Thanks, man, im glad you love it. Stephen im sorry, are those the lyrics . Yeah. Stephen doobyshould, of shoobedo. Shoobedobedo,. Stephen bedo, yeah. Stephen youre a bleep genius. Tonight, stephen welcomes Anthony Anderson eugene levy and Catherine Ohara and a musical performance by coldplay. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now its time for the late show with Stephen Colbert captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause stephen hey jon yeah stephen you touchedded me. Thank you. Stephen chris martin, everybody. Chris, thank you so much, man. Unbelievable. So beautiful. Chris, that is that guy, he just took that thing thank you. Thanks, everybody. cheers welcome to the late show, everybody. Im Stephen Colbert. How lucky am i . I just got to hang out with chris martin. cheers and applause i love my job, you know, but like most of you, sometimes it can feel like a grind. But every once in a while, the heavens open up and everything just clicks. Im guessing thats what it felt like for a doctor on sunday, who treated a woman who came in with a shark on her arm. Heres why its great for the doctor. It doesnt exactly take. Dr. House to figure out whats wrong here. What do you think, doc . Well, my diagnose i guess you have a case of shark on your arm. Im going to write you a prescription for take the shark off your arm. thatll be 500. And, im sorry, the sharks out of network. Speaking of things that bite donald trump. How far diget in . How far diget . I got 90 seconds, 90 seconds. Evidently, donald trump does better in online polls than phone polls because voters are reluctant to admit to another person that they support him. Lets test it out. How many Trump Supporters do we have here tonight . light applause okay, youre all liars. So donald trump seems unstoppable, like the tide or a fuel truck careening toward a preschool. But that doesnt mean tragic and spectacular. But that doesnt mean folks have not stopped trying to stop him. Over the weekend, president obama gave the commencement speech at rutgers, and took took a little swipe at trump. Class of 2016, let me be as clear as i can be. In politics and in life, ignorance is not a virtue. laughter applause . Stephen true. Its true. Its absolutely true. Ignorance is not a virtue. Ignorance is bliss, and if trump wins, were looking at a very blissful four years ahead of us. Of course, donald doesnt let anything go, other than ageing women. applause jon oh oh man stephen i have no idea what that means. I just read whats in the thing. So he immediatreely sponded on twitter, saying this is a primary reason that president obama is the worst president in u. S. History. Well, at least until after the election. laughter and i applaud donald truor for ignorance. After all, america was founded on ignorance. Christopher columbus went to his grave, thinking he found india. And did not Yankee Doodle famously put a feather in his cap and call it macaroni . Its not macaroni. Its a cap. Over in britain, theyre deciding whether or not to stay in the european union. Theyre going to have a vote on it. And in an effort to reach young voters, british Prime MinisterDavid Cameron joined tinder. Ing its true, its true. , of course, a lot of peoples tinder profiles claim theyre the Prime Minister of england. This one is true. Tinders a little different in england. They swipe the other way, and they add an extra u when they type u up . Have you been to england . Jye there. Stephen do you like it over there . Jon ive been over there a few times. Stephen are you going to england this summer . Jon no, not this summer. Stephen anybody traveling this summer . Anybody . No, youre not, because thousands of passengers are missing their flights right now, due to Airport Security lines that last for hours. Travelers are weary, angry, dirty, sleeping in chairs. Basically, americas airports have become americas bus stations. Just take a look at this video a passenger took of the line to get through security at chicagos midway airport. Okay, heres the start. Lets see how long this thing is. Heres the security line. Oh, guess what . Its just getting started. Yep, still in line. Yep. Are you bleep kidding me t. S. A. . What the bleep . laughter understandable feeling. Its an understandable feeling. That line is so long, by the time that baby got through, he looked like this. laughter applause cheers his first words what the bleep , t. S. A. applause laughter to chill out the stressed passengers, some airports have resorted to bringing in miniature therapy horses and even clowns. The therapy horses, of course, are there to comfort you after youve seen the clowns. Plaiz obviously, thats a welcome sight. Obviously, there are a lot of stranded passengers out there, so to anyone watching this at the airport right now, id like to help you through this difficult time. Its time for stephen colerts just the tip Summer Travel edition. People love just the tip. The people love just the tip. All right. Tip one accept that you live in the airport now. Help is not coming because it cant get through the security line. Stip 2, step 2 stip 2 sustenance is the key to survival. Remember, one cinnabon contains enough calories for an entire week, plus it doubles as a pillow. And a wife. laughter just just just let it just let it cool down first. Tip 3 commandeer a position near an electrical outlet. He who controls the charging station is lord of terminal c cheaper cheerm bow before me applause tip 4 its time for a show of force. Roll a baggage cart through the glass wall of the Admirals Club and proclaim, i am the admiral now. Prepare to be boarded. Tip finally if by some miracle, you do reach the front of the security line, request the patdown, just to feel something. Now, lets feel our friends jon batiste and stay human, everybody. Jon hey cheers and applause hey, did you all see captain America Civil War . Have you seen that movie yet . I saw the civil war. I liked it. A little too long, but then again, so was the real civil war. But i could not help but notice watching it in the theater, thrilled by the movie, so many of the characters seemed to have something in common ironman. Antman. Spiderman. Movie black panther. Man. The marvel cinematic universe is kind of a sausagefest. And i gotta say, all that spandex really showcases the sausage. And its no accident. In fact, it was just reported that iron man 3s villain, aldritch killian, was supposed to be a woman originally. But according to the writer of iron man 3, we were given a noholdsbarred memo saying that cannot stand. This is shocking. Iron man 3 had a writer . laughter applause and you wont i thought they just blew stuff up. And you wont believe why they had to change her into a he. Evidently, marvel decided the toy wouldnt sell as well if it is a female. audience booing come on, it makes sense. Girls dont play with dolls. This is so disappointing. Back in the 80s, we werent so hung up on the gender of our hollywood action figures. I collected hannah and her sisters. Everyone had meryl streep from sophies choice. I really struggled with whether to open that one and play with it or keep it in the box. It was a real. Quandary. But i dont want to single out iron man 3, because its hardly the only film that was written with a female villain only to have it cynically gender swapped at the last minute. Take darth vader. He was first written as darelene vader, a tale, powerful woman who struggled to balance her imperial ambitions with raising her rebellious twins. Or doctor doom why does he have to be a man . Are you saying a woman cant be a doctor . Or be an evil technosorceror . Theyd better fix this in the next fantastic four movie. And there better not be another fantastic four movie. cheers and applause well be right back with Anthony Anderson. Turns out lemon juice doesnt cure pink eye. Hi. How are you doing today . Thats how i am. Red head fred. Ultra rare. I collect these too. Nah, these are for my dog because he can never decide which one he wants until he gets home, so. Presenting the American Express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases and no annual fee. My only concern is that this is where we put food. A dogs foot is cleaner than a humans mouth. Thats what they say. Is it . Cleaner than my mouth. Cash back on purchases. Backed by the service and security of American Express. Ca[ dreams by beck ] hmmmmm. Hmmmmm. The turbocharged dream machine. The Volkswagen Golf gti. Part of the awardwinning golf family. Ifor all the wrong reasons. 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From classic to contemporary, havertys. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight has starred in the barbershop and the scary movie movies. He now stars in blackish on abc. Please welcome Anthony Anderson cheers and applause hey, man, the band is great give it up for the band cheers and applause uhhuh. Roy ayers, 1976. Ubiquity album. My life, my life. I know music, brother, i know music. Stephen thats a deep cut. Thats a deep cut. Thanks for being here, and congratulations. Blackish has won a peabody award. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Stephen thats fantastic. Thank you, thank you guys. Stephen peabodys are the best. Award. How many do you have . I need to know how many i need to get. Stephen i have four. Thank you for asking. It would be embarrassing for me to say that without you asking. Thats why i led in. So people can know out there what you do. I have two. Stephen you have two. I have two. Stephen thats very nice. Thats not easy. Its kind of embarrassing me to throw out that i have two without asking you this question. Stephen thats true. How many grammys now . 62. Stephen okay, great. No. Stephen well, i had Laurence Fishburne on the show a couple of months ago and i asked him a question id reich to throw at you. What is the difference between black and blackish . Mmm. The hue of the persons skin. Stephen really . Not as black . Not as black. Stephen you have to be black to be backishthats not what laurencemean said i had a shot at blackishness. I had a shot. With a band like that, are stephen thats what i said. I think thats why. I think he kind of said the same thing that i was getting a bit of a contact black. Yeah, contact black. Like a contact high, contact black. Stephen i understand. You can roll through the hood because of your band. Stephen really. Yes, sir. Stephen i should maybe carry a picture with me of my this is my band its all cool its all cool and youll get a pass. Stephen i have heard that you said the blackish pulls back the vail on being black for america. Yeah, some people would say you know, it comes from our community. Its like, yo, man, you showing too much. Were giving them a peek into our world and our life and whats going on. Stephen really, people say you show too much . Yeah, like we did an episode the nod. Stephen what is the nod . You have ever watched your band and they come in at each other and they see black people and they just like. Thats the nod. Stephen thats the is that true, jon . See, there you go. There you go. Stephen if i do that what does that mean . You would never do that. laughter stephen what if i was holding a picture of my band. Holing a picture of your band, youre cool. Stephen is that like motorcycle drivers that kind of give themselveses this when they drive down, they say hi to each other or the jeep weve. Yeah. Stephen what about a black guy in a jeep che wave and nod at the same time . Oh, youre getting complicated. Stephen sorry. Youre getting complicated. But the nod came about, cammie baris, who is my partner this should adventure was walking across the studio lot one day with a bunch of white executives and he would pass a brother and acknowledge the brother and the brother acknowledged him and a few brothers walked by. Andun some white guys walked by and the white guys didnt do anything to acknowledge the white guys. So they said, man, you know all those brothers . And he said, no, i have no idea who they are, but i universal way of saying hello to another brother when you pass him on the street. Stephen thats very pleasant. laughter applause now, im guessing im guessing the phrase thats very pleasant is not blackish. Far from it, brother. Stephen im going to guess. Somebody just took a picture of your band and ripped it up in your face. laughter . Stephen we have a clip of blackish, a clip of blackish from this season. This is an upcoming clip, i think. Okay. Stephen this is an homage you guys have done to good times. Lets take a look at it and i want to talk about it afterwards. Okay, cool. Daddy, im pregnant. Oh, thelma im going to need more red paint. White jesus, white jesus, you have forsaken me. How did this happen . More importantly, where did this happen because there is clearly only o that we all sleep in. Okay, everything is going to be fine. Boy, do you have the slightest idea what it means to have a child . Did you even consider the cost. The diapers, the formula, the medical shots well skip the shots. We skipped the shots with j. J. Well need the shots. laughter applause stephen does blackish owe a debt to good times . Yeah, because good times was blark unapologetically black. No, its a show that, you know, i grew up on watching. Stephen me, too. Really . Stephen yeah. Who was your favorite character. Stephen it was j. J. , of course, the dineomite kid thats what you used to call him growing up. Stephen he was the dino might kit kid. The dino might kid, i didnt might. Do dino might like j. J. J. Stephen i need a bigger mouth, dino might what you need you need a bigger mouth, stephen. What are you saying about jimmy j. J. Walker. Stephen he had a large mouth. He has a large mouth. You could draw a Freight Train through that. Stephen ill give you a j. J. Walker. J. , j. , where did you find that . I found this. I wanted you to do this. Stephen dino might. There you go there you go he got it black cheers and applause stephen its true, its true. Now you are strutting around like a peacock. Hey stephen i dont remember that. Norman lear did not write that line. The first lady has said its her favorite show, blackish. The president said they watch that family. It feels great to have our show resonate with the people the way that it does, and especially the first family. And to be invited to the white house for the last few years and for to have them say, your show is incredible. This is what we watch. Stephen you did you hang out. Yeah, i hang out. I got to hang out. Stephen have you ever given the president one of these . laughter cheers and applause the president good. Stephen thanks. Thats good. Stephen thanks. Di, because the president gave it to me first. Stephen what . yes, yes. Stephen thats fantastic yes. Stephen thats fab task. Did you ever shoot anything with him . Dont ask him to do a second tape. No. Stephen hes a busy man. He a busy man and he nails it on the the first take. Stephen absolutely. He has a great sense of humor and a great sense of comedic timing. Stephen its kind of upsetting. Here we are, we trained for this our entire lives. Stephen and he nails it on unbelievable. I didnt ever expect to have a president that was cooler than me. Ill be honest, i didnt ever expect to have a black president. applause you know . cheers and applause but we got him. Stephen yeah. We got him. Stephen less than a year, though. Less than a year, though. Yeah, thats unfortunate. Stephen enjoy him while you can. I wish he could run for another eight years. Ill be honest. Stephen he, at the end at the end of his eight years now, some people and you can tell me, you being blackish have said he is embracing his blackness more. For instance his speech at howard university. My alma mater. Stephen oh, you went to howard. Yeah. Stephen what did you think of his recent speech, his commencement speech there. I loved the speech. I was a little upset at myself that, you know, i dropped out of school, like, 12 years too early for him to be there and to give the commencement speech. But i thought it was great, you know, to watch him standing commencement speech. It just brought back so many memories of me being on the yard and on campus there. Stephen well, congratulations on the peabody. Congratulations on the finale of blackish tomorrow. Thank you. Stephen and thanks for stopping me. Hey, thanks for having me. Season two finale the season 2 finale of of blackish tomorrow on abc. Anthony anderson, everybody, well be right back. Intrthe only lemon lime soda with a twist of real juice. Insist on the twist. All the other guys are talking about these days is how good their coverage is. But only one network is giving you more than just great coverage. Tmobile only tmobiles lets you stream video and music for free not only that, but we doubled our lte coverage in the last year. Thats right our coverage now stacks up with anybody. Including verizon and at t. So now you can get rid of the other guys and get great coverage from tmobile. We got you covered. And we wont stop slicing every steak by hand for the juiciest, most tender steak ever. Dont believe us . Ask the guy with the knife. Only at applebees everybody. My next guestsre a comedy legends and current stars of the hit show Schitts Creek. You know, the bloomfield band playing cheers and applause kid used to throw their parents an Anniversary Party every year. If were truthed telling, the bloom field are always a little i just dont understand what kind of family skinnydips with each other. John, are you ready . Yes, sweetheart. Happy, anniversary congratulations on your ongoing love for one another. You did it. Okay, kids. Thats enough. You sound like the incestuous bloomfields. Have a blessed day.