Roots crew. Questve 489 woo steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, everybody. Welcome. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the tonight show. This is it. You made it. Youre here. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. This is what the people want to watch, and weve got a big show tonight. Im your host, jimmy fallon. Im gonna start off with some good news for new yorkers. Yesterday new York Governor Andrew Cuomo attended a a groundbreaking ceremony to rebuild laguardia airport, and called the airport the front door to new york. As opposed to now, when its known as the gates of hell. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i think thats a nicer has a a better ring to it. Steve true. True. Jimmy lets get to some news here. I saw that the first united state of womens summit was just held in washington, d. C. And First Lady Michelle Obama sat down with oprah where she discussed her feelings about the president and it seems like theyre still pretty happy together. Take a look. Watching my husband walk off of marine one and go to the oval office. Its like, mm did he always have that swag or has he gotten swaggier . No, he he was very swagalicious. [ laughter ] jimmy meanwhile, sasha and malia were like, ew [ cheers and applause ] thats thats so gross swagalicious is obamas new secret service code name. [ laughter ] its like, swagalicious. The big political news is that the primary season is officially over. Thats right, the last [ cheers and applause ] i know. The last primary before the convention took place in washington, d. C. , yesterday and Hillary Clinton was the winner. But get this. Bernie sanders still hasnt dropped out. [ laughter ] at this point, its just weird that hes still hanging around. Speaking of which, jay leno is my guest tonight on the show. [ cheers and applause ] over on the republican side, donald trump is still the nominee, and i dont know what to make of this but herman cain was introducing him at a rally today. Or at least i think thats what he was doing. Look at this. Aww, shucky ducky [ laughter ] this sounds like a shucky ducky kind of crowd on a shucky ducky kind of day. Here to support an aww shucky ducky kind of candidate. [ laughter ] jimmy what is going what is going on . [ applause ] oh, shucky ducky hes making that his catch phrase. In fact, herman cains even dropped a new single called shucky ducky. Take a look at this. This sounds like a shucky ducky crowd shucky ducky day donald trump shucky ducky candidate allow me to set the record straight and he makes America Great [ cheers and applause ] shucky ducky shucky ducky Shucky Shucky ducky sh sh sh shucky ducky shucky ducky jimmy ooh ooh shucky ducky [ laughter ] i think i might have pulled something on that last joke. Im not sure i can go on, actually. But this is the tonight show. We have to go on. I need someone to tag in for me. Anyone could you could you [ cheers ] you got this . [ cheers and applause ] thank you thank you very much. Thank you very much. Now, i dont know if you heard [ cheers and applause ] big story. Hi, guys. According to the Social Security administration, the most popular baby names in 2016, noah and emma. Least popular baby names . Donald and hillary. [ laughter and applause ] now, hillary Hillary Clinton says she is the most transparent candidate in modern history. How many can see right through her . Just curious. [ laughter ] uhoh, more problems for Hillary Clinton. You know, bill has been out campaigning for her, and i i dont think hes helping. Like last week in san diego, bill stopped to kiss a baby, which is usually okay. Except the kid was Breast Feeding at the time. [ laughter ] so it made it made it awkward. [ applause ] made it awkward. Ive been enjoying Donald Trumps new reality show, the amazing racist. [ laughter ] anybody watching that . Well, trump is still refusing to take back what he said about the judge. You know the judge with a a mexican surname . In fact, trump is threatening to have the judge deported back to indiana. [ laughter ] [ applause ] look at this. According according to a a Political Science professor, all of Donald Trumps speeches are given at a fifth grade level or below. [ light laughter ] and today trump said the professor who did the study was a doody head. [ laughter and applause ] actually, did you know this . Now, this is fascinating. Theres actually a dating site for Trump Supporters called trumpsingles. Com. [ light laughter ] because sometimes screwing the entire country is just not enough. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. Little hands accepted. And as jimmy said, Bernie Sanders still not conceding. Bernie says he is the most antifossil fuel of any of the candidates. [ light laughter ] well of course he is, thats cause hes the only candidate who is an actual fossil. [ laughter ] that is why that is. [ applause ] listen to this. Bernie sanders Bernie Sanders still upset because he says his fundraising dinners didnt raise as much money as Hillary Clintons. Well, of course they didnt. Nobody wants to eat dinner at 4 00 in the afternoon. [ laughter ] huh, how much cream of wheat can you eat . Please [ applause ] and during the interview last week, Bernie Sanders admitted to smoking marijuana as a young man. Yeah. He said it impaired his perception and it distorted his thinking but he expects that to clear up eventually. [ laughter and applause ] president obama president obama doing well. Approval rating 51 . 51 . The other 49 are taxpayers. Yeah. But thats [ laughter and applause ] but i tell you, jimmy, the economy is bad. The economy is bad, guys. How bad is it . The economy is so bad, in utah i saw a polygamist with just one wife. Thats how bad. [ applause ] the economy is so bad, in hollywood, porn stars are being forced to get jobs as real pizza delivery guys. Thats how bad it is. [ applause ] the economy is so bad, i saw mexicans patching a hole in the fence. Thats how bad it is. [ applause ] the economy is so bad, i saw Colonel Sanders eating Fried Chicken at the home town buffet thats how bad it is [ applause ] the economy is so bad the government is bringing in unlicensed contractors to raise the debt ceiling. Thats how bad its gotten so bad i saw four mafia guys eating at the olive garden. Thats bad. [ laughter ] the economy is so bad i turned on the biggest loser, saw my 401 k . I couldnt believe it. [ applause ] the economy is so bad, rappers can only afford now to get their teeth bronzed. Thats how bad it is. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i got one. I got one. The economy is so bad my tv remote has a menu button and a a dollar menu button. [ laughter ] the economy is so bad, Hillary Clinton deleted all of her emails except the ones from groupon. Wow [ applause ] jimmy thats how bad the economy is. Thats bad jimmy the economy is so bad, my uber driver walked up to me, pointed at his back and said, hop on. Wow [ applause ] the economy is so bad my atm just dry heaves like a cat. Yes jimmy jay leno, ladies and gentlemen, right there [ cheers and applause ] thats how its done. We have a great show. Give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how fantastic is that . That is Bruce Hornsby and sonny emory sitting in with the roots tonight. Hey [ cheers and applause ] that sounded great, guys. Thank you so much for being here. Bruces new album rehab reunion is out on friday. Thank you for being here. What instrument is that right there . Crazylooking, isnt it . Thats an appalachian dulcimer. Im really terrible at it but it doesnt stop me. [ light laughter ] jimmy no, it sounds fantastic. And that is a nice washboard you got there, too. Yeah. Thank you, jimmy. [ light laughter ] jimmy guys, its been a a great week so far. Theres more ahead tomorrow night. He is a giant star. I cant wait to have him on the show. Dwayne johnson will be here. The rock will be here. [ cheers and applause ] steve hes the best jimmy but first, we love it when this guy stops by for a a monologue tagin and to hang out with us. His show, jay lenos garage started its Second Season tonight on cnbc. Its a great season. Were gonna show this clip later on that you wont even believe. He is one of the best standups and hes tonight show royalty. Jay leno is here on the program tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so fun. Plus, from the huge new summer blockbuster, Independence Day resurgence, Jeff Goldblum is dropping in. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and we have music from wale steve wale [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you guys, as you know, were always striving to get better here at the tonight show. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. [ laughter ] so before every show we put out a suggestion box for the audience just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things youd like to see us do, that kind of stuff. So tonight, lets look inside the audience suggestion box. Here we go. Look into the box the suggestion box [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you for these suggestions, everybody. This first one is from brittney alvarez. Hey, jimmy, ive really been enjoying this season of the bachelorette. me, too. Especially all the drama between the guys in the house. I gotta say, theyre kinda acting like kids. You should show what their arguments would look like if they had actual kid voices. [ light laughter ] thats a good idea. So we revoiced a tense scene between two of the guys in the house, evan and chad, with actual kids voices. Take a look. Hey, chad. What do you want . Why are you here . Huh . Why are you here . What . [ laughter ] i cant believe you didnt just come right up to me and apologize. You owe me an apology, and a a shirt cause you ripped my freakin shirt. Youre ridiculous, man. Just, like, leave me alone [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve what . Jimmy this ones from sam kemmis. Said, hey, jimmy, have you heard that song called panda by desiigner . Its so catchy, its currently number two on the billboard hot 100. Id love to see you dance to it. Well, that song is great. [ cheers and applause ] since its called panda. I think i know someone who would be better at dancing to it. Come on out, hashtag [ cheers and applause ] i got broads in Atlanta Twistin dope lean and the fanta credit cards and the scammers hittin off licks in the bando black x6 phantom white x6 look like a panda goin out like im montana hundred killers hundred hammers [ cheers and applause ] black x6 phantom white x6 panda pockets swole danny sellin bar candy man im the macho like randy the choppa go oscar for grammy jimmy that is crazy. There he is right there. [ cheers and applause ] hashtag the panda. Is he doing the stanky leg . Steve yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy is he still out there . Hey, there he is. [ laughter ] roots, do you have any other songs that he might dance to . [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Hes exhausted. Hes leaving. Hes tired. All right, hes tired. All right, thats enough. Thats thats enough. Thats good. [ cheers and applause ] do we have a water bottle or something . What was that he had . He had a did he have a water bottle . Is he still get back hey [ laughter ] steve somebody shoved him back in. Jimmy somebody shoved him back in. That is awful. Steve hes trying to escape jimmy that is awful. Go ahead, take a breather. Hes been dancing nonstop. Steve yeah. Hes been dancing while hes wearing a suit. [ light laughter ] jimmy we would never, ever, ever do it one more time. [ applause ] lets try [ cheers and applause ] heres one from marty fines. Hey, jimmy. Im a big fan of podcasts. I think it would be fun if there was a podcast hosted by two people who work at your show. Do you think you could make that happen . Thats a great idea, and we think it sounds fun, too. So we went ahead and recorded the First Episode of our new podcast, the tariq and adler show, starring our very own Tariq Trotter from the roots and one of our writers, jonathan adler. Now [ laughter ] keep in mind [ applause ] keep in mind these two barely know each other and have rarely spoken aside from an awkward head nod in the hallway. [ laughter ] right, guys . Yep. Heres a clip of the podcast. Tariq hey, whats going on . Im tariq. And this is adler. Tariq and welcome to the tariq and adler show. [ laughter ] do your kids have any pets uh, pets . Tariq pets . Pets . [ laughter ] no. Like, if im flipping around on tv, and seinfeld is on. Tariq right. Yeah. Like, ill stop and thats what ill watch. Tariq i will not stop. No . [ laughter ] tariq nope. No. Is there a show that has that for you, where youre flipping around and you see it . Tariq naked and afraid. [ laughter ] really . Tariq yeah. Are they naked the whole time . Tariq yeah. I mean, unless you make clothes from, like, leaves or, you know, you have a burlap sack that you can kinda cover yourself with. Oh, interesting. If a game of volleyball broke out and its shirts and skins, i would definitely say i gotta be on shirts. Would you care . Does that even cross your mind . Do you even care which side youre on . Tariq listen, if a game of volleyball broke out, im out of there. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that was pretty good, right there. Tariq and adler. [ applause ] thats my favorite line in the history of comedy. If a game of volleyball broke out, i am out of there. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. I was crying laughing, hearing that one this morning. Oh, gosh. Thank you for that. This last one is from bill schpep. Steve oh, bill schpep. Jimmy yep. [ laughter ] bill schpep. Steve schpep. God bless him. The schpep family. Jimmy yeah. Steve schpep. Jimmy schpep. Steve schpep. Jimmy bill schpep. [ laughter ] youre not even trying anymore. Steve yeah. Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy hey, jimmy, i love freestyle rapping and i also love random objects. Is there any way you can combine the two . Actually, its funny that you should bring that up, because the other day i was watching this guy on youtube. His name is afro. Hes unbelievable, hes amazing at freestyle rapping. We actually invited him here to the show to take part in a new bit called box of freestyle. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome afro [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Thank you very much for being here. I appreciate it. Thank you. Yep. All right. Afro, next to me is a box filled with some random objects. In a second, the roots will lay down a beat. And one at a time ill pick up an object and youll have to freestyle about that. And you havent seen these, we rehearsed with different objects, so this is all real. You think you can do that . Cool. Jimmy yeah. Okay. [ laughter ] ready . Roots . Take it away. Yo yo listen volleyball ball ill eat all trials to holler off as i do an audience jimmy fallon feel like a little person hanging from my medallion afro the black stallion listen i got to go back on the barn pineapple rhyme snapple to trapple rhyme apple to find a way the rhyme snappin now i try and back to the high action high fraction high panicking thats how i do it let me turn the thug down a little now this a cowboy boot this a trialed old suit without the truth without the proof cause afro straight be the truth rapping in the chrome microphone grabbin the throne decide the song holds at the top rhyme is so rapid attackin all these foes how i do it Steering Wheel thats how i go to the freeway on the street breezing i know the fro go on a replay relay elay three seater lets see the dj thats how i do it rockin roofs blockin shooters talking shoes when we shootin often choo choo train the two truths fade to shoot through to few yous brang who strange with loose change how i do it now its just to get the notice get to know anyhow i got the graduation and now i gotta go peace. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on how do you do that . How do you do that . [ cheers and applause ] give it up for afro that is all the time we have for audience suggestion box. Stick around. Well be back with jay leno that was awesome [ cheers and applause ] take on the unexpected with a car that could stop for you. Nissan safety shield technologies, available in the altima, sentra and maxima. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. whistle now go left, left, left, left. Run to old navy for activewear from 5. 00 and up to 50 off the entire store. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are joined right now by one of the greatest standup comedians of all time, as well as one of the greatest talk show hosts of all time. Lets give a warm tonight show welcome to mr. Jay leno, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey the one and only. Thank you so much for wow, thanks for having me here. Its great fun. Jimmy oh, please. I loved the monologue we love doing the rodney runs. Thats a kind of a tribute to rodney dangerfield. Jimmy yeah. Rodney would pound the hey, ill tell you one more. Its so bad. So thats what we do. We just started doing that. Its a lot of fun. Jimmy its the greatest thing. Thank you for doing that. Last time i talked to you, we had some good stories about you being on the road. Right. Jimmy because the road is tough, right . You know, the road is see, this is a pet peeve of mine. Comics, bitching and moaning. The road sucks. I only got and i used to be that way until something happened. One day i was working in reno. I was making no money, and i was feeling sorry for myself. I used to eat every day the 99 cent buffet at one of the cheap casinos. Jimmy sure, absolutely. So, i saw a side of show business. I went into this casino. In there, in the middle of the casino theres a boxing ring. Whats going on here . And the guy in a tuxedo, ladies and gentlemen, the fight of the century. On this side is a dwarf. [ laughter ] its not a derogatory term. Dwarf. And this side is a kangaroo. [ laughter ] and the kangaroo has boxing gloves on. The kangaroo has got a cape. Jimmy what . And there are handlers around the kangaroo, squirting water in his hair, and doing this to the kangaroo. [ laughter ] jimmy what . And meanwhile the dwarf is just sitting in the corner. I go, whats this . So the ring master goes, ladies and ge