We got a post card from mr. Bentley. We havent heard from him since he was transferred. Dear mr. And mrs. J. And florence, when i found out that my lady friend francine was an ambassadors wife, i was afraidher husband would transfer me to some place terrible. I was wrong. Im nestled in the mountains of the soviet union. [doorbell rings] ill write you a letter when my hand heals. Francine broke my heart, but her husband broke my thumbs. Oh, excuse me. Sammy what are you doin here . Into bentleysapartment . No, its my apartment. Come inand meet everybody. This is my wifelouise. Hello. Hi. This is my ulcerflorence. Hello. This is sammy gelson. He wrote thatvalentines song i sang. Really . Its a beautiful song. Oh, thanks. I had a heck of a time finding a word that rhymed with weezy. Believe me, it wasnt easy. What are youdoing here, sammy . I wanted to ask a favor. Could i leave something here while my furnitures being arranged . Of course, sammy. Oh, good. I appreciate this. Careful there. Put it right over there. Isnt it a beauty . Yes. Look how well it goes with my new furniture. That babys been with me for years, almost as long as my beautiful wife agnes. You told me about her. We got to meet her. She aint got no teeth. How charming. Would you like to see her picture . Yeah. You want to take a lookat my wife . Louise, dont be upset. I like your furniture. Sammy, is the lovesongbusiness boomin . Well, not exactly. Ive sold out. Im making a fortune writing jingles. Commercials . Which ones . I wrote the jingle for boot hill bug spray. Boot hill bug spray i love that tune. It is one of my jumpier numbers. Thats the onethat really got me started. Boot hill bug spray heres the plan if the spray dont kill em, crush em with the can boot hill pssst im crazyabout that song, but if were talkincommercials, this is my favorite. On that shirt you got for christmas, and youre thinkingof slitting your wrists, miss . Hold on, cause you can take your dirty clothes to cunningham hes your man cunningham take your dirty clothes to cunningham and theyll come back cunning clean you know it know it . I wrote it. Oh, sammy, its so catchy. You know cunningham is my biggest competitor. Oh, im sorry, george. Excuse me. Ive got things to do. I got laundryto finish. Maybe we ought totake it to cunningham. Hes your man. Cunningham take your dirty clothes to cunningham hes your man cunningham take your dirty clothes to cunningham traitors. Sammy, i want you to write a better jingle for me. Im not in the moodto write today. Ill help you along. Give me a note. What key . I dont know. A black one. Dont go to cunningham hes a bald, incompetent jerk he clean and cleans and cleans all day but he never ever works well, what do you think . It stinks. Thats why i need you. Hit it, sammy. Hey, i like that we beg for business. Sammy, youre a genius. Its agnes, george. My agnes. She left me, george. She ran awayand left me. Oh, my god, sammy, im sorry. Now, about my jingle. I cant write. I cant do anythingwithout agnes. You look at me and say,theres a happy guy, but inside beats a heartfilled with pain. But, sammy all i want to do is go home, unpack agnes teeth, and remember the good times. Hey, sam, wait. Why dont you bring her teeth over here . I got a water pik. Damn crying in his apartment cause hisugly wife left him. Very sensitively put, george. Poor sammy. He must be miserable. Its terrible to be alone, to be without someone to share things with, without someone to listen to you talk. Wouldnt that be terrible . George . Huh . Im sorry, weezy. I wasnt listenin. I decided ill help sammy over his tough period. Hes callin for help, and George Jefferson is pickin up the phone. And doing what with it . Ill tell sammy to get ready. To get over an old woman, get a new one, right . I dont think so. Were going to a singles bar. Thats nota good idea either. That place is crawlin with desperate women. Any man will do. Im going with you. Somehow i knew you would. Florence, im going to a singles bar tonight. Finally goingto get yourselfanother man, huh . Just remember this. You already had dark. Theres a lot of action here. Lets go home. Give the place a chance. George, look around. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Behold that over there. If i wasnt married, id. Youd what, george . Id wish i was. To you, sweetheart. Well, sammy, check it out. Go talk to her. What will i say . Youll think of somethin. Hi. Want to see a picture of my wife . Ill be right here if you want to chat. George, she wasnt for me. Theres no magic there. Pictures of your wife. If thats their attitude, im going home. Just ask somebody to dance. I dont know what to say. Say, hey, do you want to dance . Sure, sugar. See . Theres nothin to it. Its easy for you, but i have troublemeeting people. Look over there. That girl is starin at you. Why . She likes you. Why . I dont know. Cant you see that look in her eyes . Cant you see what her eyes are sayin . No. Theyre saying, take me, you stallion. What elseare they saying . Theyre saying, look, the stallion is talking to a jackass. Are they sayinganything else . George, why dont you let sammy get over agnes in his own time . Because i reservedthe air time for the jinglesammys going to write. So youre using sammy. Youre trying to squeeze a jingle out of him. Put it like that,i sound like a bad guy. Dont you realize getting a jingle isnt that important . Its only money. Only money . Thats somethinthat poor peopletell each other so they cansleep at night. Im going to the ladies room. Take this pen with you. Write sammys numberon the bathroom wall. Sammy, how did you make out . She thinks im cute. She invited meto her place. Not bad. Its goingto cost me 100. Not bad. George, theres nobodyfor me except agnes. Wait a minute. Hey, bartender. What can i do for you . My friend is having trouble meeting women. No kidding. Youre here every night, so i figure you can spot desperate women. I can always spota hungry woman. Take a look around. Can you see one thats really starvin . Yeah. Her. What . Shes wearinga wedding ring, but shes gothi ya, sailor written all over her. George whats the matter . Youre not allowed t0 leave the house anymore, and stay away from the docks can we leave now . Sammy, somethin will come along. Hi. Got a light . Sorry, i dont smoke. Neither do i. I wanted toset my hair on fire. I know what you mean. Im not having fun here either. Oh, thats too bad. My beautiful wife, she ran away with another man. What am i doing here . Ill never be able to replace agnes. This was a terrible idea. Nice meeting you. Hey, sammy. Everybody here is so weird. Let me go home. Agnes was the best. Once youve had the best, nothing else will do. Listen to me, please. Its not natural for a man to spend his life with one woman. [clears throat] except you, sweetheart. Agnes wasnt perfect,but after 30 years, you get accustomedto a womans faults. Dont i know it i mean, how would i know it, sweetheart . Im going to get ready for bed. And george. Ill be waiting up for you. What for . Nothing, as usual, i dont wantto burden you. Thats what friends are for. We are friends, right . So let me burden you. Give me a jingle. Think music. Yeah. Now, think jefferson cleaners. Jefferson cleaners. Jefferson cleaners, theyre the best terrific now what comes to mind . I rememberhoneymooning with agnes in a cabin by the woods. Any dry cleaners in those woods . We were sipping wineby a crackling fire, listening to the windrustling through the trees. Agnes lookedin my eyes and said, uncle milties on. Lets watch him. Oh, god, what a night what did i doto drive agnes away . Agnes ran out on you, and youre takin the blame. It couldnt have beenagnes fault. It was her fault. It wasnt you that said, tho long, agneth. It was her that said, tho long, thammy. You loved her for 30 years, and she stomps on you. Oh, that hussy instead of bein mad at her, youre blamin yourself. Well, not anymore. Ive got my pride. Oh, so long, agnes so long you were wrong, agnes so wrong you played mefor a fool how could you beso cruel . So long, agnes so long hey so long, agnes so long now im strong, agnes so strong i want to get across that baby,its your loss so long, agnes so long one more time so long, agnes so long sammy you can write again. Youre right i can feel the powersurging through me. Theres nothingi cant do. Write me a jingle. I cant. Why . Theres a clausein my contractwith cunningham. I cant write jinglesfor his competitors. Im sorry. You were a broken wreck. I put the gleam back in your eye. I put the song back in your heart. Ill never forget it. Youre aceswith me, fella. You know, i feel like a new man. From now on, its the fast lane for me. Look out, world, here comes sammy gelson theres a lot of fish in the sea, and im going to charter me a tuna boat. Theres something i want to say. Im proud to be your neighbor. Whats the matter, mr. Jefferson . Are you sad . Yeah. Maybe this will cheer you up. Take your dirty clothes to Cunningham Cunningham captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. Captions copyright 1982t. A. T. Communications company well, were movin on up movin on up to the east side movin on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky were movin on up movin on up to the east side movin on up we finally got a piece of the pie fish dont fry in the kitchen beans dont burn on the grill took a whole lot of tryin that hill get up just to now were up in the big leagues gettin our turn at bat its you and me, baby