Listen, uh, after the match, how bout, uh, we get a polaroid together, okay . [ growling ] youre in trouble [ crowd reacting ] im gonna break you in half, like this seems like, lately, everybody wants to beat me up. Get balboa stay awake make faces pull around the ring got it, kid . All right. Heres the ring. I get nervous, every time he does that. [ yelling ] whoaoaoa. You move pretty fast, for a big guy, ya know that . Listen, why dont we just move around, a little bit . You know, like, give em a good show. First, ill chase you, and you chase me , kay . Hows that . All right . Here we go. Okay . That hurt . All right. Hows that . Okay. Not bad, huh . [ applause ] thank you. Thank you, very much. Ill tell ya. [ applause ] tha [ chuckling ] that sequence goes on, for about three and a half or four minutes, and it really is funny. It really is hysterical. [ chuckling ] yes. Its easy, for you to say. Easy, for me [ laughter ] yeah. We oughta get that guy on a show. Whats his name . Uh, well, i never seen him before. Hulk hogan. Whew. Yeah, hes a youre in good shape, and then this comes out, and its like ya know. His dimensions, believe it or not he h a 24 inches around. My thigh is 21. [ laughter ] okay . His chest is 62. Around the shoulders, hes close to 70 inches around. Thats a large thats a large person. Okay . I mean, his large person. His size is his neck is 23. [ laughter ] and he eats 510 italians. [ laughter ] were you hurt w d were you hurt, in anyany phase of makin this picture . Yes, your honor. Yeah. Yes oh, yes. Uh, usually, it was my fault. The, uh, hulk, here the only time he hurt me is when i when he would l theres a lotta falls that go on. Id leave my arm out, and id forget. And hed land on it. And then, id bring it back, and itit would be a postage stamp. [ laughter ] big pancake. But, with mr. T, in the end, i felt that, uh, thethe difficult thing is really since rocky i and ii the fights have been set up, in such a way what do we do, in rocky iii . let it loose, you know, last round. And what people will see, from the middle of the last round on, is its fullfledged. It looks wellwell done. Thank you. Yeah. Well done. Okay, well take a break. Mr. Martin will join us, shortly. [ applause ] right after this. [ cheering ] attention are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. And lower your outofpocket costs. Are you getting all the benefits available to you . Now is the time to find the coverage thats right for you. At the right price. The way to do that is to explore your options. You can spend hours doing that yourself. Or you can call healthmarkets. And let us do the legwork for you with no cost or obligation. Healthmarkets has access to thousands of medicare plans from nationally recognized companies. We find the coverage thats the best fit for you. At a price that fits your budget. Just tell us what youre looking for. What deductibles you prefer. What doctors you want to see. Let us know if you want Prescription Drug coverage. Or vision care. Not sure what you want in a plan . At Health Markets we evaluate your needs and offer options that meet them. At no cost or obligation. You can talk to us over the phone. Or meet with a local licensed agent in person. Why pay a penny more than you have to for a medicare plan . Healthmarkets has enrolled americans in put our free service to work for you. At no charge. Leon of california did and he says. Healthmarkets was excellent. They explained all our medicare choices and followed up at every level. And heres what judy of indiana writes. Medicare shopping was very confusing if only we talked to you first remember, you may be able to increase your benefits and lower your costs. But its not automatic. Call healthmarkets. We help find the right plan for you. Because we know you have Better Things to do. Call this number and let healthmarkets find the right medicare plan for you without cost or obligation. You have only weeks left call now before the medicare deadline. Okay. I, uh i forgot to ask you one thing. Uh has your picture officially opened, yet, around the country . No, its next friday, the 28th. Nextnext friday. Because the gentleman whos coming out picture, i think, officially opens today, does it not . [ applause ] yeah. Uh. The picture is called dead men dont wear plaid. [ chuckling ] and heres steve martin. [ applause ] [ music ] [ cheering ] [ laughter ] look a little smug . Picture opened, today. Did it . [ cheering ] you know the feeling . Itll come. I have no idea how its doing. Its yeah. I know its funny. I know theyre laughter. Right. But, beyond that, i could care less [ laughter ] people ask ya how to get into show business, a lot . Do they . Oh, sure you get that, dontcha . Yeah, i get it, but i wont tell em. [ laughter ] therere too many of us in show business, now. Thats right. We have to weed people out. I think people think yeah. Theres a secret at that we wont tell. Actually, there is a secret i figured this out to being a game show host. This is gonna change the f that what you wanna do . No, no. Its not what i wanna do, but i think, if people want to become one right. This is the secret. All you ha you dont have to have experience. You dont have to start small, in the business, and work your way up. Right. All you have to do is learn to laugh, when you talk. [ some laughter ] just what youre saying doesnt have to be funny. Right. Well, we have two contestants, [ chuckling ] so lets play the game [ laughter ] [ applause ] and, okay, who invented the sewing machine . [ laughter ] well be right back, after [ laughter ] oh thats right yeah. Youre absolutely right. You must and howshows your mother . Yeah, anything at all. Just keep talking. Yeah. Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah ya know, i am really tired of being funny. Youre tired of being funny . Funny, all the time. Yeah. Ya know . Was backstage. I came in, early, and theyre dying. The crew is laughter and laughter, but yeah. Seems like, out here this is the one place where i dont have to be on, all the time. [ laughter ] you can just be you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, this is the first time usually, when you do the tonight show, you get all excited, and youre really charged up, and, when its over, you just collapse. And this is the first time ive collapsed in the middle of a show. [ laughter ] i just timed it a little bit wrong. Yeah. [ laughter ] woke up a half hour early, this morning. Yeah, that sets your whole day off. Yeah. Oh, pretty good. Oh, what . [ laughter ] we, uh we had your, uh, writer cowriter or one o the writers and director on, last night. Mr. Reiner. Yeah. Said nice things about the movie. Well, its you know, the mo i dont wanna i know you dont wanna talk about it see, i dont wanna cause you get embarrassed. Right. Let me plug it. [ chuckling ] no. I really did have you seen it . No, no. My brother saw it, at a screening. [ laughter ] and my brother is no, no. My brother thinks rocky is the worst film he ever saw, so hes really critical, okay . He really, really flipped, over your movie. Well. He did. [ applause ] [ cheering ] and it takes a lotta guts, to do it in black and white. Yeah. I think thats good. [ laughter ] gimme the five. [ chuckling ] gimme the ten dollars. [ laughter ] i havent seen rocky iii, but i heard it was great. [ laughter ] [ applause ] wanna go steady . Now, my picture, dead men dont wear plaid you said that was good, too, then. Whatd you bring it in, for . Yeah. [ mumbling ] really . [ laughter ] how bout dead men well do a sequel together. Are you gonna stay, a while, or do you have to really just no, i mean he has to go . He mentioned, a while ago, hes got a plane, because hes out doin s i got a plane to catch. Oh, sure [ laughter ] sure. [ applause ] the old planetocatch ploy. The minute i come on oh, i have to leave. [ laughter ] [ some applause ] i knew this was gonna happen. I knew it. You can go. Go ahead. And we wont make fun of you, [ applause ] [ cheering ] just try and make me leave. [ chuckling ] okay, well take a break. Well be back, in just a moment. [ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] were back, talking with steve martin, now, i know i know this embarrasses you. Mmmhmm. But i me cause i remember when y we were talking about, uh, the jerk, or something, and you said, well, money wasnt important. No, i dont wanna i dont wanna talk about the money. Ill tell ya why. When you make a film, s have you noticed i havent really talked about the movie, tonight . Thats true. Because i think its a disgrace to come on a television show, and plug your own film [ laughter ] really bad. [ applause ] see, i make films, for art. For art [ laughter ] and i do it, for the fun of it. And, once i see it once i see it play, with an audience, i know that it works, i could care less the kind of money the picture makes. Right. [ phone ringing ] thats why i excuse me. [ laughter ] yeah. [ applause ] yeah, howd we do . [ chuckling ] oh, beauty. Beauty, beauty, beauty, beauty, beauty how bout buffalo . [ laughter ] thats good [ laughter ] hows the onesie, in albany . [ some laughter ] beauty. Okay, well take it back to ya. But as you were saying. Ill tell you what. And, see and, also, when you come on, to promote a film, you know the audience knows that youre only gonna show the good side or tell about the good side of it. Weak parts which it does you know, youre not going to but the audience thinks, well, theyre just doing the best. So, i thought what id do is i would whisper the plot to you. Ah. And, that way, we can talk intelligently about the film, but it wont sound like a hype, to the audience. Sure. Okay . Or just very quickly. Okay. So, anyway. Yeah . The movies. [ mumbling ] [ laughter ] oh, yeah . And so, yeah . Is another guy comes out [ laughter ] [ applause ] thats funny. The funniest thing cause what he does [ laughter ] [ applause ] roll the clip roll the clip roll [ laughter ] roll that clip roll the clip. [ music ] mr. Altfeld . Totally housebroken. His name is ramon. Hes yours. Get out, thief. Im not stealing your daughter, mr. Altfeld just borrowing her, for an important case. Dont call me and my daughter again. Dont try to see her. Dont writer her, and dont phone her. To make soup . [ laughter ] get out. Mr. Altfeld, its true that, by helping me, your daughters life is in danger. She may save hundreds of other lives. You wouldnt stand in the way of that, would you . Why, certainly, i would. Id frame you or kill you, if it would protect my daughter. And i brought you a puppy. Something you never had, as a boy. Now, get out you dont deserve a puppy. Wait pick that up. [ laughter ] its all soft and steamy. Pick that up [ laughter ] youre a sick man, altfeld. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you can makee from seeing jimmy sue. Want a puppy . Id love a dog thank you heres something for you, too. [ laughter ] thank you [ laughter ] [ cheering ] and well be back, in a moment. [ music ] [ applause ] well, we just have aabout a minute, here. Well, both of ya look like you got a couple o good pictures, there. Really. Thats why we dress the same. Yes, i noticed that. Now, your picture opens, today. All over the country . Hopefully, itll be around, for several more days. [ laughter ] and rocky iii opens, friday, around the country, right . Next week. Good. [ cheering] thank you, both, for bein here. Thank you. Sage . Nice to have ya here. Dya enjoy the show . [ chuckling ] uh, next week, weve got suzanne pleschette, johnny mathis, glen campbell, diane carol, uh, danny thomas, uh [ music ] lots of other people. Thank ya, again. Have a nice weekend [ applause ] [ cheering ] but lowell. Dont talk to me. Nothing you can say to know the pain im feeling right now. He lost my hat. We were driving down main street in my cab. It got a little close in there and i opened the window and his hat flew out. Oh sure. Make me relive the horror. For gods sake, lowell, its just an old, orange baseball cap. Ase, it was in that hat. First time lowell jr. Threw up, in that hat. First time i got hit in the head with a brick was in that hat. First time i got hit in the head with a brick was in that hat look, look. Look, im really sorry. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me . I guess life goes on. Maam. Watch your back, scarpacci. upbeat music what are you doing with the calendar, dear . Oh, joe and i are trying to pick a day for our wedding. Hes such a romantic. He wants me to be a june bride. Oh, well june is a lovely month for a wedding. The birds are singing. The flowers are blooming. The ground is nice and soft. Its always a plus. Im dying to know, how is it having casey living with you . Shes my sister and i love here, but ever since her husband dumped her shes been moping around the house in her bathrobe, eating snickers and watching oprah. Hi, hi, hi isnt is a gorgeous day . Youre dressed. Youre up. You cleaned the food out of your hair. Yeah. What happened . Well, i was watching tv and i happened to catch an informercial for a revolutionary new tooth bleaching system and i realized, i havent smiled in a week. I mean, ive become a cliche. The abandoned wife. Well, i am not a cliche. And from now own, when you look at me, all youre gonna see is, happy face. E and i are trying to pick a day for our wedding. Marriage is so wonderful. Sharing all your hopes and dreams with just one man and curling up with him at night, being his best friend. Hosting his dinner parties. Laughing at his stupid jokes. Doing things for him that still make you gag. Then one day, you know, he just sails off. Without anything to live for. Your guts just ripped open. Casey. What . Happy face. All right. So, when you kids getting hitched . We were thinking june. And i bet getting married in june was joes idea. Yes, howd you know . Its a rule of thumb. If the wedding day is more than six months away, then its the guys idea, but you dont have to worry about joe. You know, that hell change his mind. Back out. Oh, no. Oh, no. I dont have to worry about joe. Theres one person i know, its joe. Of course, i thought i knew stewart. Right down to that bald spot i had to rub that noxidil on every night. A gut like a sumo wrestler, hes worried about his hair. I shoulda killed him when i had the chance. Happy face. And i have found the perfect day for us to get married. June the 12th. Joe, thats so romantic. What made you choose that date . The farmers almanac. There it is, romantic. I hear the twelfth is mulch day. No, no, no. Look, this really is great. Look, according to the almanac, the weather on the twelfth will be seasonably cool with a light westerly breezy. So, i can wear a wool tux. You know, joe, i was just thinking that, you know, weve know each other a really long time and june is so far away. So, what would you think about moving the date up just a little bit . To say, oh, i dont know, maybe, four weeks from saturday . Next month . Thats so soon. Well, lets look her up. Th seems okay. Itll be clear, crisp and, what do you know . Excellent day to castrate your bull. Sounds like a wedding day to me. Joe, brians on the radio. Hes in trouble. [brian] joey, joey are you there . Okay, listen, calm down brian. Were gonna get you down safely. Just take a good look at the controls and tell me exactly whats wrong. [brian] whats wrong . Alex left me, thats whats wrong. Brian, this is about alex again . Would you get her off your mind already . [brian] i cant. Whats the point of going on without her . Just feel like crashing this plane, right in the ocean. exciting music can not believe he pulled a stunt like this. Oh i know and he was doing so well about alex. I had an uncle who snapped like that. After his wife left him, we all thought he was doing fine and then, one day, in the middle of a city council meeting, he stood up and said, we apologize for any inconvenience we may have caused you and hope you will fly with us again, soon. Or, on your next trip, fly arrow mass. Our pilots are on time, not thorazine. Brian, what is wrong with you . How could you do hey, hey, im all right. Im okay. Im all right. No, listen to me. You are not okay. I really think you need help. You need to see a professional. Hey, joey, do me a favor, just cut it with the code words, okay . Im a big boy. If youve got something to say to me, say it. All right, i think you need to see a shrink. A shrink . I thought you were talking about a hooker . Hey, hacket, you do not need a shrink. What you need is a night out with dr. Roy. Well hit the town and youll do what i did when silivia left me. I went down to the local bar, got hammered, ow. These shoes, in eggshell, would be perfect for helen. Mr. Hackett . Yeah . Would you step into my office, please . Hi, joey. Hi, brian. Brian, havent you got something to say to your brother . I love you, man. And . And i hate you is in the hope that you might shed some light on events in brians life that hes possibly blocked out. Like what . Well when, for instance, your mother walked out on the family. You told him that . What are you, the town crier . We barely know this guy. Dont talk about dr. Grayson in that way, i love him. And . And i hate him. Im going. Mr. Hackett, it would be most helpful if you cooperate. Please, do sit down. Please. Now, what was the question again . Well, what was brians reaction when your mother walked out . Nothing really out of the ordinary. He slept under his bed for a couple months and told everybody that his real mother was shirley partridge. Could i go to the bathroom . Certainly. Its down the hall, to the right. Well, we prefer to say that he has and adjustment disorder with mixed emotional features. Wow, youre good. Harvard. Im impressed. Well, wait until you see the bill. Funny. Harvard lampoon. laughs ed to be married. Oh, yeah, thats right. Whens the big day . Actually, we just decided this morning. Its november 15th. Thats pretty soon, isnt it . Yeah, thats what i said. I really wanted june. Ah, june. Good suit weather. Exactly, exactly, but she wanted to do it sooner. So what could i say . Well, you could have said you know what, youre right. That is exactly what i shouldve said. I can not believe i just let her roll right over me like that. You know, i really think i am mad. You think or are you ready to own that . Yeah, i am really mad. I mean, is this what our marriage is gonna be like . Her giving me orders and me just standing there, like a idiot. Yes dear, yes dear. This has been a real eyeopener for me. Great, great. Look, about my problem. Wait, wait, wait. Your problem . Wait a second. I leave here for five minutes and you steal my shrink . I hate you. And . Thats it, i hate him. exciting music roy, roy, have you seen lowell . Yeah, hes out in the hanger, hey, youve found his hat. No, no, i didnt. I looked all over. I could not find his stupid hat. So i bought one just like it. Hopefully, hes never know the difference. I rubbed it in axel grease. I ran over it with my cab. I even had a small boy throw up in it. Oh, its you. Yeah, i brought an old friend to see you. My hat. Oh, its my hat. Gosh, thanks buddy. No problem. Well, theres a little problem. Youll be receiving a package in the mail tomorrow. Of course it is, lowell. What are you trying to pull over here, scarpacci . You trying to make a fool of me . Oh, and by the way, about that package in the mail, i was just kidding. By all means, open it. Youre really gonna love it. Hi, hi. Hey, how was your day . Well, i went shopping and found out that stewart has cancelled all my credit cards. You wanna know why . Happy face . No. Happy hour. Oh, hi brian. I love you, helen chapel. Oh, i gather you just got out of therapy . It was incredible. The doctor explained to me that insid