U. S. A. jimmy oh, thank you very much [ cheers and applause ] oh, that felt good. Oh i feel fantastic. Welcome to the tonight show, everybody [ cheers and applause ] im your host, jimmy fallon, and im only wearing this so donald trump doesnt deport me. [ laughter ] of course, everybodys excited about tonights Opening Ceremony of the rio olympics [ cheers and applause ] exciting. Its great. Wasnt it gr i dont know about you. My favorite part was when they had all those guys dressed up like construction workers frantically trying to finish the stadium. [ light laughter ] so realistic. So realistic. But its actually true. Construction crews were still finishing parts of the stadiums in rio right before the Opening Ceremony. Yeah, thats right. They went to cut the ribbon, and the workers were like, stop, thats holding it together dont [ laughter ] dont cut that. Wait till it dries. Cut it in a week. Of course, rio has had its fair looking for just one moment that sort of sums it all up, i think this might be it. And now, adding insult to injury, check out these workers using bolt cutters to open the gates to the stadium to tonights venue after reportedly losing their key. [ laughter ] jimmy what . Theyre going to be so mad when they remember the spare key under the flower pot. [ laughter ] like, oh, why didnt you tell me . I had a bolt cutter. This had some people disappointed. The International Olympic committee is banning people from using their footage to make gifs or vines, which has a a lot of younger people bummed out. But they didnt say anything about memes. [ laughter ] so we wanted to help you get started. Heres a few olympic memes that we came up with. First up, this meme says, squat goals. [ laughter ] [ applause ] this meme says, when bae see [ laughter and applause ] steve ooh. Jimmy heres another athlete. Her meme says, when you realize your mom joined facebook. [ laughter ] its like, noooo no [ applause ] finally, heres a spring board diver. His meme is just had chipotle. [ laughter ] there you go. These are memes to get you started. You can do whatever you want with them. [ applause ] guys, heres an election update. I read that Hillary Clintons campaign is step u efforts to get millennials to vote for her in november. When he heard that, donald trump said, im pretty sure millennials gonna vote for me. Shes my wife. [ laughter and applause ] isnt that right, millennial . This is pretty funny. Donald trump unveiled his Economic Policy team today, and apparently its made up entirely of men, six of whom are actually named steve. [ laughter ] trump was like, in my defense, [ laughter ] i mean i tried. [ applause ] right, millennial . [ laughter ] i saw that a female reporter asked donald trump about how many women would be in his cabinet if he became president. And trumps answer was pretty good news for the reporter. Take a look. Who you would actually put into office as one of your first females in your cabinet . Well, we have so many different ones to choose. There really are so many that are really talented people, like you. [ light laughter ] is this breaking news . Am i going to be in the cabinet . You know, there really is some very talented is that a yes . Sounds like it to me. Oh [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy come on its not like some random tv personality can just end up in the white house. [ laughter ] it just doesnt happen [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, very much, everybody, thank you very much. The summer olympics opening ceremonies were so great tonight, and now were happy to be here to cap it off with some good comedy. He is just the best. From the emmy nominated series, comedians in cars getting coffee, Jerry Seinfeld is stopping by tonight [ cheers and applause ] its a big show. Steve come on jimmy also, joining us tonight is another hilarious person, whose new Movie Sausage Party is in theaters [ laughter ] everywhere next friday. Features a superstar cast. Sausage party. Steve love it. Jimmy its his film. Steve Sausage Party. Jimmy our man, seth rogen, is in the house, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] its an animated film. Seth seth and i are going to talk about the Sausage Party movie. Then he and i are going to face off in a lip sync battle. [ cheers and applause ] steve vuvuzela. Jimmy and we have great music from my pal. Jason derulo is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] [ imitating vuvuzela ] [ laughter ] goes with the [ imitating vuvuzela ] [ laughter ] jimmy guys, todays friday, and thats usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. You know, i check my inbox, i return some emails, and of course send ou well, i was running a bit running a bit behind, so i thought, if you guys wouldnt mind, id just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that cool . You guys are the best. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. I got my pen. I got my i got my note cards here. James, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . . Oh. Steve look how happy he is. Jimmy yeah. How patriotic he is. He wore his all his black, yeah. Exactly, yeah. . Thank you, nbcs coverage of the olympics in rio de janeiro, for allowing me to watch bob costas profile athletes, see matt lauer interview gold medalists, and most importantly, hear tom brokaw say, rio jee janeiro. [ laughter ] rio dee janeiro. Rio de janeiro. [ laughter ] steve yeah. Jimmy hes the best. [ light laughter ] . Thank you, team u. S. A. s Opening Ceremony outfits, for showing america that our athletes are ready and fired up to go to prep school in 1985 . Steve yeah [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im down. . Thank you, Olympic Event logos, for showing us that the guy from the mens bathroom sign likes to stay active. [ laughter ] i mean, busy dude. Steve busy guy. Jimmy he does everything. Steve everything swims. Jimmy like crossfit. Steve just like james. [ light laughter ] [ laughter ] . Jimmy thank you, 74th annual golden globes, for letting me host next year. [ cheers and applause ] . Although, now that the globes the sag awards. [ laughter ] steve hey is that true . Jimmy that is not true. Its a joke. Steve they didnt. Okay. . Jimmy thank you, the bachelorette, jojo, for choosing jordan, thus creating the perfect celebrity couple name, jojo. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve jojo. Yeah. . Opposite limbo. [ laughter ] steve exactly. You dont go under, you go over. [ applause ] . Everybody round the world jack be nimble jack be quick . . Jack go under limbo stick . . Steve lets do it. [ light laughter ] . Jimmy thank you, sausage next week and hitting the internet this week. [ laughter ] steve hey oh [ cheers ] jimmy hey steve wow . Orlandos in bloom. Jimmy all right. Hey. [ cheers ] ho hey steve hey . Jimmy thank you, people who sleepwalk, for literally following your dreams. [ laughter ] [ light laughter ] . Jimmy thank you, nbcs logo during the olympics, for making it look like the peacock just laid a bunch of eggs. [ laughter ] there you go have it right there. Those are my thank you notes. We will be right back with Jerry Seinfeld [ cheers and applause ] . . Woah youre not taking these. Hey, hey, hey youre not taking those. Woah, woah youre not taking that. Come with me. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Mom, im taking the subaru. Dont be late. Even when were not there to keep them safe, our Subaru Outback will be. . With a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of . . I said, its getting hot in herre . New limited edition cherry from limearita. 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[ light laughter ] people talking. Jimmy people talking. Thats what we do. Its ridiculous. Jimmy no, this is not ridiculous. People like to watch this. They do. Its weird. They can talk, but no, they want to watch us talk. Jimmy yeah. [ cheers ] its more, its more they want to see you talk. Yes, they do. Jimmy to hear you talk. [ cheers ] and they want to hear you. They want to know what you want to know about me. Jimmy thats true. Yeah. They want to know. Jimmy well first, i want jimmy yeah. I dont ever ask like any gotcha questions. Are you worried when you come on my show . No. Id like to see you get me. I would like it. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, i cant you cant. Jimmy its like pokemon. I cant get you. No. Jimmy i cant get to you. [ laughter ] i cant get, youre ungettable. No. Jimmy yeah. I wouldnt want to do that. I want to what . What have you ever done . I havent done anything. Jimmy no, i didnt think you have done anything. Not really. Jimmy i dont think you have. No. Jimmy no. Why is our voice so high . Jimmy i know, like i start [ laughter ] every time you come on i start in jimmy and then you Start Talking like my impression of you. Thats right. Jimmy and then by the end were both talking like this. Were both yelling. [ laughter ] thats serious. Thats what we both do when we yell and talk. [ applause ] ive got to say congratulations on comedians in cars getting coffee. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you got nominated. Thank you. Jimmy it is a great show. And its on crackle. Com. But i dont know where that is. I dont know how i find it. You dont have to. Jimmy i find it. Just type in the name of the and its pretty, thank you. And its pretty, so its the same category that this amazing show is in. Jimmy yeah, we are nominated for the same category. For the same category. How uncomfortable is this . [ cheers and applause ] its so uncomfortable. Jimmy its true. And here is why its uncomfortable. Jimmy why . Because this is as big as it gets. Your show on a major network, the amount of money that is spent, and that i caught you with three gopros in a used car. [ laughter ] i have now jimmy that is were now tied. Were tied. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Here is why i really like you. Youre a happy person. Dont you think i am . Jimmy yes. You know me pretty well. Weve hung out a bunch. Jimmy are you a happy person . Im a happy person. Jimmy but youre also very irritable. Very irritable. Jimmy you do. Yeah. [ light laughter ] i dont even get myself. I dont understand it. Jimmy youre yeah. Everythings bothering, as much as im enjoying life. Jimmy yeah. And you can see im a guy that enjoys life. Jimmy yeah. Im extremely irritated all the time. [ light laughter ] jimmy what is bugging you . What is bugging you recently . Well, every time you come to a a light in new york, you wait to see which cab door is going to open and what is going to come out of his mouth. [ laughter ] every cab driver at every red light spits something out on to the street. Jimmy but thats the time to spit. Yeah. People think that anything you throw on the street in new york will just be reabsorbed into the city. [ laughter ] its just, oh, it goes back in the flow of the city. Jimmy yeah, exactly. Like the ocean. Yeah. Yeah, just like the ocean. Jimmy yeah. What else is bugging you . Well, i went and took the kids bowling the other day. Jimmy thats fun. My kids are too young. But pretty soon. Jimmy really . Pretty soon. Because they have it the way they set it up, heres how horrible we are as parents, our whole generation, you, me. They have this thing now in a a Bowling Alley that comes up in the gutter. Sticks like a fence comes up in the gutter so that the kid cant not hit the pins. He cant miss. Preparation, by the way. [ light laughter ] if your child is traumatized by a gutter ball, the kids not going to make it, okay . [ laughter ] not going to make it. Just quit. Jimmy just quit. Yeah. Quit right now. We need to put an extra gutter, that would be good parents. [ light laughter ] jimmy a third gutter. Put a third gutter. You want to know what its like out there . Its all gutters, kid. Its all gutters. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats exactly right. Yeah, yeah. Prepare em. Jimmy how old are your kids now . Kids are 15, 13 and 10. Jimmy do they have cell phones . Yeah, sure. Sure, yeah. Jimmy they all do, right . Yeah, they all do. Remember when your life was just your life . That was kind of what you were thinking about . Jimmy yeah. And now its your life and your phones battery life. [ laughter ] those are your lives. Jimmy those are your lives. Yeah. And i dont know which is more important. [ light laughter ] because if your phones dead, does it really matter if youre still alive . When the phones getting weak, do you feel tired . [ light laughter ] i feel when my phone is down like 19, i feel like, just so weak. Jimmy youre drained, as well. Drained, yeah. Jimmy youre drained as well. Comedians in cars is is it season eight . No. Could be. Jimmy i mean, its getting up there. Yeah, well there are little seasons though. We just do six and they are short shows. Very short. Jimmy this last one fantastic. Oh, thank you. Jimmy congratulations on the nom you did an interview with Lorne Michaels. Lorne michaels, your executive producer. Jimmy who i just love and hes just the smartest guy. Yeah. Jimmy the most fun, charming guy. Hes a guy that Everybody Knows about but nobody really knows whats he really like . Jimmy he was the best interview ive ever seen with Lorne Michaels. Oh, thank you. Thank you. It was fun. Jimmy it was like going out to dinner with him. Yeah. Jimmy and telling all those great stories. Yes. Jimmy you know what else . Theyre great stories. Jimmy youre good. Youre a good interviewer because youre a good listener, good audience. Yes, i am. Jimmy you laugh. [ light laughter ] i like comedy. Jimmy yeah. And i like anything funny. Jimmy yeah, its great. Yeah. Jimmy and its fun to watch. Im like you that way. Jimmy you do, yeah . Youre a good audience, too. Jimmy yeah. I like to you know im a fan of you and i yeah, im a fan of you. Jimmy im a fan of you. [ talking over each other ] [ cheers and applause ] you are you, im you. Were both you. [ light laughter ] jimmy i want to show everyone a clip, if you havent seen it. Here is Lorne Michaels describing how working with comedians is like watching monkeys at the zoo. [ light laughter ] this is comedians in cars getting coffee. And then before you leave theres the monkeys. Theres something about the joy, the sheer fooling around because it is what comedians do. You know, you cant tell when theyre working. You know what i mean . You cant tell what theyre doing or how theyre working. And its disorganized and chaotic and they are doing it to make each other laugh. Yeah. And they never seem to be settling down and getting work done. No. Theyre talking in the hall about sports. Yeah. And somehow at the end of the week there is a show. Exactly. Because theyre the monkeys. Yeah, because theyre the monkeys. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah, exactly. Thats the problem. Were the monkeys. Jimmy thank you for being here. Im about to do a lip sync battle will seth rogen. Oh. Jimmy later on in the show. Have you ever lip sync battled me . No, no. [ laughter ] jimmy you would never do that . You know what, jimmy . Anything you ask me to do, i would do. And i dont want to do it. Jimmy yeah. And i dont think i would like it or be good at it. If you say do it, i will do it. Jimmy all right, then not now. Some time. Some time. Jimmy all right, good. Guys, watch jerrys emmynominated series. Comediansincarsgettingcoffee. Co. [ cheers and applause ] Jerry Seinfeld, right there. Seth rogen joins us after the break stick around, everybody. It will be great. 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