Oh, you should have told me. Ships in the night. [ light laughter ] fbi director james comey testified before congress today, and said that it makes him mildly nauseous to think that his actions might have affected the election. Of course, that might just be from all that time he spent looking at Anthony Weiners laptop. [ laughter ] President Trump said yesterday that fbi director james comey is the best thing that ever happened to Hillary Clinton. Thats ridiculous. Everybody knows the best thing that ever happened to Hillary Clinton is balloons. [ laughter and applause ] according according to a new politico poll, 48 of voters approve of the job President Trump is doing. Of course, a lot of them think that job is plus sized golf shirt model. [ laughter ] announced that they plan on cutting leg room in economy class, while United Airlines announced theyll be cutting legs. [ laughter and applause ] we are coming down with the beverage cart [ laughter ] get your legs out of the aisle Vice President mike pence will host a Cinco De Mayo celebration tomorrow, where guests can play festive games like pin the crime on the immigrant. [ audience oohs ] [ light laughter ] yeah, how do you think they feel . [ laughter ] thats right, mike pence will host a Cinco De Mayo celebration. Hes even bringing along the white house pinata. [ laughter and applause ] thank you. Our good friend spicey. According n will not release a new iphone this year, but unfortunately theyre also not going to release the children who build them. [ audience oohs ] [ light laughter ] i dont know how i thought it was gonna go. [ laughter ] scientists have published a video of the first recorded evidence of wild cuddle fish fighting each other over a mate. Catch it all this season on real housewives of atlantis. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, according to a new report baby boomers drink more alcohol than any other agegroup. They drink to drown out the sound of the millennials living in their basement. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. From guardians of the galaxy vol. 2 chris pratt is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] girls and her new health and wellness book the total metox is out now, beth behrs is back, with us. [ cheers and applause ] im very excited about this, we have the founder and ceo of vice media and host of the emmy winning news magazine series vice on hbo, shane smith is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to all of that, we didnt have enough time to cover all of the recent news, so here with a recap is one of our writers amber ruffin in a segment we call amber says what. [ cheers and applause ] horray hey, seth. A lot has been going on. Okay first of all, the new faceapp had everybody like what . So, i used it and made myself an old lady and i was like what [ laughter ] then i made myself a boy and i was like, what are you doing later . [ light laughter ] has the lowest Approval Ratings of any president at 100 days. I was like, what . Then Serena Williams won the Australian Open pregnant. And everyone was like, what . [ light laughter ] but i was like, what . [ light laughter ] she could have beat that woman during labor. [ laughter ] then beyonce won a peabody award for lemonade and i was like, what . But then my friend said, no, adele actually won it. And i was like what . Then she was like, just kidding. And i was like what in the hell, amanda . [ laughter ] dont do that to me. I am still very upset about the grammys. Then a bunch of people a bunch of women came forward accusing bill oreilly of sexual harassment, and i was like then, a bunch more came forward, and i was like [ light laughter ] then bill oreilly got fired and the women got a total of 13 million. [ cheers and applause ] what, what . Then bill oreilly got 25 million and i was like, what, what . [ light laughter ] oh, i almost forgot. I put seths face in the faceapp and i was like, what . This has been amber says what. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth thank you, amber, for showing us all what a beautiful woman i would make. [ light laughter ] moving on, fbi director james comey reemerged today to publicly defend his Decision Making in the run up to the 2016 election. Meanwhile, republicans in Congress Move closer to passing their disastrous Health Care Bill. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth while, republicans were scrambling behind the scenes today to get their Health Care Bill through the house, comey was testifying in the senate defending his decision to announce 11 days before the elec t reopening the investigation into Hillary Clintons emails. First, he took us through the discovery of those emails, mentioning a name you might be familiar with. October 27th, the Investigative Team that had finished the investigation in july, focused on secretary clintons emails asked to meet with me. And they laid out for me what they could see from the metadata on this fella, Anthony Weiners laptop. Seth this fella, Anthony Weiner . [ light laughter ] you know who he is. Also, that sounds like the beginning of a vaudeville routine. You see, there was this fella, Anthony Weiner. And he liked to take pictures of his ding dong. [ laughter ] now comey violated a long standing policy by interfering in the election, and today he tried to defend that decision. Although, im not sure his explanation was all that convincing. I faced a choice. And ive lived my entire career by the tradition that if you can possibly avoid it, you avoid any action in the run up to an election that might have an impact. Whether its a dog catcher election or president of the united states. But i sat there that morning and i could not see a door labeled no action here. I could see two doors, and they were both actions. One was labeled speak and the other was labeled conceal. Seth and donald trump said dont open conceal. Thats where i keep my tax returns. [ laughter ] and where i try to keep eric, but he keeps getting out. [ laughter and applause ] now, as we all know by now, comey chose speak over conceal, and today, he argued that anyone who disagreed with that with that decision, should put themselves in his shoes, and think about what they would have done in that moment 11 days before the election. Everybody who disagrees with me has to come back to october 28th with me. Seth wait you know how to get back to october 28th . [ laughter ] well then, fire up the delorean bro, because i need to buy someone a ticket to wisconsin and michigan. [ laughter and applause ] so that that was what was going on in the senate. Meanwhile, over in the house, republicans were frantically votes, for their latest attempt to repeal and replace obamacare. And apparently, trump was getting involved in the effort as well. Right now its down to the wire on capitol hill. Where republicans are scrambling to get votes for their revamped health care plan. This morning, theyre considering making additional changes to the bill, hoping to win over enough holdouts to finally, push this over the finish line. President trump said of health care quote, that he is doing the best i can. Seth at least trump is finally saying something i actually believe. I do believe that this is the best he can do. [ light laughter ] seems like part of whats motivating trump to push for this Health Care Bill again, is his frustration with the fact that so far he hasnt been able to get any of his major legislative priorities through a congress controlled by his own party. At a White House Photo op with members of the air force Academy Football team tuesday, trump went off on a rant about obamacare, and suggested he missed the days when he didnt have to deal with the realities of governing. There is no long term bailout for the Insurance Companies that to subsidize, donors, the badly failing obamacare. Do you know what a donor is, fellows . [ light laughter ] youll learn when you get a little older. Youll learn about donors. Seth hey man, they know what donors are. [ light laughter ] theyre air force cadets, not space cadets. [ laughter and applause ] in fact trump trump seems to be discovering every day that the deals he promised to make as a candidate arent quite as easy as he thought theyd be. And it isnt just trump whos been flailing. Paul ryan and the Republican Congress have had seven years to come up with a plan to replace obamacare, and they had nothing. The whole thing is like the suitcase of a kid who says hes running away from home. It looks like he has a plan, but if you open that suitcase up, all youre going to find is some loose legos and a sleeve of ritz crackers. [ laughter ] so now, in a scramble to come up with something, anything, that will pass, trump and the gop have worse to appeal to hardline conservatives. This new bill would allow states to waive out of obamacares ban on preexisting conditions. In a recent study found that premiums would rise for people with asthma by 4,000, diabetes by more than 5,000, and pregnancy by 17,000. So basically, in order to afford having a baby, that baby would have to immediately get a job. [ laughter ] and i dont have to tell you this, babies have no skill sets. [ light laughter ] the only job my 1yearold would be qualified for is guy who drops bananas on the floor. [ light laughter ] now, trump has claimed, falsely, that the bill guarantees coverage for preexisting conditions, which it does not. And yet, he also said that he doesnt want the federal government dealing with health care at all and wants to leave it to the states instead. We ultimately want to get it back down to the is it a guarantee . Look cause if you hurt your knee, honestly, id rather have the federal government focused on north korea, focused on other things than your knee. Okay . Ha as your back is. Seth why does he think the federal government was focused on peoples backs . [ light laughter ] is it because he saw joe biden giving out all those shoulder rubs . [ laughter ] now if this Health Care Bill seems like a mess to you, youre not alone. Which may be why the Trump White House is trying to assure voters they have everything under control. In fact, yesterday, trump budget director mick mulvaney, took questions about the budget deal republicans and democrats hammered out. And when asked what the message of the budget deal was, mulvaney said this i think the message that were sending, is that we are competent. We know what were doing. And the country is safe in our hands. Seth its not reassuring when the government has to tell you, we know what were doing. [ light laughter ] thats like a doctor telling his patient, relax. I went to medical school. [ laughter ] now nurse, hand me the sharp knifey thingy. [ light laughter ] now one thing this budget did accomplish, thankfully, was extending a Health Care Program for coal miners. Mulvaney championed that as a victory for trump, but also admitted that they had used the program as leverage, to get favorites the democrats walked out of the room and said they protected the Miners Health, okay . So did the president. The president is asking me, since the day i got here, for a way to fix the Miners Health health issue problems that they have in appalachia. And we were simply waiting for the opportunity to give it, as part of a bipartisan discussion, so that we could get something in return. Seth so he just admitted they used the health of americas coal miners as a bargaining chip. Mulvaney sounds like a bond villain who explains his plan while bond escapes. [ light laughter ] you see, the coal miners were merely a pawn, mr. Bond. And now it is time for you to where did he go . [ light laughter ] oh, no now if that all sounds bad to you, i have a feeling the white house agreed, because mulvaneys appearance, White House Press secretary sean spicer, was supposed to take questions, but instead he just walked out leaving the press corps to shout his name. Where that wall is from exactly, so we can identify location . Appreciate it. Thank you so much. [ talking over each other ] sean . Hey, Sean Sean Sean come on, sean no sean. Seth come on, sean [ laughter ] sean, come on dont take the basketball home, Sean Sean Spicer must hear that sound in his nightmares. Hey, sean no, Sean Sean Sean come on, sean seth remember 5. 1 Million People at the inauguration [ light laughter ] so if youre a trump supporter, how do you make sense of these constant contradictions on things Like Health Care policy . Well, let former Republican Congressman and trump supporting radio host joe walsh explain his technique. As a trump supporter, i do my best not to Pay Attention to what he says. Seth there you go. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. He just he just doesnt listen to what the president says. Trump supporters are basically in an open marriage with him. He does his thing. I do my thing. We dont talk about it. And once a month we get together for a rally and it works. [ light laughter ] but as muddled as the gop message is on health care, i do think there is actually one theme that is starting to come through clearly. You see, part of the problem for republicans is that theyre trying to hide a core truth about their bill, as well as a core truth about republican ideology, which is that they simply dont think its governments job to ensure that people get Affordable Health care. Normally, they dont admit that openly, but on monday alabama congressman mo brooks, a hardline conservative, admitted in a moment of honesty, that he has no problem with people with preexisting conditions paying more for their health insurance. My understanding is that it will allow Insurance Companies to require people who have Higher Health care costs to contribute more to the insurance pool that helps offset all these costs, thereby reducing the cost to those people who lead good lives, theyre healtyo know, theyve done the things to keep their bodies healthy. And right now, those are the people who have done things the right way that are seeing their costs skyrocketing. Seth people who lead good lives . So what does that mean . People who are sick lead bad lives . If that were really how it worked, donald trump would have died three years before he was born. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] so thats thats why the Gop Health Care message is so muddled. In reality, they just dont believe the government should make sure people get health care. But they cant come out and admit that, because its not a very popular opinion. So they lie, which raises the question, how can Trump Supporters believe him . I do my best not to Pay Attention to what he says. [ light laughter ] seth good idea. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with more late night everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the average familys hectic home and an entrepreneur named sharon. Its witnessed 31 crashes, 4 food fights, and the flood of 09. Its your paradise perfected with behr premium plus low odor paint. The best you can buy starting under 25. Unbelievable quality. 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Shsale this weekend family for mom like diamond earrings for only 39. 99 take an extra 20 off a ninja coffee bar and new sandals are just 11. 99. Youll get kohls cash too kohls. Ahyou the law . Weve had some complaints of. Is that a fire . Theres your payoff, deputy. Git velveeta shells cheese. Theres gold in them thar shells. [ cheers and applause ] seth you know our first guest tonight from his work on the nbc hit Parks Recreation and the films Jurassic World and guardians of the galaxy. He returns as peter quill, aka star lord, in the highlyanticipated guardians of the galaxy vol. 2, which is in theaters and imax 3d friday. Lets take a look. Sorry if it seemed like i was flirting with the high priestess. I wasnt. I dont care if you were. Well, i feel like you do care so sorry gamora is not the one for you, quill. There are two types of beings in the universe. Those who dance, and those who do not. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. I first met my beloved at a war rally. Oh, god. Everyone in the village flailed about dancing except one woman. My hovat. I knew immediately she was the one for me. The most melodic song in the world could be playing. She wouldnt even tap her foot. [ light laughter ] wouldnt move a musc