And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 608 wisconsin steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh. Thank you very much hi oh, looking good. Looking good. Hi. Welcome welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show this is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. Youre here. This is the show. Im your host, jimmy fallon. You guys. Even though our studio can only hold 200 people, Donald Trumps press secretary says we have 2 Million People here tonight. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats a new record. A new record steve wow. Most ever jimmy well, were just a a few days into Donald Trumps presidency. And i dont know what trumps Fitness Initiative is, but because of him millions of women got their steps in this weekend. [ cheers and applause ] thats right. The womens march on washington was on saturday and had three times as many people as trumps inauguration. [ cheers and applause ] three times. When he was told there were hundreds of thousands of women outside the white house, trump said, wow, this trump cologne really works. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. Powerful. But it was pretty amazing. I saw that there were womens marches saturday on every continent, including one in antarctica. [ cheers and applause ] we actually have a picture of the protestor there. Actually, i saw that yesterday was donald and melania trumps 12th wedding anniversary. Yeah. When asked what the traditional 12th Anniversary Gift is, trump said, i dont know. Ive never made it this far. [ laughter and applause ] i made history twice this weekend. [ light laughter ] of course, after the inauguration, its tradition for the newly sworn in president and Vice President to dance with their spouses. And here is President Trump and Vice President pence out on the dance floor. Take a look. I faced it all and i stood tall and did it my way [ light laughter ] jimmy this is crazy. Later they they reaired that same footage. And i think trumps trying to make money off of it. I think. Steve really . Jimmy see if you notice. Take a look at this. You make a great team. Its been that way since the day you met. But your erectile dysfunction, flow. Cialis tadalafil for daily use helps you be ready any time the moments right. Ask your doctor about cialis for daily use and a free 30tablet trial. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy did you catch did you notice that . Steve he sold the footage to cialis . [ laughter ] honk. Jimmy gave em a honk. Steve whew jimmy gave em a little dance honk. [ laughter ] steve cialis. Jimmy ahooga. Ahooga trumps press secretary, sean spicer, had a rough time during his first press briefing on saturday where he appeared to lie about the size of trumps inauguration crowd. Then another trump advisor, Kellyanne Conway, actually tried to defend him, saying that he just gave, quote, alternative facts. [ light laughter ] and people asked her, are you alternative sober . [ laughter and applause ] alternative facts . Thats right, alternative facts. That sounds like a course at trump university. I major in alternative facts. Actually, we have an example of one of Kellyanne Conways alternative facts this is a great looking coat. Uh, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] but trumps already settling in. In fact, on friday, the white house changed the curtains and the rug in the oval office. And trump said that wasnt what he meant when he asked the secretary does the carpet match the drapes . [ laughter and applause ] hey. Watch it, buddy. Hey. Steve cialis. [ laughter ] jimmy come on. Give me a little dance honk, dude. Steve honk. Ahooga. Jimmy some big movie news. Today it was announced that the title of the next Star Wars Film will be the last jedi. [ audience oohs ] then the film after that will be called oh, wait, we found another jedi. [ laughter and applause ] the littlest jedi. The littlest jedi. Steve hey jimmy the little jedi that could. [ light laer finally, i want to say congratulations to the Atlanta Falcons and the new England Patriots who advanced to super bowl li. [ cheers and applause ] but did you see this . Tom brady was being mocked for wearing a giant coat on the sidelines during yesterdays game. Here, take a look at this. [ laughter ] jimmy people were like, forget the footballs, deflate your jacket. [ laughter and applause ] even Kellyanne Conway was like, thats a weird coat, right there. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, everybody. Its monday. Were so happy to be back. We have a big week of shows coming up. Tomorrow night, the one and only mike myers will be here on the show. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy favorite funny dude. Then later this week, we have glenn close, we have danny devito, and Drew Barrymore [ cheers and applause ] steve oh jimmy will be here. Steve wow. Jimmy plus well have music from steve aoki and louis tomlinson. [ cheers and applause ] plus parquet courts. [ applause ] a big week. But first, shes one of the greatest actresses around and currently making her broadway debut in the present. Cate blanchett is here tonight. Steve whoa [ cheers and applause ] jimmy cates going to tell us about her new play, and she and i are going to get serious in an emotional interview. [ light laughter ] steve ooh. Jimmy so be sure to stick around for that. Yeah, its going to be very emotional. Plus, from the highly acclaimed hulu series, the path, hugh dancy is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and weve got great music from cobi [ cheers and applause ] hey guys, like many people, were big fans of podcasts here at the show. It would be fun to have our very own tonight show podcast. So weve started recording one called the tariq and adler show. And its starring our own Tariq Trotter from the roots and one of our writers, jonathan adler. [ cheers and applause ] there they are. Now, keep in mind, these two barely know each other and have rarely spoken aside from an awkward head nod in the hallway. [ light laughter ] and tonight tonight we have [ light laughter ] another installment of their podcast. And its pretty funny, even though theyre sti wllkiorng on their chemistry. Check this out. Tariq hey, whats up . This is tariq. And this is adler. Tariq and this is the tariq and adler podcast. Do you want to tell me a a secret . Oh, jeez. I dont know if i really have a a secret. I dont have any plans this weekend. Tariq oh, damn. Thats not a secret though tariq cats out of the bag on that one. [ light laughter ] i think i already knew that. I know when women put like, on your wrist and behind your ears. If youre man, where do you even put it . Tariq i spray from, like, from behind me. Like, on my neck. And then i do, like, on either wrist. After you, like, shower in the morning . Thats when you put it on . Tariq no. Before i shower and then i scrub it off. What the [ bleep ] do you think . [ laughter ] like, yes, after i shower in the morning. I want to point out that tariq just checked his watch. Tariq oh, god. When i went to a dance with a girl in high school, i went to buy flowers and i didnt really know what i was doing. And i only bought a filler. And i didnt buy tariq oh, you gave her, like, babys breath. It was all babys breath. [ laughter ] tariq thats like taking someone to dinner and just getting them a plate of parsley. [ laughter ] im going to start calling you babys breath. I think im going to get that on a jersey for you. I would love that. Tariq i know, i know. He just checked his watch again. Are you a superstitious person . Tariq im not very superstitious. But, you know, when you believe in things that you dont understand, then you suffer. [ laughter ] so superstition aint the way. I think those are the lyrics from a song. [ laughter ] but i am im not positive. [ laughter ] tariq yeah. Its a Stevie Wonder song. Thats the one. Well, i have a Super Bowl Party pretty much every year at my apartment. Tariq aw, man. Im sorry to hear that. [ laughter ] because i already know you know whats coming. Tariq i know whats coming. Would you like to come this year . Tariq oh, no [ laughter ] if i were a superhero, what would my power be . Tariq you would repel women. [ laughter ] would i have a name with that power . Tariq uh, yeah. The repeler. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy there it is right there. Give it up for tariq and adler, right there once again [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness. There you go. Wow, friends for life. Stick around. Well be back with more of the tonight show, everybody. Come on back [ cheers and applause ] oh, look weve got fees ew, really . Oh, its our verizon bill look at them. Line access fee, administrative fees, there are even taxes on top of them. Decent people shouldnt have to live like this did i get it . Tmobile ends surprise fees and taxes thats right, with tmobile oned 4 lines, 40 bucks each. All unlimited, all in. Applebees allin burger meal were talkin burger. Fries. Pepsi. Prizes. Like producer for a day with mike and mike. Woo get a burger, fries and a pepsi for just 9. 99 at lunch, plus a shot at instant prizes. Hes got the cash. Hes got a condo. Hes got a car. Hes got a career. But that still doesnt mean he gets you. Time to shine. Orbit. Once upon a time a girl with golden locks broke into a house owned by three bears. She ate some porridge, broke the baby bears chair, and stole some jewelry, a flatscreen tv, and a laptop. Luckily the Geico Insurance agency had helped the bears with homeowners insurance. They were able to replace all their items. Including a new chair from crate and barrel. Call geico and see how easy it is to switch and save on homeowners insurance. New year, time to get rid of stuff. Simplify, declutter, unplug, purge, or even quit cold turkey. I raise turkeys without growthpromoting antibiotics, hormones, or steroids. If youre looking for little ways to simplify life, feeling good about what your family eats is a Pretty Simple place to start. My name is tammy plumlee, and i raise honest, simple turkey for shady brook farms. [ chee a jimmy welcome back. Welcome back and thank you for watching. Thank you for being here. Hey, guys it is january. It is chilly out and if youre like me all you want to do is cozy up to a nice fire with a a good book. Steve mhmm. Jimmy well, i dont want any of you guys reading any stinkers. So to help you out, im about to show you some books that you should avoid al all costs. Thats right. Its time for my latest installment of my do not read list. [ cheers and applause ] do not read do not read these books these books jimmy now, before we start i just want you all to know that every book that im about to show you is 100 real. These are actual books. [ light laughter ] you can find them on amazon or check them out at your local library. They are real. All right, lets see whats on my do not read list. This first one is a craft book. Like steve i love crafts . Right . Steve love em. Jimmy yeah, this is called, painting houses, cottages, and towns on rocks. Steve oh [ laughter ] jimmy thats a subject everyone can relate to. Steve everybodys like, thats it. Jimmy yeah, and she dedicated the she said, for my husband claus and our daughters skye, erika and kira who have all learned to live, with a house full of rocks. [ laughter ] hey, erika, can i come over to your house and play . Ill just go to yours. My house is filled with rocks. [ laughter ] speaking of kids. Steve love kids. Jimmy the next one is a a childrens book. Steve oh, good. Yeah. Its called sometimes my mom drinks too much. Steve oh [ applause ] a kids childrens book. [ laughter ] at least shes not straight out of the bottle. She decants it nicely, in a a nice decanter. Steve yeah. Jimmy lets it breathe a a little bit. Steve yeah. Jimmy lets it breathe. Steve lets it get in there. Jimmy yeah, its not like steve and then chugs it. Jimmy yeah. Then she just chugs it. Yeah. Steve gulp, gulp. Jimmy for children to read. Steve yeah. Jimmy she was carrying my birthday cake to the table where i was sitting with my friends. [ laughter ] suddenly she fell. The cake smashed all over the floor. [ audience ohs ] mom burst out laughing. [ laughter ] my friends laughed, too. But i didnt. [ laughter ] steve oh, gosh. Jimmy neither did yoshi. I could tell she was thinking, your mom is drunk. Isnt she . [ laughter ] look at the picture look at the drawing of the mom. [ laughter ] steve oh, my gosh shes happy. Yeah. Jimmy shes a happy drunk. Steve yeah. Jimmy yeah, i dont know. Yeah, thought it was funny. Steve dont you look at me, yoshi jimmy dont judge me, yoshi steve oh, my gosh. [ mumbling ] jimmy get me another bottle. Steve decant another bottle. Jimmy next up is a history book. Steve love, history. Jimmy yeah, this is great. This is, a history of the metal lawn chair. What we know now. [ laughter ] steve what we know now. Jimmy what we know now. Steve the secrets revealed. [ laughter ] before jimmy heres why i dont want you to read it. Because this was printed in 2014. So i dont know if you should read it. cause who knows what kind of metal lawn chair advancements have taken place steve in the last three years. Jimmy over the last three years . Steve yeah. Jimmy what we know now. Steve thats an incomplete book. [ laughter ] jimmy a whole book. Steve the secret is out. Jimmy look at all of these words. [ laughter ] wow. Steve thats one you want more pictures than words. [ laughter ] jimmy gosh. Steve what we know now. Jimmy next up, is another childrens book. This ones called electricity experiments for children. Steve oh, great jimmy this is great. Steve i love it. Jimmy this is great, because im always encouraging my kids to play with electricity more. Steve oh, yeah. Jimmy you know . Here, look at one of t experimen it says, how you can make a a battery. [ light laughter ] just kind of a bottle of ammonium chloride. Thats easy to get. Steve oh, great. Jimmy yeah, just go they sell it at toys r us. Steve they have, like, gallons of it. Jimmy yeah. Steve here, unscrew the fuse box. Jimmy what do you mean, youre sold out of ammonium chloride again . Steve oh, man. Jimmy every kids making batteries. Steve they got tons of batteries. Jimmy whats that, sir . Steve they got tons of batteries. Kids are making batteries. They get zinc chromium. They got some, carbolic acid. They make batteries all the time. Jimmy hey, you guys talking about batteries . Steve yeah. Jimmy my kid needs at least, five, five, four, five batteries. Jimmy were out of steve what . They use ammonium chloride . Jimmy yeah, absolutely. Steve where did you get it . cause were all out here. Jimmy oh, i get some back at my le car. Steve your le car . Jimmy whats that . Steve do you have a le car . Jimmy i cant hear you. I was as a concert last night. [ laughter ] steve whod you go see . Jimmy ill go see i saw kenny g. Steve did he really . Kenny g . Jimmy yeah. Steve what was he playing . Jimmy he played a saxophone right in my ear. Steve are you serious . Unbelievable. Jimmy were down to our last one. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were down to our last one. Steve whats up, g . Jimmy this is our last one, here. This is called this book is called vital merger. Lets see who wrote it. Just zoom right there. [ laughter ] does this look like anything to you higgins . Steve that . Does that look like anything to me . Nope. [ laughter ] looks like two trees growing together. Wait. Is that a bush, or a tree . [ laughter ] jimmy come on. Its a it is a its [ laughter ] its unfortunate is what it is. Steve yeah. Jimmy did you but you its steve no. Jimmy youve never read this book . Steve never read that brook. Who wrote it . Jimmy dirk e steve dick elliot . [ laughter ] jimmy dirk elliot. Steve oh, dirk, dirk. Jimmy you should try reading it. Its the first couple chapters is nuts. [ applause ] steve looks like it just nuts. Jimmy just nuts. Steve looks like it comes in hard cover. Jimmy whats that . Steve is that hard cover . Jimmy its not a hard cover. [ laughter ] thats all the time we have for our do not read list. [ cheers and applause ] if you have a book you think could be on our next, do not read list. I want to see it. Send your title to our blog at donotread tonightshow. Com. Well be right back with cate blanchett. 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