Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170610

Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes jim gaffigan. Anna chlumsky. And Louie Anderson featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo hey thank you very much thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I gotta say, first of all, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. First of all, itsed from. Happy friday, everybody. Its a friday crowd. Friday crowd, cant fake it. Now, of course, this is not just any old friday. Its the dramatic conclusion of Donald Trumps infrastructure week. Its all weve been talking about this week, right, infrastructure . You know, fixing our old bridges and then jumping off them. laughter you remember that during the campaign, trump promised to spend 1 trillion thats trillion with an n on the end for infrastructure. But now, hes changed that to 200 billion, which is 20 of his campaign promise. So hes issuing a slightly revised hat that just says make laughter by the same percentage. cheers and applause by the same piercage. Make trump kicked off infrastructure week on understood we all remember with a speech about privatizing air traffic control, followed by a big signing ceremony at the white house. It all looks very official white guys in suits, childsized desk done. Done air traffic control, privatized, right . Well, no, because it turns out what trump signed wasnt. Whats the word . Anything. Its just whats called a decision memo, which is a Welcome Change from his confusion tweets. Thats a cool trick, thats a cool trick, making it official looking. You can make any decision seem president ial way that. Thank you for being here, gentlemen. Thank you so much. Ive got my pens. Ive got my things. I will have the sweet potato fries and a refill on my mountain dew. Doo. Signed, donald trump. cheers and applause but there has to be some part of trumps infrastructure plan thats real. What about his Signature Campaign promise, the wall . Well, in a meeting of congressional republicans, trump said he wants to defray costs for the wall by covering it in solar panels. Yeah its going to provide its own power. It will be the worlds first selfstanding wall. Most walls youve got to plug in or it falls right or over. Thats why they put the socket right on the wall, so it can plug itself into itself. Heres the thing i dont get he doesnt believe in climate change, so why solar . Is it just a way to get liberals to like it . Im making the wall solar powered and organic. Also, is there any way we can make the wall gay . Just tell me. Gay wall, keep the mexicans out. applause after floating this idea, trump told lawmakers they could talk about the solarpaneled wall as long as they said it was his idea. Dont worry, circ by the time the hearings are over, im sure there will be a lot of people saying, it was all his idea. It was that guy. Just him just just. It was him. It was him. applause trump also said that he thinks the wall could be up to 50 feet high. 50 feet i mean, thats pretty imposing, and theres no way to get over that. Unless and theres no way this could ever happen someone comes up with the 51foot ladder. laughter applause mexico, theyll never get that technology. Theyll never get that technology. Of course, the big story today is still james comeys Senate Testimony yesterday. It was on all the networks, commercialfree. I mean, not entirely. We all saw what comey was wiring at the hearing. laughter now, comey was pretty rough on the president , but right after his testimony, trump sent his longtime personal lawyer and devil who has a thing he wants you to sign, marc kasowitz. To respond. And kasowitz started with a simple introduction. Ladies and gentlemen, im marc kasowitz, President Trumps personal lawyer. Stephen and i am the busiest man in the world. laughter i havent taken a bathroom break in 27 years. I will now blink out my real message rescue me. Kasowitz explained why everything comey said proves the the president is right. Contrary to numerous, false press accounts leading up to todays hearing, mr. Comey has now finally confirmed publicly what he repeatedly told President Trump privately. Stephen please sir, id like to leave the room now. laughter but even though everything comey said proved trump wasnt guilty, he was also a liar. The president likewise never pressured mr. Comey. The president also never told mr. Comey, i need loyalty. I expect loyalty. He never said it in form, and he never said it in substance. Stephen he also never entered the dressing room. Wait, which trump lawsuit am i in right now . laughter applause ive said too much. Kasowitz focused on shifting the blame away from trump and onto comey. Today, mr. Comey admitted that he leaked to friends of his purported memos of those privileged communications. Stephen, of course we should have known comey was a leaker. The source of all this info was a shadowy figure in a d. C. Parking garage who went by the name tall throat. laughter then, kasowitz ran off without taking questions. And one reporter witnessed an awkward scene as kasowitz tried to escape with no press questions he and aides stood in the elevator staring at us. Forgot to push down button. See ya. See ya, suckers. Wouldnt want to be you, bite me cheers and applause but kasowitz made up for that little goof with a bigger one, because when he emailed his statement out to reporters, it read, i am marc kasowitz, predisent trumps personal lawyer. The ultimate legal loophole trump was never president he was predisent the entire time that way, he can never be impooched. laughter applause yeah, uhhuh, yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah. Heres the deal. Heres the deal even though hes leading trumps defense, kasowitz doesnt have a lot of experience with congressional testimony or the justice department. Or the government, really. And, apparently, trump cant find other lawyers to join the team, because some of americas top law firms dont want donald trump as a client. Thats crazy. Law firms are not known for both particularly picky about their clients. In fact, heres a partial list of people who had no trouble. Finding a lawyer cheers and applause no problem so, why wont these lawyers take trumps case . Well, one source said theyre afraid, the guy wont pay, and he wont listen. laughter that is thats pretty compelling. I dont blame these lawyers. I wouldnt want to represent a guy who you know is going to tweet the fake lawyers arein, but i am guilty. Neverpaying. I did it. Totally did it. But if trump ever has difficulty finding legal representation in the future, of course, theres always one firm you can find on your tv that he can turn to. Here at galino have a reputation for representing any client. Up to now, anyone. We had to drawt line somewhere. So if youre the president of a country and suspected of collusion and or obstruction, dont call us. We are too biz tow take your case. Here are the things we will and possibly be too busy doing so as you can see, we are all booked up. Sorry the. No. Take out the number take it down stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. Jim gaffigan is here. Anna chlumsky is here. Louie anderson is here stick around theyre all here theyre all here new, peach, from limearita. Make it a margarita moment. We, the device loving people want more than just unlimited data. We want unlimited entertainment. So we can stream unlimited action. Watch unlimited robots. Watch unlimited romance. If you are into that. But we also want more like. Unlimited hbo. Can i stop dying now mark . No cant do mi amigo. Its unlimited. Besides you are really good at it james. Dont settle for any unlimited data plan. Only the at t unlimited plus plan comes with hbo included at no extra charge. This clean was like pow everything well . My teeth are glowing. They are so white. Step 1 cleans. Step 2 whitens. Crest [hd]. 6x cleaning , 6x whitening a i would switch to crest [hd] over what i was using before. Guyscause this is my jam. N. Showtime tell it to my heart tell me im the only one. Nailed it tim, nailed it. Oh, its actually. Sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. The milk that doesnt mess with you. Takesmiss hoffman gets us to mathere safe every time. Mrs. Migliaccio teaches us all about fractions and haikus and the erie canal miss reeves makes us sound amazing. And miss santoro always takes time to see how were doing. Miss simpkins keeps our school looking great. Recess wouldnt be recess without miss basile. And mrs. Mccarthy always has tons of good books to read. Which makes for a pretty good day at school. band playing cheers and applause stephen hay, everybody. Jon batiste and stay human right there, that lovely band right there. Folks, im so excited. Im so happy. My first guest tonight is one of my favorite standup comedians. And hes about to release his fifth album cinco. Please welcome the lovely and talented mr. Jim gaffigan. applause cheers and applause thank you so much. Thank you for having me back, stephen. Stephen nice to see you again. We had kind of a manly kind of kind of a manly stilted handshake over there. I wasnt sure whether to go in for the hug or not. Are you a hugger . Im not affectionate. Stephen you have five children, sir. Im trying to raise creative children so im withdrawing whenever i can, withdraw affection. I think that will make some musicians. What do you think, band, will it work . Stephen a fathers job is to be distant, authoritative and never quite pleased. Thats way the children can understand god. Thats right. That answer. Stephen last time you were here you were talking about your netflix special cinco. Yes. Stephen cinco. Not because of Cinco De Mayo but because it was your first. Fifth hour special. Stephen now its going to be an album, also called cinco, right there. applause . Yup. Stephen what what if if ive seen your netflix special and i loved it. Yes. Stephen what am i getting from the album i didnt get from the special . Well, the alwums all in spanish which i thought was no, the album, we made a point my wife and i write everything together, and we made a point of including commentary tracks on each individual track where we talk stephen is it because its a double albem bum. So there are two album s. Stephen is it every other track . Its two different albums. Its just for the comedy nerd thats like, all right, he has jokes on bread. What were he and his wife thinking about . There are no jokes on bread. Thats on a different album there are commentary traction, some background on what we came up with, what inspired the joke. Stephen its like the directors commentary on a dvd. Very much. And theres also bonus theres a bonus track of my im known as this kind of dad comedian, but my first standup, you know, six minutes that i did on carolines comedy hour was all material about my dad where i made fun of my dad. Stephen thats niece. So i included that on the album. Stephen thats nice. We talked before. Youre a catholic. Im a catholic. Im a catholic. Im not a good catholic. Stephen are there are there good catholics . Well, there are stephen a good catholic would not consider himself a good catholic. Right. Well thats probably why theres not a test, right . Like, if there was a test for catholics, no one would pass. Stephen there is, jim. There is . applause . Stephen theres a final exam. There is . Stephen theres a final exam at the end of it. Pencils down, gentlemen, pencils down thats what being an old person is all about. Thats why church is filled with old people. Theyre cramming in it at the end, right. Stephen choos exactly im here im here trying to make up for some time, make up for my 20s. Stephen weve talked pope. Yes. Stephen weve talked francis. We both like francis. I like francis. Stephen did you see when our president was recently on his brief world tour there, he stopped by the vatican and he was there with the pope. What did you think of the reaction . I think of the pope as somebody who who is you know, hes focuse focused on me. And ive never seen the pope look more miserable. laughter its i mean, you know like when youre a kid and you had to kiss your aunt and she hlike, facial hair . Thats what the pope kind of he looked sad. But hes like i guess him being nice to trump, hes like, maybe this will count as one of my miracles. Right . laughter applause you know . Stephen well, yeah. You know . Stephen well, thats thats funny because yeah, because miracles like if somebody becomes a saint like is john paul ii a saint yet . I think you know, its not up to me. Stephen i think they did. I think they gave i think they fast tracked john paul ii through venerable, blessed, and straight to saint. And youve got to have, like two or three you need two miracles. Stephen two miracles associated with you. I dont know why its two. Its not like half of us would be, you know, if it was one, id go for it, because i can do that thing with my elbow. You know . laughter speaking of saints, where i live, downtown manhattan, is where the First American saint is buried. His st. Now i cant think stephen hes on the doors of st. Patricks. St. Stephen Elizabeth Ann seton is the First American saint. No, he was a slave. Stephen what . He was a slave. Stephen he might have been earlier than her but she was the first saint. I promise you. He was a saint, and he was a hairdresser. He was a hairdresser, and he is at st. Patricks canada ca neederal. Stephen it was st. Paul mitchell. St. Vidal sassoon. You know what . Twitter is going to let you know. But he was a hairdress gler well take a break. You can stick around for another thing. When hoe got done cutting peoples hair, they were like, this is a miracle. Stephen well be right back with more jim gaffigan. Dont go anywhere. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . Getshop early birds for dady. Plus take an extra 20 sh wct 15. 99 a new golf shirt for 17. 59 or a camp shirt for 19. 99. Youll get kohls cash too kohls. Its about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. They got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. chuckling or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian. laughing or you, a ghost, and me, a spirit. laughing new left and right twix® packs. Its time to deside. [ sighs ] hey, i was using that. What, you think we own stock in the Electric Company . I will turn this car around right now i was becoming my father. [ clears throat ] its. Been an adjustment, but were making it work. You know, progressive. Com makes it easy for us to get the right home insurance. [ snoring ] progressive cant protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto. [ chuckles ] all right. Its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft new charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. And its softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird we all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin . Were back. Were back with jim gaffigan. Help me out here, do you always have the beard or is this a new thing . If i want my children to not be frightened, yeah. I have the type of face that needs to be covered. Louvre laugh. Stephen not at all. Not in the least. Last year i just had the mustache. But i have the beard. I love my beard. I love it. Because im a pale guy and its just kind of round like a block. Stephen your whole family, you have a lovely family these are your five children right there. Look at how all of them all of them blond, all of them what are your what are your sunscreen costs in your family. Theres a lot. Thats how woe store them, too. Thats how we store our children. Stephen now, i understand did you just tour in japan . We were in japan. I not just for standup. I was there modeling. I was mod length. laughter see, i wish that wasnt funny, you know . I would much prefer people say, really . Modeling in . But people saying, you modeling . Never. I was in japan. And ill tell you something, the japanese theyre just better at being human. Lets just be serious. Stephen oh, really . I mean, design you know, theyre polite. I mean, the entire time i was there i felt overweight probably because i am overweight. But like theyre generally the japanese are thin. There are overweight people in japan, but not like in america. Were better, right. Because if you get really fat in japan, they make you sumo wrestle. laughter they make their fat people fight each other. laughter to entertain the thin people laughter applause and the fat people in japan go along with it stephen its an honor. Its a real honor. They wear that little dieper and the hair theyre like, why are we doing this . Its prestigious. Now you try to push that other pudgy guy out of that circle while we try not to giggle. Stephen does your does your comedy translate to the japanese . Im very you know, im very americana, but there is stephen how do you say hot pocket in japanese is the question . Dump ling . I dont know. laughter it was amazing in japan. And i im such a huge fan. And not just i look japanese. And theyre so polite. And my children you saw them thats them behaving well, in a pile at the airport. Stephen oh, okay. My kids are horribly behaved, and every now and then we would catch a japanese person looking at our kids. And then they would look at me. And i would always say the same thing, were canadian. You know . Stephen thank you, thank you. Of course, were not canadian. Stephen sure, yeah. But thats what americans do when they travel internationally, they tell people theyre canadian which i think is cowardly. Thats request i tell people im north korean, you know. laughter i get the respect i deserve. Stephen youve got a lovely wife. You have the lovely kids. Fathers day is coming up. Do you have big expectations for fathers day . Not really. I mean, you know, because kids they dont have any money, right . laughter they have november money because and theyll make stuff for you, and then youre just like, great laughter i mean, obviously, im joking. But its its all garbage. laughter you know . applause you look at it and youre like, how long do we have to. I meantime amount of lying, right. Like they give you a card, and youre like, this is great. Can i have this . You dont want it. You know. But you hold on to it. And then you just stuff it in the garbage. Thats horrible i dont do it in front of them i wait till theyre in their room and i bring in a garbage can and i throw it in there. No, i dont do that. Stephen youre your wife is also your writing partner. Yes. Stephen you guys create your shows together. I understand she is recovering now from a serious she had a brain tumor. It was insane. Stephen is she all right . Two months ago yeah, shes fine. They removed a brain tumor. It was debenign. Shes fine. Shes home. The brain tumor is gone. Stephen was it was it big . It was it was big. It was it was the brain surgeon told me, he goes, it was the size of a pear which is which is huge. Again, shes fine. It was confusion i dont know why they always you know, i thought maybe its always fruit pears or lemons. And i thought are these doctors bad at analogies . But theny realized the surgeon he was probably just looking at me going, i have to dumb this down for this guy. No way this guy understands centimeters. He probably doesnt eat fruit, but hes probably maybe hes seen a pear on his way to buy ice congressmen, you know. Stephen im glad to hear shes fine. Thank you so much. Stephen congratulations on the album. Lovely to see you again. Cinco the album is available tuesday. Jim gaffigan, everybody. Well be right back with anna stick around rumor confirmed. Theyre playing. What . We gotta go. Where . San francisco. When . Friday. We gotta go. [ tires screech ] any airline. Any hotel. Any time. Go where you want, when you want with no blackout dates. [ muffled music coming from club. Blue monday by new order. Cheers. ] how does it feel the travel rewards credit card from bank of america. Its travel, better connected. Welcome back to the show. Folks, my next guest this friday night stars as one of the few competent band playing cheers and applause staffs, or veep. This is a big day, people. Campaign starts right now because we are going to make buddy calhoun the next governor of a dry coyote turd of a state. I love that epithiewzasm. Saddle up those emphysema tanks. We are going to drag this state into the 20th century. Thats right, i said 20th. Tracy, how are we doing on yard signs. Please welcome anna chlumsky. applause hello hey what can make me feel this way my girl stephen welcome back. Nice to see you again. Thank you nice to see you stephen now, look, the first time you were on here, i definitely you know, i definitely was a fan of veep. Now i have become a so. Dependent upon it, i love it so much. Because with our new political reality in washington, d. C. , as crazy as that show is, it its better. Yeah. Stephen its better than whats going on right now. Tit is. And theyre somehow more competent on our show than than in reality. Stephen theres some level of affection, also. While all the characters on the show are incredibly selfish. Yeah. You still root for them, wrars i dont think you root for anybody. Stephen the insults that you hurl at each other all the time. Yes. Stephen does that bleed over into your real life, like in the cast . Because theyre so good, that they almost seem affectionate. Well, there is we have an affectionate kind of refrain that we have every time dear matt walsh kind of acts like his character in real life. Stephen so you off camera. So off camera sorry, matt, if im blowing up your spot, as they say. But, yeah, like hes like set himself on fire before. And, like stephen matt walsh the man, not the actor, has set himself on fire . Yes, you know, we used to film in baltimore and it was freezing so they had, like, a propane heater and he just stood too close to it laughter i have not told him im telling this story. Stephen matt plays the incredibly incompetent press, is the speechwriter. Yes. But he always has food on him. So every time Something Like that happens julia is like, classic mike. So classic mike is our meanest refrain as cast member s. Stephen is there any particular insult that youve hurled at each other that you like . Is there a favorite one . My favorite is when she said, i feel like im on life support and everybody keeps pulling the plug to charge their phones. laughter like, that stephen yes. I thought it was so apt. Stephen yes, that is absolutely perfect, absolutely perfect. Youve wrapped for the season. Yeah. Stephen is i understand theres a tradition at the end of each season that you started. Yeah, i went and did this. My you know in a lot of government offices, carried over from a military tradition, many officials in government will have a challenge coin that is from their office. And thats often something that they give to people. So i started having challenge coins made as if they were amys challenge coin. Stephen okay. But i would like to give you something. Stephen oh,. So, you know, and stephen do it like this. Exactly. Stephen and dont look at it, just have it in your hand. Look at it stephen celina mire, the character of julia louisdreyfus, library and birth place, because shes no longer president. Notice theres only one star because only one term. Stephen oh, one term. Eight months or something. And it says, president of the United States. Thats very sweet. You can see that . President of the United States, veep season six. May i keep this . Yes. We have one for each season. Stephen the last time we saw each other you were massively pregnant. Yes, yes. Stephen you almost gave birth here. This is your second child, right . Yes, yes. Stephen so whats it like going from one to two . Its not mantoman defense. It is and that is so helpful, you know. The thought of any more is is terrifying because then youd be outmanned. Stephen have to go to a zone after that. Yeah. And, yeah, so i dont know. Love is abundant, but attention isnt. Stephen sure, sure. Are they winning at this point, the two of them . Well, i think so. Except i find i find that im falling asleep in the strangest places. I i have fallen asleep i fell asleep in the middle of dim summit other day with our cousins. I fell asleep recording what we call a. D. R. Stephen you are in the booth recording against the screen. And i fell asleep. Stephen on a microphone. Because its dark in there and quiet . And it was, beep, beep, beep. And i heard the beeping. And then i heard them say, okay, ana, do you want to try that again . Because i fell asleep standing. Stephen whats the difference in age between the two . Three years. Stephen boys, girls. Glirlz has the earlier girl said of the younger girl,send her back, or anything like that. No, ive been i i i dont. Ive drawn a really lucky stick because shes in love with her. Like, she you know what it is . They share a room. Shes got a captive audience because you know, shes behind bars in her crib. So its just like, im going to read and act like a mermaid and sing all of my little operas to you. And youre going to watch. Stephen does she treat her like a doll, dress her up and stuff like that. She hasnt tried to dress her up. But its her baby. Its our baby and my baby. Shes thrilled with her. Yeah, she really is crazy about her. Its awesome. It wont last but stephen do you have a sister . Do you have a sister . No, i dont. I have a halfbrother. Hes 14 years younger than me so he was like my practice kid, i always say. But, yeah, i love him to death. But we didnt grow up in the same household so this is new to me watching this sibling stuff. Stephen good luck. They are small but releaptless opponents. Yes, forever. Stephen love to see you. Thank you very much. Stephen veep airs sundays on hbo. Anna chlumsky, everybody. Well be right back with standup from Louie Anderson. Stick around. But we dont want annual contracts and hardware. You scoundrel we just want to stream live tv. And we want it for 10 dollars a month. batman raspy wow. Id like that in my house. Its a very big house. Yeah, mine too. Look at us. Just two bros with sick houses. High five. Directv now. A big streaming deal for 10 a month. Its entertainment your way. [hissing] uh i [sound of wrench] [intricate guitar riff] [engine starts] [guitar continues] where the party at by jagged edge limearita. Make it a margarita moment. I own my own company. 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And, everyone gets kohls cash . Earn it on everything spend it on anything right now at kohls. Are allergies holding you back . Break through your allergies. Try new Flonase Sensimist allergy relief instead of allergy pills. Its more complete allergy relief in a gentle mist experience youll barely feel. Using unique mistpro technology, new Flonase Sensimist delivers a gentle mist to help block six key inflammatory substances that cause your symptoms. Most allergy pills only block one. And six is greater than one. New Flonase Sensimist changes everything. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Folks, my next guest tonight won an emma for playing Zach Galifiankis mother on baskets, but he is best known for the standup hes been doing on latenight tv shows like this for over 30 years. Please welcome Louie Anderson. cheers and applause hi, everybody thank you so much oh what a beautiful day, huh . cheers and applause i almost went for a walk laughter i came this close. I want to be more healthy. You know, i dont people who look like me, we dont lay in bed all day and eat. You know, it just happens. laughter but if you eat healthy you need a healthy friend. I have a healthy friend, and she says to me, louie, im going to turn you around well, you better bring another person. And when you go to eat with someone healthy, well, its not easy. Because somebody at the table next to you has something, and you smell it. sniffs what is that . Thats bang, bang shrimp . Oh, my god can i get a bang, bang salad . And, you know, i am i am. Ive eaten every bad thing, every bad thing ive eaten. So now i look at the healthy side of the menu. Whats on here. Salmon. laughter sorry. I always want to say to the server, you got anything less fishy . You got any pork that swims . You got any spamon . The only time i want to eat salmon is when im watching the Animal Planet and a grisly plugs one from a stream. I think to myself, i should give salmon another try. laughter he makes it look so delicious. laughter applause yes. It does. Thank you. Yeah. And then, you know, the server, poor server when youre with a healthy person. They just crossexamine them. Is it Free Range Chicken . What does that even mean . It means they get to run free, louie before they kill them . laughter that seems crueler to me the chickens in the coop are trying to warn her, youre living a lie, betty laughter youre just jealous because im free range laughter theyre going to kill you, betty youve always been jealous of me. Im free range laughter bangbang oh, i tried to warn her betty applause cheers stephen Louie Anderson, everybody come on over. Good to see you. There you go. Thank you. Hi, everybody stephen nice to see you. What a great show. Stephen nice to see you again. Thank you. Nice to see you. Stephen listen, as i said, youve been doing standup on shows like this for 30 years. Youve been a standup comec traveling around for 40 years now. Do you think standups because you play in so many different towns across the United States do you think you understand the country better than other people . I think so, a little bit. Or at least you see it all. Like, you know, i went to oregon, or orgone im not sure how you say it. You get corrected up there. Orgone, oregon. Thats what i said its nice to stay up there because you stay in a hotel where you can hunt from the window. laughter i got i got my limit, two tourists, so. laughter . Stephen do you see any impressive things . When i was a younger cat, we would tour around the United States. And loved oh, theres the Worlds Largest lighthouse by a tower. Its true. Y went to san antonio. I saw the alamo. Stephen thats cool. Yeah applause . Stephen thats cool. And, you know, mrs. Serks rzik in third grade made that thing seem huge. But if you havent seen it when you get there you go, oh is that it . Im pretty sure i could have held this fair couple of days. I always carry a steak knife with me. But its true. And, of course, i went to boston, and, you know, the guy driving me said were on the road where paul revere rode. Thats good. Thats good. I better he was going faster than we are in this traffic. Of. Do you see a lantern up ahead . Stephen were on baskets. You play Zach Galifiankis mom. You won an emmy for it this past year. Year. applause and you have a lovely very believable, you know, motherly quality with him on the show. Do you do you exhibit that same relationship with him off camera, too . Well, im a maternal person anyways. Thats a little off right there. laughter and i so laughter its good audience. Good audience. Stephen theyre good. Paying attention i was going to do this, but its 2017. No one wants their your spit on them. Nobody. Even your mom. Mom but, yes, i am. You know, sometimes ill wake up behind him and push his hair back and stuff. Hes heel go, what the. . Im your mother i say, did you eat enough today . Do you feel good . Did you go to the bathroom . laughter but hes a lovely person powork with. And i really do, i feel i dont let anyone call me louie on the set. I make them call me christine. Te lovely maternal relationship with him on the show. We have a clip here of i think i think zach has been arrested for some reason. Yeah, im there to b out. Stephen jim. What did you do to get in here . Mom, it was trespassing and mischief, i think. Mischief . Mischief, yeah, general mischief. Mischief. Were you chasing a mouse around . Jim, is it because i sent youre . No, thats not it. You know, chip, i provide a house for you. I give you money. I bought i bought i bought you tennis shoes. I paid for your clown college. I dont know what to tell you, mom. Im a millennial. What does that even mean i actually dont know. laughter its a fun show. Stephen louie, great to have y thank you for having me. Stephen season two of baskets is available now on fx. Louie anderson, before we hit the beach, iwe cant stay here o. Why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you, big daddy. Aww charmin ultra strong. Its washclothlike texture helps clean better. Its four times stronger. And you can use less. Beautiful view. wiggles butt thanks to charmin. And you, honeybear awwwww we all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin . The late show, everybody. Join me next week when ill be joined by scarlett johansson, olivia wilde, and trevor noah. Now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the future states of lemuria, give it up