And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 506 New Brunswick steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh thats what im talking about right there. That is a hot crowd. The best, the best. Thank you so much. Welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. Thats what its all about. Heres what people are talking about. Of course, last night was the end of the Republican National convention, and now its the time for the republicans to sit back, reflect and say, well, that was weird. [ laughter and applause ] thats right, the Republican National convention came to a a close last night, as donald trump formally accepted his nomination for president. Although i thought it was a a little much that they did it by paul ryan giving him a rose. [ laughter and applause ] it was beautiful. Donald trump released some of his remarks ahead of his big speech last night and presented himself as the champion of the forgotten men and women of our country. Then he said, and if you dont believe me, just look at all the hasbeens that appeared on celebrity apprentice. [ laughter ] [ applause ] talk about forgotten men and women. Whens the last time you saw this person . And earlier this week, trumps son eric gave a big speech of his own, where he told the crowd to vote for his dad, because hes the candidate who doesnt need the job. [ laughter ] then he said, speaking of people who dont need jobs, how about another round of applause for me and my brother don jr. [ applause ] i mean, we dont need jobs either. Were never worried about it. And get this, i saw that earth, wind and fire tweeted that the conventions use of their song september was unauthorized. Not because they disagree with the republican partys policies, they disagree with the republican partys dancing. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy i started getting the good dance at the end. I was getting good. My roll, i started to get a a good roll at the end. Cant keep the rhythm out of me. I cant help it. [ light laughter ] it seems like so much happened this week at the convention, it could be kind of hard to keep up. Well, weve got you covered in a segment called the tonight show recap. Here you go. [ cheers and applause ] were going to unleash. Lebron james. To help us. Protect america. From a giant. Caterpillar. On steroids. Because. If we failed. To understand. This. We must. Ask yourselves. Are we crazy . Jimmy there we go. Pretty much sums it up. Steve thats it. Jimmy its a recap. Heres a little celebrity news. I heard Kim Kardashian will executive produce a new reality show where beauty bloggers compete for the chance to work for the kardashians. Yeah. Its just like the apprentice and oh, my god, kims going to be the president of the united states. [ laughter and applause ] i just realized. Make America Gross again. [ laughter ] matt damon said, in a new interview, that he only has 25 lines of dialogue in the new movie jason bourne. Yeah. When asked how he feels about that, he said [ laughter ] this is cool, i heard about a a company here in new york that is now offering coffee mixed with alcohol. [ cheers ] or as dads call that, coffee. [ laughter ] guys, i saw that a rare white lion cub was born at a zoo in texas last week. Yeah, in fact its so white, it actually spoke last night at the republican convention. [ laughter and applause ] steve really . Jimmy rare. Steve wow. Jimmy very white. Steve i missed that. Jimmy very, very white. Steve i must have missed that. [ cheers and applause ] white lion. Jimmy finally, here at the tonight show you guys know we love art. Well, we also Love Technology and the internet. So, we thought it would be fun to combine the two by taking classic paintings and pairing them with internet memes. Its a new segment called the memeing of art. Memeing of art jimmy now our First Painting is the scream. Very famous painting. Lets take a look at the meme. When bae bring home the wrong flavor oatmeal. Steve oatmeal . Jimmy when bae yeah. Steve bae cant be doing that. [ laughter ] jimmy the next painting is Washington Crossing the delaware. The meme is, squad goals. [ laughter and applause ] thats a good squad. Steve yeah. Jimmy next is the persistence of memory. The meme is, when youve been watching netflix for two days straight. [ laughter and applause ] steve oy. Jimmy next we have mona lisa. The meme is resting bitch face. [ laughter ] steve i see that. I see what you did there. Jimmy next is christinas world. The meme is, when your phone is at 2 and you left your charger at home. [ laughter and applause ] im trying to catch a pokemon. [ light laughter ] next is the birth of venus. The meme is, i woke up like this. [ laughter and applause ] so hot. Next up is the last supper. The meme is numnumnumnumnum. [ laughter ] and out final painting is american gothic. And the meme is, when bae catch you texting your ex. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. There you go. Thats the memeing of art. We have great show. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy nice, mark. I like that. That was awesome, man. Guys, we want to try this fun thing on the show next week. Im going to need your help though. If you have a kid aged 10 or under, a child. Steve a child. Jimmy not a baby goat. Steve no. Jimmy no. Steve i was gonna say. Jimmy if you have a child aged 10 or under, i want you to have them write an original rap song. It doesnt have to have any music, just lyrics. It could be a couple lines or a a full song. Its totally up to them. And it could be about any topic that they want. When they are done, email the lyrics to kidraps tonightshow. Com. And were gonna choose our favorites, then well perform them on the show. It will be fun. Youll see. [ cheers and applause ] i need your help to do it. So have them write it down. Anything would be good. Come back next week, our pal denis leary will be here on monday. [ cheers and applause ] oh, i love denis leary. Were gonna play a game of catch phrase with a couple of special guests. And later next week, michael fassbender, matt damon [ cheers and applause ] matt damon. [ cheers and applause ] will smith. [ cheers and applause ] steve what . Jimmy and Margot Robbie will all be joining us. Its a hot week. [ cheers and applause ] steve wow, thats a hot week. Jimmy that will be great. But first, hes one of my favorites. Hes the creator of the blockbuster americas got talent show. Hes also its newest judge. Simon cowell is here. [ cheers and applause ] my favorite. I always loved simon. Hes the best. Plus shes a youtube superstar. Lilly singh is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] she is funny, funny, funny. Not only is lilly here, but you may see her parents later in the show. And then they are by far my favorite would you call them magicians or illusionists . Or steve i would say magicians. Jimmy magicians. And theres always funny and topical and poignant and just i love them. Every time theyre here, they hit a homerun. Penn teller are here, you guys. Steve yeah jimmy penn jillette. Penn has a new book out. Were gonna talk about it. Its called presto. And then theyre going to do a a card trick, okay . That you can participate in at home. Now all you need youre gonna need four playing cards that you dont mind ruining. Okay . They should be four completely different cards, and they should not be the same suit or number. Ill let you pause the screen now, go get your cards. [ light laughter ] steve dodododododo. Jimmy we didnt need to pause. Hey, welcome back. [ light laughter ] guys, todays friday, and thats usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. You know, i check my inbox, i return some emails and of course i send out thank you notes. And i was just wondering [ cheers and applause ] i was running a bit behind today. So i thought if you guys wouldnt mind, id just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that cool with you guys . [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . [ laughter ] whats he looking at . Steve wow. He looks stoic. Hes got his summertime suit on. Jimmy what was he looking at . He was looking somewhere else. [ laughter ] hunting pokemon. Steve hes a mystery. You think its a pokemon . Jimmy hunting pokemon. Yeah. Steve charizard. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, melania trump, for being a a third wife who gave a first lady speech for the second time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve its a numbers game. Jimmy third wife . Thank you, Newt Gingrich, for showing us what mike pence would look like as a Cabbage Patch doll. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thats cute. Steve very cute. Jimmy very cute. Steve very cute. Jimmy and i know for a fact Newt Gingrich has Xavier Roberts tattooed on his butt. [ laughter ] thats a deep cut. A deep cut. Any kid from the 80s knows what im talking about. Thats how you know it was a a real Cabbage Patch, you pull the diaper down, it said steve Xavier Roberts. Jimmy Xavier Roberts, right . [ laughter ] if it said like carl roberts, thats like a knock off. Steve not a real Cabbage Patch doll. Jimmy no, thats like steve its a lettuce patch doll. Jimmy its a lettuce patch doll, yeah. Steve those were the worst. Jimmy thank you, diarrhea outbreak at the Republican National convention, or as they say in cleveland, the browns are running out of the tunnel. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve come on. Jimmy okay, okay. Steve ladies and gentlemen, accepting the award. Dave thomas ballot that was a bowl game . [ light laughter ] jimmy thank, you fly swatter, for combining my two favorite things, tennis and murder. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, waiting for my dentist, for giving me the chance to find out what happened in Time Magazine four months ago. [ laughter and applause ] steve it happened again . Jimmy i guess were going back into space. Check out what jupiters all about. Thank you, smooth Peanut Butter, for being Peanut Butter that knows how to talk to the ladies. Steve yeah wow wow. Steve im chunkie. Jimmy thank you, cliffhangers for [ laughter ] gotta get back in time gotta go back in time steve whats happening . Jimmy its friday, man. Time to party. Steve its friday, man fridays a party. Its america. Jimmy party on, dwayne. Steve party on, barth. Jimmy thank you, grapes, or as i like to call you, raisin water balloons. There you go, everybody. Those are my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with simon cowell. [ cheers and applause ] wild mustangs. I cant believe we live in the middle of all this. Theyre supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. Really. . I read that once. State farm knows that for every one of those moments, theres one of these. Wild mustangs . . I cant believe we live in the middle of all this theyre supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. Really . I don know, i read that once. Thats why more people save money by combining their home and auto with state farm. Here to help life go right, state farm. Your current gel antiperspirant wet ais. Sticky now, were going to show you how degree dry spray is different. Degree dry spray. Degree. It wont let you down. Youll never have to fear a tight parking space. In parallel and perpendicular spaces, the car can steer itself right in. Introducing the 2017 ford fusion with enhanced active park assist. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. Trouble can pop up anywhere. The ford fusion can detect a pedestrian, alert you and if you dont brake, it can brake for you. Introducing the 2017 ford fusion with precollision assist with pedestrian detection. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. Usic sex machine by james brown [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest created the global got talent format, which is the most successful Reality Television format of all time. This season he joins the panel as the newest judge on the very popular americas got talent, which airs tuesday and wednesday nights at 8 00 p. M. Right here on nbc, with live shows beginning next tuesday, july 26th. Please welcome the one and only simon cowell. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy they love you. We love you. Hey, good to see you, buddy. I love america. Jimmy i missed you. America loves you. Thank you. Jimmy i havent seen you in a long time. I want to say congratulations. Youre a first time father. You didnt return my phone calls. Jimmy i didnt return your phone calls. Thats right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] youre a first time father . Yeah, this wasnt something that i was expecting. [ laughter ] but, you know, its all been good. What i did was, i practiced by getting some puppies first. [ light laughter ] i did, i thought ill get two puppies. Jimmy okay. And then im used to looking after things. Jimmy yeah. And they were called squiddly and diddly. [ light laughter ] true. And then eric arrived about six months later. [ laughter ] jimmy so thanks to squiddly and diddly, theyre here yeah. You have a son now. A boy. Yeah. Jimmy and how have you taken to fatherhood . Are you good at it . You feel like you got it on well, i wasnt to begin with. I thought he was going to be like a puppy. [ laughter ] no, i really did. I thought you could jimmy like which one . Squiddly or diddly . More like squiddly. Jimmy yeah. You could throw things and then he would run to you. [ laughter ] jimmy he would retrieve the stuff you throw . Yeah. Jimmy no, yeah. I thought, you know up to three months. And after eight months, i said to lauren one night, i think he hates me. [ laughter ] yeah, because he didnt do anything. And then one day, i think he was watching me on tv, and then he kind of got me. Jimmy yeah. And we sort of got this communication and then he started talking to me. And now were buddies. [ light laughter ] jimmy and now youre bonding with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy are you watching the same cartoons im watching . I have a 3yearold hes one half year old, yeah. Jimmy yeah. Yeah, well, i saw jimmy dora the explorer . Dora the bloody explorer. [ laughter ] jimmy what are you talking about, shes beloved. Not by me. [ laughter ] jimmy come on. [ laughter ] if youve never seen it before, they just say the same thing over and over and over again. Jimmy no, yeah. So after about three months doras gone on a long holiday and [ laughter ] jimmy no, ive watched all that. Got lost and wont be coming back. Jimmy i think ive watched it so many times that now i kind of in an insane way, i look forward to it. But its the same show in every single thing. Its like gates, and swimming and that weird fox thing. [ laughter ] jimmy swiper. Swiper. Jimmy thats right, yeah. [ laughter ] but the worst part is do you ever do this when you answer the questions . Theyre like [ laughter ] theyre like a, b, what comes after b . And i go, c [ laughter ] i know. Jimmy and they go like, let me have one thing, dad. [ light laughter ] its designed to make you like, two years old again. Jimmy yeah, i dont like barney. I dont like barney in the house. I dont even know if thats on any more. Thats the dinosaur. Jimmy yeah. Yeah, im not crazy about that. Jimmy i dont like the songs. The songs are terrible. Jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] doras actually got some decent songs. No. [ light laughter ] jimmy no, its the best. Name me one good dora song. [ light laughter ] jimmy one. Im the map im the map im the map im the map [ cheers and applause ] hes the map [ laughter ] all right, i cant even do it. Youre right. Jimmy im sorry to every parent out there. They were actually playing along. Jimmy yeah, i know. Its hypnotizing. You just sit there and go, oh my god, what happened to a half hour of my life, its gone. [ light laughter ] we watch that, we watch Team Umizoomi. What . Jimmy thats a decent one. Thats got a cool its la la la la la la la la we are Team Umizoomi la la la la la la la la and it teaches math and stuff. Yeah, ill pass on that one. Jimmy okay, no problem. [ light laughter ] peppa pig. Is that big . Peppa pigs huge. [ cheers ] only lasts ten minutes, which is good. Jimmy its fantastic. Yeah. Jimmy they love that. Yeah. Jimmy and of course, sesame street. Yeah, i love sesame street. Jimmy you cannot beat sesame street. Oh, you know whats great . Sesame street live. I know it might sound like a a nightmare to you. Can they play it . Jimmy no, no, no. Im saying, just going to see them live. Give me another song. Jimmy uh backpack backpack [ laughter ] its the same song. [ laughter ] jimmy its the same song. [ laughter ] its dora again. Jimmy its awful. It really is awful. Oh my god. Jungle book, thats good. Jimmy yes. I havent gone up to bear necessities. Jimmy yeah, no. Come on. Jimmy the roots can play it and look for the jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] bare necessities. Am i taking requests now . You only know your songs. Jimmy its my show. I mean, no, please, hello. I get it. Jimmy americas got talent. Yeah. Jimmy number one show, biggest show on nbc. Thank you very much for believing in that. Thank you. Jimmy i appreciate it. I watch every year, and i love it. And i love that youre back on television. Thank you. Jimmy we love you. At first we love to hate you, and now we love to love you. Okay. Jimmy because we trust you. [ light laughter ] okay. Jimmy yeah. But ive always loved you. Jimmy thank you. Weve always had a good bond. Yeah. Jimmy but i watched americas got talent, and its good. And you also have britains got talent. Yeah. Jimmy who has more talent . [ laughter ] oh, come on. Jimmy when in rome. When in rome. All right, america. Jimmy yes [ cheers and applause ] im the map im the map im the map im the map jimmy hi, dora. But were close. But i have to tell you, you guys have the craziest contestants. [ light laughter ] now i have a theory. Im like the crazy flame who attracts the crazy moths. All the crazy people in the world, they come on to our shows. Jimmy yeah. They do. I love it. Jimmy yeah, i mean we have had some of the best i mean, weve had pants on the ground guy yeah. Jimmy i mean all the fun guys that come after you . This year you got tape mouth or something . Tape face. Jimmy tape face . Yeah. I like him. Jimmy he was funny. Yeah, really funny. Jimmy i really dug him. But theres really good talented musicians this year, which i would much rather see. I love dogs and all that stuff. I dont want them winning the competition. [ light laughter ] i just feel like, what do you do with that gig . I mean, i id like to find a singing