And a musical performance by Dierks Bentley featuring jon batiste and stay human and now its time for the late show with Stephen Colbert cs heerand applause stephen hey cheers and applause hey, everybody cheers and applause how are ya . nice to see you welcome to the show thank you very welcome to the show, everybody im Stephen Colbert. We talk about Current Events all the time. Well be talking about the world imploding due to the brexit vote in a minute, but first lets talk about something important the game of thrones finale. cheers and applause by which, of course, i mean the Republican National convention. cheers and applause everyone excited for the Republican Convention . applause well, then you are not a republican. laughter because politico called over 50 prominent republicans, and it turns out, hardly anybodwa to speak at trumps convention. laughter finally answering the old question, what if you destroyed a party and nobody came . laughter and one person definitely not coming is george will, the legendary conservative columnist, and bowtie host organism, who this past weekend said he is leaving the g. O. P. Over trump. cheers and applause yeah. Thats kind of surprising news. George will is officially now george wont laughter with trump as the nominee, will says he no longer believes the g. O. P. Is his party. And to show that he means business, hes even changed his maryland Voter Registration to. Unaffilliated, which means, other political parties. Hes single cheers and applause yes sexy music hi. Are you a Political Party on the prowl for a new standardbearer . Well then look no further than. Jon george will stephen this ultimate piece of political man meat is a pulitzerprize winning columnist and fox news contributor. Hes far right in the streets, and all wrong in the sheets. Jon george will stephen turn ons include baseball metaphors, abolishing the minimum wage, and creating voluntary personal retirement accounts in order to reduce the federal cost of social security. Daddy like jon george will stephen hes on the rebound after a looong relationship, so give georgie a call today. Because if you think that bowtie see how it looks on your floor. Jon george will cheers and applause stephen i like this life. I feel like i should be hosting match game with this mic. You know, speaking of sexy laughter kanye west is in the news because thats the nutrient bath he lives in. This time, the rapper fashiondesigner entrepreneur somehownot actor released the video for his single famous, which features some of the most famous celebrities in the world in bed together, like caitlyn jenner, taylor swift, rihanna, donald trump all sweaty and naked. Wow if thats memory foam, that bed is going to have p. T. S. D. They all look a little sweaty and clammy. laughter now, theres some conflicting reports about this, but the consensus is that most of the celebrities in that video arent real, just wax or silicone imitations. So, celebrities. laughter its unclear if the celebrities agreed to have their likenesses in the video. But this weekend, kanye tweeted can somebody sue me already . Ill wait. laughter well, you dont have to wait, kanye im going to sue you right now for cutting me out of that video. Luckily, i kept the footage of my take. laughter stephen yeah. We just had sex. All of us. At the same time. I wish you could smell it in here. It is like a cage at a zoo. Theyre going to have to burn this bed. I dont know what theyre going to do. Anyway, who wants a cracker . Anybody want one . You want one . Thank you cheers and applause thank you. As you can see, i really bulked up for that role. Ill see you in court, kanye. By the way, president bush really needs to clip his toenails. laughter now, say hi jon batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause stephen hey yeah. Im not gonna lie to you people. I am genuinely freaked out right now about this whole brexit thing. After we did our friday show, i went home, and i was pretty tired, i went to bed. Im lying in bed and its nearly midnight east coast time and my wife is already asleep next to me and im going through the ipad, and it says chaos in europe, britain falls. Weived told it was going away from brexiting. I had bedrock belief and friends who said, dont worry, were very sensible people. Its a lot of talk, we dont do that sort of stuff here. They were wrong. And it really kind of crush misview of, like, what can happen that is bad that we dont think is ing to happen. Like, its just not supposed to happen. Jebs supposed to get the nomination laughter applause and it just kind of proves people over there ant likely smart, but apparently its just the accent makes them seem smart. Its really just a lie. british accent everyone is jumping off a bridge, so shall i as well. laughter you know, theres only one way to find out if i still have a peanut allergy. laughter say, is this electrical socket still working . I will find out by placing my tallywacker in there. Aw, my word. Oh oh zounds laughter you idiots. Well, youve had your little vote and now the british economy is tanking. The pound has plunged to its lowest level since 1985. Right now, the most Stable Currency in the u. K. Is the cadbury creme egg. laughter okay . Thats before the vote. This is after the vote. And it aint just over there. Here in america, on friday the dow lost 611 and then almost 300 more today. W whatever that is. It was so shocking, you could have knocked me over with whats left of your 401k. laughter all in all, on friday, Global Markets suffered losses of over 2 trillion, the worst single day loss in history. Thats the second time ive had to say those words in last eight years. Which means i get to punch my Global Economic meltdown card. laughter applause there you go. And there you go. I got two. I got one, two. Just one more and i get a free everything, because there will be no more currency. We will bartering with baby teeth. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. laughter you put the baby teeth in a gourd and it keeps away the evil spirits laughter i hope that laughter so thats the madness. Heres the crazy part its going to take at least two years for britain to leave the e. U. Thats like saying to your wife, things are not working out, i never loved you, i want a divorce. But i am going to sleep on the couch for two years. Youre cool if sheila crashes here too, right . You would like each other. laughter and its all the fault of british Prime Minister david cameron. He knew the brexit would be a disaster, but he promised a vote just to get elected. And when the disaster he predicted came about, he addressed a panicked british public. I will do everything i can as Prime Minister to steady the ship over the coming weeks and months, but i do not think it would be right for me to try to be the captain that steers our country to its next destination. Stephen bold leadership. It reminds me of this courageous moment from the titanic this is your captain speaking. Ive steered the ship into an iceberg. I believe it would be best if someone else took over and steere laughter stephen mmhmm. Of course. applause of course, not all brits are sitting around asking what have we done . Most of them googled it. The search what happens if we leave the e. U. . Spiked by over 250 after polls closed. Which is kind of like googling what happens after unprotected sex . On your way to the baby shower. In fact, theres been so much brexit remorse that people all over were tweeting with regrexit. Very cute. But i got to say, no disrepexit, but your brexit referexit could cause a Global Economic deprexit. What the fexit, regrexit . You can suck my dexit laughter cheers and applause all legal all legal of course, many brits are taking this with their trademark stiff upper lip. Joining us now, live via satellite, is one british voter who has stayed cheerful. Shes a child care worker, and shes asked to remain anonymous. Please welcome, mary p. cheers and applause hello, mary. Hello stephen thank you for joining us. Hows it going over there . Oh, practically perfect in every way just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Mmm. Oh, mummys sugar burns. laughter stephen wow, mary, seems like this brexit vote has really freaked you out. No, stephen not at all. Yes, i voted to leave, but i never thought it would happen. I just wanted polish immigrants to stop stealing all the nanny jobs stephen so youre not seeing no, no. Not a whit. Speak for yourself, love. Were all going to die hes right. Game over, man im out of here stephen mary, mary o long, suckers ive got an austrian passport the hills are alive with the sound s cheers and applause stephen mary p. , everyone. Well be right back. cheers and applause honey, did you call the Insurance Company . Not yet, im. Folding the laundry can you . No. Cleaning the windows the living rooms a disaster vo most Insurance Companies give you every reason to avoid them. Plants need planting well the leaves arent going to rake themselves vo nationwide is different. Hon, did you call nationwide to check on our claim . Tually, they called me. Nationwiside on your side nationwide is the exclusive Insurance Partner of plenti. Ugh. Waa. Wow ohhh aaaaahhhh. Find your diet pepsi emoji today. Try cool mint zantac. Hey, need fast heartburn relief . It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. whispers rocket the world must join in one common goal. To protect our greatest resource. Our pancakes. Dennys red, white and blue slam is here and so is Independence Day resurgence. Dennys. Welcome to americas diner. In theaters, june 24th. Hey troy hello so, thanks for testing our new car service today. Oh, no problem. This is the nicest Ride Sharing Service ive ever been in. Im so comfortable. I could take a nap right now. So, our rates are a little bit different. Okay we charge by the amount of gas consumed. Ooh since we traveled 4. 43 miles, and this chevy malibu offers an epa estimated 47 miles per gallon city. Your total is. 20 cents. I can afford that 23 cents. Do you have a quarter . Hahaha the all new 2016 chevy malibu hybrid. Its just so smart. cheers and applause stephen hey everybody. Welcome back kevin love from the champion Cleveland Cavaliers is coming up next, will be sitting right over there. But as a catholic, first, i have to talk about the pope. Ive never made a secret of the fact that i love pope francis cheers and applause thats the man. Everybody loves frankie. Hes acknowledged climate change. And before that, he said everyones welcome into heaven, even atheists, not to mention the time he did the cinnamon challenge. He got over a million views hes incredible. Hes not your fathers pope although, technically, he is our fathers pope. And this weekend, il papa dropped another bombshell. When asked if he agreed with a german cardinal, who said in the wake of the orlando tragedy that gays deserve an apology from the church, francis said, i believe that the church should apologize to the person who is gay whom it has offended. cheers and applause ill join in. Ill join in. A big step to admit that the church should apologize to the person who is gay. Next step admitting theres more than one of them. laughter this apology is huge moment for the church in terms of accepting homosexuality. In fact, it was such big news that it overshadowed some of the lesser apologies the pope made on behalf of the church. Well, as the pope of late night, ive got them here. laughter this is the late shows lesser popepologies. laughter first, the pope would like to apologize. Wait, this feels off. Ill have to pope this up a little bit. Hold on a second. applause maybe this will help. organ music in accent i would like to apologize for the holy water in that bowl when you first come in that thing is a petri dish. Its less sanitary than a bowl of mints at a diner. How often do they change that . Would it kill us to put a little chlorine in there . Its going to pass around disease like herpes at summer camp. The holy see would like to express regret for the churchs obsession with gold leaf. Okay. Its a bit ostentatious. Truly that money could have been used to feed orphans, clothe the poor, etc. I just realized it makes the vatican look like trump plaza. Its tacky. laughter no more. applause speakingwh apologize for all the standing and kneeling during mass. Okay. Its hard on the joints. You know, frankly it doesnt matter if youre sitting, standing or kneeling or lying down. You showed up. Okay, god can see you. laughter also, catholic weddings are way too long okay. There is no need to have a two hour mass during the ceremony. We get it, you love each other through sickness and health . You probably already did it. After all, you know. laughter rings, kiss. Lets hit the open bar, baby. I got my eye on the maid of honor. Shes going to catch more than the bouquet tonight. Am i right . applause of course, i am. Im infallible. The Catholic Church is also very sorry for saving old pieces of saints like st. Peters pinkie, st. Anthonys tongue, st. Whatshisnames femur and saying theyre magic. Were not a traveling carnival, theyre just gross. Parts, its medical waste. laughter personally, i would like to apologize about church dinners and the abomination that is macaroni salad. Thats not a salad. Its basically macaroni and mayonnaise. Call it macaroni mayonnaise. Thats what it is. And speaking of apologies, um, sorry about the crusades, the inquisition, and for not taking sides in world war ii. Okay. We really blew that one. It was sort of a gimme. You know . Well be right back with kevin love. cheers and applause well take your bags to your room, captain obvious. If you travel as much as i do, you travel a lot. Because i do. Thats why i use hotels. Com. They make finding and booking a room simple. Like packing. Perhaps i spent too much time packing. Hotels. Com. So simple, its the obvious choice. Be careful. Sheila scares easily. The ones who want to start see it all. Hear it all. And feel it all. All summer long. Jeep renegade its how we live 4 by 4 summer. You never believed in fairytales. Knights in shining armor or happily ever after. But you believed when the right one came along, youd be ready. Time to shine. Orbit. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. Wait no my computer, no, wait, what are we running after . My stupid, old computer. Well if its so old, why are you chasing it . Is it slow . Weigh a ton . Yeah. Well you know. I know. Todays pcs are faster and lighter, i know. So why are we still running . I dont know. You know about it. Now do something about it. Upgrade to a new pc. Oh, charley horse, charley horse. Call for help, call for help. Help, help brewmaster. Risktaker. I sold everything i had to own a brewery. You might have heard its name. Stella artois be legacy cheers and applause stephen thank you, sir. My first guest tonight is a threetime n. B. A. Allstar who just helped cleveland win its first title in 52 years please welcome world champion, kevin love cheers and applause stephen nice. Now, what is the feeding schedule because i want to make sure it doesnt get overhungry. This really feels like a baby when youre holding it. Stephen put it in the seat next to you. Thats fantastic. Thats the actual trophy. Was it okay for me to hold it . I know there is some sports things you arent allowed to touch. If you touch the masters green jacket, they kill you. Is it okay that i hold it . No, youre okay. Stephen congratulations. Thank you. Stephen this was your first finals. When cleveland made it last year, you were on the d. L. What did it feel like to be in your first finals. It was pretty surreal. I said last year after getting my shoulder hurt in the eastern conference quarter finals in game four against the celtics, we made it all the way to finals game six and lost. They did the champagne showers. We lost on our floor. I remember game one was actually in the oakland against the warriors. Ing having seen the game and felt the energy there, i had never wanted to be in a game so bad, so to be back was stacked against us, be being down 31, major comeback, no major team has ever done it. Stephen down 3 to one. Yes. Stephen what did you have to say to each other . Was it something you were overtly saying to each other in the locky room because no ones come back. In the last years, we thrived under chaos. We looked at it as if our backs were against the ropes, we could get it done. Everyone said we couldnt do it. Stephen up against the team with the greatest season record. Historically great on their home floor, so we knew we had to beat oakland there, take it back to our place for game six in cleveland at quicken loans rein narks which we werent going to lose that game, and game seven, anything can happen. Came down to a twominute game. We made the plays and got the win. Stephen with 40 seconds left you a big play. Putting up 3. Lets take a look and you tell me what was going through your head, 40 seconds left. I had to put on my dancing shoes with him because i knew he was going to throw everything at me. He gave the ball up to green, got it back. It was a twotime m. V. P. I had to do everything i could to stay in front of him, and luckily i was there cheers and applause stephen what did it feel like . Because he got the shot off. Youre all over him like a spider monkey. But he got around you. He got a shot off. What does that feel like because you know he can hit it from detroit. Its three steps mind the threepoint line. I knew i had to guard him. He has so much confidence with the ball, he threw everything at me. When he threw it up, he usually shoots it and looks at me. I thought, he hasnt looked at me. That was it. Stephen whats the look he shot . Its not so great. Stephen pain snfl. Yeah laughter and throughout the series, it wasnt great. He did a lot of those. Stephen he looks at you and says, why are you looking at me . The ball is going through hoop over there. Right. Stephen he tosses to draymon green. Right. Stephen this whole season, greens been racking, for lack of a better word, the nut sacks of opponents. Right laughter stephen was there ever a fear if you were up against him, hes going to work my balls like a speed bag . Did that go through your mind at all . I dont know if that was the thought process. I dont know how to answer that. laughter stephen have you had your children yet . No. Steph