Look at my school record, im always second best. Second beset on the debating team, fourth best on the tennis team, played second lead in the operetta, ranked 11th best in the scholarship. Well id say thats actually an enviable record. Well its just not good enough for me. Im getting sick of being a jack of all nothing. An alsoran. Someday, somewhere, at some thing and i dont care what it is. Id like to be the best. Numbero uno, just once. And if i were you, i wouldnt go around mimicking a mediocre maude like me. phone rings hello . Yes she is. Whos calling . Just a minute. Its george caster. Oh him, tell him i just left. Im sorry she just left. Betty, im ashamed of you. Oh, i know why he called. To ask me for a date tomorrow night and i happen to know phone rings you see im even fourth choice on his list. Just a minute. Its your boyfriend, gordon. Oh, well him ill talk to. Hello gordy. No of course i havent forgotten this is our our evening together. Will your aunt be leaving the same time as usual . Good. But uh, i want you to promise not to chase me so much tonight. I wont chase you, im gonna disintegrate you. laughter here, let me talk now gordon. Bring some new books over to read to me . Ok. Auntie wants to talk now. Sorry to bother you betty, but gordon insisted on calling. He does so look forward to your evenings with him. Tell him ill be on time. Alright mrs. Wiggum. Bye. Howd i get trapped into this sitter job . I did it one evening, merely to help out well it cant last much longer. Didnt you say his parents will be sending for him soon . Yes but how soon is soon . Theyre still in india. Some kind of state department work. Boy. That goofy joyce, you know what . Shes trying out for the College Fencing team. Well thats not so goofy. Shes a dancer and they say dancers can learn to fence quicker than others. And shell have a good chance because not many girls go out forhey maybe thats for me too. Maybe i can be the best in that. You . Well why not . You may be looking at the colleges next fencing champ. Ow laughter i suppose i really should give up my weekly club meetings, but you know oh no, you need that. And dont worry about being late, i have plenty of studying to do and i can do it here as well as at home. That is if you dont get too frisky. Well, see you in a bit. Alright. You have fun tonight. Gordon . Gordon . Youre disintegrated. You know something, youre right. I disintegrated into an alsoran. Youre the fifth one i disintegrated today. That figures. With my record, i couldnt possibly be the first one. Whats this, something youre making . Youre not supposed to see that. Ok. First thing you better do is get on your pajamas. Read me first . Is this for me . No, no thats a history book for me. This for me . No thats for me too. It tells you how to fence. Im gonna take that up. Fence . Oh, fencing. You know . Dueling with swords . Oh like zorro . Better than zorro. Im gonna be champion girl fencer of springfield college, you know that . No. Well i am. Theres a tournament in about 5 weeks and im going to win it. Read me how you do it . Well i dont know how yet. I have to take instruction first. Think im to dumb to learn. Read me how you do it. No, the first thing you better do is get your pajamas on. Read me first and then i will. No. Now you go or ill drop kick you into the bedroom and you wont stop bouncing till next tuesday. No go laughter performing the lunge, the forearm is straight and shoulder high. In the recovery, the left leg is quickly bent, thats better. Uh. Not so tightly. Theres an old saying. Hold the sword as though it were a little bird in your hand. Firmly enough so that it cannot escape you but not so firmly as to crush it. More like this . Ms. Anderson, i thought you said you knew something about fencing . Well i read a book on it. laughs must have skipped a few chapters. Alright, the basis of the attack is the lunge. Now, in executing the lunge well i know the lunge. Its like this. Ms. Anderson why dont you go out for the Volleyball Team . Volleyball . But i want to learn to fence. I intend to enter the tournament. Look, the tournament is only weeks away. Now if i had several months to train you. No use trying to discourage me. Im not only going to enter the tournament. Im going to win it. Now, show me what to do. Youre pretty determined arent you . You bet i am. Alright. Thats worth something. But i warn you, you have a long way to go and you will have to practice and practice and practice. Mom, save me. Save me. [mom] oh now bud. [bud] three musketeers are after me. Now stop it, youre making practice with me. Now look, if this fencing is going to become a big issue, maybe you better drop it . Its just not as important. Well it is to me. Well you think of a way. Well whatever youre doing, youre not doing it in my kitchen. Backyard. Come on bud, please. Well let me get ready first. Theres nothing to get ready. Yes there is. Really now, betty. You think this is worth while . You have plenty to keep you busy. What with your school work and your baby sitting and all. Mother, i have to prove to myself once and for all that i can be the best in something. Well i have to live with me the rest of my life. I dont want to live with a second rater. Yes but. Merely winning a fencing tournament is hardly ok, im ready. laughter keep your elbow down. Keep your elbow down or you passe straight. No. Parry, cease, curtsy, eee. No cover and cut. You see . You anticipate me. Now, please parry corner the cease. Cut, cease. Again. The riposte immediately when you find the blade. Thats better. Not good, you understand . But better. Do you think i have a chance . Cant tell yet. But if determination makes a champ, youre a shoein. Then im a champ. What do you think i need the most work on . Everything. Your attacks, your parries, your feints. And that riposte, dont forget that riposte. Wow. Youre sure encouraging. You asked. Me and my big mouth. You think i might get in some extra evening sessions . Evenings maybe . Im willing to do anything to help anyone who really wants to learn. How about this evening . Wonderful ill be here about hm. Its none of my business but if i were you, id give up boyfriends until after the tournament. Well this one i can handle. Hes fairly young. Thats the worst kind. Six years old . Huh . Touche laughs . And so alice and her little brother roy packed their knapsacks and set out on their big camping trip. Theyd gone less than a mile whats camping . Well you know what camping is. Theyd gone less than a mile what is it . You know, its when you go up in the mountains and you put up a tent and you cook outdoors and well youve slept in a tent havent you . Uh uh. Only in apartments and hotels. You mean youve never been camping . Uh uh. No. Well thats a shame. Every boy should go camping. Thats the best part of his life. Some night, well ask your aunt to let you come home with me and well put up a tent in the backyard and well cook our supper outdoors and sing songs around a campfire and have a wonderful time. Can we do it tonight . Oh i dont know. What do you want to use it for . Well i want to give it to gordon. Ok. I trapped myself into saying id take him camping some night in our backyard. Our backyard . Thats no camping trip. Well its better than nothing. Poor kid hes lived in hotels and apartments all his life. He doesnt even know what camping is. Well anyway im stuck. I dont know why i let myself in for these things. I be such a bother. Such a bother, she says. She loves every minute of it. Youd think that kid was her own. Oh, say. Did i tell you what the fencing coach said today . He tell you to take up volleyball again . No. He hasnt admitted im any good yet, but he said hed work with me in some extra evening sessions. Extra sessions . Oh now betty, mother, i have to spend a lot of time if i expect to win. But im afraid youre neglecting your schoolwork no im not. Well youre losing weight. I am not. Now . Oh maybe a little, but i needed to lose some. Oh now mom, dont discourage her from extra work with the coach. Thatll let me out. Oh no. I still need you too. Dear . Hey look joyce is going out for the team but shes not going through all this extra jazz. Shes not going to win either. Ive got to get some sleep. Goodnight. Well you know actually, the victory would do her a whirl of good. Give her confidence in herself. Which i think is really what shes looking for. Well perhaps. But considering how much shes nagging on this, i wonder whatll happen to her confidence if she doesnt win. Well ill tell you this. The way shes going after this thing, i think shes going to win i dont want to do this. Guys be quiet overlapping talking ok. En guard. Oh you be quiet. Ready . Look at how professional you are. Play overlapping talking laughter oh bud. Youre not even trying. Betty. Ive got gordon on the phone. Tell him i havent forgotten mumbling . Bud. Are you alright . overlapping talking well he wants to know about the camping trip. Oh i wish i never mentioned it, thats all he talks about now. Well, tell him ill explain it tonight. Now listen gordon. Ive told you that im too busy now. But as soon as the tournament is over, then well go camping. Now, we have time for one short story. But you know the rules. No stories until you put on your pajamas. I cant get them, i already packed. Then well just have to unpack them. Now turn around. Count 11. Ok . Now run. Hurry. One. Two. Two and a half. laughter swords clashing touche good betty, very good. Think im ready for the big one tonight . Youre ready. And how youve made so much progress in such a short time. I dont know. But youve done it and this tournament tonight is strictly all yours. Dont worry about that. You better get home now. Dont eat too heavily and get some rest. You have been driving yourself. So you need to rest. Ill see you back here tonight at 7 30. Ok . Ok. instrumental music i really want you to win. Oh thanks laughs . She will. Come on hun, we better hurry so we get good seats. Mow them down tonight little girl laughs . Dont be late well be ready for you. Dont forget, well see you over there. Ok. laughs is this everything you need . I think so. I hope so. Hm. Here ill carry it. Oh. Alright. Well get moving. I dont want to be phone rings hello . Oh hello mrs. Wiggum. What . Oh, no. We received this telegram from his father. Theyre arriving in new york, so gordon and i are flying out of here tomorrow to meet them. So tonights his last chance for that camping trip and he does have his heart set on it. Mrs. Wiggum i cant do it tonight. I just. Well i have this tournament and i i just cant do it. Please make him understand. Oh. Oh of course i will. I didnt realize your tournament was tonight. Ill try to make him understand, but perhaps you can drop around in the morning for a moment before we leave. Gordon has a little going away present for you. Yes, of course. In the morning. Uh, yes. Goodbye. Oh why did this have to happen . I cant take gordon camping tonight, even if it is his only chance. Ive worked too hard for this dont argue with me. Im on your side. Come on lets go. Cathys got stuff in the car. Dangit. Poor little sweet mutt. I suppose i should have at least talked to him. And now we present a fencer of outstanding ability. Miss betty anderson. fanfare music thank you gang. I shall now give you a demonstration of my super technique in the art of fencing. Watch closely. playful music [cathy and gordon] clapping laughter [cathy and gordon] laughing oh. Intruder eh . Whats in today . En guard you rabid scallion laughter playful music [cathy and gordon] laughing oh look, there she is. What in the world is she doing . laughs oh no wonder she didnt show up at the tournament. Look who her audience is. Gordon. [cathy and gordon] clapping laughter laughs [all] clapping background noise covers voice and uh, now my friend, colonel baggy pants, will lead us in our goodnight song. Colonel . Ok yous kids, lets hear them mellow tones ring out loud and clear. harmonica note plays good night campers. [cathy and gordon] good night campers. [cathy and gordon] merrily we go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Merrily we go to sleep and sleep the whole night through. Howd this happen . We couldnt figure out why you didnt show up at the gym. Well your coach was very disappointed. So was i. Well, i found out gordons leaving tomorrow. This was his only night. I tried desperately to brush him out of my mind, but suddenly i knew that he was more important than the tournament. Or even the winning. humming . Good night campers. Good night campers. So i think you better take charge of your charge. Looks like hes had it. Hes asleep. Isnt he cute . We better get him to bed. Here, we better get this silly thing off first. Here let me take him. Wheres he gonna sleep . Look at this. [father] huh . [cathy] what is it . I dont know, ashtray i guess. Read what it says. To betty, my best friend. Well, i wanted to be best at something. Finally made it. You made it long ago with us. Just a second, let me take his hat. Oh mumbling . Ok . Yea. And jane wyatt with elinor donahue, billy gray, and Lauren Chapin in father knows best. lively music hi, kathy oh, hi patty. Buds picking me up, want a ride home . Gee, i wish i could but mothers picking me up. Hey kathy, did i tell you . Freddie madsen asked me to go to the Community Picnic with him saturday. Oh, you lucky anybody ask you yet . You better hurry, youve only got two more days. Well gee, what am i supposed to do . Well, i guess some girls appeal to boys and some dont. Oh, thanks a lot i didnt mean it that way kathy. I just mean that, well look at those girls over there talking to George Wilson. Now why is he over there talking to them instead of being over here talking to you . Are you kidding . The handsomest boy in class . He wouldnt even look at me. I bet hes never talked to you. Well he never talked to you well, he sorta did once. He was behind me in line and i accidentally stepped on his foot and he said, watch it will ya . It was wonderful. Hi, elaine. [elaine] hi. laughs seems like every other girl has a boyfriend. Oh, hi freddie like our folks always say kathy, your time will come. George, break it up come on brother dear, were waiting. [bud] oh, kathy, this is shirley wilson. Shirley wilson, my kid sister kathy. [shirley] hi. [kathy] hello. Oh, bud, this is my brother george. George hi, bud. [bud] hi, george. Im sure you and kathy know each other. Oh sure, hello. Hello. Come on, get in oh excuse me. [george thinking] kathys kind of cute and i would like to talk to her. But what should i say . [kathy thinking] if only he asked me to go to the picnic with him. How can i get him to talk to me . doorbell rings bud, its the front door well, bettys home, cant she get it . No, shes upstairs dressing. doorbell rings hang on dad, ive got to find some memory paper. Well, hurry up will you, this things fit. [betty] ill get it old tallulah laughs cant resist a telephone or a doorbell to the female fire horn. Ow laughter got some flowers here for betty anderson. Thats me you really got your boyfriend trained. Fresh. Hey, they are flowers ill bet, who are they for . Theyre from don burton. To betty, from your constant admirer whos say thats some box what did he send you, a whole tree . Flowers oh well open it, lets see oh, arent they beautiful . What a wonderful color. [betty] don is such an angel. George wilson is wonderful too. The other day we were in line and i was in front of him and i accidentally [bud] hey, dad, i thought you were holding my distributor for me. I am. Whats the occasion for the flowers . Just nothing, don burton sent them. Arent they beautiful . What, are you getting engaged or something . Dont be silly, hes just a good friend. You dont have to be engaged to a girl to have a boy to have him send you flowers. Why, before your father and i were married i used to receive baskets of roses. [jim] who from . Oh, various admirers. Then your father came in one day with one geranium, and i married him. Later on i found out he picked it in my own front yard. laughter [betty] wont be long before kathy will be getting flowers. [margaret] from George Wilson . Well, the other day at school we were standing in line, and i was standing in front of him and i accidentally [bud] i gotta get going. Im invited to Molly Clemens for dinner. Tonight . [billy] yeah. Say, wheres the memory paper . Oh, its in the buffet. I wont be here for tomorrow night either. Theres a dinner dance over at westridge girls school and janice invited me. [margaret] well, what are your plans betty . [betty] tomorrow afternoon i have a tennis date with don and tomorrow night i hate you i just hate you youre ugly, fat, and stupid nobody likes you everybody else has boyfriends and girlfriends but youve got nobody crying [betty] kathy, whats wrong . sobbing what happened . Huh, what happened . Nothing, i just felt like crying, thats all. You can tell me about it kathy, thats what big sisters are for. sobbing loudly when we were talking downstairs you mentioned George Wilson, does it have something to do with george . Theres nothing to be ashamed of kathy. I was crying over boys when i was 12 years old. Now tell me about george. Is he your boyfriend . Of course he is. I can tell by the expression on your face. Hes sort of my boyfriend. That is weve kind of been going around at school and everything. Oh naturally so what happened . Well he likes me a lot you know. We had a fight. Oh, about what . Lets see. He was walking with this other girl and so i said, well, if you want to walk with other girls its all right with me. And then he tried to apologize but i just wouldnt listen. And i left him standing there. Hes been trying to talk to me ever since little sister, youre growing up. laughter dont you worry, you did exactly the right thing. Now stop crying, everythings gonna be alright. This is your first boyfriend, and there will be lots more. More quarrels, more making up. Its wonderful. But you make me feel so old you know, ive been thinking about kathy. Shes pretty much alone. Bud and betty are growing away from her, they dont have much in common anymore. Well, you cant make time stand still, dear. Im quite aware of that. Might try a little harder to keep the family intact rather than the kids taking off in seven different directions. Im for that. Now, you take the Community Picnic for instance oh. Why cant we go as a family . Instead of betty and her date sitting at one table and bud and his date at another, and you and i and kathy sitting off alone in a corner somewhere. Oh, you are a lonely joe tonight dear. Im nothing of the kind. Weve always been a sticktogether family and id like to keep it that way. Father, can you please fix the buckle on this belt . Well, ive been fixing them since you put on your first dress. I guess i could manage. Poor little kathy. [jim] hmm . I found her up in her room crying as if her heart would break. You know what . She has a boyfriend so thats why she was upset. I wonder why she didnt tell us about it. Who didnt tell who about what . [betty] kathy has a boyfriend, George Wilson youre kidding no, i am not, she just told me. Well they sure keep it a secret. We gave george a ride home this afternoon and they didnt even look at each other. Well, they had a fight.