Transcripts For WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon February 14, 2017

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 623, phoenix steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh hey thats what im talking about, buddy hi welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you very much. I send the love right back to you guys. Welcome. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is it thank you so much for being here, everybody. Welcome. I love you, jimmy jimmy i love you, too. I love you, too, yeah. [ cheers ] i love everybody. Guys, but love is in the air because tomorrow is valentines day. Steve yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tomorrow is valentines day, which means in 24 hours, guys all across the country will be telling their loved ones, i thought you said we werent doing gifts this year . [ laughter and applause ] but, you said that. Just always get a gift. Just always yeah, yeah, oh. Actually i read that one of the more popular valentines day gifts this year is gym memberships. [ audience oohs ] steve oh, gosh. Jimmy what better way to say, i love you than by saying, youre fat and i want you out of the house . Steve aw. Jimmy its like, thank you very much. Appreciate that. [ applause ] the grammys were last night. Did you watch the grammys . Anybody . [ cheers and applause ] it was great. Adele adele was the big winner. But yeah. [ cheers ] but get this. After winning for best album, adele said she thought beyonce should have won instead. [ cheers ] then kanye was like, damn, she beat me to it, and went back to sleep. [ applause ] you got to be there. You got to be there, kanye. Did you see this . During his performance with a a tribe called quest, busta rhymes referred to President Trump as president agent orange. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] and the secret service said, great. Now he needs a new code name. All right, uh, what do we uh give me something. Orange julius . Well, this weekend at his maralago resort in florida, President Trump apparently discussed Sensitive Information about a north Korean Missile launch in front of waiters and other guests. The guests said they wont share what they overheard, while the waiter said [ russian accent ] no promises. [ laughter and applause ] president agent orange let cat out of bag. This is just crazy. I saw someone at maralago posted a facebook photo with the man carrying the bag with the Nuclear Launch codes. Even worse, the bag was a purse from the ivanka trump collection. Steve what . Jimmy and you got that the whole thing steve what . Jimmy the whole thing is shady. I dont get it. Steve shady. Jimmy well this is pretty embarrassing. Yesterday the u. S. Department of education incorrectly spelled the name of civil rights activist w. E. B. Du bois in a tweet. [ light laughter ] yeah. Then they followed up they followed that tweet up and this is real by tweeting, our deepest apologizes for the earlier typo [ laughter ] it was only steve ah [ laughter ] jimmy a lot of people called out controversial education secretary betsy devos, for the error. Well, betsy actually reached to us to address this. So joining us now via satellite is education secretary betsy devos. [ laughter ] betsy, are you there . [ cheers and applause ] betsy yes, hi hi, jimmy im back on your tv. Im betsy devos. Jimmy betsy, betsy the camera is the cameras behind you. Oh, hello, camera jimmy yeah. Im betsy devos. Jimmy thats right, you are. Now betsy, would you like to address this tweet controversy . Oh, yes. A lot of people were screaming at me and making mad faces. So i prepared a formal apology. [ clears throat ] betsy devoss apology by betsy devos. Oh, thats me [ laughter ] we at the department of educash cab are [ laughter ] so sorry for any teepos. Parentheses look into camera and frown. [ laughter ] our sincerest im sorrys go out to w. E. B. Du bois as well as to w. E. B. Du girls. [ applause ] jimmy betsy betsy, what do you have to say to all the people who think that youre unqualified for this position . Thats simply not true. I am totally got this. [ laughter ] let me show you with a quick game. Pick any state and i can name the capital. Jimmy okay. New york. [ laughter ] how about a different game . Jimmy all right, all right, all right. How about just name any state . Alaskaka. [ laughter ] floridian. Misapeepee. Thats four right there. Jimmy all right, thank you very much. Betsy. Betsy devos, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] im betsy devos. Jimmy thats right. Betsy devos, thank you very, very much. Cleared everything up. Thank you. [ applause ] guys, its reported that ivanka trump has been signing up for fitness classes in the washington, d. C. , area using a a fake name. Of course, shes not the only white house insider who uses an alias. I mean, for example, Melania Trump uses the alias, ivana gobacktoslovenia. [ laughter ] press Secretary Sean Spicer goes by, angry spice. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, donald trump uses the alias, hugh jands. There you go. [ applause ] hugh jands. Steve hugh jands. Hugh jands. Jimmy as we mentioned earlier, tomorrow is valentines day. And if you havent made plans already, dont worry, youre not alone. Joining us to help with some last minute ideas, is one our writers and selfproclaimed valentines day planning expert, arthur meyer. Welcome, arthur. [ cheers and applause ] hi, jimmy. Happy almostvalentines day. [ laughter ] jimmy ah, so what do you have to say to those procrastinators out there . Well, i have some great news. You dont have to make plans weeks in advance to have a a romantic valentines day. Jimmy thats great. What do you suggest . Well, a romantic dinner is always a sure bet but good luck finding a restaurant that isnt already fully booked for valentines day. So just do what i do and surprise your lady with a a homecooked meal. Jimmy cool. Thats actually what im planning to do this year. Hey, thats great, jimmy. Mind if mind if me and the gal saddle up and join you . [ laughter ] i was just kidding. Jimmy what . [ light laughter ] yeah, no, yeah. Im totally kidding about coming over to your place on valentines day. Unless you happen to be free. [ light laughter ] jimmy im not free. I just told you i have plans. Oh, yeah, no, yeah. I know. I mean, this would be super casual. Itd just be like a super lowkey, like, fourhour dinnerdessert, hang sesh sort of thing. Jimmy hang sesh . No, thats not that low key at all. Having you and your girlfriend invite yourselves over to my place for four hours . No, yeah, no, yeah. Of course not, yeah. Well if it helps, you know, it would actually just be me. My girlfriend cant make it. [ laughter ] jimmy why not . Ah, because we broke up three years ago. [ laughter ] jimmy well, im sorry, but youre not coming over. Well, i could. [ laughter ] jimmy no. You cant but i could. [ laughter ] jimmy no, you cannot. Eh. [ laughter ] how about 6 30 . Jimmy 6 30 it is. Arthur meyer, everybody [ cheers and applause ] well do guys night jimmy thats right. [ applause ] and of course, the big movie at the box office this weekend was the lego batman movie. Which actually beat fifty shades darker, and fifty shades loved it. We have a great show tonight give it up for the roots, right there [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy guys, thank you for being here. We have a great show tonight. One of the greatest players in nba history. Magic johnson is here tonight [ cheers and applause ] the one and only. Steve come on jimmy the one and only plus, from the new animated movie rock dog, luke wilson is on the show steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy magic and i are teaming up against luke and tariq from the roots in a game calmed roomba pong. Steve ooh. Jimmy thats going to be fun, tonight. And we have great, great standup from comedian roy wood jr. There he is right there. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i just met that baby. Its the cutest baby in the world. I just met the baby backstage. Steve aw. Jimmy yeah. I saw roy last night. I saw him do a set at the stand here in new york over on third avenue. Great comedy club. And he just destroyed. So you guys are in for a treat. Its going to be fantastic tonight. Guys, as you know, we always like to showcase new talent here on the tonight show. Theres so much of it right here in new york city. Right here in this audience. So we sent our [ cheers and applause ] we sent our writer becky down to the streets to find the most talented people. So now its time for tonight show sidewalk of fame. Here he go. [ cheers and applause ] tonight show sidewalk of fame jimmy as i said, beckys down live on the plaza outside 30 rock right now. [ cheers ] and were going to have people perform their talents, and then have you, the audience, decide whos the winner. Yeah. Hey [ cheers and applause ] hey, becky, hows it going . [ cheers and applause ] its going great, jimmy jimmy yeah, great to hear. Hows the weather down there . Its chilly. Id say it feels like 36 degrees. [ laughter ] jimmy thats very specific. Did you becky, youre probably right. Becky, do you did you find any talented people out on the street . Yes, i did. Jimmy okay, great. Yeah, who is [ laughter ] yeah. Really helping me out here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, whos up first . Lets start it off here. This is jaken from rochester, new york. Jimmy jaken, okay great, dude. [ cheers and applause ] jaken from rochester. Jaken, what is your talent . So, i can make a trumpet impression with my mouth. Jimmy you can so you make a trumpet noise with his mouth . Mmhmm. [ laughter ] jimmy higgins. Sorry. Okay. Whenever youre ready, id like to hear it. So im going to do justin bieber, sorry. Jimmy okay. [ trumpet impression ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much. Thank you for thank you for coming on the show. [ laughter ] thank you, buddy. [ laughter and applause ] becky becky who do we have next . [ laughter ] this is brittany from pittsburgh, pennsylvania. Jimmy hey [ cheers and applause ] what i love about this city. Its all sorts of people. Pittsburgh, pennsylvania i love pittsburgh, primanti brother sandwiches. Primanti brothers, yeah. Jimmy now. Its great. Jimmy yeah it is. What is your talent . So i can say all my 50 states in about 16 seconds. Jimmy you can say all 50 states in 16 seconds . Uhhuh. Jimmy this is good. I like this. And youre gonna time yourself . Oh, yeah. Jimmy okay, great. Great. Jimmy i love this. Lets see this. Okay, ready . Alabama, alaska, arizona, arkansas, california, colorado, connecticut, delaware, florida, georgia, hawaii, idaho, illinois, indiana, iowa, kansas, kentucky, louisiana, maine, maryland, massachusetts, michigan, minnesota, mississippi, missouri, montana, nebraska, nevada, new hampshire, new jersey, new mexico, new york, north carolina, north dakota, ohio, oklahoma, oregon, pennsylvania, rhode island, south carolina, south dakota, tennessee, texas, utah, vermont, virginia, washington, west virgina, wisconsin, wyoming. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey steve whoa jimmy that is impressive steve wow that was micro machines good. Jimmy that was impressive. Ho did you find out you had that talent . Well, when i was in Elementary School they taught us the state song. You know alabama alaska arizona arkansas and so we used to have competitions to say who could say it the fastest. And ive always been a fast talker so here i am. Jimmy hey, very well down. That was good stuff. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey becky that was good. Becky, how about you . Do you have any talents besides hosting . I do. I can do a scarf dance. [ laughter ] jimmy whos our last contestant we have, becky . Steve oh [ laughter ] our last contestant, this is danielle, ariel and morelle. They are Three Sisters from cleveland, ohio. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, hey steve three jimmy welcome, guys guys, what is your talent . All we can sing with our mouths closed. Jimmy ooh, interesting. Yeah. Jimmy now, id like to see this. Lets do this is perfect. Lets see it. All right. Jimmy whenever youre ready. Ready, set, go you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are gray jimmy yeah. Youll never know dear how much i love you so please dont take my sunshine away [ laughter and applause ] jimmy that was fantastic [ cheers and applause ] thats fantastic. Thats great. Becky can we line up all the talented contestants . [ cheers and applause ] they were great before we decide the winner, becky, the audience here really wants to see your scarf dance. [ cheers and applause ] ooh, ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah jimmy all right. All right. Very good. Now, then [ laughter ] that was it . Steve that was the scarf dance . Jimmy now, the audience will decide the winner by round of applause. Was it contestant number one . [ cheers and applause ] all right, good. Was it contestant number two . [ cheers and applause ] or was it contestant number three . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the winner is contestant number two. That is our winner becky becky, what prize do we have for them . Our winner gets a tonight show hoodie and 100. Jimmy hey. Not bad [ cheers and applause ] and you guys, you did not win, so you each get 50 and a a tonight show tank top. Jimmy hey, thats pretty good, too. Thank you guys for playing. Jimmy thats a cool tank top. Yeah, well get you three of those. I promise. Ill get you three of those. Thank you, becky. And how about another round of applause for our contestants. [ applause ] that was fantastic. Well be right back with Magic Johnson, everybody come back to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] vo maybe it was here, when you hit 300,000 miles. Or here, when you walked away without a scratch. Maybe it was the day your baby came home. Or maybe the day you realized your baby was not a baby anymore. Every subaru is built to earn your trust. Because we know what youre trusting us with. Subaru. Kelley blue books most trusted brand. And best overall brand. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The moto z with moto mods. Get a moto z play droid for only 5 mo. No tradein required. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a hugely successful entrepreneur and philanthropist, hes also an olympic gold medalist, a a 12 time allstar and five time nba champion who recently rejoined the front office of his beloved los angeles lakers. Here to tell us about that more, please welcome to the show Magic Johnson [ cheers and applause ] aw, man. Jimmy always looking sharp and looking good. Wow, thank you. Jimmy thats the one and only right there. Welcome back. I appreciate it, man. I appreciate it. Let me say jimmy yeah. I was at the white house, and the roots jimmy yeah, i heard about this party. They they turned that party out, and questlove [ cheers and applause ] questlove, djed after they played, and sang the songs and played for other artists, it was amazing. Jimmy yeah. No that everyone, yes oh, we were down, boogieing down to the floor that night. Jimmy really . You got that low . I mean, down. Jimmy you got low. Really . Real low. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] hey, hey, questlove, thats the errol flynn. Thats back in my day. Questlove i know. [ laughter ] the errol flynn. So we were doing it that night. We had fun. Jimmy you were close to the president , right . Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy hows your relationship . I loved president obama. I love president obama. Love the first lady, as well, michelle. Jimmy yeah. [ cheers and applause ] and i cochaired my brothers keeper. Jimmy thats right. Yeah. So we want to catch minority boys before the third grade. Make sure that they can read. Make sure that we give them math skills, because what happens, if its after the third grade, they cant catch up. So we want to make sure, and president obamas really behind this, and thats going to be his passion. Even out of the oval office. Hes going to continue that. Right now. Jimmy yeah. Really . Yes. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its a good thing they do. I know thast. Yeah jimmy we talked about that last time. I love it, you know, because we got to do that. Education is the key. Jimmy the key, man. Absolutely. I agree with you. But now youre doing that as well but youre back with the lakers . Yes jimmy which makes so much sense thank you. Jimmy thank you for doing that. Just makes sense. [ cheers and applause ] you have to be back. You are the lakers, man. Come on. I want to help get them back on track, you know, and when [ laughter ] dont tell nobody. Jimmy no. We got you. We know what you mean. Yeah. You know, its you know, weve been struggling here in the last four or five years. And so, jeanie buss asked me to come back. Be an adviser to her. And, you know, i love the game. I love the lakers. So, its been great. I think ive been back for the last two weeks just trying to come up with a strategy and a a plan to get us back where we belong which is on top. Jimmy i know how that i mean come on. You a pro if anyone can do it, can you do it, man, because youre magic well, i appreciate [ applause ] well, i wish i was about this was 20, 25 years ago so i could put on them little hot pants we used to wear. [ laughter ] jimmy i know. And they was tight, too. Jimmy i know. I sometimes i wondered, how did we get in those. Man [ laughter ] jimmy how did you, right . Exactly. Jimmy no, yeah. I thought it was cool look, man. Come on. Yeah, it was a cool look, back then. Jimmy back then. Yeah, you cant pull it off now. But, i mean you were a great entrepreneur. I know, the last time you were here you and questlove were talking about the different Magic Johnson Magic Johnson fridays and then what was the reason behind this . Well, what i tried to do was, in urban america, a lot of, when you think about retailers, were not coming into our community. So you couldnt get a salad in urban america. You can get fast foods but you couldnt get healthy foods. You couldnt get healthy options. So what i tried to do was bring quality products and services to the urban consumer. So it started off with Magic Johnson theaters. And a matter of fact, we built them all over the country. Then we went to starbucks, built those all over the country. Jimmy Magic Johnson starbucks . Yes, yes. Jimmy i mean what a genius idea. Just call it Magic Johnson and you just have i didnt know you could do that. [ laughter ] Magic Johnsons chipotle [ laughter ] youre a genius it was unbelievable well well, you know, we quite dont know what scones are. So i took the scones out of my starbucks though. Jimmy smart, smart, smart, smart. Take that out the starbucks, yeah. Africanamericans, we just dont eat scones. [ light laughter ] jimmy you know, i got you. I understand. So sweet potato pie jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Pound cake,

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