Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170725 :

WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers July 25, 2017

A russian lawyer who promsied damaging information on Hillary Clinton. But kushner told them he already knew about that ellen video. [ laughter and applause ] thats right. New jersey will soon become the third state raise the smoking age to 21, but thats what happens when you elect a health nut as your governor. [ laughter and applause ] thats right. New jersey will raise the smoking age to 21, while boston is raising the drinking age to five. [ laughter ] fours too young. Its just too young to drink. [ light laughter ] theyre always knocking over their beer, just wasting it. [ laughter ] a canadian Toothpick Company is selling luxury toothpicks for 25 per pack. Incidentally, luxury toothpick is ivankas nickname for jared. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] did you hear . Did you hear . He called him a luxury toothpick. [ laughter ] and finally, a Texas Coffee Company is recalling one of its roasts after male customers reported a viagralike effect. Wives are calling it the worst part of waking up. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we got a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she is starring in an incredible new film. The fantastic actress Charlize Theron is here to talk about atomic blonde, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] shes the host of nbcs Hollywood Game Night. Our friend jane lynch is back on the show. Were so happy to have her. [ cheers and applause ] we will have music from amine tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so youre here on a very good night. Before we get to all this, President Trump made major changes to his Communications Staff on friday. But of course, the problem with this president is not how hes communicating, its what hes communicating. From his attacks on the russia investigation to a secret healthcare bill. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth after months of will he or will he speculation, sean spicer has finally stepped down as press secretary. Im guessing so he can spend more time with the bushes outside the white house. [ laughter ] now i just want to say, for all the criticism spicer got, at the very least, he clearly had a close, intimate relationship with President Trump. I have not the asked the president since the last time we spoke about this. I have not asked the president. I havent asked him. [ laughter ] i have not talked to him about the specific qualities hes looking for forward to to seeing. I dont know if hes seen the legislation or not. But again, i havent spoken to him on it. Honestly, i havent asked him. I honestly havent asked him that specific question. I have not had an opportunity to have that discussion. I literally have not had that kind of conversa i have not discussed that with the president. [ laughter ] seth theres a good chance when spicer went into the oval office to resign, trump didnt have any idea who he was. [ laughter ] mr. President , im resigning. Oh, thats too bad, you were my favorite groundskeeper . [ laughter ] now spicer, obviously, got off to a rough start, from his oversized suits to his lies about undersized inauguration crowds, and never really recovered. But according to a new report on spicers departure, his problems also included food storage. As the wall street journal explained, less than a month into his new job, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer needed to keep his food and drink cold. He wanted a minifridge. He dispatched a top aide to a nearby executive Office Building where Junior Research employees are crammed into a room. mr. Spicer wants your ice box, the aide said. [ light laughter ] they refused to give it up. [ laughter ] so mr. Spicer waited until sundown after his young staffers had left to take matters into his own hands. [ light laughter ] he was spotted by a fellow white house official lugging the ice box down the white house driveway after 8 00 p. M. [ laughter ] man, working for trump is like doing crack cocaine. At first, it must be an amazing high. But eventually, your life falls apart and you start stealing appliances. [ laughter ] so who would fill the void left by spicers absence, not to mention his presence . Enter the mooch we won the presidency because of donald j. Trump. He is a unbelievable politician. Seth thats right, trumps new communication director is wall street financier anthony scaramucci. Now were talking i mean, look at this guy. He is a human pinkie ring. [ laughter ] he is the human embodiment of a doubleparked bmw. [ light laughter ] he looks like the guy who leaves a doowop group over creative differences. [ laughter ] he looks like the only magician you could get on short notice. [ light laughter ] i could go on and on. You know what . Lets. He definitely calls waitresses, sweetheart. [ light laughter ] his yearbook quote was, dont worry about it. [ laughter ] so what does the mooch have that spicey doesnt, besides a job . Well, so far we know hes very good at one thing lavishing praise on donald trump, as scaramucci did at his first White House Press conference on friday, even complimenting the president s alleged prowess at sports. I think hes got some of the best political instincts in the world, and perhaps in history. I went to these rallies, and i saw the love that the people had for the president. I think they really, really love the president. The president is really wellloved. I love the president. I love the president. I love the president. [ light laughter ] the president has really good karma. The president s a winner. Ive seen this guy throw a dead spiral through a tire. Ive seen him at Madison Square garden with a topcoat on. Hes standing in the key, and hes hitting foul shots and swishing them, okay . He sinks threefoot putts. [ laughter ] seth im sorry. Im sorry, but im not buying that this guy is a great athlete. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he looks like john mcendough. [ laughter ] hes his own doubles partner. [ laughter ] theres no doubt scaramucci is an experienced schmoozer with a much slicker style than spicer. In fact, at the end of his marathon press conference where he talked about the president s karma and the love he has for the american people, scaramucci bid goodbye to the press corps with an air kiss. [ light laughter ] so in summary, the mooch gave us a smooch after spicey screwed the pooch. [ cheers and applause ] but there is one thing that scaramucci has in common with spicer and the rest of the white house staff. Like almost every other republican who has gone to work for trump, scaramucci went through the ritual of abandoning much of what he believed before taking a job with trump. He spent the weekend deleting old tweets that contradicted trumps positions on issues. And on sunday when he was asked about trumps comments attacking the russia investigation, scaramucci insisted he would support whatever the president says. Although his choice of words may have accidentally been more revealing than he realized. I want the president to be the president. And my point is if he wants to talk about things like that, im not going to want to stop him or even be able to stop him. I want to be there to help aid and abet his agenda. [ laughter ] seth in fact, you could even say im here to be the president s accomplice. I just want to be an accessory to his agenda both before and after the fact. We are breaking and entering a new era. [ laughter ] and if making America Great again is a crime, then the president is guilty as charged. [ cheers and applause ] so scaramucci says hes now fully on board the trump train, and he sought to make that clear by backing up the president on one of his most controversial claims, that it might not have been russia who interfered in the 2016 election. Now remember, every u. S. Intelligence agency agrees that it was russia. But as evidence to support trumps assertions, scaramucci said he had heard from an anonymous source that if it was russia, they would never have been detected. But there was a fun reveal at the end, when scaramucci was asked who that anonymous source was. Somebody said do me yesterday i wont tell you who that if the russians actually hacked this situation and spilled out those emails, you would have never seen it. You would have never had any evidence of them, meaning that theyre super confident in their deception skills and hacking. I dont know who this anonymous person is that said that if the russians had actually done it, we wouldnt have been able to detect it, but it is how about but it is the unanimous how about how about how about it was the president . [ laughter ] seth how about it was the president , jake . You like that . The president told me that. Then he nailed a threefoot putt. Hey, sweetheart, can we get some bread over here . [ laughter and applause ] so Scaramucci Scaramucci will now be in charge of explaining trumps erratic tweets. Like today, when trump once again attacked his own attorney general Jeff Sessions, calling him beleaguered in a tweet. Trump was asked about that comment today during a photo op with white house interns, and it gave him a chance to mug for the cameras. Mr. President , should Jeff Sessions resign . [ light laughter ] any new events about healthcare . [ laughter ] seth look at trump finally living out his dream of being the coolest high schooler at the class photo shoot. [ laughter ] did you hear me to tell the teacher to be quiet . Haha. School is so lame. [ laughter ] and sessions, of course, is not the only trump confidant in the hot seat over his contacts with russians. Theres also his soninlaw, jared kushner. Kushner of course has repeatedly failed to disclose contacts with russian officials, including a meeting with the Russian Ambassador where he proposed setting up a secret back channel that could not be detected by u. S. Intelligence agencies. Today, kushner spoke to Senate Investigators in a closeddoor session. And afterwards, he gave a rare Public Statement where he defended his role in the administration. Let me be very clear. I did not collude with russia, nor do i know of anyone else in the campaign who did so. When my fatherinlaw decided to run for president , i served his campaign the best i could. I am so grateful for the opportunity to work on important matters, such as middle east peace and reinvigorating americas innovative spirit. [ light laughter ] seth my fatherinlaw put me in charge of middle east peace because i did such a good job not colluding with russia. [ laughter ] i even drew this picture of myself with my fatherinlaw, where he pats me on the head [ laughter ] for being a good job boy, for not talking to russians. [ applause ] and he even said he put it on the fridge as soon as i solve [ laughter ] middle east peace. [ laughter ] and then, of course, theres trumps son, don, jr. , who met with a russian lawyer after being promised dirt on Hillary Clinton as part of russias effort to help trump win. On sunday, scaramucci defended fellow hair gel enthusiast don, jr. [ laughter ] but im not sure his defense was all that flattering to him. It was a nonevent meeting, and hes a political neophyte in june of 2016. Donald j. Trump, jr. Loves his father. The kid took a nothing meeting. Seth the kid . Hes 39. [ laughter ] the only way a 39yearold can be a kid is with a zoltar machine. [ laughter ] so the special counsel investigation is intensifying, and trumps closest aides and family members are increasingly implicated in the scandal. I guess its no surprise, then, that trump is looking for ways to save his own skin. The Washington Post reports trump has asked his advisers about his power to pardon aides, family members, and himself. Seth were six months into his presidency, and hes already talking about pardoning himself. At this rate, trump is going to get impeached and resign in time to be on the next season of dancing with the stars. [ laughter ] apparently, what motivated trump to inquire about his own pardon power was the realization that special Counsel Robert Mueller could look into his personal finances. According to the Washington Post, he has told aides he was especially disturbed after learning mueller would be able to access several years of his tax returns. How bad are these tax returns . At this point we all assume he doesnt pay them, right . So it has to be worse than that. [ light laughter ] what is it . Does he pay two mill a year to melania for hand holding . [ laughter ] does he try to write off eric as a loss . [ laughter and applause ] is his legal name donna . [ laughter ] with everything going on in d. C. Right now, by far the most urgent, potentiallycatastrophic thing that could happen this week, is a vote on the gop healthcare bill. Gop leaders are once again trying to revive their bill, setting a vote for tuesday without telling anyone whats in it. The secretive process is an appalling and shocking breach of basic democratic norms, and yet, today at the white house, trump angrily attacked democrats for saying, accurately, that the bill would cause needless deaths. The senate bill protects coverage for preexisting conditions. And you dont hear this from the democrats. They like to tell you just the opposite. And they didnt even know the bill. They run out. They say, death, death, death. Seth do you know what . Hes right. No matter how you feel about a bill, you shouldnt say its death. Got it. Obamacare is death. [ light laughter ] thats the one thats death. Seth im not death. Youre death. [ laughter ] that was a good comeback, right, guys . [ laughter ] this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with more late night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] what makes a lipton meal . First you start with this. These guys. A place like shhh no. Found it and definitely lipton ice tea. Lots of it. A lipton meal is what you bring to it. And the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. The rock hey siri, read my schedule. [siri tone] rock. Hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] want to see more of the rock and siri . 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[ thudding ] [ grunting ] [ grunting ] seth please welcome to the show, Charlize Theron. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome. [ cheers and applause ] thank you thank you, thank you. Wow. [ cheers and applause ] seth theyre so very happy youre here. Im so very happy youre here. Its so nice. Oh, my gosh. I had to learn a lot of dialogue for this movie. Seth yeah, i was going to say. [ light laughter ] yeah, you can tell. Seth there was so much there was a lot of work. Seth there was so much, like, under there was, like, text and subtext. Thats what i liked about it. [ light laughter ] yeah. Seth so much now, we should point out, that is an intense incredible fight scene. Its not the only one, this is pretty nonstop action throughout the film. Yes. Seth you had some doubts in the beginning that you were up for this kind of fight film. Is that true . Yeah. I mean, unless youre a fighter, its a really difficult thing to kind of step in and make believable, right . And a lot of this film, the story and the motion is really told through this this physical action, and we try to do some crazyass [ bleep ]. [ light laughter ] seth and you you trained with keanu reeves. Is this true . I look, i say a lot of weird [ bleep ], and thats probably not true, either. Seth okay, gotcha. [ laughter ] we trained in the same we trained in the same facility. [ light laughter ] and i saw him. Seth okay. No, actually, were really good friends. We made two movies together. Ive known him for over 20 years. Hes one of the greatest guys, and we did train in the same facility. Seth well, it was funny because you didnt think in the way that you wouldnt think of yourself as sort of this fighting action hero. Keanu reeves, in just sort of recent years, as john wick has become the same sort of incredible, like, sort of physical actor. Yeah. Seth so it seems to be a perfect person to train with. Well, hes yeah, i mean, i feel like hes done a couple of action films, but hes great in this character. Seth yeah. And he was definitely it was because hes really good friend of mine, it was good to have him there because its so hard to train on this level four or five hours. Seth and you did, then, get injured, right . Knee, tooth . I was bruised. I didnt have any massive injuries, nothing that would make like a really cool story. Seth were you bummed out . Were you bummed out that you didnt fully . I was a little bit. Like this story had been running around the press that, you know, i cracked two teeth. And it just sounds like somebody, like, busted me in the face. But really, i just did it myself, clenching on my own jaw. [ light laughter ] seth oh, well thats thats a lot worse. Its not as its not as cool, you know . Seth and it was it was back at my hotel room and [ light laughter ] yeah. I wasnt even aware of it. Seth i was watching real housewives, and i saw something that just freaked me out. Were you there . Seth i was there, yes. [ laughter ] jesus. Seth your kids i know your kids were around the set. Did they were they aware that their mom was sort of, going out every day to sort of get whaled on . [ light laughter ] that would make me a terrible mother, wouldnt it . Seth yes. [ light laughter ] i try not to you know, i try to be responsible. But there were a

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