Jimmy youre wasting my time just answering the question. Guillermo yes jimmy well start with a report card, if you will, for our celebrity president , donald trump, whose Approval Rating continues to drop. Donald trumps positive performance mark is now down to 35 . Only about onethird of americans polled say theyre happy with his job performance. 66 say they dont think hes levelheaded. Which in his defense, you know [ laughter ] how is his head supposed to stay level when his hair keeps trying to chase every squirrel . [ laughter ] [ applause ] its not just the poll, even isis is piling on. A spokesman for isis, which thats what you get when you major in communications by the way, you become a spokes whatn for isis. [ laughter ] released a statement yesterday saying america is drowning, were bankrupt, and were being run by an idiot. You hate to agree with anything isis says. But i dont know, maybe we are being run by an idiot, maybe we are drown and bankrupt. But i want to be very clear, if we are those things you guys in isis had nothing to do with that. We chose this bankrupt idiot to drown us ourselves. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] dont try to take credit for it, its our thing. You might not have been aware but monday was send your soninlaw to iraq day. [ laughter ] President Trump send his daughters husband Jared Kushner to baghdad to meet with the iraqi Prime Minister and the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff. The military posted a bunch of photographs of jareds spring break. I found them on flickr last night. I was looking around, so tickled by them, i wanted to share them with you. Theres jared. Hes the one on the left. With general Joseph Dunford of the marines. This is the face you make when you have no idea what the people around you are talking about but you dont want to look stupid so you do a lot of nodding. Here he is from another angle. You can see its like a militarytheme bar mitzvah. [ laughter ] why didnt anyone tell me to wear camo . I would have worn camo. I guess they were worried jared wouldnt be able to sit through an entire meeting, as you see they gave him some juice and a coloring book. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] brought jared to life, did an amazing job. In between meetings jared found time to write a letter home to his boss fatherinlaw. Donald trump doesnt like reading so jared fair ritted it to him. We got a hold of it. Another leak. This is an abc news exclusive and i am excited to share it with you now. Dear dadinlaw. Here i am in iraq. Look at me with the head moustache guy. I cant believe its only been one day since i was back in the oval office trying to convince you not to retweet that joke about kim jonguns man boobs. Its so hot here. I sure am glad i wore my summer the blazer. Here i am thanking our troops for their service that i never considered doing in a bajillion years. Here i am looking over real military plans, so awesome. I told the generals about your idea of using the element of surprise, boy did they seem impress. How badass i look in this flack jacket, i totally want one. Ive got to go, the generals are working on their plans and im sure theyll want my input. See you this weekend for the big meeting with china, i cant wait. Love jerbear. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, thats sweet. I like that theyre close. We can be pretty hard on donald trump. They have a guy in new zealand, the Prime Minister of new zealand, a gentleman named bill english who i think is even worse. Im going to show you why. On tuesday night, this is what he posted on facebook. He wrote, cooked dinner for the family last night, like if you agree with tinned spaghetti on pizza. I dont know if you can see that, but tinned spaghetti is canned spaghetti. Not only did he put it on a pizza, he put on it a pineapple pizza. Canned spaghetti and pineapples on a pizza. This mother can i say the fword . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] no . Not even one time . That is so offensive. That is an act of war. I mean, i think i think he just declared war on italy. And maybe hawaii too, i dont know. Impeach that man immediately, new zealand. This is why ive always preferred old zealand. It is true. Meanwhile, i will assume by now that youve seen or at least heard about that pepsi commercial with Kendall Jenner. If you havent its worth seeing. Its absolutely nuts. The fact that this somehow made it through i cant imagine how many meetings and edits and pitches and got the thumbsup from who knows how many people are absolutely mindboggling. Pepsi was trending on twitter. I was like, oh my god, pepsi died. [ laughter ] turned out i was right, it did. This commercial, its quite a concept. Basically Kendall Jenner is posing for a photo, a photo shoot, then a protest march happens. A hiplooking protest march happens by. And ultimately she joins it and brings everyone together. She ends racism by handing a pepsi to a police officer. And then everyone dances away. Its so great. It is so ill advised. Ive watched it 27 times now. I still i cant figure out what the protesters are supposed to be protesting. I dont want to go through the whole yesterday i dont but i want to go through, we grabbed some stills. This says, join the o conversation. What the hell is that . Is that an irish conversation . Maybe something to do with oprah . I dont know. There are a lot of peace signs, lots and lots of peace signs all of which happen to be the same color as the pepsi logo. One of the protesters has a cello. [ laughter ] you know, you cant have a protest march without a cello. None of it makes any sense. Today pepsi pulled the ad and apologized. They apologized to Kendall Jenner. Sorry we paid you 3 million to be in the worst commercial ever, Kendall Jenner. Everyone was so mad. The only people who werent mad . The people at coke werent mad, they loved it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it was the best coke commercial in years. And whoever came up with this ad for nivea, which they just pulled this print ad. See . Immediately you guys knew this shouldnt have been published. Put that up again. It says, white is purity squoochlt. Anyone see anything wrong with this slogan . Not at all . Looks good to go in okay. Everyone is dumb. Heres something ive not seen before. This is from yesterdays baseball game between cardinals and cubs. Keep an eye on the batter. A guy named steven piscotti. Hes hit by the pitch. The ball gets away. Piscotti to second and hes hit again. A little chopper slowly hit, right side. The ball gets away. Here comes piscotti. He is safe. As the ball hit him in the head, maybe the face. Jimmy whats going on . [ applause ] poor guy. He got hit more times than ronda rousey on that one i dont think ive never seen anything like this before. I think it was a first. So afterwards the reporters obviously were eager to get stevens thoughts. Its just a fluke thing. Getting hit in the head like that . I guess you just play enough games, Something Like thats going to happen ah jimmy that almost seemed intentional. We have to take a break. When we come back from that break, if you watch the show girls or even if you dont youre going to like what we have when we return, stick around, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] you totaled your brand new car. Nobodys hurt, but there will still be pain. It comes when your Insurance Company says theyll only pay threequarters of what it takes to replace it. What are you supposed to do . Drive threequarters of a car . Now if you had Liberty Mutual new car replacement™, youd get your whole car back. I guess they dont want you driving around on three wheels. Smart. With Liberty Mutual new car replacement™, well replace the full value of your car. Liberty stands with you™. Liberty mutual insurance. 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At olive garden. Jimmy eric stonestreet, riz ahead, and music from cold war kids is happening. First, if you havent watched the final season of girls on hbo, youre missing out. My wife and i love it, we never miss it. Finale of the show, the series finale, is april 16th. Im sad to go. We watch every sunday night. Its become a tradition for us. I hate to oh, hey, look at this. [ cheers and applause ] hi, lena. How are you . What a surprise this is. I had no idea. You were back there waiting in the wings for my cue. Yeah, well, i have some really good news for you. Jimmy lena dunham, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] what is the good news . Well, the fact is that girls is not going away forever. Jimmy oh, its not . Thats great. What do you have planned . We came here specifically to announce that we are going to be doing a reunion special. Jimmy already . [ cheers and applause ] thats weird. Because you havent actually finished the show and youre already doing a reunion special . When will that air . That is going to be airing in april. 2067. Jimmy oh, wait, like in 50 years . Yeah. Jimmy oh. What if im not alive then . I had Fried Chicken two days this week, i dont think im going to make it. You will be alive. Jimmy how do you know im going to be alive . I know because i have proof. I brought a clip. Jimmy you brought a clip of girls from 50 years from now . Oh my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] im able to bring a clip from the future because im incredibly talented. And i hope that the emmys finally recognize that. Jimmy i hope so too. [ cheers and applause ] its just a problem with all these [ bleep ]. Jimmy i know, i hate them. I hate them. Jimmy should we watch it . Or call it a night and go home . I think we should watch it. We worked really hard on it. Jimmy sure, here we go. And if you threw a party invited everyone you knew noochlt you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say thank you for being a friend [ cheers and applause ] i believe i purchased everything. This is all just cigarettes. Wheres everything on the list i gave you . I nodded out in the dairy aisle. I still dont understand like why you think its okay to be on recreational morphine. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it means so much to me that you guys are throwing me this 63rd birthday divorce knee surgery party. Youre 77 years old. Youve been married eight types and youre having knee surgery in and around your face. [ laughter ] lets get this Party Started [ cheers and applause ] okay, quhr we going to wrap this up . I need to be in bed by 5 00. By 5 30 im going to be dreaming of tom hardy licking pudding off his dentures. Its 5 00 now. Then to all a good night. Get back here. Can i just say . I love being able to celebrate with all of my closest friends. And jessa. Which dress do you like better . Definitely the sleeveless, its so modern yet classic. She cant wear the sleeveless, the skin in her pits is dragging labia before it discovered coconut oil, which by the way really does do everything. That was supposed to an secret. I am completely humiliated. You may have finally done it, young lady. Okay, come on, give it up, you slag. Oh, all right. Okay. You guys know arnaz . Oh, yeah, hes that somehip 90yearold that plays experimental mandolin on bingo night. We were working on music last night and we hit it. Hit it . That is something am i supposed to know what that means . Youre daft, thats when a man makes love to your armpits. Eww its a burgeoning trend in senior living, i wrote a piece for the newsletter word is herpes in the tennis club was literally fiery. Its amazing you had a test case right here in the house. It is not my fault. He told me it was bedsores. Who was i to object . Its okay, honey. Frankly im surprised it took you to long to get it. Herpes so is bake. We all got it, front and back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know what . Im just going to wear the damn sleeveless dress. Especially if its just the four of us. Actually, there is one more person coming. Oh, thats the stripper. Stripper . You have got to be joking. They prefer to be called sensuality artists. Stripper is not a very doors open hannah, what are you doing . What, i got of uti, wet diaper, im airing it out. Can you do that somewhere necessarily. Excuse me for living out loud. Hello, ladies. [ cheers and applause ] sausages here and youre all under mom . Hampton . Mom, when im working its officer sausage. Oh, yeah, he totally has your butt. Has everyone fully forgotten its my birthday . Hello, handsome. Hi. Well. Im going to eat this whole cheesecake in hopes i fall into a diabetic coma so i can forget my son just came over to show me his member. Cheesecake, take the wheel. Hey, flat dumpsters. Ive got ensure and ecstasy, who wants to party till we crap ourselves . Im not falling for that again. Officer sausage . Is nobody else bothered by the fact that elijah hasnt aged even a little . I told you bitches, its ill of olay and boxed wine, did any of you even try it . Listen. I paid for a stripper to chop chop at the dance, sonny. Ill toss in an extra 100 for the armpit stuff. I cant. I cant. Ive fallen. Life alert . Yeah ive fallen, im completely overwhelmed, if someone could make contact with my parents . 80 is the best [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, lena. Lena dunham, everyone. The best. Watch the final episode of girls this sunday, and next sunday on hbo. We have cold war kids, riz ah d ahmed, and eric stonestreet, be right back [ cheers and applause ] portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by new Flonase Sensimist allergy relief. Learn how to be greater than your allergies with the eh bee family at begreater. Flonase. Com. You might not ever just stand there, looking at it. You may never even sit in the back seat. Yeah, but maybe you should. laughter i wanna rock right now im lil yachty and im down, if youre down im not the most lyrical kid known yet im known to keep the party going now look what you made me do you and me baby it takes two bringing new moves to the old school 1, 2, 3 get loose now it takes two to make a thing go right 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 it takes two to make it outta sight hi hey ill take one of those new fast play games. Oh, you ready for a rush . Uh, sure im pretty excited for you right now. Fast play is the new way to play fast and win instantly from the pennsylvania lottery. Pick a game, get your ticket and see if youve won. I won fast play, please fast play. Play fast. Win instantly. But grandma, we useo charmin ultra softsoft. So we dont have to wad to get clean. Mmm, cushiony. And we can use less. Charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. It has comfort cushions you can see that are softer. And more absorbent, and you can use up to 4 times less. Remember, thats charmin in there. No wasteful wadding we all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin. Arbreak through your allergies. Try new Flonase Sensimist instead of allergy pills. Its more complete allergy relief in a gentle mist you may not even notice. Using unique mistpro technology, new Flonase Sensimist delivers a gentle mist to help block six key inflammatory substances that cause your symptoms. Most allergy pills only block one. And six is greater than one. Break through your allergies. New Flonase Sensimist jimmy welcome back. Look at that dirty floor. Tonight he is the star of the night of on hbo. He is also the one who knocked hannah up on girls. The multitalented riz ahmed is here. Then, their new album comes out friday. Its called l. A. Divine, cold war kids from the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. Tomorrow night we have a great show tomorrow. Tomorrow night adam sandler, nathalie emmanuel, whom you know from game of thrones, and well have music from starley. Please join us for that. Our first guest tonight is the twotime emmywinning actor and hero to clowns around the world. Starting friday night he serves as host of a new show called the toy box. From modern family, please welcome eric stonestreet. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you look very fit. Its the jacket. Jimmy i hear your mother is here tonight. She is here, shes backstage. Jimmy did she get you that jacket . Yeah, she got it for me in 86. Jimmy shes from kansas city . Kansas city. Yeah okay, take it easy. Jimmy is she at the bar . She went to the bar yeah. She likes a drink. Jimmy she does . Has it always been that way for mom . Yeah. It has. I mean, she had we went to costa vega last night, we had a corona. Jimmy a restaurant everyone loves here in the valley. I remember one time at a wedding reception she got a little a little crazy at the wedding reception had to pick her up. That was in high school. I went to drunk drive my mom. And she got in the car and im like, i cannot believe how drunk you are. And shes like, oh shut up. And she spit ice at me. Jimmy what . [ laughter ] and