Thanksgiving break. Is it safe to still be eating turkey 11 days after thanksgiving . [ laughter ] a lot of things happened to me over the last two weeks. I got a tummy tuck, they still give those. I had my eyes done. And i think they look great, right . I also went to drybar, i got an updo, i had my whole body done. I read online in february ill be hosting the oscars. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy very nice. Thanks for the music. You know, the producers and the academy went through a long list of names and they decided that since im already right across the street from where they do the show, i was the closest person to host. [ laughter ] so i guess i have to get a tux now . Or maybe ill wear jean shorts, has anyone done that . We have to shake thins up a little. Im going to need you to help me with this. Guillermo sure, jimmy. Jimmy marijuana will be legal for Recreational Use in february, i wonder maybe you can pass some of that out on the red carpet. Guillermo that would be great jimmy before the show. Then we just see what happens. My goal is to somehow get arrested during the hosting of the show. But i will say, i got a very nice call of congratulations this morning from the president of taiwan. [ laughter ] just to be clear, she called me, not the other way around. And also another thing i wanted to mention, my wife is hosting a baby inside her body. [ cheers and applause ] so thats exciting. We got the ultrasound. We went and got the ultrasound, which is weird because youre spying on the baby. Already youre spying on the baby. We asked the technician not to tell us whether were having a boy or a girl. Our plan is to let the child decide for itself. [ laughter ] we want it to be a surprise. But i have been trying to think of names that will work for either a boy or a girl. So far ive come up with two. Number one, dyson after the [ laughter ] or gelatin with a j. No . [ laughter ] thats exactly what my wife said. All right. So theres a lot of exciting stuff going on. Congratulations to me. Im hosting the oscars, and i had sex. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the greatest. Two things as a teenage boy i never thought would be possible. Congratulations are also in order for dr. Ben carson. Do you remember him . President elect donald trump picked him to run the department of housing and urban development. Which is going to be quite a surprise when he finally wakes up. [ laughter ] ben carson in case you dont know is a former neurosurgeon with no experience in housing or urban development. This is the first time the phrase well, its not brain surgery is actually a bad thing. [ laughter ] why would he get this job . Hes a medical doctor. I feel like donald trump just nominated the first black friend he had. [ laughter ] anyway, ill say one thing on ben carsons behalf. Our new head of the department of housing gets all our houses looking like this, i think were going to be in very good shape. [ laughter ] thats dr. Ben with klingon jesus that hangs in his home. President elect trump right now is embarking on what he calls his thank you tour. Its a series of big public rallies in some of the states he won. Tomorrow hes headed to north carolina, des moines, and grand rapids. He kicked the tour off in cincinnati where we were able to capture his image and slow it down significantly for a long overdue edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing slowly ] i am asking you to is that right . I am asking i am i love this. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy he doesnt drink, though. Its not a drinker. Over the weekend donald trump took time out of his busy schedule to attack alec baldwins impersonation on him on saturday night live, which is unprecedented. And he also went to a villains and heroes theme Costume Party thrown by one of his major donors on long island and somebody got a picture of that, donald trump with his former Campaign Manager kellyanne conway. Who by the way could just as easily be out in front of our building posing for pictures with tourists. In that costume. Trump told reporters he was dressed as himself. And he was. Theres no doubt about that. But you know, trumps been busy assembling his cabinet. His nominees are all pretty out there. As of today the leastcontroversial person in his cabinet is a guy named mad dog. These cabinet positions are important. Them is all over cable news. I wonder how closely regular people are paying attention. Today we went on the street and asked pedestrians, people walking by our theater about a bunch of new trump cabinet appointees. Instead of real people we used the names of comic book villains. And that went exactly like this in tonights Appointment Television edition of lie witness news. What do you think about trump appointing dr. Otto octavius as head of the cdc . I do not agree with him. Do you think hell have all eight of his hands in the pockets of pharmaceutical companies . Yes, i do. How come . I believe that trump would allow him to. He would give him that authority. What do you think about trump appointing edward migma for the department of education . Actually, i think thats a great idea for election, yeah. Trump is trying to diversify the gender makeup of his cabinet. Do you think his appointment of harley quinn is a good choice given she has volatile menta no. Is it a good choice to have her as secretary of health and Human Services . No, no. If shes got her own issues i dont know that shell make good decisions. Harvey denn has experience as a District Attorney but hes been accused of flipflopping on key issues. Do you trust him or do you think hes too twofaced to be attorney general . Too twofaced to be attorney general. How come . We need somebody straitlaced. Like who . Janet reno. Didnt she die . Yes, maam. People are saying that edward bigma riddles too much for the school system. Do you agree with that . I do but i feel like his back he does have good intentions. So general zod is known for being brash and outspoken. Do you think isis will kneel before him the way hes demanded they do . No. I dont think i think theyre more powerful than him. Whos more evil, isis or general zod . I feel like isis theres more of them, i feel theyre more powerful. In a war between multiple general zods and isis, who would win . Im going to say general zod, yeah. Do you think trump was smart to pick lex luther as attorney general . I think it was smart for trump. I dont think its a smart move for america, no. So lex luthers appointment is like kryptonite for america . Yes. You wouldnt lie about that . No, i would not. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were going to take a break. When we come back from the break we have a special holiday message from snoop dogg, and well journey to the year 2045 for a special visit with future me so stick around, it will be very special. [ cheers and applause ] [ rock music playing ] have fun with your replaced windows. Run away [ grunts ] leave him leave him [ music continues ] brick and mortar, what . [ music continues ] [ tires screech ] [ laughs ] [ doorbell rings ] when you bundle home and Auto Insurance with progressive, you get more than a big discount. Thats what you get for bundling home and auto jamie you get sneakygood coverage. Thanks. Were gonna live forever you get sneakygood coverage. Thanks. 3,2,1. Lumiere, action just serve classy snacks and bew a gracious host,iday party. No matter who shows up. [cricket sound] richard. Didnt think you were going to make it. Hey sorry about last weekend, i dont know what got into me. Well forgive and forget. Kind of. I dont think so do you like nuts . Toys deal just arrived of this thursdays toys, can i get a picture . Hey siri, take a selfie hashtag squad goals get 20 off top toy brands today only at target. This year at tmobile the holidays are on us for a limited time only buy a new Samsung Galaxy s7 and get one free. Plus get unlimited everything with tmobile one. Hurry to tmobile and get your holidays on us. Start your day with the number one choice of dentists. Philips sonicare removes significantly more plaque versus oralb 7000. Experience this amazing feel of clean. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save now when you buy philips sonicare. Toys deal just arrived of this thursdays toys, can i get a picture . Hey siri, take a selfie hashtag squad goals get 20 off top toy brands today only at target. During the final days of itthe ford year end event. Ve hurry in for the best deals of the season on ford, americas most awarded brand. With the most 5star ratings. And the highest owner loyalty. Giving drivers what matters most. Thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Just announced, get 1500 total cash on select models, on top of the best offers of the season. Hurry, the final days of the ford year end event end january third. And so, as the great world spins, luck comes out to play for another day. This unexpected whisper in the silence of night. Luck is an elusive friend, but come it does, and come. It will. Jimmy hello there, welcome back to the show. Will smith and chef Adam Perry Lang are backstage awaiting their appearance. First this is a video from montreal, it gets snowy in montreal. Remember the time we went to montreal together, guillermo . Guillermo yeah jimmy a very romantic trip. They have these it was summer but they have these parking meters that are very tall. Guillermo had to jump up to slam dunk the quarrels in. They make them tall because the snow gets high. Then when the snow is high, god forbid you let anybody park without paying for it. So this happened in montreal this morning. Special thanks to the guy who had the good sense to pull his camera out. Oh and the oh well, at least now hes perfectly positioned. Oh, no, the [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. Holy [ bleep ]. Get out, get out, get out. Oh jimmy that is like curling with cars. [ laughter ] that should be a winter olympic event. You know, we are smack in the middle of the Holiday Season. This year i was very smart, i got everybody on my list an im with her tote bag. Very reasonable now. We have so many traditions around the holidays. Oftentimes we dont know where they come from. We forget or never bother to find out. Tonight i invited my dear friend snoop dogg to sit in to play a fun guessing game for all ages. Feel free to play along at home. A special Holiday Themed installment of hows it mizzade . Up what, this is snoop dogg watching how its made. Okay. Lets see what he making. Ugh ugh like the blob, remember that movie the blob . Now he taking some hot bumblebee pee, mix with some flour. What is that . Thats that what homies be smoking . What thats called he making . Like throwup. He making a frisbee. Frisbee was made. Hold on. I cant figure this part out. This something. This something thats not edible. I dont like it. Nobodys going to buy these. Okay, they got to put it through this last machine right here. Oh candy canes. Im never eating a candy cane again because that was bull [ bleep ] right there. [ bleep ] that. That was a candy cane. Merry christmas and ho ho ho [ cheers and applause ] jimmy three hos from snoop is a big deal, thank you snoop. One of the great things, back to this oscar thing, about hosting, is the endorsement deals. Not just now. For many years to come ill be cashing in on this. When i get older my plan is to endorse all kinds of crap. [ laughter ] like tom selleck for the reverse mortgage. Have you seen that . Standing in front of a window, looking out over the city, then turning and telling you that reverse mortgages arent too good to be tru t commercials. In the future i will be making very powerful commercials too. Like this. The following is a paid advertisement for elbow magic. Has this ever happened to you . Ow. Hi, im jimmy kimmel. Im 73 years old. But i have the elbow flexibility of a 40yearold. Look. Want to know my secret . Its magic. Elbow magic. Elbow magic is a botanicalbased joint cream that will make your elbows and all your joints more flexible and less painful. These elbows, knees and hips dont lie. Simply apply the cream to the affected areas nightly before bed and within days youll start to see the results. I used to have a hard time getting around. Look at me now. What makes elbow magic so effective . Two words. Mo samoans are widely known as the most flexible people in the world. Taro is an important part of the samoan diet. Just ask this samoanamerican personality. Hi, im greg louganis. Do you want to be flexible like me . Now you can with elbow magic go to elbowmagicforyou. Com to order now. You dont need a prescription, all you need is money. Availelbow at walgreen jimmy still to come, barbecue master adam perry line is here. And well be right back with will smith [ cheers and applause ] yeah, chevy was great in that. Who played the wife . Beverly dangelo Juliette Lewis costarred as the daughter. Oh, i think it was um. Chris columbus was the director. Its called claymation. Narwhals really exist. Actually gs, it was the ghost of christmas past. Yukon cornelius. Die hard is considered a Christmas Movie thats the unlimited effect. Stream your entertainment with unlimited data when you switch to at t and have directv. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Tonight, one of the great chefs of the united states, he is here with a holiday recipe, Adam Perry Lang is here. Adam will be cooking something called a steamship round, which, from what i understand, is a big, round piece of beef. Its like a beef pancake. So well eat that tonight. Tomorrow night, Ryan Seacrest and zoey deutch will join us, well have music from James Vincent mcmorrow, and later this week ryan gosling, t. J. Miller, jennifer aniston, tom ford, the cast of rogue one will be here, well have music from pentatonix and a tribe called quest. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest has saved the world more times than super and iron man combined. December 16th called collateral beauty. Please welcome will smith [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy imagine that. You just point at people and they go crazy. Point at people. Its kind of cool, right . Jimmy it really is a super power in a way. [ cheers and applause ] public . Are you able to just point at people . Yeah, just point at people, man, aaaah very cool, very cool. Jimmy you did that to me once by the way. I think i told you the story one time, lakers game. He pointed at me across the way. This was many years ago. I just kept looking behind me to see who he was pointing at. You didnt know i was pointing at you. Jimmy you should have screamed. I was pointing at you. You werent like big and famous then. Jimmy no. You didnt know i knew you. Jimmy little did i know you were watching me. Whats going on with that moustache . Is that on purpose . [ laughter ] yeah, you know, lets go to the elephant in the room. Jimmy its more of a caterpillar than an elephant. [ laughter ] its for a movie its really bad. Its like the 1970s porno like jimmy are you doing a 1970s porno . No, no, no. Im playing a cop. Its like the lapd cop moustache. But its bad, man. Youve got to wear it in the street. Everybody thinks im like the colt. 45 billy dee, you know. It works every time. Jimmy l. A. Cops, a lot of them do have moustaches. Yeah, its a regulation. Now i got to walk around jimmy why is that i wonder . I dont know, man. Embarrass you. Jimmy there are female lapd officers with the same moustache. Same moustache, yeah, you have to. Jimmy does your wife like it . No, no, no. Shes like, ill catch you next movie. Good night, honey. Its all bad, its all bad. Jimmy how does that work, an actor of your stature, does the director tell you what hadnts on your face . Yeah, you know, you go in and because im a tool. Im a tool, jimmy. Jimmy why do you say that . Dont say that. [ laughter ] im a tool for the directors. Jimmy i see, okay, direct me, okay. I present myself in my finest form. For the artist to mold me. Jimmy wow. I am but a humble lump of clay, moustache and all. Jimmy is that really true . You go in, the director has ideas. You want the director to be able to like to see their vision. Will smith, i aint doing [ bleep ]. You know. You dont want to be that guy. Jimmy but a lot of guys are that guy. Yeah, you know. Ive worked with some people who show and up kind of just tell the director theyre not doing that. Jimmy right, yeah. Does the director give in . Or does the director beg . Threaten . What . At a certain amount of u. S. Domestic box office, the director doesnt get a vote anymore. Jimmy i see. What if the director said, listen, id love you to have that hightop fade that you used to have. Yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] id probably be like, naw. Moustache you can deal with. Yeah. But its better like its david err. He was the director of suicide squad. Jimmy right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] so he has a thing with hair. Jay hernandes who played diablo, david err goes in your trailer, hes trying to come up with stuff, he shaved Jay Hernandes eyebrows off. Jimmy what, while he was sleeping . No. Jimmy really . David is that type of guy. Hes a real artist. You know are. He just shaved i guess im going to take the moustache over having to walk around five months with no eyebrows. No kidding. Theres nothing more disturbing than that. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy maybe he did it just to set you up for the moustache in the next movie. Like all right, jays losing his eyebrows, youre going to be perfectly fine with this. Do you enjoy being will smith . Is it a burden . I mean, do you ever disguise yourself and go out so that youre not noticed or whatever . I want people to recognize me. Jimmy you do want that. [ cheers and applause ] i think thats a healthy way to go about it. No, you know what ive met a lot of people where fame can be a burden. And i just love it, man. Jimmy you do. I really do. You know, you just go pointing at people . [ cheers and applause ] no, i had a thing the other day. The perfect example. It was probably about three weeks ago. And i was driving. And i realized i was on e i dont be paying attention. I was on e like, oh, no. I was about 30 minutes from my house. So i pulled into the gas station and i didnt have my wallet. And i was like, oh, tragedy. Right . Jimmy yeah. Im looking, im looking. Well, can i call jada . Then she got to drive 30 minutes to come. I looked over on the other side and i saw a dude, he was like 36. I was like, that dudes a fresh you know . You can just spot them. You can spot them, right . You can spot them. And im like, you know i kind of roll the window down. I was like [ laughter ] you know . After a couple of minutes he was like, will . I was like, yeah, hey, whats up, man, whats up . Hey, man, can i get a picture . I said, yeah, man, i need about 10. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy seems reasonable. He was like, really . And he was like really excited. We took the selfie, he lent me the 10. I said, give me your