Musical guest, common. And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 559, fresno steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon . . . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, hey, everybody. Welcome welcome please enjoy yourself. Welcome, welcome. Thank you for being here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hot crowd, hot new york city crowd [ cheers and applause ] you got style, baby. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for being home. I appreciate that. Heres what people are talking about. Last night, the chicago cubs won game two of the world series. [ cheers ] thats right, to tie it up, 11. Yeah, its all tied up, which are the scariest words americans can hear two weeks before the election. I think the election [ laughter ] [ trump voice ] i think the election ou also be best of seven. [ laughter ] rigged this is crazy, though. I saw that tickets to world series games in chicago this weekend cost over 2,000 and even the bars near Wrigley Field have a 250 cover charge. Cubs fans are like, i think i liked it bettewhwere losing. Cant afford to get a beer [ cheers and applause ] the last time the chicago cubs 1908, and i read that the teams best pitcher that year was a guy named mordecai three finger brown. [ laughter ] its true. He only has Three Fingers on his throwing hand from a Farm Machinery accident. Well, we dug into the the tonight show Baseball Card collection and found some of his teammates from 1908. Steve really . Jimmy its very interesting. Steve wow. Jimmy check the guys out. Third base, they had clarence big ear monroe. [ laughter ] . the outfield, of course, they had manny moobs oneal. [ laughter and applause ] catcher was ned baby nose zambrowski. [ laughter and applause ] and finally, shortstop, you had gilly pendulous testicle gormon. Gilly gorman. Steve heyoh jimmy the famous gilly gormon. Steve gilly gormon. He could cch a foul ball. Jimmy he certainly did. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] some election news here. Campaigning through the home stretch, still trying to win people over. In fact, yesterday, she did an interview with a hiphop radio station, and she said she loves d any chance she gets. And the dj was like, well, thats all the time we have. Thank you very much. Thats enough. Thats more than enough. Thank you very much. Meanwhile, i read that hillarys Campaign Just sent out save the date invitations for her Election Night celebration here in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] bill asked if he could bring a a plus one. [ lauger ] you know, its common courtesy. What ds that mean . I saw that Donald Trumps star on the hollywood walk of fame was destroyed by someone using a pick ax and a sledge hammer. [ cheers and applause ] luckily, trumps hand prints in front of the chinese theater haveotuched. Have a picture. Theres his ndprints. Theyre fine. This is very interesting. I did not know this. I read that trumps First Television appearance anyone know . It was on the jeffersons back in 1981. Yeah. You might remember it was the episode where the jeffersons application for a deluxe apartment in the sky was denied. Do you remember that . [ cheers and applause ] youre movi on down. In mts fry in the kitchen. [ laughter ] d beans dont bu on the grill. It took a whole lot of trying just to get up that hill. Now im up in the big leagues with a small loan from my dad of a million dollars. In the big leagues. Steve bigly. Big leagues. Jimmy bigly. Guys, finally, this is very exciting. I heard that kevin hart is in movie, yeah, which is going to get a little awkward when he tells an elf what to do and theyre like, really . [ laughter ] really . We hava great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] . . . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its been a great week so far. Thank you guys so much for being here and for watching at home. We lov it. We just had Justin Timberlake on last night, and it was very fun. [ cheers and applause ] dont worry. Tonight is even better. Steve what . Jimmy yeah. Two of the funniest human beings. Steve in the world. Jimmy in the world. I was going to say that, yeah. Theyre touring together. You can go see them on tour together, oh my gosh. The show is lled an evening martin short and steve martin are here. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] come on come on jimmy i cant say enough. Steve royalty. Royalty. Jimmy were going to hear all about the show. Then the three of us are going to play a tense game of true confessions. I want to hear some of the stories they got, yeah. Also, shes getting a ton of oscar buzz and golden globe buzz for her role in the new film, loving, ruth negga is stopping by. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah. Did you hear the buzz there . Thats right. Yeah. Also, we have great, great music, oh, we love when hes here. Common is here tonight, you guys. Steve what a show [ cheers and applause ] yes jimmy as i mentioned earlier, martin short and steve martin, again, are here tonight. And its so great catching up backstage before the show. Take a look at this. Hey, jimmy. Jimmy hey, marty, what you up to this weekend . Oh its fun. Im going to take my plane down to west palm beach. Oh . . Jimmy hey, marty, what are you . . Oh. . . . . Hold the elevator. . . [ laughter ] . . . . . . Hot dogs. Thank you, maam oh . . . . Hot dog in my throat oh give me the heimlich. . . Stop theif get him oh no problem. Have a nice day. . . . . . . Jimmy west palm beach. Sounds like a great trip. [ laughter ] thats a very clever thing you said . . Hey, you and me. Jimmy wait a mine. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] see you later, marty. What about me . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i love bumping into those guys. My thanks the steve martin and martin short. Stick around. Well be thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] . . . [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] highway . [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. We are a military family. They travel a lot. Every four years when we got restationed you think its going to be the biggest change in your life but theres always more changes to come. The first thing that we would do when we would get into our new place was set up the beds. And when i go to t. J. Maxx i buy good quality things that are going to last a long time. Everything i get there, i get at a lower price. Shopping at t. J. Maxx is always like a bonding experience. Discover real value worth sharing. I just think that home, its wherever your family is. . . . . . . . . e you dont put lighter fluid on a gas grill, do you . hes about to set himself on fire. Freaky fast. Bam. . Cant stop loving you . Jimmy johns z25kkz zvpz y25kky yqnqovpy feingold and i approve this msage. Vo keep them working. Thats senator ron johnsons plan for seniors. He supports privatizing Social Security annt r e retireme. And add ansa testing ram so seniors pay more out of pocket or are left without coverage altogether. But wisconsin seniors know thaist working. . N for them. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody [ cheers and applause ] it is time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. . Hashtags hashtags . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy there we go. Are you guys on twitter at all . You still use twitter . Well, we use twitter on our show every single week, so if you watch our show a wannd you every wednesday where i will n send out a hashtag, not necessarily on the show, but ill do it from our twitter account. Steve yeah. Jimmy yeah. And ill put out a hashtag just so you know how to play the game. And ull s it, and its baseon different topics. Well tweet out a topic, and since halloween is coming up next monday, i went on twitter and sent out a hashtag called crappyhalloen. Weughter ] sked you guys to tweet out something y, we got thousands of tweets. A trending topic in the pplaus . ] hank you, thank you for ose tweets. Now i thght id are some of my favorite rappyhallowe tweets from you guys. This ones fro kristenrose124. . . . 4 e ys, last year my da didnt dre up to hd out candy. Onkid asked if he was dressed . Rups the gu steve comen jimmy a kid a kid jimmy i dont know. It was. It was jacobisenheimer. . R this ones from masonsnyder07. Steve oh, good. Jimmy he says, my mom dresmecow and made my udders out of hot dogs. Dogs kept running upndrying to bit my stomach. Oh, me o teve come o jimmy a crappy halloween. Steve you dont want a dog biting yr weiner. Immy co on,an. Steve nothing is worse than that. Jimmy this ones fro kgedhill. He says, i took my mom to a a Haunted House one year. Furniture in the house was from ik. [ laughter ] m, youre ruining th whole steve thats a sven. Jimmy thats a fgenhugen [ laughter ] this ones from bones1106. Steve ooh, . R scary jmy she says, one year i . was flava flav and an old woman asked me if i was fatherime. [ laughter and applause ] su from the viagra ad jimmy this ones from bamak. . hshys, to aid embrassment, my d i gave candy. Steve yeah jimmy dont egg our house. Th is tmaoe he says, en i was vy ttle inste of going out would ock, and she would give. [ ws ]ence a thatsad. Steve or cute. Jimmy thats a little overprotective, there. Steve he was 14. Jimmy this is from kayrose. She says, instead of handing out candy, my d gives each kid a pamphlet on why they need a flu shot. [ audience aws ] . H talk about getting picken d on i school. Soh mgo . te jimmy your dad i took his advice. I havent been sick. Oh, im thone that threwhat ick threw his window. This last ones from danfrancisco312. He says, as a prank, my wife hid a toy rat under thduvet and i screamed. Hid the rat inhe the next night and forgot. . R favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hatags. Stick arnd. Well be right bk with rtin srt and steve martin, everybody. . Cheers and applause ] . . . . So the nest cam curity cama los after things and alerts your phone if somethings up. So the nest cam curity cama los after things hey, neea gl no matter t iswhat i hey, dad. Why the phelps face . Old computer slowing you down . You know. I new computers are superfast and yet here you are with a new world record for the slowest couter. You know about it, now do somethi about it. Upgrade to a new pc. . . . . . . One smart choi s to the next. . . The new 2017 ford fuon is here. Its the beauty oflmade choice. . . [ hawk squawk start boldly with the apple that bites back. Ch a a tonit our first ts you wouldnt believehos on thshlight ught th are two othe fust, mostmely suprealented people thate know. . K l inng to kick ofa 50city tour for their age showalled an evenin yoll forgefor the of le urinthe steep on rgersnd . Jeff babko, begiing bruary 10th writesva dn. [ . haipray l cember 7th at 8 0 on nbc. That going to be gre and ste martin is inhe new ang lee film, illy ln long halftime walk,hich friends,he always . Entertainihond mart eve martin [ eers andus . . Eersnd applause ] jimmyoh . R e . 7 nobad, yeah. R2 . S oh jimmy how excing hes it was cometely spontaous. Lighlaughter ] i starsiand i realized fgot e name of the flower. Jimmy buttercup. Buttercups. That is beautifulhaened. How aryou, jim . Jimmy m fantastic. Thank you for both being here. And i appreciate it. Yea its grt to talk to you. [ light laughter ] you knowhats intesting abt show business [ lauger ] hey y you lo you ar eric trump aura tonit. [ laughter ] myank yoso muc yeah. No, yoev loobeer. Its jmy is tharight . And itnot boto i kw. [ laions . T sep placenta jimmy absolute. Ou l k youngit sms lid anangeke brana sho be fighting for custody over yo [ light laughter. That is so nice ofou. Anyou for compmeinme. Steve, by t w, was in the loonitor and you said you didnt think he lookegood o, i didot say that. You did. Light ughter ] . No, i said he had childbearing hips. [ ughter ] j ive heard that, by e way. Well thats true. S is so excing. The three of us the thres hae of unt been together se roin w kim kardashian. [ laughter and applause ] too soon . No, its notoo soon. Jimmy a little too soooon . Jimmy a lile bit. Was just so eited when yo u caed me to s if we wanted to do the show. Jimmy yeah. Nd i remember exactly what i said, jimmy, i am way t high to deal with this right jimmy i do remember you yi that. Y the way, bore you get prepa ask you [ ughter ] i nt to uhhuh,r] . ure. Jimmy onis that it has be 30 years sincyou ys first t on three amigos. Thats righ yeah. Jimmy that is where you met . Wd. E ] we hadever. All those years that you did ctv and i w doi snl but we had nev met before. E had never met. And then there were were wondering if i was intere iee amis, which of course was, it wa my firovie. And i have this kind of rain it was may 4, 1985 i went to his old houson bedford ive. And i remwaed in, ] and it was like so beautul. And thwere pon t waassos oppe and h and i said t him, w did you get that rich . Because iven your wk. Aner ]ught . Then i was palewas person. . . ; [ lighlaughter ] m not pale. O, it was like i was being haunted. [ lauger ] jimmy you think hes pale . No, steve, youre white . Than a trump rally ] cheers and alause ] i dont thinkm pale. I remember the first time i wa of worriedboutim. I was on the itas the first day of shooting on the tee ago and i was walking to the set. You knowthe full outfit. And from behind me, i heard 7e do what you did. [ tharine pburn voice ] wherehe hell . Coulnd picbluebeies. Its sa autiful day. Ughter ] and i walked by i turned and i thought, oh, i got three months to go with uy. Is g [ light laughter ] jimmy and u just hit it off from day o. It wagreat. It ry was. Was perfect. Eachth . Did you coliment do you likhis cokills . Cq do y see him aa yeah, you said you had seen the jerk 500 times oh, i ve. Ve see jern the 500 times ateast. And every time see it, i say thsame thi. I always say, steve, we could watch something else, know. [ laughter ] but you know what i love sorry. I didnt meato interrupt you. Ask your question and then ill ignore it. Go ahead. [ laught ]you . When did you first meet . , th is ea hat lohat qution. By the way, great onquti jimmy thank you. It just came from the top of my head. Wheim marty, theres something i like to do. Were traveling to many, many and by the way, its a little desperate, its october and the fit ows in february. Wee promoting it already. Were that scared. [ light laughter ] and i during the day in these towns, these wonderful towns. I like to go to the art museum, because i know thats the one ace that i wont run into marty. Jimmy oh, thats perfect. [ laughter ] that is so nice. It is it is i mean, were very Close Friends weve been im very, very close. Were closer than putin and trump. We are reay very close. [ laught ] were like donny and marie without the sexual tension. [ laughter ] were like Ellen Degeneres and a vest. You know what i mean . Were close. Jimmy very close. Yes, sure. Of course. And for me, its fun to be on stage Ellen Degeneres and a vest. Jimmy and a vest, yeah. For me,ts fun to be on age with a potential organ donor. It makes you feel safe. [ lit laughter ] jimmy the title is an evening youll forget for the rest of your lif yes. Yeah. Jimmy i just love that. Is that e first one you guys though of . No, no. We had many options for titles. [ laughter ] i wanted to call it stroke us lady fame. Yeah. I had one. See them before theyre dead. [ light laughter ] jimmy thats good. Thats charming. And the one i liked, buwas too long for the marquee was, you got it in there, now get it out. [ ughter ] it didnt seem right. It didnt seem right. What does that mean . I dont know what it means. I dont know what it means. [ applause ] jimmy just seems a little long. It just seems long. Jimmy a little lon [ laughter ] theres things weve got to discuss. A 50city tour. Thats gigantic. I want to go see you guys. And its you guys talking when . Jimmy i cant ke it that night. [ light laughter ] im so sorry. But any other night but that. Oh, my god. Jimmy yes. Theres music, theres cedy, theres banter, theres clips. So its like a breakthrough jimmy it really is. It is as loose as ive ever felt on stage. I think that we had so much we can fix that with medicine. Hey, if i Say Something funny, why do you look at me amazed . [ laughter ]ly its shock. Its shock. No, but i its as much fun as you can have, and were just having the best time. Jimmy how do you compare it to doing hairspray . Youre about to do hairspray live december 7th on nbc. I know. Wow. [ Harvey Firestein voice ] andm working with Harvey Fierstein. I ay harves husbd. Should. Letear yo harvey. Jimmy ive been doing it. [ laughter ] oh, you have . Jimmy i apologize. Thats as good as it gets. You cant get lower. You gotta get lower. Jimmy i cant get much lower than that. Thats probably as low as it gets. Itlowend jiminy glier ] jimmy it really is. Im gonna take a break. [ laughter ] lets hear some of your people. I dont do impressions. [ Harvey Fierstein voice ] i cant do harvey. Jimmy thats not bad. No kidding. Jimmy thats not bad. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, weve gotten to know know you guys a little bit better. Yeah . Jimmy lets play a game when we get back. Martin short and steve martin, okay. [ cheers and applause ] well play true confessions when the tonight show comes back. Come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] . . . . . Wj my moderate to severe chrocrias made a simple trip to the Grocery Store ytng but simple. To target and help block a specific source ist about humira. He explained that humira works inside my body of inflammation that he explained that humira contributes to my symptoms. . Inlinical trials, most adults ting humira were clear oalmost clear, and many saw 75 and even 90 clearance in just 4 months. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infectio are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to inctions, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ask about humira,e 1 prc by dermatologists. Clearer skin is possible. Dont missohsale take 50 ffeds of items plus take an extra 20 off plus of 50 or more plus get kohls cash plus yes 2 you members earn iple points. Now thats the good stuff. Kohls devour, say my name the little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. You naughty little. Did you just spank your lunch . Yes. Nice. Food you want to fork. Introducing devour. . Where do you think youre going . . . Girl, where do you think youre going . . When aittle kid, i made a deal with myself that i