Thank you for coming. Wow. Thank you for joining us. Utuesday. Thats right. As you know, u2 is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you remember u2, those jerks who tried to give us a free album a couple of years ago . [ laughter ] theyre all here. Bono, the edge, adam, larry. We need to get adam and larry some nicknames because its really not fair. [ laughter ] u2 is here to promote the joshua tree tour which is totally sold out in every city theyre playing which means they dont need to. [ cheers and applause ] they have climbed the highest mountain, run through the field, only to be with us tonight. I was i went to see u2 on sunday night at the rose bowl. It was an incredible show. It was honestly like a religious experience. 93,000 fans all singing together. Bono fed the whole stadium with a single loaf of bread. [ laughter ] amazing. So that will be a lot of fun. Meanwhile, earlier tonight on abc, yet another season of the show that will not die, dancing with the stars. Came to a close again. And i have to say, in the hundreds of years theyve been doing this show, this seasons winner, this was the most surprising and controversial winner yet. Donald and peta jimmy hold on, i think we have the wrong celebrity, thats the guy from the other reality show. I had a lot riding on tonights dancing with the stars finale and i know how sad that sounds. But i put my money on nfl running back rashad jennings. I bet him at 141. I just want to say for the record, the russians had nothing to do with this. I swear. [ laughter ] meanwhile, speaking of the russians. Are we sure melania isnt one . Because President Trump and the first lady touched down in rome today. Last night i showed you video in which melania appeared to swat the president s hand away. As they got off the plane. Today heres what happened today in italy. So they get off the plane, theyre waving, zombielike, to the crowd. Then oh, no thank you. He goes for the hand and no. But ill go ahead and yeah, ill go there instead. It is italy. Theres something going on there and i demand a special investigator to find out what. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i want to know. Oh, this is going to be good. Trump has a meeting with the pope tomorrow at the vatican. And you know hes dreading that. Its like getting called to the principals office. Only instead of detention you go to hell as a result. [ laughter ] this morning the president was in jerusalem. Since the horrific attack in manchester yesterday, hes talking very tough when it comes to terrorism. Yesterday he spoke today, rather, he spoke at the israel museum. And he spoke very slowly so our enemies know he means business. Isis targets jewish neighborhoods, synagogues, and storefronts. And irans leaders routinely call for israels destruction. Not with donald j. Trump. Believe me. Jimmy wow. When he pulled out that middle initial . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i mean, i dont know about you, but i feel very safe. Meanwhile, even though hes thousands of miles away the president released his budget today for the upcoming year and its exactly what you would guess it would be. It cuts programs for the poor and the elderly to give tax breaks to the rich. Its like robin hood if prince john was the good guy, okay . [ laughter ] so this budget makes huge promises that it cant possibly deliver. It could leave millions of americans without Necessary ServicesLike Health Care or even food. Its basically the Fyre Festival of budgets. [ laughter ] but he did set 1. 6 billion aside to build a wall. Which i thought you were going to pay for that guillermo. Guillermo no way [ laughter ] im not paying for nothing. Jimmy maybe it will be like one of trumps buildings, mexico will have nothing to do with it, but in the end theyll throw their name on it in big gold letters. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] they say this budget has very little chance of getting past republicans in the house. But its basically a joke. But to be fair to trump, theres no chance he read it. And his goal is to cut spending. I mean look at his life, hes a modest man. If theres one thing about donald trump [ laughter ] its that he likes to live simply. He doesnt waste money on unnecessary things. And his familys the same way. They live what can only be described as a spartan, almost monklike lifestyle. [ laughter ] thats what they want for the rest of us, to live like normal, everyday billionaires with horrible taste, is that so wrong . I dont think so. [ cheers and applause ] meanwhile, there was yet another another revelation today regarding russian involvement in the trump campaign. The former head of the cia told investigators that the russians brazenly interfered with our election and actively contacted members of the trump administration. And according to a report by the Washington Post the president asked two top intelligence officials to publicly deny evidence of collusion, and also asked them to find ways to get fbi director james comey to drop his investigation. Just like an innocent person would do. [ laughter ] i tell you, there was no collusion between his campaign and russia, hes done a hell of a job making it seem like there was. Because at this point the best thing the president has going for him is how well his orange prison jumpsuit would complement his skin. [ cheers and applause ] the president gets back home on saturday after nine days abroad. Those nine days have been a big relief to the white house staff. Especially sean spicer. Who, well, lets just say he had the first good week on the job in quite some time. Well, the first family is away. The white house is completely empty. Except for one lucky guy. Cspan pictures presents just take those old records off the shelf hes the freaker of the house. And hes going for a joyride. In trumps private jet. Sometimes youve just got to say, what the [ bleep ]. Whoohoo breaking news. Donald trumps private jet has landed in the potomac. Now he has to bring together a bunch of senators and a bunch of hookers for the biggest white house sex party ever. White House Press Secretary sean spicer in spicy business. Rock and roll coming to russia 2018. Jimmy id watch that. [ cheers and applause ] hey, switching subjects. Congratulations are in order for the golden state warriors. They swept the San Antonio Spurs to advance to the nba finals where theyll face either the Cleveland Cavaliers or the boston celtics. Draymond green had a near tripledouble, he had 16 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, and 1 allstarcaliber flop. Theyre going to flush me . No. Green. Well. If theyre still getting you for flops loves the whack in the face. Thats clearly a foul, but come on, youve got to be kidding me. He wouldnt go down in flint that hard, ill tell you that. Jimmy he could be eligible for an emmy for that. [ applause ] for the nba finals, a week from thursday, i think, we will be on before the games in primetime with a very special guest. One of my favorite characters in all of sports, karl malone of the utah jazz. He briefly played for the lakers too. And you may not know about karl malone is that he has a unique take on everything. So i invited him to join me to talk about life and some of the things that make it worth living. Tonight i am pleased to present the First Edition of what i promise will be an entertaining new series, all alone with karl malone. Jimmy the great karl malone. Do you like when it people say the great karl malone . No. Jimmy you dont . No. Jimmy why not . Because im just karl. Jimmy just karl, okay. See, we throw around great. We throw around heroes. Jimmy can i just just to be clear, i never called you a hero. I said great. I know. But i just said jimmy you called yourself the hero. I know. But im dont cut me off. Jimmy right. Im making a point here, sir. Jimmy i see. Can i finish . Jimmy you can finish. Before i was so rudely interrupted. Jimmy im sorry. Interrupted a guy who was a hero to many. In a way. No. Jimmy no . Not a hero . No. You say great. Jimmy i did say great. No. I just played a sport and happened to be pretty good at it. Jimmy no, youre better than pretty good at it. Youre being humble. Why are you interrupting me . Jimmy i think youre being a little bit too humble. You dont think you were a great player . No, no. I was a badass. Jimmy uhhuh. But i didnt say great. Jimmy i did, i said great. Dont use that. Jimmy were here with the badass karl malone. That you like . Viking. Jimmy a viking . Viking blood . No. But i think i do. Jimmy you think of yourself as a viking . Yeah. Jimmy what are karl malones three favorite Breakfast Cereals . Go ahead. I love dig em smacks or whatever them things are. Jimmy dig em smacks . Whatever the hell they be okay, i know what you mean. I like oh, frosted flakes is my favorite. Jimmy number one. Number one with some bananas. Jimmy i like that too. And whole milk. Jimmy whole milk, nothing skim for karl malone. Hell, no. Skim . Jimmy no low fat . No. No, sir. Jimmy okay. All right. Frosted flakes with a lot of bananas. Jimmy number one, frosted flakes with bananas. Yes, yes. Jimmy number two, dig em smacks. And what are those, pops . Corn pops. Jimmy and corn pops. Yeah. Raisin brans i load up on too jimmy thats a good one too. Is it in the top three, though . Is it better than corn pops . No. I would take out the little frog guy. What is that, dig em smacks. Jimmy dig em smacks is id take that out and put raisin bran in. Jimmy okay. Lots of raisins. I love raisins though. Jimmy there we have it, the great karl malone. Karl malone. Jimmy i mean, just karl malone. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, karl. We have a badass show tonight. Well be right back with u2 [ cheers and applause ] we, the tv loving people, want our whole house to be filled with entertainment. Roooooaaar easy boy. But we dont want annual contracts and hardware. You scoundrel ugh we just want to stream live tv. And we want it for 10 dollars a month. raspy wow. Id like that in my house. Its a very big house. Yeah, mine too. Look at us. Just two bros with sick houses. High five. Directv now. A big streaming deal. 10 dollars a month when you have the at t unlimited plus plan. Intrzero alcohol™. Ine® it delivers a whole mouth clean with a less intense taste. So it has the bad breath germkilling power of this. With the lighter feel. Of this. Try listerine® zero alcohol™. Schick hydro ® technology that transforms. Schick hydro ® protecting mankind, one face at a time. You might not ever just stand there, looking at it. You may never even sit in the back seat. Yeah, but maybe you should. laughter home loan, that newly listed,ank midcentury ranch withed for a the garden patio will be gone. Or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the waiting, and go completely online. Get the confidence that comes from a secure, qualified mortgage approval in minutes. Lift the burden of getting a home loan with Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. [whisper rocket] perfect dasure is. Game huh . I dont know about you gus, but i think a foul balls coming our way. Im ready crack of the bat, crowd cheers whoa almost had it maybe next time. What about this time . Pay me the new scratchoff from the pennsylvania lottery. With top prizes of 100 grand thats some catch giggles crowd cheers keep on scratchin jimmy welcome back, friends and lovers. Tonight, they are here to chat and to play music for us, u2 is here on a special onetimeonly mercedesbenz stage. In mexico are they called u2 or udos . Do they go by u2 in mexico as well . Guillermo u2. Jimmy very good, were learning something already tonight. Tomorrow night on our show zac efron will be here, Connie Nielsen will join us, and well have music from zac brown band. Its a two zac night and on thursday, jada pinkett smith, jon bass and music from lil yachty. So join us then. Okay. Its time. The republic of ireland has given us many great gifts but none greater than our guests tonight. They are on a soldout tour to celebrate the 30th anniversary of their huge and magical album the joshua tree. Please welcome adam clayton, bono, larry mullen jr. And the edge, aka u2 [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thanks for being here. Is this the biggest crowd youve ever performed in front of . [ laughter ] this is the biggest crowd weve performed for all night. Jimmy i know you guys dont typically do interviews together, especially television interviews. Im honored and grateful and excited that youre here. And lets get started. Who is the least popular guy in the band . [ laughter ] if you had to pick if one guy had to be kicked out who would be the guy out . [ laughter ] i was at the concert sunday. It seemed like you are still having a lot of fun. Are you . Or are you faking that . [ laughter ] its been that way since the beginning. In fact, ive done quite a bit of stuff outside of u2. Soundtracks and guested on albums. But without a doubt, the most fun i ever had was working with these three guys. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy larry, its hard to get a read on you, youre in the back playing drums. Do you ever feel left out back there . Is that a fun place to be . Is it lonely . Open up to us. [ laughter ] its yeah, its a bit of a stretch from the back to the front. Jimmy yeah. You know . But there are some disadvantages. Jimmy what are the disadvantages . Well, for 40 years ive had to look at these guys asses. [ cheers and applause ] whose do you like the best . [ laughter ] one of the things that fascinates me is how gravity works. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that is not nice. Jimmy i was kind of at your show. In 1987, i was a student at Arizona State university. Where you shot rattle and hum. And i was a mobile deejay. I did weddings and Christmas Parties and that kind thing. I had to work that night. It had been scheduled for a long time. I was heartbroken i couldnt come to the show. I got off work and i drove to Sun Devil Stadium and i sat in the parking lot with my windows down. And listened to like the last 30 minutes of your show alone. Thank you. Jimmy it was one of the well, for one of the few things i remember from college, but really, also [ laughter ] one of the best things i remember from college. And i feel like i owe you guys 28 bucks or something. Five. Its on us. 5 ticket. Jimmy it was 5 . Thats right, it was 5. Everybody went crazy. Yeah. Jimmy its crazy that you remember it was 5. Yeah, no, it hurt. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy i described your show as feeling like a religious experience. And i felt like that every time ive seen you guys. The only other concert ive felt that way is at bruce springsteen. And i think you guys there are a lot of similarities. Do you guys feel a kinship with bruce . The boss, we call him the boss. Jimmy yes, with the boss. Of course. The boss. We dont have a boss in this band, so we like to think of him as our boss. Jimmy you think of him do you know him well . Is he a guy that youve really spent time with . So much advice really from him over the years. I remember bruce saying to us, sitting us down we asked him for his best advice. And he said, dont do television. [ laughter ] really and truly. Thats what he said. Im not just saying that. Jimmy dont ever listen to him. [ laughter ] advice we didnt take later on in our life. I asked him why and he said, dont give other people the ability to turn you up or down. He said they could be making a cup of coffee and youre in there telling your story, they dont do that on the kimmel show . Jimmy no, we dont have a volume control. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you guys did something that same year, 1987, that i love. You opened for yourselves. And this is something that you cant do anymore. This is true. Jimmy but you guys performed as a country quartet . Is that correct . [ laughter ] where did you get that photograph . Jimmy this is a group you called the daltons. Yes. Jimmy correct me if i have any of this wrong. Adam, you look like the daltons sister in the group there. [ laughter ] betty dalton. Jimmy betty was your name . They ran out of cowboy hats and gave me a wig. [ laughter ] then its the single piece of fabric which i didnt know what to do with, i just wrapped it round. You know. I discovered crossdressing. [ laughter ] jimmy did the audience know it was you guys . No. There was about ten people in the front who figured it out. Halfway through the second song. But it was amazing to perform to 25,000, 30,000 people who were all completely ignoring you. [ laughter ] it was supposed to be los lobos, great band, great mexicanamerican band. Jimmy yeah, sure. They had trouble getting to the show. And we were like, what are we going to do . I think it was edges idea. I said it as a joke. It was like, what about we open for ourselves . And bono said, lets do it and the next thing i was alton dalton, i remember that. [ laughter ] what was you . Beggared weeds. Duke dalton. Jimmy duke daltons a solid name. I was luke. Jimmy duke and luke, alton and betty. We made up a song on the spot about bb kings guitar lucille. Oh, if i can remember oh lucille come sit you right down stay tonight until the mornings early light i hope our love will last forever will our love lucille last the night [ cheers and applause ] jimmy u2 is here, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] welcome to maxx you. 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