You know who controls the casserole and the banking industry, right . laughter applause i think thats going too far. Shut up, you cuck laughter its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes anna kendrick. Maherahala ali. And a performance by comedian chris gethard, batiste ask stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey wooo hey, everybody. Hey stephen i like that. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Thank you so much. Please have a seat. So nice to be here among friends. Well, lets see, cheers everybody take a deep breath. Donald trump isnt president yet. But cheers bu overseas. So i think that means im in charge. cheers and applause as you were. Smokeem if you gotem. Obama has left the country, because hes not an idiot, and he is overseas trying his best to convince foreign leaders that trump will be a responsible, pragmatic president. Here and convince us, because i still have my doubts. Give him a chance. You know, give him a chance, like a game of chance. Trump certainly feels like a crapshoot. Ill tell you that much. Heres one of the reasons why barack obama hasnt entirely calmed me down. Jim, can we show the footage when obama and trump were in the oval office again do everything we can to help you succeed, because if you succeed, then the country succeeds. Stephen okay, first, i would have more confidence if you could say that without looking like you were were passing a 65pound kidney stone. laughter second, you do know what he means by success, right . Have you seen the successory poster on his wall . Now, obama is in greece right now. And i think europe is really going to miss obama. And if trump pulls out of nato, europe is also going to miss europe. Meanwhile, stateside, americas new stepdad, don, has told his aides that instead. Of living in the white house, he would like to do what he is used to, which is spending time in new york so he can wake up in his own bed in trump tower. audience booing this is the first president who considers living in the white house slumming it. 132 rooms . 55,000 square feet . Ill pass. laughter does president elect trump not understand the number one job requirement . Its right there in the constitution, must be willing to relocate. laughter look. Just don. cheers and applause this is personal. This is no, no. On behalf of eight million people, please dont come back every week to new york. I am begging you cheers and applause please the one week a year when obama comes in for the u. N. , its like the fall of saigon meets dantes inferno meets world war z. And now the secret service says theyre going to close parts of 5th avenue. Traffics going to be so backed up, people in their cars will start drinking their urine. Whole generations of new yorkers will be born and die without ever leaving their uber. Why . And why for the love of pete would you want to come back to new york . 86 of manhattan voted against you. Your front door is blocked by 10,000 people screaming at you. cheers and applause and plus, ive been there. The white house is very nice. You could sit on the same toilet lincoln tweeted the gettysburg address from laughter honest to god. 5th avenue. It goes down the center of the island. Thats like a doctor saying, were just going to take out your spine. Everything else is glg to stay. Jon its true. Stephen just the middle vertebrae. Just those. In other trumping, theres surprising news from the dr. Ben carson said today that hes not interested in serving in the trump administration. His spokesman said dr. Carson feels he has no government experience. Hes never run a federal agency. The last thing he would want to do was take a position that could cripple the presidency. cheers and applause hold on a second. Just wait a second. Hold your horses. Didnt ben carson run for president . What was his plan . Resign on day one . Was his campaign slogan, carson 2016 i will cripple the presidency. I will cripple the presidency. I will i will do it. I will you must marco. laughter marco. Marco. And you may ask yourself well, a lot of people think that donald trump won because of facebook partly because on facebook, its okay to poke without consent. laughter but mostly because facebook is full of fake news stories that get shared widely without being factchecked, like f. B. I. Agent suspected in hillary email leaks found dead in apparent murder suicide. And oprah tells fox news host some white people have to die. oprah would never say that to fox news she would say it on the cover of o magazine. cheers and applause but these fake stories were shared all over the place, which is a problem, because studies say that 44 of adults get their news via facebook, which explains the new senator from colorado picture of a minion saying, and he knows its crazy because he read it on facebook. So just where are these stories coming from . It turns out that 100 different sites came from teenagers in one found that the best way to generate shares on facebook is to publish sensationalist and often false content that caters to trump supporters. Which brings me to my new segment hey, macedonian teens he, hey, macedonian teens. Knock it off why cant you just do normal teenager stuff like put m80s in mailboxes or get to third base behind the hardees, steal a mannequin and set it on fire in the woods. There is some good news. There is some good news. As of today, facebook will restrict these fake news sites. Now theyre going to do it, while were at it, let me just close these barn doors so those stupid cows cant get back in. Cow. cheers and applause . . . You guys want something to distract you from donald trump . Audience yes stephen well, too bad, because internet porn has been compromised. Yeah, yeah, true. The hookup and porn site, adult friendfinder, has been hacked in one of the biggest data breaches ever. Of course, a lot of people on there lie about the sides of their data breach, but its still pretty big. The hack has released information on more than 412 million user accounts. This is worse than wikileaks. Thats why im calling it wankyleaks. laughter now, this is good news and bad news for all the adult friends. The bad news is this might lead to humiliation and blackmail. Speaking of exchanging fluids, a new study has found that blood from human teens can rejuvenate the body and brains of old mice. So, hey, 18 to 24yearolds who decided not to vote, i think we just found out what trumps going to replace obamacare with. laughter hes going to stick a straw in you like a capri sun. The one bit of hope i t this, if young peoples blood can rejuvenate the elderly, i say we hook up Ariana Grande to ruth bader ginsburg. We have a great show for you tonight. Anna kendrick is here. Maybe shell sing. Stick around. . . Is that coffee . Yea, its nespresso. I want in. . . Youre ready. . . Is that coffee . Nespresso. What else . Sfx plastic scraping plastic sfx utensils against a plate the dinner is even better without being interrogated about future grandchildren. When families gather things get messy. Ours can help. Sc johnson. Energy is a complex challenge. People want power. And power plants account for more than a third nge is to capture the emissions before theyre released into the atmosphere. Exxonmobil is a leader in carbon capture. Our team is working to make this technology better, more affordable so it can reduce emissions around the world. Thats what were working on right now. . Energy lives here. Oh caroline. So corporate put you up in a roadside motel. Whatever it is you just stepped in. Or that friendly dumpster diver outside. I wouldnt sit there. Its your tv, take it with you. Now you can watch your dvr anywhere, at no extra cost, with directv from at t. Applebees buy one get one free menu is perfect for two people. Or one really hungry person. Buy one meal from our buy one get one free menu and get a second absolutely free. . . . applause cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Say hi to jon batiste and stay human, everybody. I love hearing you guys play that. Jon you see that . Stephen well, welcome back, everybody. My first guest is an Academy Awardnominated actress, singer and now author. Please welcome back to the show the lovely anna kendrick. cheers and applause hi, guys stephen its so nice to you have here. Thanks for having me back cheers and applause thats how i feel eerrggh stephen people love anna kendrick. I feel like joy comes at me in rage waves right now, so i totally got that. All of my emotions are really confused right now. Everythings just kind of mixed up. But it feels kind of good, i stephen uhhuh. Ive been, like, measure ago i dont know how youre doing. How are you doing . Stephen officially, great. Yeah, yeah. laughter me, too. Great officially. But you are a ray of sunshine professionally. Oh thank you. Stephen people are happy when they see you. Thats so sweet. That would be nice. Stephen youre happy to see anna kendrick, arent you . cheers and applause stephen exactly how are you coping . What are your coping mechanismright now . Cope ive basically been ive been crying a little less each day. Stephen thats cool. I know that makes people feel uncomfortable but i cry in movies. I have been going from crying to laughing and laughing to crying so everybody is mixed up. Stephen you havent gotten the med mix quite right . I was trying to open a bottle. I couldnt get a bottle opened this morning, and i had this thought, and i was like, i guess i really do need a man president. An then started crying and then laughed. Stephen thats a good way to get through life. At least i think im really funny. laughter . Stephen thanksgiving is coming up. Yeah. Stephen are you having thanksgiving . Yeah. Stephen that can be a time after the election when there can be some tension . Theres nothing they know of. But weve got one rogue uncle. I think every family has that one guy like, what, did you do . Oh stephen he comes in and goes, how you doing . It may be interesting. Stephen dont cry in front of him. Im do what i want ill do whatever i want no, thats what i mean im pro rage, joy, and open crying. I love it. Stephen you know what you are, youre scrappy . Oh, thats a segue to my book. Thats sweet. Stephen thats what i dor a fo living. I segued to her book and you guys didnt even feel it. The book is called oops, sorry. Unproio scrappy little nobody, right there. Now, did you put that title on there . Tow try and seem real humble. Oh, me. Oh, shucks, yall. Little old me. Stephen youre an academynominated actress, everybody likes you. How are you a nobody . I was having this conversation with my brother and thinkinthinking about moving to. And trying to become an actress. And i was like was i more eye texted him and i was like, i little nobody, and i think i was more capable then. He was like, dude, youre still scraep. You get more email now. And i think the title is wanting to hold on to that guy, wanting to hold on to the rage joy. Stephen this is your memoir. How does one at your age write a memoir . laughter i mean, when well, im done now. Stephen you dont have that much to look back on yet, do you . No. Stephen youve achieved a old. I dont know, i thought it would be nice to write down all the weird thoughts in my head and find out if people still liked me. laughter . Stephen you do talk about some stuff in here. You say its very personal revelation in here that i dont know if i would have revealed. Uhhuh. Stephen you got to pick your own butt double. Oh, yeah. laughter stephen what did you need the butt double for . Was this just for buying jeans . Stephen what was the project . It was for mike and dave need wedding date. And there was a scene where they show half of the butt, and i got a butt double eye didnt know how it was going to work. But they bring you this folder of polaroids. laughter of, like, naked women. I felt so creepy. I felt like a serial killer. And i was and they and they front, for no reason at all, other than to make me feel weird. Stephen just in case you wanted a front double. I guess. If i wanted to spin around, if that was what my character would do. I was like, i dont i dont know. I just i realized i dont know what my butt looks like because its behind me. So i dont actually know. And i was like, i think this one looks good. And the producer was like, her butts a little square. And i was like, do i have a square butt . Stephen did you compare it later, compare your butt to this persons butt . No, even if you are lookin looka mirror youre twisting around. Stephen do you own an iphone or are you the one person in hollywood i think it would be a bad idea to take a picture of my butt. Stephen maybe so. I expect it what was your criteria . Highway did you finally land on the butt . Basically, they were like, well, all of these girls are too tall and too tan, so really it has to girl. I was like so i just saw all these naked women for nothing. I mean, not for nothing, it was great, but obviously, obviously, right. So what happened to this book of polaroids . I dont know. Thats a great question. Stephen im curious. I wouldnt leave that laying around. Im going to find out. Oh, god. What does happen . Now, im really concerned. Stephen i dont know. But, speaking of ningz that are slightly disturbing . Oh, great. To hold off on this one until we come back from the commercial break. What stephen well be right back with something slightly disturbing from anna kendrick. . . . applause . . . . . Sorry. Sorry. Regerts . Sorry, i was eating a milky way. . Even though eric gibson and his wife briana because they werent just thinking about their future. Buy in. Quicken loans. Home buy. Refi. Power. . Where do you think youre going . . . Where do you think youre goinggoing, girl . . . . . . applause there was a camera i had no idea they were coming in from behind. I would have asked for a butt double if i knew they were shooting my from behind. In here, you actually say after youd done up in the air, you were totally busted. If by busted you mean broke, yeah, yeah you were nominated for that, werent you . Weirdly, it doesnt come with a cash prize for being nominated. I felt very weird like being you know, just kind of living and kind of wearing borrowed clothes and pretending i was real fancy. And then, you know, going back to my apartment. Which the day i moved out, they redid immediate like i found out they gutted it and redid it, because they were like, oh, no, no one would rent this apartment as it is now. Stephen you couldnt have crashed with clooney . I know, what a stingy bastard. Stephen over on lake cuomo. What a jerk. Heres the disturbing thing i im glawd didnt forget. Stephen you have been interviewed a lot and you said on the book this is on page 186 you gotta get the book page 186 of scrappy little nobody. Do you know what im going to read. You said being interviewed by people, every single time i picture them meaning the person interviewing you i picture them having sex. I didnt write that. Stephen i dont mean to. It just happens. I cant stop myself. What is it like . Do they have that same crazy lovemaking is sensational. Its all im thinking about. cheers and applause now then . . . Yeah. Stephen now, then, miss kendrick what are you going to do about it . Stephen i have interviewed you three times. Have you pictured me laughter doing anything other than interviewing you during those times . You say every single time. Are you have something to tell us right now . I will look at me while you say it . Come on. laughter tell me what you saw. cheers and applause tell me what you saw. Youre doing very well. Stephen for a man my age. Is that any consolation. Stephen i love that youre here, and many times were together we sing together. I know. I was sort of secretly hoping we would sing. Stephen im a little busy in a mild panic about the election. But i didnt have a chance to learn a song. Would you be willing to do something the song they keep thinking about, because this year has been 2016 has been kind of a bitch, and i keep thinkin thinkt this s you know. You must know it. Sondheim im still here from foals. Stephen i dont know how to sing it. Its one of those songs that makes me feel empowered and weve been through it would you sing a little . Jon, do you know it . Jon yeah, ill try it out and see . Good time am i in the right key. Stephen i promise you dont. I promise i dont . Good times and bum times dear, im still . Really . Stephen no, i dont . Plush velvet sometimes sometimes just pretzel and beer. But im here . Ive run the gamut a. To z. . Three cheers and damn it, cest la vie . I got through all of last year . Lord knows at least i was there . And im here . Oh, im really feeling my oates now. . Look whos here . cheers and applause . Were still here . cheers and applause . Now well be right back with maherahala ali. . So im making a peppermint mocha for ms. Tammy. Hey ms. Tammy hey shes just become like that second mom to me pretty much now. The idea here is to make it as perfect as possible. Swirl it to mix the shots as they drop in. Whipped cream. Sprinkles on top. What ends up happening is you hand her drink, she sips it and she like tilts her head and she goes, ahhhh, perfect the best barista in austin cameron. I dont know about that. Cameron. Oh yes you are. laughter during the ford year end event, discover why ford is americas bestselling brand. . Im on top of the world, hey . With the most 5star ratings. Awardwinning value. And the highest owner loyalty. Giving drivers what matters most. Thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Black friday bonus cash on top of all other great offers. Its an amazing time just like mom, you have dinner on the table at 6 00 every night. Hey guys, im home campbells one dish recipes, designed around one pan and your schedule. applause stephen welcome back. My next guest is an actor who has starred in house of cards, marvels luke cage, and the his latest film is moonlight. Please welcome Mahershala Ali . . . applause cheers and applause your band is rockin, man. Stephen theyre pretty darn good. Wellrespected actor. I really respect your work. But actors can doha for years and years and years without having the moment, you know . Yeah. Stephen it seems like youre enjoying that right now. You got nominated for house of cards, this year. Youve got the movie moonlight. cheers and applause you were in luke cage power man. Is it different or more of the same and all that attention is just sort of outside your business . Different. I each year, i did four seasons of house of cards, and we would hit the hiatus and then the show would come out. And there would be some bump in activity where i would get calls and scripts and whatnot. Stephen and they all came out at once, too . Yes, so i wasnt able to capitalize on the opportunities because i was going right back into the next season of the show. So finally after i left the show, this last season, my and ive been able to take advantage of those. Stephen not only was house of cards a streaming show, but also marvels luke cage. cheers and applause did you have any just a few years ago, saying something was only online, would have been a weird thing to say. Were you sold right away about the the idea yeah im going to go into a show that is only available on streaming. Explain this to me again. It would have been equivalent of someone saying, to pick up the dvd at blockbuster to watch the series. Of. It was a strange thing to do. After book the show