Transcripts For WFLA The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

WFLA The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon August 26, 2016

If you watched tonights dolphinsfalcons game on news channel 8, the starting quarterbacks played a few minutes into the Third Quarter and thats what were likely to see tomorrow night when the bucs host the cleveland browns. So there are still starting spots on the line forthe bucs, but two players might actually finish for nearly three weeks, the tight end made his bid for camp, and then came a mistake at the worst possible moment. Cam has to make that catch. That was a play i had the opportunity to make. Cam makes that catch almost every day in practice. The day after that interception, the bucs head coach announced that jenkins starting tight end. Ironically, that move was already coming. A. S. J. Played his way back from a practice dismissal during the off season, an early camp demotion, and questions about his dedication to football. I really have been already appreciative of everything the coach has done to me, the Bucs Organization has done for me to help me continue to become a better Football Player and person. He looked really god on saturday, had a good week of practice last week. And there will be room for two when the and he . Epped last year for an injured jenkins finishing with 288 yards receiving while scoring three touchdowns. I think cam is a phenomenal tight end his own right. I think he does a lot of good things well. I think we play hard. I think were both going to play a lot this year. I have been doing a lot early in training camp. It is good now that we both get some work. It will be fun working with him. It is going to be fun to off their season tonight. Every year we always see one of those players to watch, and this is one right here. The jesuit running back malik davis, a 65yard touchdown to get things going against Lakewood Ranch and jesuit won big. Were going to have more from this game tomorrow when we kick off another season of our friday night blitz. Paul ryan and i will have the fun 11 15 tomorrow. Be there this guy has not hit a ball in more than two weeks. He drives in steven sousa jr. To give the ray as 21 lead and they ended with big papi looking at that pitch. 21 is your final. Two straight wins by the rays who earned a fourgame split with the red sox. Is good for the rays earning a split there. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you. Well be right back with your winning lottery numbers. Easy for me to say. Heres what ed narain believes im all about public schools. And i oppose private School Vouchers that take funds away from public education. I opposed stand your ground gun laws and im against rick scotts hatefilled agenda. I strongly support Medicaid Expansion endorsed by floridas teachers and kathy castor. Hey girls wanna be in the commercial . No, were good. Winning lotto numbers. Pick three, 6, 6, 4. Pick four, and pick five, 01, 8, 1, 9, and your fantasy five. Well, 77. What . Get out of town i knew it. Sun and clouds with the warm morning to start. It is august. The rain chances come in the afternoon and lots of sunshine, warm temperatures again. We had 94, so a hot one. I dont know if you noticed, but the humidity was a bit lower. I didnt notice. I like the sevens, lucky number sevens. That is your news for now. Jimmy fallon our next newscast is at 4 00 a. M. We hope you have a great night. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] . Steve from studio 6b in Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Barbra Streisand, alec baldwin, musical guests Barbra Streisand and alec baldwin, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 520. Tucson steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon . . That is a crowd. That is a crowd right there. Hot crowd fantastic new york city crowd right there tonight thank you very much thank you very much. And welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Thank you so much. You made it. This is it. Youre part of the show. What a show tonight. But first, heres what people are talking about, you guys. Of course, everyone is talking about the election. And get this, politico is now reporting that Hillary Clintons campaign is using a runouttheclock strategy against donald trump hoping to just outlast him until november. Sounds like a good plan, said ted cruz, marco rubio, jeb bush, and john kasich. [ laughter and applause ] real good plan. I saw that hillary held a a fundraiser recently at Justin Timberlake and i know jessica biel. Whos Justin Timberlake . [ light laughter ] jessica even posted a a photobooth series they all took together. Take a look at this. Isnt that cute . [ light laughter ] hillarys faces in those pictures are actually the stages to reacting to donald trump running for president. Can we see that again . [ laughter and applause ] at first at first, its funny and it makes you smile. Then you cant believe what hes saying. Then youre terrified he might win. [ light laughter ] and, finally, look at the latest polls, and you breathe a a sigh of relief. [ cheers and applause ] its going to be okay. Its going to be all right. Of course, donald trump isnt letting up. In fact, he took a few shots at hillarys campaign yesterday, specifically some of the celebrities who are supporting her. Listen to this right here. Her supports have really and her supporters have very little enthusiasm. The only people enthusiastic hollywood celebrities. In many cases, celebrities that arent very hot anymore. [ audience ohs ] jimmy yes, unlike the smoking hot celebrities supporting me right now, like scott baio and the one guy from duck dynasty, thats it. [ laughter and applause ] hot, hot celebrities. Trump will be the first president to make decisions by playing hot or not with world leaders. Like, angela merkel, not hot. Vladimir putin, very hot. [ laughter and applause ] and did you see this . The boston globe just reported that according to his campaign staff, donald trump wouldnt take any vacations as president. I think thats because hes offended so many other countries he cant leave this one. Where are you gonna go . U. S. National park service turned 100 years old today. [ cheers and applause ] wow. Isnt that amazing . For 100 years, families from all over the u. S. Have been traveling to the grand canyon saying, huh, okay, well, back in the r. V. Lets go. [ laughter and applause ] thats it. Its a canyon. Its a hole. Lets go. Well, this is pretty funny. Kim kardashian recently attended a Friends Birthday Party in mexico and apparently brought a pi . Ata that was modeled after [ laughter ] afterwards all the kids in the village were picking up candy and so were the kids in the next village. It was a big it was a great, fun party. Oh, a bit of a scandal here, you guys. I read that bachelorette winner jordan rogerss tinder account is still active. [ audience oohs ] and that he recently matched with a girl despite being engaged in jojo. Youd cheat on me. And rogers said, you dated 25 other guys while we were going out. [ applause ] you cant believe i did that . I just dont know. Another reality star, kim richards of the real housewives of Beverly Hills just avoided jail time for shoplifting at a target store last year. Instead, shell be moved to a a Work Release Program for felons, the real housewives of new jersey. [ cheers and applause ] ill flip this table check this out. Hollywood medium star tyler henry says that his psychic abilities help him on dates, because he can always tell if theres gonna be a a second date or not. Which, raises the question, if you are psychic, why would you even bother showing up for a a bad first date. [ applause ] i have a feeling this is going to stink. Uh, im sick. I thought this was pretty amazing. Set the u. S. Record for most days in space, reaching the milestone of 521 days. Its less of an accomplishment after nasa admitted they sort of forgot he was up there. [ laughter and applause ] hey, that reminds me of something jeff would say. Oh, my god wheres jeff . Jeff, can you hear us . I totally forgot are you okay . Steve no one can hear you scream [ light laughter ] jimmy and finally, heres a a nice local story. A dog here in new york city is going viral for giving strangers hugs on the street. [ audience aws ] here, take a look. [ audience aws ] the dogs owner was, like, yeah, hugs. Thats what those are, sure, little quick hugs. We have a great show. Give it up for the roots, [ cheers and applause ] . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its been a great week so far, theres more ahead. Tomorrow night, jessica alba will be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and were going to play a fun new game called roomba pong. Its fun. Plus, Jeff Foxworthy and thank no tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] set the dvr. But first, oh, la, la, la. I mean, look at this. Oh. [ audience oohs ] pink vinyl, yeah. You dont get bigger than this. One of the greatest entertainers of all time. Shes the first recording artist in history to have a a number one album in six consecutive decades. [ cheers and applause ] golden globe, and emmy awards as well as a tony. And at midnight, tonight, she drops her new album, encore movie partners sing broadway. The one, the only, Barbra Streisand on the show tonight [ cheers and applause ] . Oh its fantastic. This record is she knows how to do it, man. Encors but its all these great people, anne hathaway, daisy ridley from star wars. Steve wow. Jimmy shes fantastic. I didnt know she sang. I must have missed that scene from star wars. Steve good scene. You got popcorn. Jimmy shes fantastic. Jamie foxx. And tonight, shes doing a fun bit. Well, well get to this. Because i like to tell him that hes on the show as well. We love this man as well, hes a talented, talented actor. Hes very smart, very funny. Hes just got it all. And it turns out he can really sing too. Dropping in tonight [ cheers and applause ] then no, it gets better steve what . Jimmy it gets better than that steve what . Were gonna catch up with alec baldwin who is just hitting homers left and right. And then barbra and alec are going to sing a fantastic duet off her the new album. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy History History in the making. Herstory. Steve herstory, please. Jimmy herstory in the making. Barbtr donna summer was my jam . . Enough is enough is enough . . [ cheers and applause ] . . . Good bye good bye good bye . . Enough is enough is enough . Jimmy oh, the best. Thats my jam. Thats my workout song. Steve that is everyday. On a constant loop and i run for three or four hours a day. Guys, it is time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. . Hashtags hashtags . [ cheers and applause ] . No sunshine . Jimmy ah, forget it. This is the best. Whats the other one . . No sunshine . . We dont stand a chance enough is enough is enough . [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy i dont know. I dont even remember it. Reminds me of working out. Reminds me of working out. Steve yeah, cause when you working out, youre in your own state of mind. Flash dance. Steve you wear your jimmy this is it. I wear my yeah, i workout. What was the neil diamond. Was that the other big duet she did . . You dont bring me flowers . Steve oh, what a burn. . You dont sing the song you hardly talk to me anymore when i come to the door at the end of the day . . Baby i remember all the things steve neils a tough guy. Neil diamonds a tough guy. Not even a chance jimmy i toured with them for years. Steve yeah, for years. You opened and closed for them. Jimmy that is correct. Guys, if you watch our show, and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. Jimmy for lying about what happened to him in rio. I went on twitter and sent out a hashtag called my dumb lie. [ light laughter ] and i asked you guys to tweet out a funny, weird, or embarrassing lie that youve told. We got thousands of tweets. And within 30 minutes, it was a a trending topic in the u. S. [ cheers and applause ] so thank you for those tweets. Now, i thought id share some of my favorite my dumb lie tweets from you guys. Here we go. This first is from adi hemrijani. He says, told my son that his belly button was a reset rudely, id push it and hed have to start as a baby again. [ cheers and applause ] thats frightening. Steve thats not good. Hes still paying for that one. Jimmy oh, i like this one. This is one is from dinoface1. Dino face . She says, sometimes when i order chinese, ill muffle the phone and say, one second, what do you want . and then order myself a second entree and some crab rangoon. Steve thats not dumb. [ talking over each other ] six egg rolls. Jimmy im having a party tonight, so sorry. Hold on. Steve hey, man how many forks you need. Just one. I mean five. Jimmy just one. I mean, well all share the same fork. Steve thats a genius lie. Jimmy this ones from frecklednomad. Steve i love him, or her. Jimmy she says, got embarrassed that i used the elevator to go down one level and so i limped out to not look lazy. [ laughter and applause ] steve again, thats not dumb at all. Thats using your noggin. Jimmy that le why do i got to do that i couldve have taken the stairs. This is from edfabry. He said, while working in spain, i told my spanish roommate that the proper english response to someone sneezing is up yours. [ laughter and applause ] why . Why would you do that . Steve thats just rude. Thats not good at all. Jimmy yeah, i know. This one is from murph911. She says, my uncle wore a a garage door opener on his belt to bars and told his girls why does your pager say sears on it . Oh, i dont know. This is from flabbergated. He says, i told people i tore my rotator cuff rock climbing, but i really tore it scooping ice cream that was too hard. [ laughter and applause ] steve no one will ever know it will go with me to my grave jimmy this last one is from crystaljtf. She says, told my mom i was having dinner with friends. But i was actually going to see fifty shades of grey. She was in the same theater [ laughter ] steve oh jimmy there you have it those are our tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Stick around. Well be right back with more of the tonight show. Alec baldwin and Barbra Streisand [ cheers and applause ] baby laughs . . . its a golden opportunity to discover the power of the human hand. The ability of a lexus master craftsman to turn an ordinary experience into an extraordinary one. Get some of the best offers of the year on our most refined vehicles at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. Get up to 5,000 customer cash on select 2016 models. Ends september 5th. See your lexus dealer. The new chicken mcnuggets look fantastic made with 100 white meat chicken, no artificial preservatives, flavors and colors, it just might convince the judges here today. crowd cheers and theyve done it the new chicken mcnuggets rightfully claim their gold jamie foxx here for verizon. Did you know verizon has more than three times the 4g lte coverage of sprint . And im jamie foxx for sprint. Pretty much the same coverage if you squint. You are not jamie foxx sprint is last nationally in 4g lte coverage. Well, who is going to notice . What about the left side of the country, huh . This part of texas, california, new york, et cetera . announcer vo dont get fooled by cut rate networks. Get the best. And now get up to four free Samsung Galaxy phones, four lines and sixteen gigs [ cheers and applause ] steve ladies and gentlemen, here to perform a a special duet, please welcome Barbra Streisand and donald trump. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you thank you. Its great to see me. . Its sort of nice to see you in person. Jimmy its great to see me too. Thank you. Listen up, babs, were going to sing this song really . Jimmy and its going to be a fantastic song. Were going to sing a fantastic again [ cheers and applause ] thats if you can sing. Can you . Jimmy look, youre a really great singer, but im really fantastic. I sing all the best words. When you hear me sing, youre going to be blown away. Oh, you mean like your hair in a wind storm. Jimmy toupee. I mean, touche. You ready . . . Anything you can do i can do better i can do anything better than you . . No you cant yes i can . . No you cant . Yes i can yes i can yes i can . . Any wall you can build i can build taller . . Im not building a wall i can build any wall taller than you . . No you cant yes i can no you cant yeahhuh . . No you cant yes i can and im gonna get mexico to pay for it . [ laughter and applause ] . Dont count on it okay i can go to d flat and ill never be flat . . I can build casinos and deport latinos . . I can vote for hillary shes going to lose . . No shes going to win and shes going to win huge hey you stole my line that is really, really low . . Are you talking about me or your latest poll numbers . Anything you can say i can say softer . . No i can say anything softer than you . . No you cant yes i can no you cant no you cant . . Youre right i cant . . Oh may i help you . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy be careful he only. Listens to me. Get down boy. All right, hold up. . Thats good. Okay. Jimmy thank you. Boy, you really are a a primadonna. No, youre a primadonald. Jimmy oh, thats pretty good. You wanna be my new campaign or 500. No way, jose. Jimmy jose . Where is he . Get him out of here please. Ill be right back. Oh, what am i [ cheers and applause ] . If i booked a hotel in advance i wouldnt need onat the last minute. Sorry, captain obvious. Dont be. Ive got the hotels. Com app, which makes it simple to book a room for. 1,000. Sorry. Or 25, but it wont be here. You can stay with me. Thanks. Ive already lost enough today. Hotels. Com. Safer than a strangers house. [bell rings] on the first day of school, i learned. It only takes some thing small to go from not friends. To totally friends unstoppable. We doubled our lte coverage. And, with extended range lte, it reaches farther than ever. 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