephen thats a classic legal strategy, the old switcheroo. Can you tell me where you were the night of the murder . Why dont you tell me where i was . If you dont know, i must be innocent meaning, West Virginia senator joe manchin tried to find out exactly who in the Trump Campaign was connected to russia. To the best of your knowledge, sir, did any of these following individuals meet with russian officials at any point during the campaign . You can just give a yes or no on this. Paul manafort. I dont have any information that he had done so. He served as Campaign Chairman for a few months. Steve bannon. I have no information that he did. General michael flynn. I dont recall it. Stephen wait a second. Everybody knows there was communication between russia and michael flynn. Thats why he was fired. Sessions really seems to know nothing. Which explains why he was the first senator to endorse trump. cheers and applause i dont know. I dont know. But it wasnt just democrats. Republicans remember it wasnt just a partisan thing. It wasnt partisan shots. The republicans also asked some very tough questions, too. Do you like jason bourne or james bond movies . No. laughter yes, i do. applause stephen do you like james bonds movies . Yes, i do. Wheres the followup . Daniel craig or sean connery . This is a travesty. This is a travesty wrapped in wrong sauce. Things have been little dicey with north korea, what with their repeated missile tests. But theres no need to panic, because this country has some of the most experienced diplomats in the world. Also, we have Dennis Rodman, who flew into north korea again today. So this is basketball diplomacy. Is this on behalf of President Trump . Have you spoken with President Trump at all . Im pretty sure hes happy about the fact that im over here trying to accomplish something that we both need. Stephen something you both need . You mean a distraction from the Russian Investigation . Wait, does that mean Dennis Rodman met Sergey Kislyak for a secret game of oneonone. I like kislyak dunching on rodman . So what secret funding back channel did Dennis Rodman use to get to north korea . He told us on twitter. Im back thanks to my sponsor potcoin. Com. Yes, pot coin, which according to its website is an ultrasecure digital cryptocurrency for the marijuana industry. coughs dude, what if there was an imaginary money we could use to buy weed . laughter also, what if we sent Dennis Rodman to north korea . applause . cheers , of course, dont touch that now. Of course, this is not the first time a Diplomatic Mission had a private sponsorship. Who can forget world war iis yalta conference, brought to you by little zippys cocaine buzz tonic little zippys its a blitzkrieg on your brain so why does pot coin care about north korea . Well, marijuana enthusiasts have been touting the country as a stoners paradise where cannabis is legal. A stoners paradise . Really . You might be able to get high there, but good luck when you get the munchies. laughter applause i hope you like bark. Meanwhile, President Donald Trump was not in washington. He was in wisconsin today. Must have been comforting for him to be in a state where cheesehead is considered a compliment. You like that . Jon yeah, yeah. Stephen the trip joke snuck up on me. laughter the trip was all part of Donald Trumps renewed focus on employment, as he tweeted this morning. Heading to the great state of wisconsin to talk about jobs, jobs, jobs big progress being made as the real news is reporting. And youll notice that real news is capitalized. That means the president has seen the show we make for him every week, real news tonight. And i think this might be the report w tweeting about. Welcome to real news tonight. Our top story tonight, jobs, jobs, jobs. Job, job, jobs . Jobs. Job, job, job, jobs. Job, jobs, job, job, job, job, job. Jobs, jobjob, job . Jobs job, job, job, job, jooools jobs. Jobs. And coming up next, golf, golf cleavage, golf. Jobs. cheers and applause stephen we have a great show for you tonight. Olivia wilde is here but when we return, ill have an exclusive fake interview with Melania Trump. Stick around i tried hard to quit smoking. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . We, the device loving people want more than just unlimited data. We want unlimited entertainment. So we can stream unlimited action. Watch unlimited robots. Watch unlimited romance. If you are into that. But we also want more like. Unlimited hbo. Can i stop dying now mark . No can do mi amigo. Its unlimited. Besides you are really good at it james. Dont settle for any unlimited plan. Get at t unlimited plus. And, now get the amazing iphone 7 on us. And they happen easily. The other side of this. Is they can be removed. Easily. Spray and washs. Powerful formula. Removes over 100 stains. Spray and wash. Better on over 100 stains. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Jon batiste and stay human, everybody, right over there cheers and applause welcome back, everybody. You know, ever since donald trump took office, he has been a bachelor in the white house. They say hes been lonely, isolated, and has put on weight. And its really starting to show. Heres trump at the inauguration. And heres what he looks like now okay . All right . Yeah, yeah. But those bachelor days are over forever, because this weekend, after almost five months of living apart, Melania Trump moved into the white house. Its like their second honeymoon. And for donald, his fourth. So how are things going . Here to tell us live via satellite from the white house, please welcome Melania Trump cheers and applause thank you. Its an honor to have you with us. Thank you for joining us, madame first lady. My pleasure, stephen. Stephen so, how are you adjusting to life in the white house . Oh, i couldnt be happier. See . laughter these are my happy eyes. It was so lonely in new york doing whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. I called it my prison of freedom. laughter stephen that sounds that sounds lonely. Now, you were the only first lady in modern history not to move into the white house with the president. Why was that . Well, after the inauguration, barron had to finish school. Then i had to wait for the comcast guy to turn off my cable. But now, there is nothing. No reason whatsoever why i shouldnt be in the white house. You could look for an excuse, but trust me, you will not find one. laughter stephen okay, well, thats nice. And, well, maam, now that youre living in the white house, im sure youre anxious to get started on the issue you talked about during the campaign. Oh, definitely. I cannot wait to start fighting. Illiteracy . Stephen it was actually cyberbullying. Cyberbullying the illiterate. Its so cruel. They cant even read what these bullies are typing. Laugh. Stephen thats an inspiring message. Now that youre down there, are you all moved into the white house . Yes, i brought everything i need for a long stay. A toothbrush stephen a toothbrush . Really . Thats it . Oh, no, no, i have a few other things. Like this picture of the most cherished moment of marriage to my husband. Stephen i i i think thats actually isnt that you slapping away his hand in israel. Fake news, stephen. It wasnt a hand slap. His hands are so small, i thought it was a mosquito. applause stephen okay, that checks out. Cant be too careful. Cant be too careful. And, of course, i never go anywhere without my rollaway rollaway ladder. So in case of an emergency, i can escape from a secondfloor window. Stephen with your husband. Ok. Stephen well, youre arriving at the white house at a very dramatic time. After james comeys testimony last week, some people are talking about impeachment. They are i mean, they shouldnt say such things, stephen. Stephen so you expect your husband to serve out his entire term . Oh, yes. We will be together in the white house for 1,315 days, 11 hours, 55 minutes, and 20 seconds. laughter stephen wow. Thats pretty precise. Yes, and accurate. laughter but heres the thing america took a vow, and donald trump is our president , for better or worse, for richer or even richer, in sickness and in no health care. laughter and we must honor that. No matter how often america fantasizes about being with justin trudeau. laughter applause cheers we stay, we make the best of it, and youll find in your greatest moments of doubt, you can always drink. Make america grape again stephen Melania Trump, everyone madam first lady, what an honor to have you. Well be right back with olivia wilde. Stick around. A Millie Dresselhaus doll happy birthday, sweetie oh, millies. Trick or treat were so glad to have you here. What if we treated great female scientists like they were stars . Yasss queen what if Millie Dresselhaus, the first woman to win the National Medal of science in engineering, were as famous as any celebrity . [Millie Dresselhaus was seen having lunch today. ] [. Rumors of the new discovery. ] what if we lived in a world like that . crowd applauding we know a place thats already working on it. More people are choosing nissan. Its americas best sales event at nissan the fastestgrowing auto brand in the u. S. A. Take on every day get 0 for up to 72 months on 13 models. [music volume rises] run in to get up to 50 percent off the entire store. [whistles] lets go hi, fashion. Old navy. Latches onto youry finger so hard, its like shes saying i love you. Thats why aveenos oat formula is designed for your babys sensitive skin. Aveeno®. Naturally beautiful babies. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. Here we go, just that right there. Welcome back, everybody. You know my first guest from movies like tron legacy, tv shows like house, and now her broadway debut in 1984 please welcome olivia wilde hello. applause . Stephen how are you . Im so good. Im so happy to be here. Stephen its so nice to have you back again. Yes gr you have not been on here for so long, since the last time we spoke, you conceived and bore a child. Yeah, two of them stephen no, no, no, only one. Maybe i saw you in between. I saw you in between your eldest is otis and your newest is daisy. A boy and a girl. Yes, yes. Stephen how does the older one because i have children of my own and they dont always take to the new addition of the family. Not so much. Stephen how does otis take . Hes like a drill sergeant. I dont know who let him watch full metal jacket, but he is so hard on her. Its like boot camped. So she will come out really ripped and with a great atitute tooud. Stephen any send this one back. Any of that stuff . You dont live here, is what he screams at her. Stephen do you have an older brother . I have an older sister who is so nice to me so im not used to this. I think hes aware that shes sharing me with her because im on broadway and as everyone who is in a play will tell you, you miss a lot of bedtimes, and its tough but i mean, you must misbedtime, but your kids are, like, 20. Stephen yeah, my boys are both taller than i am and my daughter is smarter than i am. What are you going to do . I saw you the other night at the tony awards. Did you have a good time at that . I had a great time. That was amazing. The great thing about the tonys is everyone who goes up on stage is so good at being on stage, accepting an award, presenting an award, theyre really, really good at it, and they have such presence. And, you know, movie and tv stuff, its less so. Its like theyre not noose thats not what they do, so its a different kind of thing. The agreement agreements are alo watch. Im a bit fan of the agreement. Stephen me, too, its a cbs show. Anything thats on cbs, the best awards. Best at everything. Stephen well, i saw your play, i saw you in 1984 last saturday night. What an honor to have you there. Stephen its a brilliant production. Brilliant, really powerful production. But ill tell you one of the things that shocked me most about the production is this is your broadway debut mip no idea because you looked perfectly comfortable. Oh stephen and absolutely, absolutely claimed the stage. That is so kind of you. Stephen im not a kind person. laughter . So ive heard. Stephen i would tell you if you werent good. I believe you. I think i loved this play so much and i feel its so important to tell this story. And so i think all my jitters are sort of consumed by my sense of purpose. I really feel like were out there saying something that needs to be said. And i have to say, having you there was such an honor because what our play is about is that the truth matters, and thats what you are all about. And thats what this show is about. cheers and applause its just it really kind of crystallizes everything for me. But i i really i believe in it so much. And i believe that the people who are seeing it are experiencing something potentially different than other plays theyve seen. We have a lot of young people seeing it who dont go to a lot of broadway, and they say its like being on a ride. Its provocative. Its subversive. Stephen it absolutely is. Exciting. Stephen one of the extraordinary things and when i heard that you guys were going to mount this on broadway, i was excited. 1984 itself has tremendous currency now. I got this li