Whatever sean spicer is saying. And just like that, poof. laughter its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes bob odenkirk. Tatiana maslaney. And author George Saunders. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody cheers and applause good to see you. Hey cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome to the late show, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. I am happy to be your host, Stephen Colbert. Lets see, so much to talk about tonight. I thought the show was going to be about one thing and then the other thing happened. So im going to talk about the third thing i didnt expect. laughter this afternoon, we learned that trumps secretary of labor nominee and suburban dentist you meet at the swingers party, andy puzder, has withdrawn his nomination. cheers and applause just to be clear withdraws his nomination. Just to be clear. This is not a scandal. He says he just wants to spend more time with michaels flynn. Puzder beautiful name by the way, puzder. Musical name, puzder. laughter the c. E. O. Of hardees and carls jr. , was controversial for many reasons. He had an undocumented housekeeper, made ads that famously objectified women, and called his own fast food employees the worst of the worst. Thats not right. Thats not right. Hardees employees are great. Its the food thats the worst of the worst. cheers and applause but. cheers and applause i gotta say oh curly fries and a coke. But even with all that, republicans were still on board with puzder until a tape surfaced of puzders wife in 1990 appearing on a talk show describing domestic abuse. That took him down. So who brought that tape to light . I mean, whos powerful enough to topple a cabinet secretary . You guessed it opraaaaaahh cheers and applause thank you, oprah. Thank you thank you, lady o. Oprah can do anything. Quick followup question, no particular reason, oprah did you ever do any shows in russia . Because we could use some help. We just learned from multiple intelligence sources that trump aides were in constant touch with senior russian officials during the campaign. Constant touch, by the way, is also trumps secret service code name. laughter i got constant touch on the move. Constant touch is on the move. Constant touch. Constant touch is coming backstage. Hide the girls. Constant touch. Now, this russian revelation obviously raises questions like are you bleep kidding me . laughter applause and this is russia, americas greatest foe since world war ii. I mean, worse than gluten. laughter now, intelligence sources are careful to say that they have found no evidence that trump and he russians colluded to steal the election, but. Where theres smoke. Theres a lot of smoke. Theres a lot of smoke here. Lot of smoke. Theres a lot of smoke. Stephen and you know what they say, where theres smoke, theres steve miller blowing it up trumps ass. cheers and applause we do know that Trumps Campaign was talking to the russians a lot, and the frequency of the communication and the proximity to trump of those involved raised a red flag with u. S. Intelligence. Yes, intelligence were worried that once he got in the white house, he might raise a red flag. The report also makes clear that these calls are different from the wiretapped conversations between Michael Flynn and russias ambassador. It is never a good sign when you have to specify which secret power youre denying. Oh, that act of treason. Tell you what . Let me get back to you on that one. Next question, please. Anybody else . Anybody . Hes on the move. Hes on the move. applause now, the white house vehemently denies all of this. Yesterday, sean spicer was asked about russias ties during americas daily afternoon spicey time. Out of talk he. applause , of course, of course, huge sean spicer fans. Big sean spicer fans here tonight. , of course, the president immediately took to the twitter to defend his administration saying this russian connection nonsense is merely an attempt to cover up the many mistakes made in Hillary Clintons losing campaign. audience booing . Stephen no, no, no, no, look. Hes got a good point. Because if people learn about the mistakes made in hillarys campaign, she might lose . Buddy, youre the only one talking about hillary clinton. Youre like that guy whos still talking about a big touchdown he made 20 years ago. By the way, hillary won the popular touchdown. cheers and applause by the way, okay, trump also called the story then tweeted that the real scandal here is that classified information is illegally given out by intelligence like candy. Very unamerican yeah, you know how its illegal for americans to give out candy. Thats why everyone wears masks on halloween. Heres the thing it cant be both fake news and an illegal leak of classified information. Your honor, i did not murder that man. The real criminal is whoever filmed me strangling him. laughter the president also held a press Conference Today did you see this . I didnt know this was going to happen. He held a press Conference Today because in the middle of all this insanity, israeli Prime MinisterBenjamin Netanyahu visited the white house. As a courtesy, trump asked his staff to put a 24hour hold on retweeting neonazis. laughter thats just good manners. Thats just good manners. Hes a lovely host. Necessary. laughter but he did not right . But he did not take the opportunity of the press conference to address any of the rumors that hes being run by the kremlin, and the two handpicked reporters he called on were polite enough not to ask whether our country is over. Thank you. So far, trump and his senior advisers have not been directly implicated in any of this. The people mentioned in this report are the former Michael Flynn, and summertime Trump Campaign chair and man who keeps rope in his glove compartment, paul manafort. Apparently, phone records show manafort on calls to russia, but manafort denies it saying, this is absurd. I have no idea what this is referring to. I have never knowingly spoken to russian intelligence officers. Its not like these people wear badges that say, im a russian intelligence officer. well, how do you know . You cant hear a badge. laughter applause paul. cheers and applause the guy on the other end could have a hammer and sickle face tattoo for all you know. But maybe manafort really didnt know that he was talking to russian intelligence officers. I mean, its not like every russian person you talk to is a spy. I mean, some of my crew members are russian. Youve never worked for the russian intelligence, right . Nyet, nyet, stephen. Ive worked many jobs. Never russian intelligence. Stephen oh, where did you work before here . The Trump Campaign. laughter stephen good for you. Good for you. Congratulations on the win. That must have been a surprise. You happen to have a badge that says, im a russian intelligence officer, do you . My badge s, lady. Stephen right. Well, thanks. Sorry. What was your name again . My name . My name is katie. Katie name. Laugh Stephen Katie name, everybody thank you, katie. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Well be right back with bob odenkirk. Stick around. Fios is not cable. Were wired differently. We are a 100 fiber optic network, and fiber optics can do amazing things. Which is why over the last 10 years, we have received 6 times more awards than cable, including the jd power award for highest Customer Satisfaction for the fourth year in a row. Only fios has the fastest internet, on the most awarded network. Get this amazing offer 150 meg internet with equal upload and download speeds, tv and phone for just 79. 99 per month for the first year. Visit getfios. Com or call 1 888 get fios. Thats 150 meg internet with equal upload and download speeds, tv and phone for just 79. 99 per month for one year. Cable cant offer internet speeds this fast at a price this good, only fios can. Rock your gimsy soul. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the band, jon batiste and stay human. cheers and applause my first guest stars as saul goodman on better call saul, and he now stars in the movie girlfriends day. Im thinking a whole line of i regrets. A whole new line. Could there be a song chip in there . No. Playing a sad song . Snow song chips, no glitter, just the truth, right, because thats what cards have been missing. Besides, ive heard complaints about the glitter. You know, i campaigned for a stronger glue about two years ago. Ray, why dont you have lets go retro. Could be hip. Im thinking dime trees. Girl opens the card, there are 10 dimes for her. In a romance card. Could be great for someone you love who you owe money to. Okay, fine, class it up quarters. Thats your idea. Stephen please welcome bob odenkirk. applause class it up quarters, guys stephen thats right. Give your ladies quarters, not dimes. Stephen nice to see you. Good to see you. Stephen people dont know this, we worked together twice before. Yes. Stephen the first time was when you were on stage at second city and i was a waiter at second city. All right. And what did i do. Stephen what did you do . Mention that we should tip our waiters, or something . Stephen i dont think you ever said that. I didnt acknowledge your existence. Stephen no, you did not acknowledge my existence at all. Who was i on stage with. Stephen you, pasquasy great people. Stephen wonderful people. And then you went off to greener pastures. Wait, we worked again together on the daney carvey show. Stephen the late, lamented daney carvey show. For people who dont know, everybody worked on that. It was louie c. K. , dana carvey. Charlie kaufman great film writer. Stephen robert karlock, and me and correl. It was a lot of fun. It was an Amazing Group of people who coon get it together. laughter . Stephen we kept on writing things that made us laugh and not america. Because this wonderful show with this great guy, dana carvey, who is so wonderful. Stephen i love him. He came on after Home Improvement and we wrote all these weird bits. Stephen the very first sketch was bill clinton Breast Feeding puppies. I know. laughter and i was in the room when everyone was chort ling mightily about that, and i was thinking, oh, no. Thats not going to make them happy. Stephen we are so canceled. Hey, you know what . I heard some exciting news about you. What did you stephen this. You threw out the first pitch. Oh, my gosh. Stephen at wrigley field. And tops can we get a shot of this tops made a Baseball Card of you, bob odenkirk, throwing the ball out at wrigley field. applause did you not know this happened . Run into my friend Donnie Franks, because Donnie Franks is a hot dog vendor there and he also. cheers and applause what an honor. What an honor. Stephen yeah, yeah. He really throws chin music. Youre selling out hot dogs you can throw out the first pitch. Stephen thats what they say. So valentines day was yesterday. Yes. Stephen you and your wife of 20 years, right. We have been married 20 years. Pretty good, right . applause . Stephen you guys do anything you guys do anything particularly particularly i just do what i normally do on valentines day. I get her a card tomorrow, three days later. Actually, we i was flying here. I left town. Thats what i did for her as a as laughter . Stephen you just leave before dawn. That is really romantic leave town on the morning of valentines day. Stephen you know what i say leave them wanting more. laug you have to keep the ladies hungry, bob. I i promise were going to have a valentines day date, i promise. After the kids are in college, were going to stephen how close are we . One year away from the first kid going. Stephen wait a second, youre going to get romantic after in two years stephen when the first child goes to college. Were going to do 22 Valentine Day dates in a row. Stephen the second kid is going to be there. Hell have to watch. Were not going to have a damn thing until both kids are in college and getting good grades. Theres no roses actually, look, Stephen Stephen so the kids are going to have to have good grades for you to get romantic . Got it. Stephen youre going to have to wait until after the midterm exams, oh, he got a bplus. Lets lose those pants. Im pretty proud. My kids have never once caught my wife and i making love and they sleep in the same bed with stephen thats a family joke right there. The truth is, i give my wife 12 roses every morning. laughter and just so she doesnt get a big head, i tell her its one rose for each of your faults. laughter stephen you are a romantic guy, then, youre kind of a romantic guy. Im terrible. Stephen really. Im not at all. Stephen no. No . I consider cards and flowers thats just emotional porn. Thats what i call it. Stephen you cauliflowers actual porn i call a howto films. laughter i say, lets go watch this howto films. Stephen now you play somebody who has a little trouble with romance. Yes. Stephen did you direct this, also. Girlfriends day. No, michael paul stephenson. Stephen but you wroapt girlfriends day. I did write it with my friends. And a great important film. laughter abou its about time. laughter the truth must be told stephen what is it about, like, are are there themes its not about anything. Stephen whats the plot . Ill tell you if its got something. Its not going to win a peabody or anything like that. Its a silly movie. Stephen what happens . What happens in the movie . Stephen, theres no message. Im a greeting card writer. Ive lost touch with my emotions. Stephen youre working for a big company . Im working for a big company. Stephen is it corporate greed and loss of individual identity, anything like that . No, not really, no. I fall in love with a hipster chick. And stephen like generation y, and everything is ironic and you dont have true feelings anymore . No, no, no. Stephen its not about that . No, its not really stephen whats the last whats last line . The last time o line of the , sometimes theres a message there. Im on aor oneeyed dog. And turn to want camera and say, lets start killing those whales and frack this earth. You think thats a message. Stephen so its about, like, mans inhumanity to man . Its antihumanity is what it is. laughter . Stephen thats what you think of odenkirk, antihumanity. Thats what it is. Get me that peabody, please. Im ready. Stephen well, id love to hear more about hating your fellow man. We have to take a little break. Will you stick around and well hate ourselves a little more after that . Yes. Stephen still around. We will have more bob odenkirk. applause how do you become americas bestselling brand . You make it detect what they dont. Stop, stop, stop sorry. You make it sense whats coming. Watch, watch, watch mom. Relax im relaxed. You make it for 16year olds. Whoawhoawhoa and the parents who worry about them. You saw him, right . Going further to help make drivers, better drivers. Dont freak out on me. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The moto z with moto mods. Get a moto z play droid for only 5 mo. No tradein required. 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I play Stephen Colbert stephen youre playing me in a movie . Why was i not asked to audition . Im sorry. I guess they just wanted a Stephen Colbert type, and i was the first one who came to mind. But dont worry. I studied you closely, and i think i nailed it. I believe we have a clip. Jim . All right, everyone shut up sit down im Stephen Colbert all right. Whats in the news today . I dont know. Did everyone hear about iran missiles . Who cares . Hilarious. Whew when we return, ill be over there. Talking about zika. So, cheer for jon batiste, stay human. Clap, you pigs stephen what what was that . Hold on. applause no, no, wairkt dont, please. Stephen oh, shoot. I totally forgot i play you, bob odenkirk, in late show the movie i think we have a clip. Jim . Jim. All right, were back with the actor bob odenkirk. Great to be here, steve. You know, i people know me as a comedian, but i also do drama. And i am doing a movie called girlfriends day. All right, look, this celebrity chitchat bores me. Can we talk about something more serious like, what do you think it feels like after youre dead . laughter . Well, i was talking about this with jeremy piven the other day, and piven said, dont you play Stephen Colbert in the movie late show the movie . I said, i do, lets show the clip. Shut u im Stephen Colbert. Black here. Ed this bob odenkirk. Tell us about the movie. Im bob odenkirk. Stephen yeah. Thats enough of that. All right, babies are ugly. Jimmy, roll the clip. applause stephen bob, wonderful to have you. Girlfriends day streaming now on netflix. Bob odenkirk, everybody. Wel let me just get through here, sorry. Oh wow, quite a turn out. Tami. Marcus. Okay, other unlimited data plans havent lived up to the name. But today, unlimited gets the network it deserves. And so do you. Verizon. cheering and whistling thudding man you the man uh, sorry, you need more inform