Elmore. That is your is wife, in there. Just yards away. I know that, honey. Thats what excites me. Exces. Elmore. [ music ] urse. Swab. [ music ] wait, a minute. Somethin strange going on, he richard. Yes, uncle albert. Its richard richard, darling this is my child. I birthight t p me on, margaret. Were callin the police. Oh,. Uncle albert is trying to indme fourmonths pregnant. You ke your filthy hands off applse ] thatrre picture. [ some cerg an athe end of it, peter falk actually comes into the world the soap era,so igetl it is. Fuat ipiur andead. Wish mh luck,. Thank you, very much. Knoyou go you take the son out trickortin you got a threeyearold. Firstia o class. Threeyeo. First. Sl lahter ] and thenthehallowee thanks, for comin areciit [ applse ] [ music ] well be back, folks. You didnt read your Car Insurance policy. Yoju stuck it in a drawer somewhere and forgot about it. Until a dump truck hit your pickup tr who knows . You didnt read it. You cant even find it. The Liberty Mutual app with coverage compass . Makes it easy to know what youre covered for whatoure not. Call Liberty Mutual for a free quote today at rage cpass . Gives you the policy information you need at a glance. Available 24 7 bileevice. Switch to Liberty Mutual call liberty stands with you . Liberty mutual insurance. [ music ] [ applause ] okay, my next guest [ cheering ] this young comedian has, uh, been with us, once before. Hes a regular, at the improvisation, in hollywood. Hes gonna be at a new club, in san ramon, california, the 12th of december, called tony ts. And you may have seen him on eds show, star search, where he was, uh he was a finalist. Anthony griffith . Anthony . [ music ] [ applause ] thank you, very much glad tbeachere. I just moved here, to california, from chicago. [ applause ] yeah thank you. I first started performing in college. I majored in the. But my school would only put on plays like oklahoma, aet yr gun plays in which i couldnt really laughter ]my talent. [ so i just got tired aying ings like, mo biscuits, sir . I was a butler, just about every play i was in, in college. In fact, i was a butler have butlers. [ some laugh] believe it or not, i was a butler, in west side story. People would cup to do you know where maria is . I dunno where maria is. I know where the biscus [ laughter ] and at the time that i left chicago, every 12 seconds, a crime was being committed, in the city. Which was scary. Especially to me, because that meant, ery 12econds, i was a suspect, ya know. [ some laughter ] maze me how i could walk into a store, and every eye would watch me, simply because tan eier er som tchhing,a know. Ip no,m jusokin are you looking for . [ laughter ]el rht n, im okin for rai makyostop buggin me. [ laughter ] [ applause ] inac u i was mistakenly arrested for attempted murder, once, and it was funny, to me, how appene because i was workin out, at a health spa, and i was in the process of takin off my gym shoes and socks. And the police came up to me and said, youre under arrest for attempted mu. And i pled along yeah, its me, baby. [ laughter ] i wasnt going tilma not as skinny as i am. No. [ laughter ] its nice to be loved, but [ laughter ] ya know. [ lahter ] [ applause ] thank you. Its very expensive, i went shoppin for some gym shoes, the other day, came acrosthe reeboks that advertise the pump. If i have to pay 175 r someasketball shoes, those shoes should be to play basketball without me. [ laughter ] i should be able to drop them off at the gym, em ulater did we win . [ laughter ] pl ] another expensive brd arrds. And kids literally beg their parents for air jordans. Yo evywhere you go the air jordans ave i gotta be like michael thmilliodollars, like michael. [ laughter ] im takin your butt to payless. [ laughter ] [ applause ] gym shoes are so mainstream, now, in our society. I read a article, where a shoe company sent 500 boxes of gym shoes to ethiopia, as ithe ethiopiansheamine, would look at these boxes i think catwe can that cheetah goin 70 mile an hour. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i could just picturethiopian hi a busff going, here, cheetah, cheetah, cheetah. Ohan, one right over there man, but no wonder we cant catch him. He wearin gym shoes, o i also know theres a lottlovers i hate dogs. People say dogs are mans best friend . I have yet to have a best friend poop in my living room. [ applause ] [ chring and people think dogs wi lay down their lives for you, which is sun i had a fire in my house, last year, and my dog was the first one out the house. [ some laughter ] in fact, i didnt know there was a fire, until he called me up, on a pay phone, across the street. [ laughter ] im runnin outside, how come you didnt bark . H. You got a smoke detector. [ ughter ] [ apau ] in d,icago, if a dog poops in public, weicsay,isure supposed who is the real mastin ts relat . Hter . Thenyove pple ss t one of the most emrrassing imyed one time, on my y to work. A d m, weg a swter and a matchingap. . . [ music ] [ applause ] okay, here is a, uh kevin pollak hasn withs, before. Hes a talented young actor and comedian. At cobbs, in san francisco. Hesot a rol in the new movie avalon, which is playing, i guess, all over the country, or a theat nu, or around a corner, or wherever. [ chuckling ] wod you welcome kevin pollak . Kevin . Music ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] ows everybody . Y oh, fine, fine. The question is, how are you . Ery good [ laughter ] you are youre gutsy. Whatre you sayin youre gutsy. Now what . Somodtold me you were gonna come out and do something, but i wasnt quite ready for this. Normally, i wear a suit, stfy, to be honest with ya. E w a i unders you had a birt, yestday. Is anything to do with is this a midlife crisis, or something, or [ some laughter ] all right, ii was gonna try to cover up and save fa i was told we were all wearing costumes, tonight. Okay . [ laer ] so [ some laugh this is eat. You know, i have no part g this is it. Are you gonna wea outis tonight . I do. I have a to ty to. This is the probm. I didnt have time. And i had to im going right to this party. Itsither six hours atarty, in a suit, which would look good on this show, or a in is i think i madeg de thsion. I would be very [ laughter ] i wouly careful where you walk, inown, withhat outfit, ght. [ laughter this cous could benighto rememb. If i, uh you know, sunnyou . . Youo tend tfloat, a little bit. Ille honest wityou. [ laught ]if i coulde honest, though, itsuh itsits not just hallowe. Ii do have ep feelings for ed. And, uh, [ laughter ]tell me ddont leave me hangin, ed. I know you feel something. Eah. Yseen it, in his eyes. Freddy, youve seen somethin, right . [ laughter ] my therapist said, you ow, go all the way, with it. No, its halloween. Youre sp for christmas. You know, youre supposed ta [ laughter ] festive thats all. Youre strange. Range person. [ laughter ] can i set this here . Yourkuc youre stuck with it, now. Yeah. What year was it, yesterday . Y whatwhayear yeah. Yeah, year. I was, uh, 33. Really . And, uh, my birthday, i was [ cohi 33. And, uh yeah. Thirtythree. Ye a yog man. At are ya worried ou pleaseigaling, obviously eah. E a i havt to, uh [ laughter ] i have a whole career ahead o me that just [ snapping ] wey, lwae that. Avat a big oght hoa outdo c . I did it. I o how. You did i but, uhya know. Eah. Is very sus for urir intngestingor , uh, get, uh, no . I aays a book, from the same reve looking at the monitor people tune in, theyre think this is love connection, or something. [ laughter ] i got the quiver, re n me. Now, uh no, i usually theres no cupid, withoua quiver. Youw you know whats gonna happen, dont ya . Some guys gonna tune in late and see this and n know what the hell is goin on. Thats why i wore it. No. I so. I, uh i nt geif i a bo. I always g a book, from. Slati avalon. Ya dont wear this, in, uh no. N the movie. Aua jusi wore this, in a fi, that a cos bactumer,tage put this togethe wee th in the film i just did l great moments ive chuckling ] where i do a thi cupas. Anhougd t wouldever and [ lahter ]s in big trouble. No. Good you got reer what do you care . Well, i normally wear a suit and a tie. No, itll be good. Ll right. Laugh a [ laught ] so. Ths all right. Yyou cant win em all. I g iotonthe bank. Ug i sh theorner. You better haveoney it an antique. O,elseou want uh s no. Youre movie youre a mie buff. At have you seen, lately . Ive y i go to see all the movies. Yeah. Ya kn and, uh, theres a very strange year. First of all, recurring themes. Lot ovie m suels . Have similar themes, this year. Yh. Uh, presumed innent, about a guy whos accused illing his coworker. Anoth 48 hours, about a guy whos evenal killed by a coworker. Ghost, about a who was killed by his coworker. I didnt realize theres so much stress, at the off i had no idea. [ laughter ] ghost. They advertise, you will believe, right . Heant quite get a grip on the outfit. It takes a few segments. No. Ghost you will believe. The rest of the movies, this year, shoulda been advertised, this is not true. Well tell ya, ght up front. Die hard ii the e in t cockpit, where they throw the hand grenades, and willis is in there . Im assuming everyone re played army, as a kid. When you pull out the pin, whaddya got . Three, five seconds . What does willis have, in the cockpit . Like, a day and a half, in there . Some laughter ] you can watch all the guys in the aienc when the hand grenades gonna theyre all going, one thousand one, e thousand two, one thsand three. [ somee shoulde definitely gone by noone thnd thirtysix. Total recall . Very believable film theyre getting a lottdos, for schwarzeneggers acting, s film. Thademaward nomina gonna get knhes never beenr. What did the amy wan these peop are so toug [ laughter ] theyve got standards. They have standards. Treercranky, the academy. [ chuckling ] they do have standards, yes. Uh laughter ] and hes giving them these dramatic a laughter ] y knoe minutes boom, right to the joke. Alright. [ laughter ] the audience loves it freddy is freddy whatre you doing this for . He wants the clip,ip . We have go right now. Okay, well set this up. Yeah. Se they wanna see this. No. [ laughter ] , th wanna see this. [ some laughter ] this is a scene, in avalon, a story of the innocence of america, thugh ths of tone particular family. [ chkling ] and, uh, aidan quinn and i have opened upour owbusin, and this is our own television commercial, to sell our own new store. [ laughter ] h im jules kaye. And im izzy kirk. Thats right, jules. July, the y youll get independence from higher prices, when kaye and kaye expands, to serve you better. Ousa si square feet of discounted merchandize. And, with that guaranteed lowestpriceintown Sticker Price that doesnt sound right. Okay, cut it. What . Sounded good, to me. You said priceice. Thats what threw you off. Price twi. Lowestpriceguarantee sticker. Guaranteed. Lowestprice sticker. This is tough. Read the card. I told ya we shoulda got the announcer guy, because im not good at this. No, no, no, theyre too professional. Im not good at this youre very good. Were salesmen. Who better to sell, than salesmen . [ sighing ] besides, uh, we cant even afford this. [ laughter ] youre gonna kill me, with this. How are ya . Every time i turn around, the budget wset aside, r adveising. Yeah. How many times have i told ya . Noing will get the message across, ke that. Now, you tolde. Television. You ve television. [ appl ah. Gotta go . We gotta take do this. Were comin back. Stay wa ar y ch . K er i thank ya, for co, tonight,in youve learn aua humbd, by that applause. . . R strummi i hano cab far coming in. tapping cu no nothing. Joe, as long as were ounded illhat d where the doors sticking. Y, w roch out r the giant frog. I see it. Grab the nitrogen tank. Veou got a death wi, n . L rit, i see it. He got you. How many more must die, giant frog i cant stand this anymore ev since you twond that game on the plane no. No. Thanks. No. Does that count asintelligt ertion close w ing toome. . Fire that baby up. Points behind, th go fraheirhise, fl brian hackett. Va crowds on their feet. Hackows ett blst jordan. N inrang th. He bri. Th. Eres your broth . Did you just you call rian th. Eres yoyeah. Oth . O nt . D , you oard . E ynkin announng theal ofivght from w beord. How ny people reale that n bedrd . S was onceductive whaling er are pretendi tige pi mltu ophone anquotheng them . Aljust guess when our next flight leaves. Od m ning, brn. Go morning, fay . I nt think so. s gatng, y. Dren are singing. A warm feeli of hope crles us all. Co heryogorgeous thi. Th dontay t. [c iman like you ge tirf heing is th dontay t. But i must tyou today you look especially beautiful . You ey hadet ghthere hat me spo but how could he. . Ls ahead and has a buddy set the thinup. Is ts r real . Dont you just want well, i probably suldim . But i just h too good a time. I cant lie this ia ay withverying. I t sgh tng. See what i mean . Ok, gitto roy. Y. Give it to me. G f. m abo to 9venr the mushroom pale. Wj fuse tspen one more mine this belongs the lost d foun u twboys ndt anothetoy to play with. That gamgoodbye, fellas. Anothetoy dont worry. To play withill get it back. Dont count on it. Shes had my harmonica for six months. Hey. Hey. Sten, um i juted to check in with you this morning. Wai dreaming, or did weally hav . We had a of fu maybe we could hfun again toghuh . If youe i have to stay home tonight. T yobucould always stay home with me. I did. Funny, it almost sounded like you said you did. Thats what i said. Funny, it almost sounded. 8 00 . Thank you. See you toni okeydokey. This is a great day, fay children are singing a warm feeling of hope cradles us all. Oh, for petes sake, ive got work to do. knocking hi. Am i late . Yes. Four whole seconds. Goht in traffic. Come on. Oh, boy. Wow. I nevewoulr thousee the inside of this place. It looks so different through my teles. Im kidding. Listen, i woulhave ttenlowers bui couldnt get intohe place i usually go. E peop we me threallye. This is very nice. Oh, whos this . The old army gang . Oh, yeah. My platoon. Alexyou might find thisarto believe buyoure the first soldieveat. H. My platoon. You knowhat thay. We do moreefor00 a. Mthan mo. Maouelf comfortae. Ex ldl i hopeameay. snif mberen my ge fk waitwhat. . Joe and helen me everything t ur c e little date packages. Feeling like tlds biggest fool. They had ial you just threw me in od how manyther wom. Car keys are in there. U just threw me in w am i suppose toet home . Be spontaneous