Here we go. Please, monsieur, let us commence with the lesson. Oh professor, theres something i wanted to ask you. Do you really think that you can make a great violinist out of me . Well, i can do something, but it will take time. How old are you . Why . How much time have we got left . audience laughs please, monsieur, let us commence with the lesson. Okay, okay. doorbell rings oh, theres the door. Ill get it, ill get it. You stay here rochester will get it. Yes. And close the door. door closes alright, monsieur, let us commence with the lesson. stomps foot audience laughs [mary] hello, rochester. Hello, miss livingstone. audience applauds mr. Benny in . Hes upstairs. Professor leblanc is giving him a violin lesson. Oh for heavens sake. After all these years, youd think hed give up taking violin lessons. Its like throwing good money after bad. Professor hasnt gotten the bad money yet. Well, rochester, please go up and tell mr. Benny im here, will ya . Yes, maam. [professor] wait no, no, no, monsieur benny, you are doing it wrong again. Your wrist must be limp limp limp remember, this is the violin, that is a bow. You are not casting for trout but professor let us try it again. Sacre bleu, how many times do i have to tell you, smooth, smooth, smooth yes, sir. bad violin music did you tell mr. Benny i was here . Miss livingstone, i wouldnt go in that room if i had a whip and a chair. I dont know what youre talking about. loud crashing for goodness sake, whats happening up there . continued crashing hmm, its quiet now. audience laughs oh hello, mary. [mary] jack, what happened . Professor leblanc, what a temper. [rochester] where is the professor . Hes gone. [mary] well, we didnt see him come out. He didnt use the door. [mary] what . audience laughs and applauds but jack, this is the second floor the professor could have sprained his ankle. Mary, after a man cuts his wrists, whats an ankle . audience laughs [rochester] let me help you up. Ill go downstairs and fix you some lunch. Maybe youll feel better. I dont want any lunch. Yes, maam. Mary, i told ya i dont want any lunch. I just want to be left alone. Oh calm yourself, jack, youre all upset. Of course im upset. Why wouldnt i be . All my life ive dreamed of being a great violinist. Im a nothing. No technique, no tone, no talent. And you dont argue with me, im on your side. audience laughs dont be funny. [mary] well, jack, where are you going . I dont know. I gotta think this thing out. [mary] oh, but jack, wait a minute. doorbell rings hello, rochester. [rochester] hello, miss livingstone, come on in. Mr. Benny feeling any better today . Every morning he gets up, wont eat his breakfast, then leaves the house. He goes out to the park and sits on the bench all day brooding. Thats where he is now. Well, thats good. Itll give us a chance to do that idea you thought about. And you know, rochester, weve got to convince mr. Benny that hes a great violinist. Well, i got the recording machine. Did you get someone to cooperate . I got just the man, mr. Isaac stern. You know, hes one of the worlds greatest violinists and a very good friend of mr. Bennys. Im sure hell help us out. I called him so he should be here any minute. Good, then ill set up the recording machine. I hope everything works. [rochester] you know, mr. Benny hasnt even tended to business. His producer sent this play over and he wont even look at it. doorbell rings uh oh oh, never mind, ill get it. Hope it isnt mr. Benny, itll ruin everything. Oh, hello, mr. Stern, come on in. [isaac] hello, mary. How are you . You know rochester. Sure, how are ya, rochester . Hello, mr. Stern. Well, mary when you called me and asked me to hurry over with a violin i gathered that it was most urgent. It is, you see, three days ago, jack found out he wasnt a great violinist. Only three days ago . audience laughs well, hes very upset over it, but i think with your help we might snap him out of it. Well, mary, you know how i love jack and if there is anything i can do to bring the twinkle back to those big blue eyes of his, you know id be very happy to do it. Well, thanks a lot, but we better hurry. He might be here any minute. So jacks really in a bad mood, is he . Yes, sir, all because he found out hes a lousy violinist. Rochester, lousy is a very harsh word. Appropriate but harsh. audience laughs so whats this plan you have in mind . Well, its very simple. You see, this is a recording machine. Yes, i know, it starts here oh no, no, mr. Stern, thats the volume. Now if you get your violin out and play a solo, ill make a record of it and when mr. Benny comes, ill coax him into playing the same number and tell him im making a recording. Oh, i see and when you play it back itll actually be me playing. Thats right and jackll think hes terrific. Thats a cute idea, thats very clever. Now if youre ready, mr. Stern, we can start recording. [mary] uh oh [rochester] what . Jacks coming up the walk now. What are we gonna do . I havent made a record yet. Say, ive got an idea, mr. Stern. I think itll work just as well. [isaac] what is it . You hide in the closet and ill get mr. Benny to play something and make believe that im making a record of it. And when you hear me say playback, you play the same thing that mr. Benny played. Im willing to try it. Well, good luck, fellas. Im going out the back way. [isaac] goodbye, mary. Now, mr. Stern, you get your violin and come on in here. [isaac] okay. [rochester] now if you get hungry, theres a candy machine right behind the vacuum cleaner. Hello, rochester. [rochester] hello, boss. How ya feel . How do you expect me to feel . A man spends his whole life dreaming, and planning, and hoping that some day hell become a great musician. Then everything smashes in front of him. Boss, you cant go on like this. Look, i can go hey, whats this . Oh, this is a recording machine. I bought it from a friend of mine to prove to you what a great violinist you are. Me . Ha i know what i sound like. But thats just it, boss, you dont know what you sound like. What . Youre concentrating on your fingering and your bowing. Youre too occupied to hear the beautiful music that comes out. audience laughs really . Get your violin and play something. This machine will make a record of it and youll be able to hear for yourself how beautiful it sounds. Oh, i dont know. [rochester] let me get your violin for you. Its just lying here gathering dust. Now come on, play something. Come on. Well. Oh, this is silly. [rochester] no, no, come on, play something. Heres the microphone and then you just. No, no, no, boss, itll pick up better if you stand facing this way. This way . Right about. Right about here. Okay. bad violin music audience laughs audience laughs audience laughs oh, this is awful. No, no, no, listen, boss. I told you you were too close to it. Now you just sit down and listen to it. This is ridiculous. Just close your eyes, turn around this way. audience laughs audience laughs beautiful violin music rochester, thats wonderful. I cant believe its me. audience laughs beautiful, isnt it . audience laughs the fingering is perfect, but ill have to work on the bowing a little bit. It sounds a trifle cramped. audience laughs could be, could be. Rochester, that last passage, what tone, what resonance did you really like it . Boss, i can honestly say that was the work of a great violinist. audience laughs and applauds would you like me to fix you something to eat . [jack] no, im too excited to eat. This is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. Why, it brought back my confidence rochester, i never realized i was that great. But you are, boss, you are. Now lets put the violin away no, i got more important things to do. Im going over to the Recording Company and make some records. [rochester] oh, but boss do you realize, rochester, what a record by me would mean . Why, it would sell over a million. Id get three cents a copy. Id make a fortune but, boss ill see ya later. audience laughs whats the matter . On the way to the Recording Studio i have to pass my producers office and as far as im concerned, he can have his play back. beautiful violin music audience laughs rochester, whats that . Uh, the recording machine. Stop it, stop it, hold it, hold it play off, play off, play violin music stops how could a machine stop by itself . Uh. laughs loose switch. audience laughs well, i dont want to waste any more time. Thank heavens, thats over. Is he really gone . Yeah, mr. Stern, but i think we overdid it. Why . Hes on his way to a Recording Studio to make records. Oh no well, i dont want to be here when he gets back. Im going now. Well, if you wait a minute, ill walk along part of the way with you. Why, where are you going . To an unemployment office. Might as well get friendly with them now. audience laughs jack benny and his magic violin. audience laughs take one. audience laughs [man] hold it, hold it, hold it. Whats the matter . Whats the matter . I never heard anything so awful in my life. Well, ive got news for you, bub. Youve been concentrating so much on my fingering and bowing that you couldnt hear what was coming out. What till you hear the playback. What . Playback. [jacks voice] jack benny and his magic violin. Take one. audience laughs audience laughs wait a minute, hold it, stop, hold it its bad, eh, benny . Youre darn right its bad. I dont know where you got that engineer, but hes awful. He doesnt even know how to make a recording. Yes, i guess youre right, mr. Benny, but hes the best we could get and we have to do the best we can with what weve got and well, you know how it is. Its a shame, but i guess youre stuck. audience laughs well, good day, mr. Benny, and thanks for coming in. gentle music i cant understand it. How a good company can have such an incompetent engineer ill never know. It must have been the engineer. When i made the record on this machine, it sounded beautiful. Just beautiful. I want to hear it again. Lets see, how does this work . There it is. [rochesters voice] now, mr. Stern, if youll get your violin out and play a violin solo ill record it. To mr. Benny, it will really be me playing. audience laughs [rochester] ive got an idea. You hide in the closet. Ill get mr. Benny to play something, then when you hear me say playback, you play the same thing mr. Benny played. audience laughs so thats it. They tricked me. sing song oh, rochester . [rochester] sing song yes, boss . sing song come in here, i want to talk to you [rochester] sing song what about . You know what about, come in here audience laughs take off that silly thing and fix me some dinner. You mean youre not mad with me . No, i guess not. After all, you did it for my own good. Anyway, serves me right for being such a big ham. If i hadnt gone to that Recording Studio, i would have kept on thinking that i was a great violinist. [rochester] but you are a great violinist oh shut up. audience laughs audience applauds thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. I also want to thank mr. Isaac stern, for being such a good sport. Id like to have you meet him again. Maybe hell play an encore for us. Mr. Isaac stern. audience applauds isaac, i do want to thank you very, very much for being on my show. It was my pleasure, jack. And you know, now i have the distinction of being the only violinist whos played in the hollywood bowl, the philharmonic auditorium, carnegie hall, and jack bennys closet. audience laughs now isaac, im sure that all of us would like to oh, do you mind if i look at your violin just a moment . Not at all, jack. Just be careful, will you . Yes, yes, i will. Beautiful tone. Oh, its a wonderful instrument. Great help to me. Its cheap though, isnt it . Cheap . Thats the year. Oh, oh, im sorry now isaac, im sure that all of us now would like to hear you play and without interruption. Ill stand over there and listen. audience applauds ladies and gentlemen, with the assistance of my longtime colleague, mr. Alexander zakin, wed like to play for you the polonaise brilliante in d major by wieniawski. piano introduction audience applauds isaac, that was wonderful. Thank you, jack, pleasure. audience applauds i must practice. audience laughs goodnight, folks. upbeat music [voiceover] the Jack Benny Program orchestra playing aloutte, gentile alouette was one of the many fascinating cities jack visited last summer during his european vacation. Paris, city of pleasure and international style. Mecca of tourists from all over the globe. For the first few days, jack stayed close to his room in the hotel george the cinq. applause le cap. [voiceover] the chair. Le chaise. The wall. The wall. Le mur, le mur. [voiceover] sidewalk restaurant. Le cafe terrace. The dinner. Le diner. The check. laughter monsieur benny, monsieur benny. Huh . I have told you a thousand times, the word for check is laddition, laddition. That is a very simple word in french. I have trouble with it in italian, too. laughter monsieur benny, now i must go. Perhaps i will have more time to spend with you tomorrow. Le oreille, the ear. Will that be all, monsieur . Oh yes, thank you. laughter oh, oh waiter oui, monsieur . You know i will undoubtedly meet a lot of people here in paris, so theres Something Else id like to know. What is that, monsieur . How would i say, star of stage, screen, and television. Yes. You expect to meet one . laughter i was referring to myself. See, back home, you know in america, im known as probably one of the most suave and sophisticated comedians in the entire entertainment industry. As a matter of fact, just a few years ago, in front of the hollywoods most famous theater, they put my feet into cement. Only your feet . laughter oui. Now, if i meet someone, how would i say to him in french, i am jack benny, star of stage, screen, and television . Just say, je suis jack benny, je conduis a camion a ordures. Now, now, lets see, lets see if i got it now. Je suis jack benny je conduis together de camion a ordures. [waiter] that is right, monsieur. [jack] i got it, i got it. [jack] i got it, i got. [waiter] that is right. [jack] thank you, thank you. [waiter] you are welcome. I got it, thank you je suis jack benny. speaking in french and laughing whats so funny . Oh, pardon monsieur. Theres a man in the next room who asked me how he should say that hes a star of stage, screen, and television. Robert here, he tells him to say, je conduis de camion a ordures, which means, which means i drive a garbage truck. laughter phone ringing hello . Mademoiselle livingston . Je ne te suis pas, sil vous pla t. Pardon mademoiselle, you are wanted on the telephone. [voiceover] oh thank you, flo. applause hello . Hello mary, this is jack. [mary] jack, where are you . Ive been waiting for you. You promised to take me to the eiffel tower. [jack] im just ready to leave. Well hurry over. I hear the view from there is just beautiful. Well mary, wait in front of the hotel. Ill be there in a minute. Okay, bye. You know, everybody sometime or other has to get away from his regular routine and, and do something different. I think so, too. Yeah, i remember telling the same thing to rochester. And you know, washing the dishes, and cooking the meals, and scrubbing the floors. And now since were gone hes out in the air, getting the sun. Oh, thats wonderful, whats he doing . Reshingling the roof. laughter thats a fine vacation. Yeah. Hey mary, lookit, were at the eiffel tower already. Here you are driver. [mary] gosh, that sure is high. [jack] yeah, lets get the elevator and go way up to the top. [mary] okay. Hi, im leeza gibons with an amazing story about how philips lifeline gives betty white peace of mind and gave my father a Second Chance at life. Daddy is invincible. Thats how we want to think about our parents. Thats why was so hard for all of us when he had his heart attack. I wasnt feeling well that day. The heart attack hit me, i fell to the floor, and i was trying to crawl back to the bed. Of course in excruciating pain. Im alive today because of philips lifeline. Philips lifeline is the number one medical Alert Service in the u. S. Today. You get fast easy access to help any time. Daddy was been a little resistant. Because he didnt want to seems vulnerable. He didnt want so seems old. We insisted. Im so grateful that dad had his philips lifeline. I dont know if he would have made it without it. I love you so much. I love you too, you know that. Philips lifeline offers the most widely adopted proven fall detection with auto alert. If a fall is detected auto alert will automatically call for help, so even if you cant push the button your self you still can get access to help any time at home or on the go. Condition that inhibits mobility. Particularly if they live alone needs a philips lifeline. With philips lifeline if i kluts up and falls down. Somebody will be there. Philips lifeline has been recommended by more than 200,000 Healthcare Professionals and serve more than 7 million seniors. Im proud to wear my philips lifeline. Shows that im smart enough to take care of my self. Innovation and you. With philips Lifeline MedicalAlert Service you get fast, easy access to help 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Call today or visit www. Philipslifeline. Com dont wait i mean why dont take the chance call philips lifeline now from the waiter at my hotel. Really . He taught me to Say Something very important, too. Get a load of this. laughter i dont know what you said, but you certainly impressed them. Look at all the room they gave you. laughter yeah. Gosh this is beautiful. What a view [mary] ive never seen anything like it. Hey mary, mary look. Theres my hotel, the george cinq, lookit. And theres the louvre museum, gee, the view from here is sensational mary, theres the palace at versailles. Jack, versailles 15 miles from here. I cant help it, i see it laughter mary, theres normandy the beach where the allied armies landed jack, normandys over a hundred miles from here. I cant help it, i see it. laughter i have never seen anything like this. [frenchman] excuse me. laughter oui, oui, speaking french normandy, campia, ah versailles. Oh, merci monsieur, merci. laughter well ill be darned. Oh oh whaddaya see mary, whaddaya see, whaddaya see . Promise you wont get mad, jack. No, no, what is it . Well your roof is only half shingled and rochester fell asleep. laughter asleep, why i, now cut that out give me those glasses. Come on, lets look over here. Okay. [frenchman] monsieur, if you wish to leave we are about to descend. speaking french de camion a ordures. speaking french [frenchman] pardon monsieur. speaking french camion a ordures. Oui, oui. Oh, its an honor to meet you laughs . What are you laughing at . Can i help if ive got fans all over the world . Oh come on jack, the elevators waiting. Okay, first i wanna drop off these films. Monsieur, mademoiselle, comment allezvous. Puisje vous aider . Id like to know what this is. Pardon mademoiselle . I would like to know what this is. Je regret anfilmon je ne comprends pas. Mary, never mind, ill, ill find somebody who speaks english. Theres some fellas over there, ill ask them. Pardon me, do any of you gentlemen speak english . Well i speak a little