Transcripts For WRAL The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

WRAL The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon November 23, 2016

Ahh. Let me get this straight while you were still dating julian here you were having fantasies about someone else. Id rather not discuss it now. Oh, no. You brought it up. You might as well tell me who it is. Yes. Do tell. sighs its. Me . Your brother. Rom. My brother rom . Hes so cute. And very sexy. Cute . Sexy . Rom . Rom . Here. Doesnt the clay feel good . Wonderful. Now pour your emotions into it. Begin to mold it. Feel the texture in your hands. I do. I feel it. I really do. I knew youd get it. Dax. Worf worf . Its time we took action. Weve taken action the raid on the solarium. Itll be forgotten by tomorrow. door opens mr. Worf . You want to make people leave risa. I think i know a way. At are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. Changes to medicare plans could impact your healthcare costs. Are you getting all the benefits available to you . 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Liberty mutual insurance. I probably would have reacted the same way worf did. I know arandis is curzons lover, not yours but if id walked in on the two of you, well. Figuring you out isnt easy. I like that about her. Stop talking about me like im not here. Its also the reason why i stopped chasing her. Youre too much work. Worf is the one whos too much work. What you need is a ferengi. Maybe but what i want is worf. Why . Because he has the courage of a berserker cat and he has the heart of a poet. And the brain of a pigheaded idiot. Yeah, sometimes. Jadzia. Any luck . Im afraid not. None of the staff can find him but im sure hell turn up. Well, no sense waiting around here for him. I say we take some floaters up into the hills and go skinnydipping in the hot springs. I never thought id say this but im with quark. What was that . Great. Just what we needed. I thought it wasnt supposed to rain in this part of risa. Its not. May i have your attention, please. Obviously, the weather grid is experiencing some type of malfunction but im sure well be able to repair it soon. No. You wont. Youre responsible for this. Oh, i authorized it, but it was not my idea. It was mine. Are you serious . Us. Worf, what did you do, build an uplink so you could take control of the weather grid . The grid has been deactivated. It will take three or four days to restore the system to normal. During that time, inhabitants of risa and their guests will experience the planets natural weather cycle. And for most on risa that means rain, and plenty of it. But why are you doing this . Because risa is an illusion created by weather control systems if the federation is going to survive were going to have to stop wasting our time with toys and get back to the essentials. Im beginning to think theres no hope for that man or for you, either, mr. Worf. Commander, with all due respect are you out of your mind . Oh, i think you will find me quite rational. Nyway. Worf, this is wrong. I disagree. If Federation Citizens cannot handle a little bad weather how will they handle a dominion invasion . breathing heavily r rain. Right now, itsglebbeningout there and thats bad. If youre so miserable why dont you take yourhorgahn and go find some company . Have you taken a good look at the risians lately . Theyre even more depressed than the guests. Im trying to organize a game of hoverball. Would either of you like to join us . In the rain . No. On one of the indoor courts. Indoor hoverball. Thats just wrong. Ill play. Good. That makes one. Having trouble keeping the guests happy . Ive never heard so much complaining in my life. Nobody came here to sit around in the rain. Its not just the weather. People are starting to complain about everything the rooms, the entertainment, the food. Whats wrong with the food . Nothing, as far as i can tell but the guests say it just doesnt taste right. Its the humidity. Mushy. Trust me. Theres no word for crisp on ferenginar. Maybe mr. Fullerton was right. Maybe we have forgotten how to deal with adversity. According to our figures. The guest population declined by 30 in the last three days. You can be sure the guests that have stayed are taking what you say seriously. Its a start. One that you can build on. Re leaving . I have had my fill of risa. Mr. Worf, youve been an inspiration to us all. Good luck. Thank you. You still have the uplink to the weather control grid . Right here. By tomorrow, the weather grid will be restored to normal and no one here will remember this ever happened. You must be feeling pretty good right now. The weathers terrible, the guests are miserable and more and more people are leaving risa every day. Their response only proves my point. Oh, i see. Ruin the vacations of a few hundred thousand people to bolster the moral fiber of the federation. I do not expectyou to understand. I understand. Even better than you do. What you did had nothing to do with risa its about you and me. You give yourself far too much credit. Do i . You think im irresponsible, frivolous. That i care more about pleasure than i do commitment. What do you think is going on between me and arandis . Youknowwhat i think. Do. And you know what . Youre wrong. Did it occur to you to ask me about it . Or. Trust, just a little . A klingon woman would not have given me grounds for suspicion. And how would you know . Curzon spent more time with klingons than you ever did. You may have lived among my people but you are not a klingon. I am. sighs what happened to you, worf . Youre a paragon of klingon honor and discipline but when it comes to the klingon passion for life, the exuberance the enjoyment of the moment you are constantly holding yourself back. Why . That is not the issue here. I think it is. I do not wish to lose you, jadzia. Then talk to me,please. sighing you know from the age of seven i was raised by humans on the farmworld of gault. It was a sparsely populated world no more than 20,000 inhabitants. It often seemed as though everyone knew everybody else but one thingwasfor certain. The uncontrollable one. I was the biggest, the strongest the most fearless child on the entire planet. I fought hard, played hard, did as i pleased. What changed . When i was 13, i was captain of my School Soccer team. We had made the championships, and i was determined to win. Near the end of the second half, with the score tied my team got a corner kick. Both i and one of my opponents, a human boy named mikel leapt up to head the ball. He had position, but i was determined to score. I remember laughing with excitement as i threw myself at him. Go on. sighing the next thing i knew and turned around to mikel to gloat only to find him lying in the grass bleeding. Our heads had collided when we both went up for the ball. I had not felt the impact but i had broken his neck, and. He died the next day. It was an accident. Which only makes it worse. Compared to klingons, humans are fragile creatures. I realized at that moment to live among them, i must practice restraint. That must have been difficult for you. At first. In time, it became a part of who i was who. I am. And youre still afraid that if you lose control. That explains a lot. But you have to realize there are some things in life you cant control and one of them is me but what you can do is trust me. I care about you, worf and i would never do anything to hurt you. Nor would i do anything to hurt you. Who knows . Ore selfcontrol than you give me credit for. loud rumbling that felt like an earthquake. rumbling so did that. The essentialists. You should see them all run. I think they finally realized that the partys over. Increase the feedback in the tectonic stress regulators. If i do, there wont be it might be a good idea to head to the spaceport. Or at least get out of this room. Very well. I think our work is done here. Worf the uplink give it to me. Mr. Worf, i suggest you all get off this planet as soon as possible. I have no wish to see you or your friends harmed. Give us the uplink or the only person who will be harmed is you. I thought you were one of us. Perhaps i was for a time but i believe the federation will survive the dominion, the borg and people like you. If you walk out of here now youll be turning your back on the federation. Dont you see . Overindulgence, lack of selfcontrol theyll destroy everything we hold dear and you will be responsible. You say that we have to return to traditional federation values. It is essential that we remember that. Dont you walk away fromme. I will do as i please. groaning i cant wait to get home. Not that i didnt enjoy myself. Id better go find bashir. He brought ahorgahn down to breakfast and will come again. I did not think that i would be welcome. Well, you still have a lot to learn about our people. I never got a chance to say goodbye to curzon dax. Youre not saying goodbye to me either. Ill be back. And risa will be waiting. So, what do we do now . Now we watch the suns set. Why dont we go swimming . I. Didnt bring a bathing suit. Well, i wont tell if you dont. And paramount Television Doctor turn 90 degrees to the left, please. Turn 90 degrees to the left, please. Turn 90 degrees to the right. Try to hold still, please. Is it going to hurt . Of course not. A few photons never hurt anybody. We didnt do this last year. Thats because last year, i didnt realize what an exciting tool my holoimager could be in the pursuit of medical knowledge. Is something wrong with me . Your health is excellent. This is just another way to make sure that it stays excellent. I made it part of the annual checkup. Its quite handy, really. By attuning the resonance spectrum along a subspace band i can take an image of my patients all the way down to the subatomic level. Subatomic level . I thought you said this wasnt going to hurt. I did. And it wont. There. See . Nothing to it. Try to hold still, please. No. Itll only take a second to download your images into the medical database if youd like to stay for a moment and see what you look like from the inside out. Why not . Hmm. Theres some scar tissue along the base of your lower skull. Computer, isolate the occipital plexus, magnification 500. There. Scarring along the dura mater. From what . An operation. Computer, isolate the cranial meninges magnification 100. More scarring. No doubt about it somebody performed neurosurgery. And that somebody. Was me. These microlinear incisions are a dead giveaway. I developed that procedure myself. I dont understand. I dont remember having an operation. [captioning sponsored by paramount television door beeping who is it . The doctor. Ive finished giving the crew their annual physicals. But as usual, the captain was a noshow. Lets get it over with. Specific complaints . None. Hows the crew . In good health, for the most part. I found a nascent alien retrovirus bouncing between personnel on decks ten and 11 but managed to nip it in the bud and theres been a little more wear and tear on seven of nines cranial infrastructure. Im going to double her maintenance routine. Cytometabolism is normal. Thats a relief. Id like you to drop by sick bay at your earliest convenience. Ive adjusted my holoimager for deep body scans. Youre the only member of the crew who hasnt posed for me yet. Maybe next week. Its a fine instrument, really. Ive already discovered something of a mystery with it. Apparently, i performed a complex neurosurgery on harry kim. According to the isotope decay around the scars, it was 18 months ago. I dont remember that. Neither do i, and. Neither does the patient. I checked my medical entries. Theres no mention of surgery. Could your holoimager have misinterpreted the scans . Possibly. The computer is doublechecking the data now. Id also like to run a complete diagnostic on my own program and have a look at my memory files. Belanna and harry are both busy with the plasma relay repairs. Lets make sure youre next up on the list. Hello, seven. Doctor. Another time. I beg your pardon . Im recalibrating the deflector dish. Come back tomorrow. I should be finished by then. sighs looks like im 2 for 2. Oh, the captains acting like shes allergic to me and now my prized pupil wont even give me the time of day. State your request. Evidence that i performed surgery on ensign kim a year and a half ago, before you came aboard. The trouble is. I dont remember it. I wanted you to help me run a selfdiagnostic. I will assist you. In one hour. Computer, locate the emergency medical hologram. The e. M. H. Is inactive. Activate him. Please state the nature of the medical emergency. Im here to assist you, as i agreed. Ive run a preliminary diagnostic of your program. Your suspicions were correct. I never asked you to run a diagnostic. Suspicions . What are you talking about . You dont recall speaking to me in the Astrometrics Lab one hour ago. No. The last i remember, i was completing the yearly physicals. You mentioned a neurosurgery you performed on ensign kim 18 months ago. Computer, locate the holoscans i took of ensign kim this morning. Any operation would show up on. Unavailable. That file has been deleted. Lets have a look at my program. A deletion in your shortterm memory buffer. Hy i cant remember it. Hmm. If i were given to paranoia id say someone is trying to keep me from finding out what happened 18 months ago. Hmm. My photo album. Doctor. I was quite a shutterbug back then. Not a day went by when i didnt record an image for posterity. Lets have a walk down memory lane. Meet me in holodeck two. Computer, display all holoimages taken on stardate 50979. Those holoimages have been deleted. Deleted . By whom . Unknown. Im detecting residual photons in the holobuffer. It may be possible to partially reconstruct the images. Try. Ct. Lets see them. The mess hall. Do you remember this . No. Who is that . The ensign. It seems to be her birthday. Ive never seen her before. The ensign again. I never went on a Shuttle Mission with harry kim hi mom. Just checking back to see how youre doing. Ill be alright. But it was a shock. I never saw it coming. I know. I cant believe they would let you go, after 20 years. Things are starting to sink in. I realize ive got decisions to make. Like how to replace the Life Insurance i had through work. . Id think youd have other priorities. My priority is making sure you dont get stucucwith a lot expenses if something happens to me. Mom, theres no reason to think anything is going to happen. A couple of days ago, there was no reason to think id lose my job. No one likes to think about it, but you have to be ready for it. Youre right. Can i help . Actually, i found a massmutual policy thats affordable let me show you. Affordable way to get Life Insurance. Its called guaranteed acceptance life ininrance, from massmutual. It can help cover final expenses, such as funeral costs, medical bills, and other debts. Rates can start at less than 10 a month, and you can choose how and when to make payments. Policies range from 2,000 to 25,000, so you choose an amount that fits your budget. It provides a lifetime of coverage. Your payments are guaranteed to never increase, and massmutual pays the money quickly to your beneficiaries. With guaranteed acceptance Life Insurance, there are never any medical exams or health questions. You cannot be turned down. And, its from massmutual, a company thats been putting policy owners first for more than 160 years. With financial strength ratings among the highest of any company, in any industry. Call now to learn more about guaranteed acceptance Life Insurance. Theres no obligation. Ive isolated your memory files from stardate 50979. They werent deleted . No. Why cant i remember them . The program was rewritten to deny you access to those memories. Im trying to restore them. Here, here. All here, here. Doctor say, cheese. What happened . I was in the mess hall. The files are difficult to localize. The memories will be out of sequence. S are dead what was that . Paris make a wish. Theyve stopped. One moment. Im going to kill you. Ensign, i havent seen you in months. The price i pay for staying in good health, i guess. Acetylcholine 25 m mroliters. Its not helping. Im reading massive synaptic failure. That doesnt make anansense. This is the last one. Say, cheesese. Cheese. Cheese. whispering call the captain. Seven . They are unknown to the borg. Perhaps these images have been manipulated. No. Theyre real. The image buffer wouldve shown signs of tampering. I have a different theory. I believe there was an attack on voyager by this species and all our memories of the event were erased. This is the unknown crewman i told you about ensign jetal. The question is. Who was she . An alien intruder posing as a starfleet ensign . Of course, its impossible to tell from a photograph but one thing is certain we areren immediate danger. How so . Only a few hours ago as i was beginning this investigation someone shut down my program and eliminated all my memories of the last 24 hours. An intruder may be on board. Run a deckbydeck security sweep. Understood. See if you can detect any cloaked vessels nearby. Ill review the medical records of the crew. Ensign kim may not have been the only one who was injured during the attack. No. I want you

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