Wait, a well, we know all of your youve been telling the truth. You about your marriages. Yeah. Youd be a very good candidate. First of all, the people trust you. You do the monologue, at the beginning. Your barometer of whats happen you would be a wonderful not a [ cheering ] order. Order, in the court. Now, wait, a second. Order, in the court. Ii said this, last time let this man talk. [ laughter ] i w im a not for a judge, because y you have to go to some school. That was another crazy thing how judge ginsburg was chosen. He had one year, on the court uh, you would think theres somebody would be a little better than that, you know. Ive been in court more than he has. [ laughter ] there you see . Right there. Ive had im talkin court experience. Well, itit nobody, i think, really, could, uh, survive that kind of, uh no, not that kind of scrutiny. Boy, thats tough. No. Thats really tough. Well take a break. Were comin back. Okay, heres this is this is a good night, for, uh, a new comedian, whos making his first appearance, because youreyoure in a good mood, and thats always helpful, to somebody who has not done this show, before. Uh, jeff is from, uh, originally, the state of wisconsin, and he performs [ applause ] like a lot of the, uh, young comedians, he performs frequently, at the improvisation, here in hollywood. And, uh so, would you welcome, please, jeff cesario . Jeff . . . [ cheering ] thank you, very much. My name is jeff cesario. I am, originally, from wisconsin. A couple other escapees here, tonight. [ cheering ] i been out here, four years, in california. Ive yet to go to the beach. [ some laughter ] too many blond people, at the beach, in calif i show up at a beach, out here, people go, who called a cab . [ laughter ] i prefer my sports indoors. I watch sports, on tv. My favorites probably basketball. On tv. I watch basketball on tv, cause i cannot believe the moves these guys make. I watch bowling, on tv, cause i cannot believe there is prize money involved. [ laughter ] what could possibly be less strenuous and more boring than bowling, on television . [ some laughter ] golf. Okay, golf. [ laughter ] ill confess, bein from wisconsin, ill watch golf, on tv, ya know, just to see really good weather. [ laughter ] but who is riveted to their seat, for a televised match . Who calls eight friends, gets a keg of beer . [ laughter ] landscapers, maybe, huh . [ applause ] [ cheering ] some sports i cannot watch, on tv. Theyre just too hard, for me. But tennis is hard to wa theres too many arguments, in tennis. Theyre always arguing whethes ine r out. Why dont they just make the outofbounds out of velcro . [ laughter ] [ applause ] i think, out of everybothk ths we have probably horses. You ever seen a horse run a race, live and in person . Beautiful animal. Although, they have the best incentive to win a race. Youre a horse, you win the kentucky derby, where do they send ya . Stud farm. Could shave a couple o seconds off our 100yard dash time, huh . [ laughter ] [ applause ] it woulda helped me, in high school. That olympian carl lewis in the lead wait, a second. From nowhere, 14yearold jimmy dougan [ laughter ] thats the only real thing we have left on television. Sports. Everything else, to me, is completely outta control. But people will believe it, if they see it on tv. On the Bermuda Triangle . And my friends believed it. We people disappear, without a trace, in the Bermuda Triangle. And these people who disappear you know where they are . Bermuda [ laughter ] who always disappears . Its always some poor guy with six kids in college, a huge mortgage, and a deadend job. Oh, he disappeared, in the Bermuda Triangle. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah, we are losin touch with reality. I see things, every day, i cannot believe. I went shoppin for a watch. Ii go to a jewelry store. The guy shows me a rolex watch for 14,000. I told him, as far as im concerned, if you got 14 grand to blow on a watch, you can afford to be late. Okay . [ laughter ] [ cheering ] this i cant believe. I saw this i cannot believe that we need this. We have a new ziploc plastic bag you seen this . Where one side of the ziploc is yellow. The other sides blue, so, when you zip it together, you know its sealed, cause it turns green. [ some laughter ] oh, man. If you dont know a baggies closed, you dont deserve to eat fresh food, okay . [ laughter ] you should be in the bag. Youre the vegetable, at that point. [ laughter ] [ cheering ] uhoh. Im amazed by what people eat. Thats unbelievable to me, too. We have people who eat rhubarb, in this country. [ some laughter ] this is a weed were makin pie out of it. People always say, it tastes great, if ya add enough sugar. [ some laughter ] i got news for ya anything tastes great, if you add enough sugar. Leaves taste great, if you add enough sugar. You just make leaf pie just rake and bake. We dont [ laughter ] [ applause ] but thats what people are eatin healthier and healthier. Remotely healthy, about their product. That they can use, in the advertising. Its hysterical. Its like hostess twinkies theyre. Caffeine free [ laughter ] great name for a food, though twinkie. Thats the perfect food name. Look at that there is nothin else you could call that thing. [ laughter ] what could you possibly puff tube. No [ laughter ] creamfilled sponge rod. I dont no. [ laughter ] you know, they grabbed it out of thin air, too. Buncha guys, at the end of the day, at their wits end, sittin around a table i dunno what the hell to call it. Ronnie, what does you wife call you . dinky . lets see. dinkydinky . double dinky . two dinkies. twinkies boom, were outta here. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i do love to eat, though. Eating is just thats my favorite thing. I ca i just the worst meal i ever had airplane. On an air you ever eaten, on an airplane . They always put your silverware in this hermetically sealed, sanitized bag. Meanwhile, your foods been sittin next to the john, for an hour and a half. [ laughter ] [ cheering ] i think my least favorite food, that i can remember, is probably, uh stems from when i was a kid. Whenever we would go get ice cream cones, my mom would never let me buy the goodtasting, pointy sugar cone. I was a kid who always had to wafer, safety cone. [ some laughter ] safety, my foot. You take a bite into the bottom of that, then hit that crossbeam girder system [ laughter ] other kids are enjoying a treat, im pullin cone shards outta the roof of my mouth. Thanks, mom. [ laughter ] but we will eat anything. We proo the food that proves it potato skin. Theres no food, nowadays [ laughter ] this is the equivalent of eating sausage casings. [ laughter ] all i can figure out is it makes waiting tables a little easier, for a waiter. Its like are ya done with that, sir . Okay there ya go, sir. [ laughter ] thank you . . Ive said it, before. It is always nice to see a new, young comedian come out and do that well. Jeff cesario is his name. Hell be back. Well be right back. . . All right, heres another, uh, young person. Heres another, uh, uh, young performer you may not be familiar with. Her names Holly Robinson, and she is the young actress who costars in a Police Series called 21 jump street, which is on another network. I think its on fox, actually. Would you welcome Holly Robinson . Holly . . . How are you . Very good. Oh see, listen to listen to the whistles. I tell you. Dont be nervous. No mr. Reiner, heres very nice, and hes youre if you got legs like that, you should never feel nervous thats right [ laughter ] all legs. You have very nicelooking legs. Well, thank you. The minis are back, right . And you know what . What . You look a lot better, in person. [ laughter ] youre a whole lot betterlooking. Youre kidding. Yes. Well, what do i you look you look very handsome, on television, but ah. You just look a lot but super handsome, in person. Yes this close. Well, thats very nice of you, to say that. Its true. Have we met, before . [ laughter ] but, see, i lived in malibu, for about 12 years. Yeah. And, on my way to santa monica high school, i used to drive on the pch Pacific Coast highway and yeah . You, sometimes, drove next to me. Yeah. And i used to drag race you. Only, you didnt know it. [ laughter ] ah so and i i guess thats why i always won. Just kind of a fantasy, you mean, uh you were right. Wellwell, not really. I mean right. I was drag racing you. Youd yeah. Glance over, at me, every so often, but yeah. You didnt know it was me, and i know now, were meeting. Well, youre v you were very young, then. Yes, i was young. I was livin in malind and, uh, havin a good time. Isnt y didnt your father work, uh wwork on some shows and still is workin on my father was i was the most popular fouryearold on the block, because my father was gordon, on sesame street, when i was younger. Ah and [ applause ] thats it. And so, that be you became an instant celebrity, huh . Well because your i was an instant celebrity, and, uh, you know, wed have you know how you have office parties . Yeah. Wed have, you know, bob, mr. Hooper, andand, uh, big bird come over to the house, for parties. It was great. It was great. And all the kids, in and all the kids, in the neighborhood, would definitely. And they all come over, and i but i could never get on the show, cause my dad didnt want me to be in show business. And, finally, after a lot of begging and pleading, he let me on the show. Had one line. I blew my one line. Yeah. It was hi, gordon, and i didnt wanna say that. I wanted to say hi, daddy. Ah. But now, hes the producer of the cosby show. Yeah . Yeah show thats doing very poorly, in the ratings, i hear. Oh, yeah, just terrible. [ laughter ] bill is just struggling along. Yeah. But your dad, really, probably, was trying to protect you, because this entertainment business is ya know, you have to learn to take the rejection, and it can be very difficult i suppose. But he was really embarrassing me. It was very embarrassing being the only kid on the block who couldnt be on the show. Yet, my dad was gordon, on sesame street. But, uh, i had a great time. Yeah. Had a good time. Now, whatve you done, besides 21, uh, jump street . Well, 21 jump street. Other than that, ii been known as an anthem singer, these days. Singin the national anthem. I sang did dodgers stadium, twice. Thats the riskiest thing, in the world, for an entertainer. Its a very hard song to sing. Yeah. And i did i sang, in the capitol steps, at the bicentennial celebration because i sang with the u. S. Army band, and they played the song, as a march, like they had to go to the bathroom hmm. And, uh [ laughter ] they said by the time they started with a drumroll, and, by the time they got to the song, i was just waiting for the intro, and i got to the can you see, and i missed the oh, say. Oh. So but ill make its a murderous song. Yeah. Its a murderous song to sing. It really is very difficult. Robert goulet will never live down the time he kinda botched it, once. Uh, did the wrong words and but who was the first entertainer who did it, really, with aalmost did a soul version of it. J yes. Feliciano. Went on you know, everybody said was very proper, with it. And he went on singing oh say and started ooh. To do a number, with it, and the place fell apart. Marvin gaye did it, also, very well right. At a at a fight. Yeah. But i get to make up, for it. Im doing it, on monday night football, at, uh on seattle versus, uh this coming the raiders. Uh, november 30th. Yeah now so. Do y do ya h do ya go in and rehearse, uh yeah you go and rehearse. You better rehearse, or else youll end up missing the oh, say, like i did, in, uh yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. Youre in trouble. Yes, thats for sure. Now, you gotta catch up, right . Thats right. Thats right. And the bands taken off, somewhere else. Thats right. Yeah. So, are you happy, with your career . Things are going well . Im happy i was iii, um i got into a bad start. I did a movie called, um, [ mumbling ] [ laughter ] howard the duck. Oh, yes. That w what it was called. That well, it that happens to everybody. No, howard was a great you know, it was great workin with a duck, and i had a wonderful time. [ laughter ] feathers flying all over the set, and what more can i say . But you gotta have a few failures, in life. Oh, thats for sure. But that was a big one. But, i mean, i wasnt i had but nobody saw it, so it doesnt make any difference. No one saw it. Right. [ laughter ] i worked on the secret is safe. I worked on the film, for three months. Ended up in it, for three minutes and yeah. Thats the time when you like to end up on the cutting room floor, sometimes. Yeah. But i had i had a great time. And then, i got 21 jump street, and its been upupward, ever since. Yeah. Youre a single lady . Yes, i am single. Yeah. Well, kind of. Im gonna get in trouble, for sayin that. [ laughter ] you youre w lets put it youre keeping company, with somebody yes thats right. More or less. Thats right. Im not married, and it doesnt mean youre going steady, it doesnt mean youre living with anybody. Its just its very proper. Thats the old midwestern word. Were keeping company. Thank you. Thank you, for getting me out of that. Yes, okay. Anyway, well take a break. Were comin right back. [ cheering ] attention are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. Changes to medicare plans could impact your healthcare costs. 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And we do it at no cost. There were so many benefits i wasnt healthmarkets can find me the right plan. And their service doesnt cost a cent. When i try shopping on my own, i get nowhere fast. Healthmarkets takes away the confusion. Too often i see my patients paying more than they need to because they dont know what theyre entitled to. Make sure you have what you need to get the care thats right for you. You have only a few weeks left. If you miss the deadline, you may have to wait another year before enrolling. Call this number by the deadline. And let healthmarkets find the right medicare plan for you without cost or obligation. Call now. . . Okay, i believe its that time to thank everybody. Are you less nervous, now . Oh, i feel a lotlot less nervous now. A lot less nervous. Thank you. Well, youre a very charming young lady. I wish you much success, in your career. Well race it, again. Well drag race it, again. Carl, uh, whats comin up, for ya . My new picture, with robert llindsay. Thats comin up, soon . Pardon . Coming up, soon . Yes. My wife is coming up. Shes, uh, singing, tomorrow night, at the gardenia, right here in town. Okay, and youll be there. Youre always there, arent ya . Yes. Joe debartolos gonna be there. Good. All right. Now, lemme give ya another phobia, here. [ laughter ] ziplocophobia is the fear of opening your refrigerator and finding dom delunu inside a plastic bag. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i rest my case. Well see ya, tomorrow. [ cheering ] im humbled by that applause. Hey good morning antonio, its a great day isnt it . Not for William Saunders 96, who died suddenly in his sleep. Aw, man, youre reading the obituaries . Joe, im a cabby, its good for business. Lutheran chapel, well, people walking to his funeral aint gonna bring him back. Look at this, hes survived by 6 children and 27 grandchildren, all residing in the boston area. Huh, these people are gonna have to get to the island somehow, maybe ill add on a couple extra flights. theme music hey joe, brian, you guys mind if i leave an hour early today . Why whats going on . Well, yea, dont make a big fuss, but today i turn 31 and a half. Boy, you must be getting nervous huh, one step closer to the big 40 and a half. laughing yea. Turn 31 and a half, they give you this dinky little party and they make you wear this silly little hat, and they give you a dumb ole check for 25,000. 25,000, if only id been born a mather. Thats something you dont hear everyday. Lowell, where did your family get that kind of money. From the mather family trust. Wait, theres a mather family trust . Made quite a fortune in the crash of 29. Wait a minute, i thought everyone lost money when the stock market crashed. No, im talking about when joe kennedy crashed his dusenberg into snookys ice truck. He took one look at the damage he had caused to snookys head and gave him 100 grand, and little did he know snooky was born with that pushed in face. Lowell, you know, 25,000 is a lot of money, so if you like any investment advice, id be glad to help. You know, i would appreciate that joe because when it comes to money, im a babe in the woods. Alright, well, i think what you should do i mean, what with the fed pushing the Interest Rate up, you know the bond market has hit rock bottom and you know and the t bill, its a 4. 5 yield on a 12 month commitment, you know, thats a sucker move, i was just gonna tell him to open a savings account. Make sure they stamp your pass book. Okay, lowell, lowell, look, look, look, with your money, and my connections, we could make a fortune. What are you talking about . Im gonna let you in on the Investment Opportunity of a life time. Are you ready . Your very own, french fry vending machine. You gotta stop reading those fliers on the windshields. Oh really, how do you think i found my gastroenterologist . Mather, listen to me. Im going to let you in on a sure thing. It is guaranteed to double your money. A friend of my is making a flick. The only expense is a camcorder, some guy on steroids, and a couple of naked bimbos. Hmm, sounds interesting whats it called . Forest hump. Listen lowell, dont listen to anybody. Especially joe. Hey passbook savings might not be sexy, but its safe. You know, listen, i appreciate everybodys good advice, except that fry thing, thats a loser. But you know, i mean, i really gotta make up my own mind. I mean, im a big boy now. I am 31 and a half. I dont know, clear my mind. Shouldnt take long. One good sneeze ought to do it. theme music oh lowell, i hear youre looking for investments, well i have an idea thats a gold mine. Whats the one thing on this island that everyone wants, and no one can get . Mrs. Fields cookies off the map, aunt fays frozen falafels. Congratulations fay,