Legendary roots crew. Questlove 522 woo steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh oh, hey, thats what we want thats exactly what you want right there. Welcome, everybody. Thank you so much. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. Youre here at the show. You made it. You are the show. Thank you, everybody. We got a good one tonight. But first, heres what people are talking about. Of course, its the election. Donald trump is trying to turn his poll numbers around and recently told his supporters that if hes elected, the white house will become the peoples house. [ light laughter ] he was like, because i aint living in that dump. [ laughter ] im going to get a mansion down the street. [ applause ] and ill check in every other week. [ laughter ] face time only. And listen to this, Donald Trumps doctor, Harold Bornstein you see that guy, hes in the news . Well, he says he only took five minutes to write the letter claiming that trump will be the healthiest person to ever be president. Only took him five minutes to write that, yeah. [ light laughter ] in the doctors defense, if you walk in an exam room and theres a naked trump youd be like, all right yeah, no, yeah. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] put your clothes on. Put your pants on. Get out of here. Get this, the ceo of wendys says the election is hurting the chains burger sales, because people are spending less because they are worried about the future. [ laughter ] lets be honest here, if youre eating a wendys baconator, youre probably not too concerned about the future. [ laughter and applause ] i hear its really good for your heart. Gimme two baconators. [ laughter ] steve gimme them biggie fries. Jimmy i want a small fry. Steve okay, all right. Jimmy im on a diet, dude. Steve im worried about the future. Jimmy it is a tasty sandwich. And this is just crazy news. Anthony weiner is back in the news. [ cheers and groans ] with another sexting scandal. Hes like the Michael Phelps of sexting. He keeps saying hes going to retire, every four years hes back. [ laughter and applause ] i just said goodb why are you back . And hes wearing a speedo. [ light laughter ] and, of course, last night was the mtv video music awards. [ cheers and applause ] one of the biggest moments of the night was the speech kanye west gave, where he actually mentioned the exes of both him and his wife. [ light laughter ] as most people call that, a a best man toast. [ laughter and applause ] janet was way hotter, but not nearly as nice as you, samantha. Youre nicer than she was. She was our favorite. [ light laughter ] speaking of kanye, he kicked off his saint pablo tour on thursday night, and surprised fans with a floating stage that moved over the audience. Most fans said it was awesome, while the people who paid extra for front row seats were like, where the hells he going . [ laughter and applause ] kidding me . We have the worst seats in the house . Kanye come back, kanye [ light laughter ] kanyeo kanyeo kanye come back or me gonna go home [ laughter and applause ] kanyeo. Kanyeo. Check this out, snoop dogg is speaking out against the nfls ban on marijuana. You believe that . [ light laughter ] steve shocked jimmy hes saying that the league is overreacting, that people who smoke weed just want to eat and go to bed. [ light laughter ] youll be able to tell if a a quarterback is stoned if he keeps yelling, hut, hut, pizza hut pizza hut [ laughter ] baconator baconator lets get a i love those things. Some international news. Kim jongun reportedly threw a a huge Outdoor Dance Party on thursday to celebrate the successful test of north koreas ballistic missile. Residents described the party as fun, exciting, and mandatory. [ laughter and applause ] ive been dancing for 11 hours [ laughter ] kanyeo say kanye say kanye say kanye say kanye say kanyeo oh, this isnt good here. Two United Airline pilots were arrested before a flight from scotland to new jersey over the weekend, because they were suspected of being too drunk to fly. [ light laughter ] what worries me about that story is the phrasing too drunk. [ laughter ] hes just tipsy, dont worry. Splash some water. He can fly the plane. [ laughter ] hell sober up before we land, dont worry about it. And finally, i saw that twitter just added a night mode setting that adjusts the screen lighting to make it easier for users to tweet in the dark. Its also called the Anthony Weiner mode. [ laughter ] there you go. We have a giant show. Give it up for the roots right there [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, nice to see you guys. Hey, guys, it is monday. We are so happy to be back. Weve got a big week of shows coming up. Mel brooks will be here tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] well talk to mel. Hopefully about gene wilder. I have some Great Stories from mel. Mel brooks. Fantastic to talk to him. David spade will be here. Hes always funny, david spade. [ cheers and applause ] harry connick, jr. Has own show. Steve whoa [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well talk to him about that. Meg ryan will be here. [ cheers and applause ] we love meg ryan. And the most decorated olympian of all time. Michael phelps will be joining us here at the show [ cheers and applause ] we love Michael Phelps. Then on friday you know i love magic and i love magicians. One of my favorite magicians, dan white will be here. [ cheers and applause ] hes coming back friday. I know have you seen the show at nomad . Questlove yeah. Jimmy the actual show . Youre been to it . Questlove yeah. Jimmy its unbelievable. He does this show at the nomad hotel here in new york. Its sold out like a month in advance. But if you can get tickets, go see it. Dan white is coming back. Hes gonna perform. Its a small room. And he does tricks right in front of you. Ive never seen anything like hell make this float. And itll be right in front of me. And basically he just does this. [ laughter ] steve i can see your arm. Jimmy gotta use your imagination. Steve yeah, yeah. Pretend its not there. Jimmy look, is it here . Steve my god, where is it . I dont see it. Oh, your hand. Jimmy no, my hands there, yeah. But look, ready . Steve ready . Jimmy keep looking. Close your eyes for one second. Now look back. [ laughter ] steve whered it go . Whered it go . [ applause ] jimmy magic. He does stuff like that. No, hes much better than that. Youll freak out. Anyways, friday, you gotta come see the show. Its going to be great. But first, we have a great show tonight. This guy is just the best. From the new amazon pilot called i love dick. [ laughter ] steve oh kanye jimmy kanyeo me say kanye say kanye say kanye say kanye steve hey, wait a second. Jimmy im not wearing my glasses. The new amazon pilot, its called i love dick. Dick is he plays a a character, dick. Steve okay. Oh, he plays a character. Okay. Jimmy no, hes not hes the nicest dude ever. Steve hes lovely. Jimmy yeah. But if he wasnt, hes just playing a character. Hes the nicest dude ever. I love dick is a show on amazon. [ light laughter ] steve its on amazon, sure. Anthony weiners in it. [ laughter ] jimmy no, hes not. No, thats not true. [ cheers and applause ] you know, i only saw the pilot. It might be true. Steve only saw the pilot . Jimmy i only saw the pilot. Steve i dont know. Again, i just like to learn. Jimmy you read the cue cards. You tell me what the shows called. Steve its hey, guys, from the new amazon pilot called i love dick. Jimmy there you go. Yeah. Kevin bacon. Steve kevin bacon is here tonight, come on. [ cheers and applause ] the baconator. Jimmy i cant maybe im reading it wrong. Maybe im reading it wrong. Steve why dont you try reading it . Jimmy we should all try reading it. Tariq, can you just read the name of the pilot . Tariq oh, okay. From the new amazon pilot, i love dick steve okay, well there we got it. [ laughter and applause ] tariq kevin bacon is here tonight. Jimmy just want to make sure i get this. He plays the character kevin bacon is here tonight, everybody [ cheers and applause ] funny guy, talented guy, we love him. Its a good show, too. Kevin and i have Something Special planned, a little different. Nothing to do with his show steve right, right. We hope. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Something totally no. Steve scrumptious. Jimmy its a variety show. Its funny. Steve its funny. Jimmy its comical. Its musical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway steve nothing to do with his show. Jimmy nothing to do with his show, no. I hope everyone watches it. But, no, were doing a a different thing. Steve different thing entirely. Jimmy a musical thing. A musical sk steve a little thing . [ laughter ] just a little thing. Jimmy no, i didnt say it was a little thing. Steve i was wondering. Jimmy your average size thing is going to be happening tonight. [ laughter and applause ] steve hey jimmy i dont know anything about it. Plus, she is beyond talented. Every time shes on the show, she destroys. Shes the best. Our pal, Megan Trainor is stopping by. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy her new record, thank you. Were gonna talk to her. And then shes going to perform for us later in the show. Its going to be a great show, everybody. Steve hey jimmy its going to be fun. [ cheers and applause ] you know, whenever i get some down time here at the show, i like to go on instagram and scroll through all the photos. Steve i know you do. You love it. Jimmy i just think its so much fun. And the one thing ive noticed is that a lot of time two people will write the exact same captions. But the pictures they post will be completely different. Ill show you what i mean in this next segment. Its called for its called picture this. Picture this [ applause ] steve thats peppy. Jimmy thats not bad. Picture this picture this picture this yeah, picture this picture this picture this [ laughter ] jimmy almost like Michael Mcdonald did it. Like a doobie vibe to it, yeah. Picture this [ light laughter ] lets take a look at this first example. Its from cnn and webmd. They both wrote, our number one source for all of our medical knowledge. Heres the picture they posted. Cnn posted a picture of dr. Sanjay gupta. Webmd posted a picture of Donald Trumps doctor. Steve wow, there you go. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy the number one source. Steve number one source. Jimmy lets keep going. This one is from natgeo and the Discovery Channel. Steve oh, great. Jimmy yeah. They both wrote, its fascinating to watch these primitive creatures interact like real humans. [ light laughter ] natgeo posted a picture of a a family of apes. Steve aw. Jimmy the Discovery Channel posted a picture of the contestants from bachelor in paradise. [ applause ] i cant believe theyre steve theyre almost human. Jimmy look at him. Hes driving a car. Steve oh, my god theyre wearing clothes. Jimmy yeah. That was an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] they are all entrepreneurs. Steve all of em. Every single one. Jimmy uh, im an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] my names chad, and right now im currently an entrepreneur. And i entrepreneu from my moms basement. [ laughter ] a lot. I entrepreneu all day long. This one is from the nfl and cvs. Steve okay. Jimmy they both wrote, when you see this, you know its september. Nfl posted a picture of a a football game. Cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. [ laughter and applause ] steve very early. Jimmy coming soon. Might as well get it now. Steve only 180 shopping days. Jimmy cheap, cheap, cheap. Steve cheap, cheap, cheap. Jimmy cheap this next one is from the department of defense and the pentagon. They both wrote, the worst traitor in american history. The department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. The pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] steve i know, thats crazy. Jimmy whats the deal with that . Steve hes like benedict arnold, no less. Whos he doing the ads for . Jimmy can you hear me now . Heres a caption from bill clinton and melania trump. They both wrote, what i see every morning when i wake up. [ light laughter ] bill clinton posted a picture of Hillary Clinton. Melania trump posted a picture of the naked donald trump statues. [ laughter and applause ] the statue is in her steve the statues in her house . Jimmy it may be in her bedroom. Steve you dont know. Jimmy i dont know. This next one is from Hillary Clinton and donald trump. They wrote, he was our first president , and we owe him a a lot. Hillary clinton posted a a picture of george washington. Donald trump posted a picture of the quaker oats guy. [ applause ] easy mistake. Steve easy mistake. Jimmy big deal. Steve william penn. Jimmy he did something. Steve he did something. Founded pennsylvania. Jimmy lets keep going. This next one is from tesla and president obama. They both wrote, 0 to 60 in 2. 5 seconds. Tesla posted a picture of a a car. President obama posted a a picture of himself in his first year in office and himself now. [ laughter and applause ] stressful job. Steve that is stressful. Jimmy stressful job. Steve the leader of the free world. Thats stressful. Jimmy heres the last one here. From Hillary Clinton and chris christie. They both wrote, this should be free for every single american. Hillary clinton posted a a picture of college. Chris christie posted a picture of guacamole from chipotle. [ laughter and applause ] hes right steve should be free jimmy thats all the time we have for picture this. Well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody [ cheers and applause ] with this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. With this degree of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. And with this standard of luxury. Its an oasis. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Lease the e300 for 549 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. For senate, Katie Mcginty or pat toomey . Mcginty supports clean energy jobs. Pat toomey voted to protect tax breaks for Oil Companies. Mcginty is prochoice. Toomey wants to overturn roe v. Wade and criminalize abortion. Mcginty will consistently stand up to the gun lobby. Toomeys against an assault weapons ban and gets an a rating from the nra. This year, pennsylvanians have a clear choice. 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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] shes a good girl loves her mama loves horses and america too shes a good girl crazy about elvis love horses and her boyfriend to [ cheers ] she loves horses and she also loves rainbows she loves flowers and horses too [ laughter ] she likes football but shes really loves horses she loves horses she really really does [ cheers and applause ] but if theres one thing she loves most about horses is that theyre horses thats the one thing [ laughter ] if she could be clear shes a the fan the of horses she loves horses la dee da dee da she digs horses yeah shes nuts about horses she enjoys horses says yes she does she loves horse hair horse teeth and horse noses she loves horse shoes and horses too she likes ponies but not as much as horses she likes horses much much more [ laughter ] she likes unicorns but she calls em horny horses [ laughter ] she loves horses yeah thats what she loves she doesnt like goats she dont like llamas she doesnt care for them crazy kangaroos and im a bad boy cause i dont like horses she loves horses ventura boulevard [ laughter ] and im free [ cheers and applause ] free horses [ cheers and applause ] and im free free horses [ cheers and applause ] and im free [ cheers ] free horses yeah im free free horses [ cheers and applause ] yeah im free free horses [ cheers and applause ] before taking his team to state for the first time. 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Com boat blurlbrlblrlbr david was proud to be an american soldier. And i know im prejudiced because he was my son, but i dont think he had a mean bone in his body. There is not a day that i dont think about david. When i saw donald trump attack another gold star mother, i felt such a sense of outrage. She was standing there, she had nothing to say. If donald trump cannot respect a gold star family, then why would anyone in ameri