And then when i got home, i would get in my pajamas, and i would lay on the couch, and i would just wait. Im done. Please, just let me go. I look back on that, and its it makes me so sad. [dramatic musi oh, its absolutely terrifying because youre no longer the person that you used to be. Youre starting to become this person thats terrified of everything. I couldnt leave my home, and i would go into panic and have anxiety at work. I would quit my jobs because i was embarrassed. I was afraid that someone would find out that, you know, im hiding behind the filing cabinet having an anxiety attack, and i didnt want everybody to think i was crazy, cause thats what you think youre doing youre going crazy. As i was going through life and everything like that, boom, boom, boom, boom, just this big old hammer just smacking down on me constantly. You cant do this. You cant do that. Dont go there. Dont say that. All i was was a nail, and this big old hammer was just gonna pound me right into the ground, and it might have just been a hugesized coffin that i was pounding these nails in, because thats how i felt. I just felt dead. Dead inside. I was off duty for about four months. I had both my neck and my lower back operated on, and on the first day back in, i was the engineer, or driver. Our first call came in, and i pulled out of quarters, and i got about two blocks away. And all of a sudden, i had to pull over, and the captain looked at me, and he said, whats the matter . And i said, i think im gonna die. I said, im having a heart attack or something. I said, im dizzy. I feel like im gonna pass out. They called an ambulance out, and they took me to the hospital. And for the next six months, i went through a series of doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I told my wife that since i couldnt drive fire trucks anymore that we were probably looking at a minimum pension and that we better sell everything we own and get debtfree so that our kids could go to school. So i did. I sold the dream home that my wife and i had built. I didnt really notice any bad symptoms of anxiety until i was, oh, maybe 65. Well, i dont know what brought it on. Its like my life got littler and littler. It was right after high school that i started to have anxiety. I actually had a girlfriend who passed away in a car accident. I woke up in the middle of the night. I just couldnt breathe, and i actually went outside on my parents deck, cause i just felt like i needed air. From then on, that is when i really knew that i was scared, and i didnt know why. I never wanted therapy. I never sought it. I really tried to just hope itd all go away. I was just not wanting to live. I dont know that there was any answers out there for me. I absolutely had no hope up until this point. I didnt want to exist. I really didnt want to exist. Im seeing the right doctors. Im going to a psychiatrist. He tells me im not crazy. Im going to a psychologist, and hes helping me the best that he can. I think i should get more help, but im getting the best that i can, and im getting worse. My daughter was living in ontario, and she was getting married, and they were having a shower for her. I was a nervous wreck knowing that, how am i going to get on that plane . And i was sitting there waiting for us to get ready for takeoff. And it hit. It hit like the biggest storm ever. The sweat. The heart rate. The fullblown panic attack. And i just said to the stewardess, i said, you have to get me off this plane. I am not going to be able to settle down. And then, like, i just started to scream, and i said, you have to get me off the flight now, or were gonnate pilots gonna have to turn around and land somewhere, because i am not gonna be able to stay on this plane for 3 12 hours. And, i mean, i was embarrassed. I was crying, but i couldnt control the panic attack. The pilot said, okay, fine. We have to get her off the flight. My mom would sit me down or tell me before i would leave that she might not be there when i got back. She would allude to the fact that she was going to kill herself. I thought it was my responsibility to make sure that those bad things that i feared did not happen, and thats when my panic attacks started. Well, my selfesteem plummeted, and i lost all of my confidence. No independence. I just started to depend on people. I became a victim, you know. I just turned myself into a victim of these circumstances, and it was just an awful, awful feeling to be so powerless. And i figured, this is just terrible. Im 35 years old, and this it. This is gonna be for the rest of my life, and i hate it, but i sort of just started to accept it. I think i stayed in bed for, like, six months. I was just totally depressed. I didnti didnt want to live anymore because it was too painful to watch myself just basically fall apart. I became socially phobic. I was uncomfortable staying in other peoples houses. I was uncomfortable traveling in other peoples cars. And i lived in my own little world, and i didnt tell anyone. I would go to bed at night and just lie there and worry that i was gonna become possessed, that i was going to become mentally ill, or that i was gonna die of a terminal illness. Those seemed to be my three fears at about 14. I think one of my biggest symptoms was, i felt kind of dizzy and lightheaded, and i felt like i was gonna pass out. And my biggest fear was, what if i pass out while im driving with my two young kids in the car . And that scared the heck out of me. And even if i was in a store, i thought, well, what if i pass out right here and then, you know, the ambulance has to come or Something Like that, and then my little daughter whos just two years old is standing there wondering whats happening to mommy . What if i never wake up . What if i end up in a Mental Institution . I mean, all those things were going through my mind. After my first incident, where i had to stop driving the fire engine, i probably went through a dozen or more doctors. I was in a shop with a doctor. She was a specialist on balance and innerear problems. And she was having me do a bunch of balance tests, and they had strobe lights going and the whole bit. She finally stopped the whole thing, and she just kind of chuckled, and she said, why are we doing this . She says, i know whats wrong with you. She says, youre having panic attacks. I can remember i looked at her, and i went, youre kidding, right . I said, do you know what i do for a living . Im a fireman, so im not afraid of anything. I said, do you know where ive been and what ive seen in my career and in my life . And she said, well, its real common with motor officers, with firefighters, with soldiers. She says, its the stress that youre under that you dont realize. I work with couples and families and individuals, people who have problems in their relationships, people who have problems with anxiety and depression, addictions. I myself had anxiety disorder when i was in my 20s, and it kind of came on me very suddenly, and it was very debilitating. So i know the terrible feeling of anxiety disorder, the horrors of a panic attack. Ive experienced that myself. The thing that alcohol did for me is, it numbed the depression. The depression was 247. I was able to work a job and really excel with it, because i had learned to be a hard worker. And once i got home, i had nowhere to turn. My mom was a nurse. Pills were everywhere. In fact, when i started the program, my mom says, why dont you just take a pill . Anxiety and depression are two of the main reasons people miss work, visit the family doctor, and take prescription medication. Take control of your anxiety and depression, and youll take control of your life. Youll think more clearly, have more energy, sleep better, and be happier. Take the first step right now. There is hope. There are options. Call for a wonderful free cd that will show you how. It was unbelievable to me that you can do and you can achieve whatever you want. Its motivated me to do many Different Things that ive always wanted to do but was just so scared to do. Im feeling physically better. You know, suddenly i could sleep. Suddenly i was able to take my kids to disneyland. I could do all these things and not be afraid that i was gonna have to leave. Before i found the attacking anxiety and Depression Program, there wasnt a single therapy that helped me. Thank god for this. I am so blessed. You want help for your anxiety and depression. You want to feel better. You just dont know what to do. Let the Midwest Center help you take the first step. I think the program was wonderful. It didwas a miracle to me. These are life skills that really, really do stay with you. I cleared out my attic. Then i found me. And i found out i like me. Like, i never get anxious, and ill never have a panic attack for the rest of my life. And i know i wont, cause ill never allow that to happen. It was just so freeing to feel that heaviness come off myself. Theres hope. There is a way out of this. Right now theres someone waiting to talk to you who understands what youre going through. Call now for this wonderful free cd. I was on medication after medication. I think every six weeks for a couple of years, i was being switched to a different medication and going through the side effects and weight loss and weight gain and nausea and irritability. It was horrible, and i was doing it to myself. I was on this quest for something that would make me feel better immediately. And im getting angrier because theres nobody helping me medically. All the doctors are saying is take, you know, prescriptions and try another antidepressant and try this anti you know, they just kept switching the drugs around. And i said, but thats its not helping. None of its helping. So i finally went into therapy, and i just didnt find it helpful at all. I was just frustrated with them. I said, but i need to understand what im going through and why im going through and how i can fix this. I remember there was no safe place anymore. I couldnt talk to my mother on the phone. That made me anxious. I couldnt drive to my Favorite Grocery store. That made me anxious. I just was living in this little shell wondering how much worse it was gonna get, and i prayed to god, and i said, please, show me one person thats gone through this and lived and thrived, and ill help you for the rest of my life. And the next morning, i woke up and turned a show on, and it was a woman talking about panic attacks. When youre dealing with anxiety and depression, you know, you go through so many different physical symptoms, and one of them is insomnia. And so anyway, one morning at 4 00 in the morning, i get up, and i said, im gonna switch on the tv. Im not sleeping anyway. And then i see lucinda. Im listening to her, and im going, oh, my gosh. That sounds just like me. I was so incredibly excited when i found the Midwest Center for stress and anxiety. I knew that i was on to something. I had found something that was gonna work for me. Nobody ever told me that its about changing the way that you think, and that was when i found this attacking anxiety and Depression Program, that was the major, major thing. And its something so simple. I wish would have learned before then. The first thing that was so helpful was, i understood exactly what anxiety was. She described it, she explained it, and she told you why it is and what it does to you physically and emotionally and the whole chemistry imbalance in your body. And im thinking, why couldnt a doctor tell me that . I really enjoy working with people in therapy who are using the program, because it is a great complement to the therapy. Its just great to have people kind of in that therapeutic environment for the entire week other than whenthe hour that theyre with me. If people dont have access to therapy or dont particularly need therapy but have the program, they can do a really god job by working with this program and with the Midwest Center to recover from anxiety and depression. There is a lot of support from the Midwest Center, phone support. Theres coaching support. I could take a negative thought and run with it, and i could catastrophize the worstcase scenarios. And talking with other coaches, i find out that this is probably one of the biggest obstacles for everyone, and certainly, the clients that ive coached, thats the main focus that i work on. My days started to change. My thoughts started to change, and it changed my life. It gave me the freedom to live my life, because before, i didnt. I was too scared. I had to give up my security blanket, and my security blanket was fear. My security blanket was, do not go there. My security blanket was, dont do that. Dont trust the world. Because i was brought up in believing that it was a bad place. It was a shock, cause it was like, oh, my gosh. Its been me all along . Like, im the one thats causing this . But then when you find out that it is under your control and you can solve it, that in itself just gives you that oomph. Oh, okay. Ive just got to follow this program. You dont want to listen to the fact that, you know, youve been victimizing yourself all this time, because youre very angry at the fact that youve allowed yourself to do that. You know, it was a whole different way of thinking, because for a long time, people believed that people who were anxious and depressed were deficient or that they were sick or unstable or incapable of helping themselves. And the different twist that i saw to the whole thing is that, no, wait a minute. People with anxiety and depression are creative and intuitive and futuristic thinkers, and they have a vivid imagination. And if you could take all that Creative Energy that theyre turning inward and making themselves sick with and turn it outward where it belongs, these people could conquer the world. I learned what i was missing, and it lit a fire under me that i dont know anybody could ever put out. My world opened up, and my life opened up, and my heart opened up, and my mind opened up. And the things that i probably should have been doing or could have been doing for the first 30 years started happening. I was not living. And im living now. The program is utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps you to learn to identify how your own thinking is impacting your feelings and that your body is responding to your thinking and creating this panic and anxiety. Medication can relieve the symptoms of the anxiety disorder, but the medication really doesnt do anything at all to correct the negative selftalk thats going on. Yes, you can take medication. Yes, you can selfmedicate with alcohol, but thats not gonna help you in the long term. And thats not the kind of message you want your children to see. You want to be selfempowered. You want to know that no matter what, you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get your energy and your confidence back no matter whats going on around you. And thats what this program does. The macho image its hard for people to open up. Its hard for men to open up, to get them to admit their weaknesses, to show their emotions, to really come up with a plan of action, to take control of their life, and just admit their fears. In fact, ive been told that, by a psychiatrist, that my defense mechanism is always on. [laugh im always denying that theres a problem and that its the way that it is. Same thing with pain is, thats the way that i get through my life day to day i deny that im hurt. I think one of the hugest breakthroughs that encouraged me to start the program was the information, and something i had never heard from one of my doctors is that i wasnt sick, i didnt have a disease, that it was a condition that basically i had developed throughout my life and that i didnt have to be cured from it, that i could teach myself and use the tools that were provided through the program to get over it. I like the way that it made me realize that i was causing the problem, and i think thats one of the things that took me a long time to get into my head, but as it went on and on, i think i finally realized that nothing outside is making this happen. It is me thats causing it. Life for me now is amazing. I can seriously say that im justim blessed, and im so happy. I could have never been on a plane, you know, before and fly for six hours by myself, but im just my own safe person now. I dont rely on others to cheer me up all the time. I can do that for me now. You cannot put a price on what it gives you. It gave me my life back. It made me find me. The attacking anxiety and Depression Program is something that i keep in my car, i keep on my ipod. I go back to it all the time. Its like having a good friend thats sitting in my car with me. If im worried, ill put in the worry cd, and i remember that that doesnt do me any good. It doesnt do me any good to worry. What can i do to change that . And you know what . Sometimes we need that friend. We need that, you know, you can do this. You might have forgotten that you can do this, but you can do this. Ive seen you get through worse things. And thats what it is for me. Its time to take control of your worry, anxiety, and depression. Its time to put an end to the fear and what if thinking it creates. Please, pick up the phone and call right now for a wonderful free cd that will show you how to finally free yourself from the obsessive worry, fear, and exhaustion thats caused by anxiety and depression. You can get your life back. You can feel good again. Call now for your free cd to learn how. Just to get that freedom and be able to appreciate the things i had really, reallyit was more than help. It was a dream come true. Every day in my prayers i thank god for that blessing. I think the program gave me a new way of looking at things and looking at life, and it made me feel like i can do anything. Keep practicing the skills, and it will work. And im proof that it works. We want to help you help yourself. You can control your anxiety, stress, and depression, and we can show you how. Call now. It hit home. There were people that had exactly what i had. Life now is much, much, much better. I feel like i can handle my life now. Its amazing. Sometimes i have to step back and say, oh, my god. I used to do that. I used to worry all the time. I used to make myself sick. I just am so happy with where i am in my life. The Midwest Center saved me in so many different ways that i could honestly say that im no longer scared to death. I feel like im a part of something now. This program really works. You have a right to be happy. You have a right to not feel anxious and depressed. Life is supposed to feel good. Call now for this motivating free cd and take control of your life. There is a changing your life. You have to commit to it. You have to believe that youre worth it. And you just keep going. But if you dont use it, its not gonna do you any good. I go back to it every day. I live it. Its a way of life. Im a totally different person. I am so in control of my life. Im so happy. I have confidence. My selfesteem is just fantastic, and i cant even believe that i