Thats a lot of column inches. No thanks to you. My piece on eamon byrnes 2 acres has been spiked. [ silent response ] now, im up to my eyes so i really have to go. I wish youd stay; she wont be back for hours. Shes dragged ambrose to the church again. Well, id love to, you know, but. Trying to keep you out of each others way is not exactly good for me. Or the baby. Its not my fault shes a pain. Nothings ever your fault, is it, dad . Look, itll be all right. As soon as hes born, well all get on like a house on fire. Thanks for the chocolates and the flowers. Ill see you tomorrow. Mr. Quigley. Padraig, my ace reporter. This story is the making of you. We sold more copies last week than ever before. Uhhuh. You didnt. What . The sweat on the statue, did you id never take part in a stunt like that. Well, somebodys not as squeamish as you are. Wheres your faith, brian . I mean, why cant it be real . You believe in all that rubbish . What about lourdes . Lourdes is different. How . Well, lourdes has sun and wine. And an 18hole golf course. Incorrigible as ever. Why was my story spiked . What story . Eamon byrne selling his land. I told you. I dont want my business paraded over the papers. So youre the buyer. [ horn honks ] no, im not. Look, i have to go. Isnt that theres a miracle taking place up the road. Go and bloody report it. Keep your nose out of my business if you want to keep the job. Look, here he is, the moving curate. Coffee, assumpta. That was a fighting speech, father. Woe unto ye. Havent heard that since the redempterists. Well, a sweating statue. Well, simple people, simple faith. Simple isnt the same as stupid, assumpta. So where does simple end and stupid start . I mean, were asked no, you ask us to believe a whole load of things that on the face of it are just as incredible as ill tell you where stupid starts. Stupid starts with people believing a statue that doesnt move or speak or even bleed, that sweats. Thats a bit rich coming from you, considering what you claim to do on a daily basis on the altar. I do not need this right now. Assumpta, thats his vocation you just kneed in the groin. Shut up, brendan. Eamon padraig. Any news . Well, the statue has started sweating again. Well, that is a miracle. Its bloody freezing. Eamon. I came to talk to you about that land that you sold. To quigley. You found out. He swore me to secrecy. I think quigleys up to something. Now, why those two particular acres . Well, its next to ten of his. And who else owns land around there . Theres 30 acres adjoining quigleys that belongs to bella mooney. She moved to england a lifetime ago. Its let to who lets it to her . Creightons, in cilldargan. I think now, i cant be sure. No, thank you, eamon. You are a mine of information. Father, you were looking for me . Ambrose, yeah. Look, im sorry to call you up. Come inside; take a seat. Its the statue. I heard, its sweating again. Sweating . Its not sweating, ambrose. So you dont think its a miracle . Of course, its not a. Miracle. Someones tampering with it. Smearing it with stuff to make it look like sweat. Im not sure if smearing a statue with an unknown substance is covered specifically in any part of the criminal code. If someone broke a lock, now, that would be trespass. Trespass is not what im on about, ambrose. Im on about becoming paranoid and suspicious and thats no way for a priest to be. Right. I look around and everywhere i look, i see someone who stands to gain from this thing. Like who . Padraig. I wish this hadnt happened. Padraig . The cilldargan democrat is selling like hotcakes, and hes just joined. Right. Anyone else . Theres those two in the chip van, liam and donal. Kathleen, she was the first to show it to me. Assumpta . Assumpta. Assumptas raking it in down there. Well, yeah. But you dont really think assumptad be up to this kind of thing . No. No. Wed better find out who is doing it, otherwise everyone will be suspected by the priest, and youre right, that wont be good for the priest. Or for the village. So what do we do . If someone wants this miracle to continue, theyve got to get to the statue and put more. Sweat on, so we lie in wait and apprehend him or her. Tonight . Tonight. Ill come about 10 00. Im taking niamh out first. A little dinner for two. Mammys looking after her at the moment. Niamh loves that, of course. All that attention. Exactly. But tonight theres gonna be just the two of us. Id like the kung po chicken with pickled cabbage. Ahem. Mammy. When i was Breast Feeding him, if i so much as looked at a cabbage, he had the most terrible wind. Mammy. No, i think you should bring her a nice piece of poached fish. Haddock if you have it. Another mega night, donal, huh . Donal . Ambrose, where are you . Ah, its freezing. Its 2 a. M. Nobodys gonna come here tonight. [ thumping ] put out the light, father, someones coming. Got him. Torch. Lets have a look at you. Oh, no. Oh, god. I might have guessed. Holmes and watson. Or is it laurel and hardy . Im so sorry, father macanally. We were looking for the hoaxer. Lying in wait. Lying in wait were you . Well, ive had three separate phone calls. That there was lights flashing, that there were people walking around, that there was a son et lumiere going on in the chapel at ballykissangel. And no sign of a curate or a gard to investigate. So. It wasnt going to be a very successful ambush, was it . No, possibly not. We were flashing the lights as a signal. It gets surprisingly lonely in the dark. Surprisingly freezing as well. I suggest we put an end to this ridiculous charade and try and catch up on what remains of a nights sleep. So Brian Quigley is bidding on these 20 acres . Yes, look, i know you didnt say it was Brian Quigley. The bidder formerly known as quigley. No, he hasnt changed his name. That was a joke, mr. Creighton. No, ive never been known as quigley. Look. Look, thanks very much for your help. Well, hes a little bit away yet, niamh. Or she. And your Blood Pressures right down, which is always good news. Right, niamh, porridge time. Oh, hello, dr. Ryan. Mrs. Egan. Im attending to niamh here, mrs. Egan. Oh, certainly. Of course. [ beeping ] oh, your Blood Pressures gone up. Is there something i should know about, niamh . Right. Then we proceed. If 15,000 is the best you can do for the 10 acres, we go ahead. I wish now id done the whole deal meself. Ive done better with eamon byrnes acres. Bit of a bargain there really. What . Go away, im busy. What the hell are you doing here . I told you to mind your own business. Can you tell me about this deal . Why do you want 20 acres up here, and why have you applied for access roads there and there . Listen, okelly, i build houses. Im a useful person to the community unlike some. Im allowed to buy land wherever i like. Im allowed to ask questions on behalf of the media. Not on my time, youre not. Youre fired. And get off my land right. Okay. Coping with despair. [ singing ] [ singing ] [ organ playing ] [ singing ] father, what is going on . I didnt organise this. I did. When . I must have neglected to inform you. I dont believe you. This is my church. Gods church. My parish. Father, if you cant beat them, join them. There was going to be a crowd in any case. So i thought it right to channel this idle curiosity to proper devotion. Devotion . Someone is trespassing here in the dead of night and putting stuff on that statue and you but we dont know that, do we . We dont know what . That someone is doing it. I was in the church myself, remember, last night. I didnt see anybody. Are you suggesting that there really is a miracle going on here . Oh, yes. Yes, father. You cant be serious. Look around you, father. There are miracles going on all over the place. Little ones. But miracles, just the same. When did you last see Malachy Murray in church . Or the rasher greaney . Ill have to ask him to sign the visitors book. Now, if youll excuse me, father. Father clifford. Peter. I just wanted to say im sorry for what i said in the pub. Its all right. No, no, i had no right to Say Something that cuts to the heart of what you believe in. You were right though. Right . See, when i see this side of it, you know, of what i do. Moving statues, idolatry and ignorance. You know, i sometimes think there is a very fine line here. Dont say that. Why not . Its how i feel. Its how you feel, isnt it . It doesnt matter how i feel. Having a belief is a different matter. Right at this moment, im not sure what i believe in. People. Me. You. Excuse me. Id forgotten this stuff while i was away. I thought we were over it. Beanfeast, beanfeast. Wouldnt be surprised if father mac hadnt thought this one up himself. Id say the collection boxes are overflowing, know what i mean . [ brian ] ah, padraig. Mr. Quigley. Hows unemployment treating you . Wouldnt know actually. Im a land agent now. In fact, youre dealing with a client of mine. What are you talking about . Client . Byrne. Eamon byrne. Well be in to see you tomorrow. Hello, doctor. Ambrose, glad you could call round. Nothing serious i hope, dr. Ryan. No, no. Its about your mother, actually. Oh. Lord. Whats she done now . Shes not helping niamhs Blood Pressure at the moment. I know it, doctor. She means well, but. Right, ill talk to her. Its too late for talk. We need action here, im afraid, ambrose. Action . What kind of action . Banishment. You must put her in a car and take her back home today. Talking wouldnt do, no . Im sorry this took so long. I had my suspicions, but with such obvious implications in the results, i wanted to be sure. The substance on the brow of the statue is an aggregation of globules of stearic polyunsaturates. Chip fat you put chip fat on the statue you big eejit. It was meant to be washingup liquid. Never mind what it was meant to be you broke into the church, into the house of god, and desecrated a statue with chip fat. I could have you arrested. You got the bottles mixed up. I never. Well, maybe i did. And its not the first time, is it . There was that abomination with the statue down by your socalled gold mine. I shouldve stopped that, but didnt think i had the right. And that was awful. Appalling. Why are you getting so hot under the collar for . Theyre only statues. Its not as if we desecrated the altar. But you mocked the faith of people who do believe. And you led on the gullible. I thought that was the name of the game. Well, its not the name of the game for me look, statues are there for people what about father macanally . Yeah, hed no problem taking a few shillings. Well, thats a very complex theological and philosophical point about a greater good coming from a lesser evil. He didnt break into a church and tamper with a statue. He would have if hed thought of it first. Im sorry, father, we shouldnt have done it. Father, look, what you were saying about the greater good. I mean, think about it. Donals got sue ellen. The people of ballykissangel have got a fine new food outlet. And maybe we can give you a complimentary meal to make up. Sue ellen. Waitress yeah . Youre not getting me. Ive wiped the statue clean. There will be no more sweat, no more mockery, and no more cynicism. Your tacky little game is up. But, father dont, liam. Just dont. So what now . Is the sky going to fall on us . Is lightning going to strike us down . Excuse me. Whos the owner of this vehicle . I am. What can i do for you . You can let me in that yoke, for a start. Excuse me . Im from the department of health. Oh. You want how much . 3000. For the lot . Per acre. Eamon, we had a deal. Thats what ill pay and not a penny more. My agent, mr. Quigley. Id love to sell it to you cheap, but hes a hard man. Well, im damned if im gonna be held to ransom by a scarecrow and a failed news hound. Take it or leave it. Ill see you in hell first. Fine so. Come on, eamon. Come back here. You were great. I know it was hard sending her away at a time when the babys on her mind. Its only till this ones safely delivered. She can babysit all she likes after that. But. Blood pressure is Blood Pressure. Why are we. . You know, ive never loved anyone or anything as much as i love you, niamh egan. I just wanted to say that before any. Any rivals came on the scene. You are a good man. And a sexy one, too. Youre not allowed to say that to a member of the garda siochana. [ gasping ] oh, my god. I think its started, ambrose. It has started. Hold on. Its coming really fast, ambrose. Were nearly at johnstown. Thats miles from the hospital. I wont make it ambulance department, garda egan here. I need an ambulance to meet me on the johnstown road. Ive a woman giving birth beside me here in the car. Yes, i do. As it happens, its my wife. Well, thanks, johnny. Ill pass that on. Over. And hurry up. Over. The lads in Civil Defence said congratulations. Aaahhhh oh, god. Interesting times we live in. The miracles over, the crowds are gone, and donal and liam are out of business. I wonder, was it corn oil or sunflower oil. On the statue . I dont know. Gave donal and liam a tidy roasting anyway. Its all right, love. Okay, okay, just take it easy. That was the worst one so far, ambrose. I know, love. Remember just, just keep breathing. I am breathing. Remember the classes. How would you know . You fainted at that bit. Help me. Im frightened. Itll be okay. Im here. Ah, the serenity of a good pub. What has you so happy . Ive retired and my fortune is made. A fortune . Thought you were fired. I was. But things turned out for the best. Im supplying father clifford with a new car, well, newish. But whats best of all, i have just separated quigley from a substantial wad of cash. My god. Not many people have experienced that and lived to tell the tale. True. And this. Is how it was done. Would you like a read . Id skip the first few chapters go straight to the one on getting your own back. Okay, breathe. Thats it. Good, niamh. Breathe. Push. Push. Good. I, i can see the head. Go on, go on, push. I can see oh oh, my god. [ baby crying ] oh its a boy, niamh. Its a boy. Its a boy, niamh. A son. [ siren wailing in distane ] captions by midwest captioning des moines, iowa weve visited some stunning locations over the last 18 months, but one that stood out particularly for me was Hertford College, oxford, a place where i spent four very happy years as a student, and we were lucky enough to find enough wonderful finds there to have plenty for two shows, so tonight i bring you Hertford College, take two. theme music playing Classical Music playing oxfords home to the morris minor, the fourminute mile and the oldest englishspeaking university in the world, and for me, its a bit of a trip down memory lane. For four years, i studied languages at Hertford College, which appeared as a hall of residence in the 13th century along with oxfords oldest colleges. Now there are 39 of them, with 20,000 students. You have more libraries at their pageturning fingertips than any other city in the uk, over 100 of them. bicycle bell rings the most Famous Library is the bodleian, which stores around 8 million books on 120 miles of shelving. Who could be in oxford without spending some time on the river . I used to love it. This was the scene that inspired Lewis Carrolls alice through the looking glass, and with views like this, small wonder that oxford sparked the imagination of many of its former students. Theyve written about the adventures of hobbits, chronicles of narnia. They in turn spawned a movie and tv industry, from the golden compass and harry potter to james bond and brideshead revisited. Which was filmed at my old home, Hertford College, where i was a student during the eighties. And this quad and the rooms around it were the setting and inspiration for the author, hertford old boy evelyn waugh. Today the people of oxford have made their way to Hertford College by all sorts of cars, bikes, possibly boats, to join our slow and snaking trains to the experts. We welcome them all to the antiques roadshow. Theres something worryingly odd about these dishes. And while i try and work out what it is, tell me where you got them from. These were bought recently at a carboot sale in northumbria, and they were £5 each. What do you think you bought . Do you know im not sure . Any idea . They stood out because of their size and because of the colors in them, but i dont know much about them at all. Well, i mean, what we have here are delft dishes, and delft dishes shouldnt look like this. Its the rims that is extraordinary. I mean, looking around, feeling the edge of this dish, theres barely a blemish on it. No. Its not chipped and broken. And delft is very soft pottery made to look like the chinese porcelain, but copied in holland, copied in england, with a thick tin glaze that chips off and breaks very easily, and so they should have chips all the way around there, but it actually looks remarkably clean and new. Yes. And so when you see these things at carboot sales, the tendency is to assume, well, they cant be that old. No. But holding here, ive just i mean, its fine. Theres nothing wrong with it. Its just survived in remarkably good condition. Oh, good. I mean, this dish was made in london. It was made in about 1780s. Right. Gosh. So back in the 18th century. Yeah. And, yes, well, it looks brand new, doesnt it . It looks extraordinary. A pretend chinaman. Hes not really a chinaman. Hes a lambeth chinaman. Thats where he was made, and, well, see, hes sitting in a chinesestyle landscape painted in the bold colors of london delft. Its very bright red, and the use of the blue with these little scratchedin lines, such a typical feature, especially of the lambeth delftware. Yes. So not just one for £5, but another one, also £5. Yes, also £5. And another well, actually, this is a little bit more convincing, i suppose, because you got one chip there. Thats not bad, is it . No. I mean, i think theyre beautiful. I dont mind the chips at all. I think it sort of adds a bit to them. It shows their age a bit more. Itsits a nice design, really. Theres a bird flying there, a rather comical bird. The influence here is chinese porcelain from the early 18th century, and thats what this was imitating. This one actually this one, i dont think is a lambeth one. I think this looks more bristol. Bristol, right. Delft was made in many places, and hard to say just where, but this is even older. This one is from 1740. Oh, my good. So. I didnt realize at all. You got some lovely dishes for £5 each. Ill have to find out where this boot sale is, if you can buy these. But, i mean, theyre worth more than that. That one is worth £300, 400. Right. Gosh. Heh heh. Thats a good thats a good return, yes. And this one, older, even more, say £500, 600. Oh, thats brilliant. Im really pleased, yes. Thats great. So keep hunting for more. Oh, i will do. Thank you. Now it strikes me that you could well be a collector of art deco bron