I know youre not trying to hurt me, but part of me doesnt know. Oh my god, is it ten of 8 00 . Aw, damn it, i missed the bus. Oh, well, thats all right, meg. I can drive you to school. Thatd be great. Thanks. So, uh. How are your academics going . Good. Real good. That puerto rican street gang give you any trouble on your way home from school . What puerto rican street gang . Youre welcome. Oh, hang on, theres a red light. Got to hit the brakes. exhaling so, um. I hear you teenage girls are pretty hot on that, uh. Nic cage. Uh, no, not really. Okay. Hey, can you tell me what lady gaga is . Is that a band, or a soda, or a store, or. One of those terms like donkey punch . No. Is it a douche . Is lady gaga a douche . I dont think so. Well, whatever it is, i like it. Ah, green light. blowing nose is. Is it hard being a paraplegic . Well, its no picnic. Unless your version of a picnic is being the basket. Well, you seem like you have a good attitude about it. Yeah, you know, its like we handicapped people say when life ruins your legs, you just gotta make legonade. I can sort of relate to that. You know, sometimes its really hard being me, and i guess i just make megonade. That sounds disgusting. All right, were here. This is my school. Yeah, isnt that where you wanted to go . Well, yyeah, but. Most times people just drop me off a block away so they dont have to be seen with me. Aw, thats gay. I dont mind being seen with you. You dont . Of course not. Wow. Well, ii better go, i dont want to be tardy. Ah, thats not going to happen from missing one class. People are born that way. Now run along, or youll be late. Hey, whos that, your boyfriend . cackling yeah. Yeah, thats my boyfriend. Meg, youre here early. Oh yeah, i just wanted to make sure you got a nice hot breakfast before you head off to work. Oh. Well, thanks. Whats with the getup . Oh, nothing. I just wanted to look sexy for susie. How are your eggs, joe . Meg if he doesnt say anything about me calling him joe, that means were truly in love. Joe she just called me joe. Thats kind of weird. But ill just let it slide. Shes got nothing going on. Besides, what harm could it do . Theyre delicious, meg. Thanks. Youre welcome, joe. Joe ah, bleep , i should have said something. Meg he let me say it twice now. Its like were married. Patrick stewart this is Patrick Stewart. How are you liking the program so far . Aah oh, geez, you scared me. What happened to your clothes . Hey, what are you doing . screaming gagging labored breathing brian, have you seen. . Whoa, what the hell happened to you . Easy, easy, man, easy. whimpering gasps what the hell is your problem . me . What did i do . Youre the one going all Michael Hutchence over here. You just stay away from me, you psychopath. Hey, ow. Look, i dont know whats going on here, but dont be throwing things, because thats just not safe. gasps what . Oh. My. God. Good lord i. Am a genius. What. What is it . Dont you see, brian . My machine did work. It created an evil clone of me. Thats why i didnt feel more evil all the evil energy went into him. Well, kill it. It almost choked me to death. I shall do no such thing, brian. It must be studied. If i can decode the genetic puzzle of this being, perhaps i can determine how to apply it to my own neurological makeup. Evil stewie, come with me. Were going to run a few tests on. bone crunches yelling grunting gasps whimpering yelling screaming grunting coughs brian screaming screaming continues hi, honey. What . Whatd you say . I just said hi. Is that, uh is that bonnies dress . Oh, yeah. Susie spit up on me, and i didnt want to go all the way home, so i just threw this on. I hope thats okay. Yeah, its fine, i guess. Oh, heres that juice box you asked for. Oh, thanks, meg. Oh. Whats wrong . Oh, nothing. Its just that i like to put the straw in myself. Oh, iim sorry. Here. Yeah. Its not the same now. Ill, uh, ill just get another one. phone rings ill get it hello. Oh, hi, meg, its bonnie. How is everything going there . Oh, great. Has joe died . What . No. Thats good. I was just calling to tell him my father is recovering well and the doctors say hell be fine. Thats great. Ill tell him. Ill be flying back first thing in the morning. Thats great, too. Okay, bye, bonnie. See ya tomorrow. Bye. Who was that . Oh, uh, prank call. Oh, yeah, i, uh, get a lot of those. I can never figure out who it is. Who is this . Peter wheelywheely stupid head, bet you wish that you were dead. Listen, i dont know who this is, but you better cut it out im a cop, you know oh, what, are you gonna report me on your cant walkietalkie . Im gonna hang up now. No, no, no, wait, wait, wait i got three more of these i wrote on a napkin. sighs all right, three more. snoring jet engines roar beeping maam, is this your bag . I dont know how that cocaine got in there. Maam, this bag contains a concealed weapon. Im gonna have to place you under arrest. Oh, my goodness, how did that get in there . Youre gonna have to come with us, maam. handcuffs click what happened to the coke . Theres no coke in here. Oh, bleep , ricardos gonna kill me. [ male announcer ] getting a complete meal on the table under 10 bucks . Now thats smart. The new kfc 9. 99 6piece deal. 6 pieces of chicken. 3 biscuits, and one large side just 9. 99 today tastes so good. Stewie stay tuned for more family guy or perish this is nice, joe. A night out, a good dinner. Thank you so much. Well, i wanted to do something special. Show you how much i appreciate all the hard work youve been doing. Oh, its been my pleasure. So, listen, theres something i wanted to talk to you about. Whats that . Do you ever think about having another baby . I dont know. I guess im open to it. Really . Oh, thats great so, ill get off the pill. What do you mean . Nothing. Nothing. Forget it. Ii think im just a little scattered tonight. Im probably just pmsing. Oh, grody. Hey, this is supposed to be a fun night. Whats wrong with you . You know, i could ask the same of you. We havent made love in two weeks. We havent made love ever crying oh, great now youve upset the baby gasping oh, god oh Patrick Stewart this feels right, but it tastes like a dirty penny. This is ridiculous. Evil stewie could be anywhere. You know, this really is all your fault. If you hadnt told me i was going soft i wouldnt have created evil stewie, he wouldnt have escaped and we wouldnt be trying to track down a murderer. For all we know he could be killing someone else right now. normal pitched oh, no. deep voice oh, no. highpitched oh, no oh, yeah groaning listen, guys, i got something to tell you. And i dont really know how to break it to you, so im just going to come right out and say it. Meg has a crush on me. both laughing oh, my god get over yourself well, look, all im saying is, i remember when brian had a similar difficulty with meg. Maybe shes prone to quick and severe infatuation. Yeah, with a dog, not a cripple. Hey, easy there. All right, look, maybe im wrong. Maybe i misread a few of megs signals. Sorry i bothered you. Excuse me, lois, i have to go make a phone call. phone dialing hey, wheely stupid head, i heard you think meg likes you. Joe who is this . how are you getting this information . sniffs oh, my god, joe was here. Yeah, he just left. I know. I can feel him. I can smell him. Mm, i can taste him. Okay, i get the smell part. But, meg, i think we have to have a talk. Sweetheart, you dont you dont have a crush on joe, do you . Um. I dont know. Oh, my god, you do have a crush on him. What, mom . Why shouldnt i like him . When im with him, he makes me happy. And he needs me. Oh, meg, youre fooling yourself. Its classic Florence Nightingale syndrome. Youre taking care of him and youre feeling a closeness that youre misinterpreting as a romantic connection. But think about it, meg. You two have nothing in common. You know, youre right, mom. I hear you loud and clear. thumping screaming tires squealing meg, what the hell did you do . i made us the same, joe. Were exactly alike, you and i. Now we can be together. My god, we have to get you to the hospital. siren wailing tires squealing no, but i mean after soccer practice. You got anything planned for then . siren wailing i mean, nothing, nothing. Keep walking. You dont know me. The doctor says youre going to be fine. And your familys on the way. But that was a crazy thing you did, meg. I know. Im. Im so sorry. I just wanted us to be closer. Look, meg, i do care for you, but i care for you like i. I would a niece or a good friends daughter. sighs i feel like such an idiot. Dont. Im lucky to have you as a neighbor, and even luckier to have you as a friend. Thanks. Im lucky to have you as a friend, too. Evil stewie . Wherever you are, if you can hear me, im completely defenseless right now. Okay, there you are. Well, this is a gift, brian. Thank you for making it so easy. Hey, well, you know, youre doing me a favor. Ive had enough; i cant live with that stupid family anymore. Do me a favor and end it all for me, will ya . Delighted to oblige, brian. Aah blows landing loudly weapon blasting blows landing loudly oh, come on, not this thing really . Brian, its me, stewie. Shoot him no brian, you know me. Look at me. Shoot him. All right, theres only one way to settle this. Look at your feet. Why . Theyre just feet. giggling whwhat are they doing down there . Theyre like leg hands sizzling nice job, man wow that was really brilliant. Thanks. Just glad this nightmare is over. And im really glad i didnt kill the wrong stewie. Yeah, me, too. Hey, come on, ill take you home. deep, echoing, evil laughter is brought to you in part by