Coalition against Domestic Violence, sophie ford is executive director of the Family Crisis Center of Prince Georges County, and Cheryl Kravitz is a Domestic Violence survivor. Shes also a member of the Montgomery CountyDomestic Violence coordinating council. Thank you for being with us this morning. Ms. Larkin, can we start with those numbers . There are so Many Organizations and so many efforts out there to reduce the violence. Are we winning or losing the war against Domestic Violence . Well, i think what those numbers show is that we might be winning the war and increasing awareness about Domestic Violence. I think that has been part of the last 30 years is bringing it into the light so that people know this is not acceptable. And people are seeking help. So i think that is an important part about what those numbers are, that people are reaching out for help. I think the disturbing part about it is how we can reduce the risk of homicide and those numbers seem to be leveling out. So we node to really take a different look at how we can reduce Domestic Violence homicides. Sophie ford, how would you answer that question . Are we winning . Are we losing . Are we maintaining . We are still fighting. I agree that awareness is definitely something that has improved, but when we talk about awareness and Domestic Violence, we really need to have a full discussion. And so for what that means for a place like Family Crisis Center where we support survivors and we support abusers, we have to be able to manage both of those pieces of the puzzle in order to really have a solution that can be long term. Cheryl kravitz, you are a survivor. Mmhmm. How would you answer that question, and then we want to hear your story. I would agree were still fighting it. We see stories all the time about National Heroes who behind closed doors are abusing their wives or their girlfriends. And i think very similar to my case, you wouldnt think that those women are victims of Domestic Violence. Theyre afraid to come out and talk about it. My exhusband was the executive director of the Jewish Community center both in chicago and in oklahoma, and he was systematically abusing me for almost a decade when he got home from his very highlevel position. I was also in a very highlevel position both in chicago and in oklahoma. I was in the media. I was on the school board. I was out there all the time n. Public i was constantly dressed in turtlenecks, long sleeves and long pants because from my neck down i was black and blue. And it only was because of a nonjudgmental friend that eventually my daughter and i were able to leave that relationship. And isnt that one of the big problems that victims often f e face . They cant face the public. They dont know what to do about the abuser, and so they suffer in silence. Absolutely. Its complex. Youre talking about, in this case, her husband. Other cases wives and intimate partners that you really trust and that you love dearly. And so just the reality of having to accept moving on from this person because theyre abusing you is really challenging for a lot of people to accept and to face and then once you accept that, moving on from that the shame, the guilt, the fear of the unknown about tomorrow if i leave this person what that will look like does kind of have people weighing the options and a lot of times deciding that for right now i think i can tough it out or i can help them change or Something Like that. Erin, what about the laws . How have the laws changed . And how have those changes helped victims . You have laws regarding assault, protective orders, stalking. How have those changes helped . I think one of the biggest changes that has helped victims is in the Civil Protection order side of things. So this is something that a victim doesnt necessarily have to go through Law Enforcement if they dont want to, but they can go to court. Its a civil matter and have their abuser be ordered to stay away from them, to have no contact with them. But then the other remedies go beyond that and can address some of those life issues that can sometimes trap a victim like, for example, you could get an order of temporary custody that would help if you have children in common or financial support. So there are other ways that you can tailor the remedies in a protective order that would help a victim feel safe while theyre untangling their lives from the abuser. Cheryl, did you have children . I had a daughter. And one of the things that i would do is make sure that if i knew i could tell if an incident was imminent, and i would have her stay at a friends house. This was the mother of that friend was the one that eventually saved my life. I want to stress what you were saying about Financial Abuse because what happened is i was making a very good salary, but i had to hand my paycheck over to my exhusband every week, and i was given a very meager allowance to live on. So although we lived in this big, Beautiful House with beautiful cars and, you know, whatever, i had no money. And i didnt know where i was going to get money, and thats part of what kept me in the abusive relationship. All right. Were going to continue our discussion about Domestic Violence and how to recognize the symptoms when we come back. Stay with us. Thank you so much. Did you say honey . Hey, try some . Mmm that is tasty. Is it real . Of course. Are you . Nope animated you know im always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well youve come to the right place. Great, mind if i have another taste . Not at all mmm youre all right bud . Never better i dont know if he likes that. Yeah part of the complete breakfast welcome back. Were talking about Domestic Violence this morning, and before we went to the commercial break, Cheryl Kravitz, you were talking about not only physical abuse but Financial Abuse and being trapped in that relationship. It takes so many forms. What are some of the other forms of Domestic Violence . So in addition to physical abuse, which is the most obvious, and financial is another form, were also talking about Emotional Abuse, psychological abuse. And those are some of the types of acts people may not see daytoday like a bruise, but you may see it in a persons demeanor. So if youre being constantly put down, if you are being called names that would demean you or have you feel bad about y youre not wanting to be social, not wanting to interact because that person is trying to have you be kind of in their circle only or be under their control, thats another form that it can happen. Sexual abuse is another one where if youre being forced to do acts that you dont want to do in order to stay in that relationship or even have sex with other people against your will, thats another form of abuse as well. Erin, what does it take to get a civil protective order for Domestic Violence, if it takes one of those forms . Well, in the district you would have to prove that you are the victim of a crime and that and then would you be able to get the Civil Protection order. So in the district it is tied to criminal behavior, but it would threats would count, stalking, or if someone is a victim of, you know, the type of physical abuse that you ordinarily think of. So it has to be something that falls under the criminal category. It does, in d. C. In Prince Georges County. So does it make it even more difficult for victims to get out . If its not criminal, if its Emotional Abuse or if its Financial Abuse, it can make it very challenging. It can sometimes have a victim feeling like, why bother . Or how do i kind of go about proving this . So thats why engaging in the process, though, is important. If you are connected to service provideers that can help document those things, that is very helpful. So i encourage people if you are a friend of someone or a loved one of a person and they come to you or youre starting to observe things, encouraging them to seek counseling or other modes of support so that we can start to build the record of things happening because really when were talking about these other forms of abuse, and physical as well, were talking about patterns, were looking for patterns of behavior. So the more you document those things, the better for your case when you go forward. And what is documentation . Writing it down, the date and time it happened, getting a witness, calling someone so they can verify you just experienced an event . It could be that. It could be 911. Some people say why bother calling . Theyre just going to come and theyre just going to ask him a question, but its on the record that theyve been to this house ten times in the past 30 days. So its a process, unfortunately, sometimes that takes longer than people would like. Cheryl, did you dial 911 . My friend did. And thats the reason i left. The last night that i was in that house, i was beaten terribly and the final thing was that he stuck my arms in a lit oven, burnt them, and he went into another room and shut the door. I had brought my daughter over to this friends house and the friend knew, and she said to me the most important words ive ever heard, youre being hurt, arent you . Can i help . She said if i could give her my phone number, then she would call me and check on me later that night. This was before cell phones. And so after i was beaten and burnt, i went into a room that had no phone and i remember just before i finally fell asleep thinking if someone would give me a sign that im okay, im going to leave. Well, she tried to call and i didnt hear the phone, so she called 911 and showed up at my door with members of the Police Department, and i thought to myself, theres your sign. And i walked out and never went back except with police to get the things out of my house. Erin, what should people look for, people who are on the outside . How do you know, that you spent time with, that you see on a regular basis . How do you know that they may be victims of abuse . So some of the warning signs that you could see are is the person being humiliated in public, in front of people . Does the abuser use language to put them down or call them names . Has the person are they being isolated . Do you not see them very much anymore . And i think part of reaching out when you see those warning signs is the type of comment that cheryls friend said, im concerned about you, and can i help . So that type of, i think, that supportive conversation with someone where its just not right. This is you used to always go out with us, or, you know, you dont seem as happy anymore, that kind of conversation, i think, can open up for people to reach out. Okay. Well continue our talk in just a moment. Stay with us. Well be right back. Thank you so much. Did you say honey . Hey, try some . Mmm that is tasty. Is it real . Of course. Are you . Nope animated you know im always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well youve come to the right place. Great, mind if i have another taste . Not at all mmm youre all right bud . Never better i dont know if he likes that. Yeah part of the complete breakfast welcome back to a discussion this morning about Domestic Violence. Sophie ford, theres only one shelter in Prince Georges County where police have more than 10,000 calls for Domestic Violence last year. How do you handle that . Well, it is a challenge for the county and certainly for Family Crisis Center. And so what we do at Family Crisis Center is triage the lethal cases. We do an assessment, and thats done actually around the country, but we assess those cases that are really in imminent danger for harm of risk sorry, for risk of harm. And so we accept those persons into our shelter, and we have right now 57 beds that are available to fill that need. And then we rely on partnerships with other shelters throughout the region for those that we are not able to accommodate. And then we also, honestly, get calls in from folks that are not seeking shelter, but may need safety planning or other resources in order to be safe. Cheryl, youre in Montgomery County, which has the Family Justice Center. Talk about the resources there and the shelters. The Family Justice Center is a one stop shop located in rockville. If anyone either suspects Domestic Abuse or is suffering from Domestic Abuse i really urge calling them. They would be able to see the person, see their children. Theres a room there where the kids can play and the parent can watch them and be referred to a shelter if they need it. The other thing that i think is important there is that there is a closed Circuit Television so if the individual who is being abused needs to go to court but doesnt want to face his or her abuser, they can do it through closed circuit tv. Erin, at the d. C. Domestic violence coalition, youve got a lot of resources. Tell us what your load is like. Well, lets see, in 2014 there were 33,000 calls to the metropolitan Police Department that were Domestic Violence related. Were fortunate we have at least three solely Domestic Violence resources for shelter, so Domestic Violence confidential shelters and thats really important for someone who is seeking shelter, but, you know, also in d. C. We have a housing an Affordable Housing crisis, so what we are seeing is that a lot of the Homeless Population has a history of Domestic Violence. So even with our great shelter programs, ty cant serve everybody who is seeking help. In d. C. We have, well, the police chief has mentioned homicides and how such a significant portion of homicides, the number of homicides, are Domestic Violence related. Thats a big challenge. In d. C. They instituted a Lethality Assessment Program similar to in maryland, and what that does is it brings together social services and Law Enforcement. So that when a call does go in to 911, Law Enforcement can take care of the criminal part and they will put the phone over to an advocate or have an advocate do a ride along with them so the advocate can speak to the victim and talk about all the other things going on in their life that they might need help with in order to safely leave the abuser. Sophie, you have said that to stop the epidemic, you need more than just Law Enforcement and the legal system. You need a Community Based approach. Absolutely. For us what that looks like is building partnerships. When we talk about people going back to abusive partners and we talk about Financial Abuse and some of the other things that cripple people when theyre trying to leave, Community Partnerships are vital. So if people can employ survivors who need stable income, that would be a solution. If you are a realtor or a Housing Development coordinator of some sort where you have Property Management that youd be able to release to people where you may have sites people can transition out of Emergency Shelter and have stable, Affordable Housing, that would be another option. If you have counseling and Therapeutic Services you can volunteer to help children and survivors heal from that trauma. These are all things that will help people stabilize themselves and be able to have longterm relief from abuse. All right. Well be right back. Stay with us. Thank you so much. Did you say honey . Hey, try some . Mmm that is tasty. Is it real . Of course. Are you . Nope animated you know im always looking for real honey for honey nut cheerios well youve come to the right place. Great, mind if i have another taste . Not at all mmm youre all right bud . Never better i dont know if he likes that. Yeah part of the complete breakfast welcome back. Weve touched on Domestic Violence and young people, kids in the family, how does it manifest itself in teenagers these days . In teenagers it looks different than it does in adult relationships because a lot of their young, dating relationships is happening online. Its happening through technology. So checking in someone might be checking in on a cell phone repeated ly or sort of the obsessive jealousy that you might see. In the beginning of a relationship for a young person that might seem, oh, he