Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20171003 :

WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers October 3, 2017

Blood. Every hour we hear more stories about the incredible bravery exhibited by people who risked their lives to save strangers. And it always seems like, the worst displays of humanity in this country are immediately followed by the best. And then sadly, that is followed by no action at all. And then it repeats itself. So weve talked about gun violence on this show before, and im not sure what else i can say. I also know nothing i say will make any difference at all. But to congress, i would just like to say, are there no steps we can take as a nation to prevent gun violence . Or, is this just how it is and how its going to continue to be . Because when you say, which you always say, now is not the time to talk about it, what you really mean is, theres never a time to talk about it. And it would be so much more honest if you would just admit that your plan is to never talk about it and never take any action. Congressman Steve Scalise who in a wonderful, a truly wonderful moment, returned to the house floor four months after being shot himself said that his being alive is proof that miracles really do happen. But is that the best plan d. C. Has for dealing with gun violence, when theres a shooting, we just pray for a miracle . Because maybe that is it, but if youre not willing to do anything, just be honest and tell us. This is how it is, this is how it will continue to be. Instead of saying, this isnt the time to talk about it, just say were never going to talk about it. If its going to be thoughts and prayers from here on out, the least you can do is be honest about that. Fortunately there are plenty of people who are willing to do the most they can do, our First Responders and all the heroes that we saw last night. So a round of applause for all of them, and their incredible [ applause ] incredibly heroic action. [ applause ] now thank you for your [ applause ] thank you for letting me say that. Now, lets get to the news, everybody. In a recent poll, where respondents were asked to give a one word description of President Trump. The ten most common responses were incompetent, arrogant, strong, idiot, egotistical, ignorant, great, racist, ass, and narcissistic. [ laughter ] even worse, they only polled three people. [ laughter and applause ] did you say ass . I said ass. I put ass two. President trump today, hosted the Prime Minister of thailand at the white house, when asked wheres thailand, trump said usually about four inches below my belt. [ laughter and applause ] that did not get the reaction it deserved. [ laughter ] you will not hear a better joke this decade. [ laughter ] in a new interview, House Speaker paul ryan, said he thinks President Trumps heart is in the right place on race relations. Oh, sorry, i misread that, his heart is in the white place. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter and applause ] hey a new media study has found that only one in ten stories offered a positive assessment of the trump administration, while the other nine were true. [ laughter and applause ] former california governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will speak at a rally tomorrow against gerrymandering, admission is free, but i would still pay 1,000 just to hear him say gerrymandering. [ laughter ] we have to stop gerrymandering. Gerrymandering. [ laughter ] weve been gerrymandered. Gerrymandering. [ laughter ] after President Trump tweeted yesterday that secretary of state, Rex Tillerson is wasting his time trying to negotiate with north korea, politico published an article titled, should Rex Tillerson resign . Replied tillerson, i resigned months ago, has nobody noticed . [ light laughter ] scientists have identified an early human ancestor that is responsible for the initial spread of herpes to human beings, and as suspected, it was carl. [ laughter ] i made tools, you want to see my tools . [ light laughter ] according to reports, the bakery based on the series the hunger games is expected to open in times square. Even worse, the new 50 shades of buildabear. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] that that bear is of age and agreed to that photo shoot. [ laughter ] and finally today was world no alcohol day. Robitussin it is, said steve bannon. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a fantastic show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is an nfl hall of famer, the cohost of Good Morning America on abc, and also executive producing a new game show, snoop dogg presents the jokers wild, Michael Strahan is back on the show everybody. [ cheers and applause ] he is a wonderful guy and a fantastic actor, you know him as one of the stars of nbcs this is us, Justin Hartley joins us everybody. And were going to have music from a dynamic musician and performer, tash sultana joins us. So you are here on a wonderful night. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to that, every week, it seems like weve seen donald trump at his worst, and every week he finds a way to sink lower. And now, with his response to the crisis in puerto rico, we are witnessing, once again, the very real consequences of electing a lazy ignorant racist as president. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth the scale of the humanitarian crisis in puerto rico cannot be overstated. Over 3 million u. S. Citizens living there have been without power, more than half the population doesnt have access to clean drinking water. Food is scarce, roads are damaged, and gas has been in short supply. And yet our president seems to know only one thing about the situation, that puerto rico is an island. Its on an island in the middle of the ocean. Its out in the ocean. This is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean, and its a big ocean, its a very big ocean. [ light laughter ] this is an island, surrounded by water. [ laughter ] big water, ocean water. Seth water. [ light laughter ] the whole things like getting a situation report from a cartoon cave man. [ laughter ] but its not fair to keep harping on the fact that trump is dumb. Lets not forget, hes also lazy. [ audience ohs ] the day after Hurricane Maria made landfall in puerto rico, trump jetted to new jersey to spend a long weekend at his private golf club. The sense of urgency didnt begin to penetrate the white house until monday. When images of the utter destruction and desperation, and criticism, the administrations response began to appear on television. So, trump literally needed the tv to tell him to help puerto rico. Trump watches so much tv, at this point, even golf announcers will start dropping hints for him about how to do his job. [ audience oohs ] and a short putt for mcilroy, but he looks distracted. Hes probably focused on President Trumps tweets about north korea this morning. Thats gotta be on his mind. Hes looking at the hole and thinking, please, mr. President , stop calling him little rocket man. [ laughter ] and, when you think about it, if theres a nuclear war, then there would be no more golf. Good point. And heres the putt for par and he missed it. [ audience ohs ] thats what happens when the president tweets crazy [ bleep ]. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] seth and on top of that [ cheers and applause ] that is what happens. And on top of that, trumps acting Homeland Security director made things worse, when she called the recovery effort, a good news story. And when she heard that comment the mayor of san juan was understandably frustrated. Pleading in interviews and press conferences for more help, and a greater sense of urgency for the people of puerto rico. And in return, donald trump did what any leader would do, he berated the people begging him for help. President trump is attacking the mayor of san juan, in a barrage of Early Morning tweets. The mayor of san juan who was very complimentary only a few days ago has now been told by the democrats that you must be nasty to trump. Suc poor leadership ability by the mayor of san juan and others and puerto rico. Another tweet, who are not able to get their workers to help. They want everything to be done for them when it should be a community effort. Seth everything . They want electricity and drinking water, not rihanna tickets and a new tesla. [ light laughter ] now obviously, Many Americans are angry about the president s choice to lash out at the mayor of san juan, instead of focusing on hurricane relief. But no one is madder than Puerto Ricans themselves. One of our writers, jenny hagel is puerto rican, and shes here to comment right now. Welcome jenny. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, seth. First of all, can we see a clip of mayor cruz being nasty, please . When youre drinking from a creek, its not a good news story. When you dont have food for a baby, its not a good news story. Damn it, this is not a good news story. This is a people are dying story, this is a life or death story. If you think thats nasty, youve never seen a puerto rican woman get mad. [ light laughter ] she didnt even throw her shoe. [ laughter ] you dont believe me . One time during a parentteacher conference, my mom told my teacher to go to hell, and my teacher was a priest. [ laughter ] also heres how i know thats not nasty, she didnt even switch over to spanish, cause thats when you know youre in trouble with a puerto rican woman. If mayor cruz ever goes full puerto rican on you [ speaking spanish ] [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] mmhmm. You might be thinking, well, if she didnt get that mad, maybe shes not puerto rican, but you know how i know she is . cause shes in the middle of a [ bleep ] storm, and she still looks good. Look at those glasses. [ light laughter ] meanwhile, you look like a hurricane hit you on a normal day. [ laughter ] mira, quit calling mayor cruz nasty, thats not the word you mean, you mean noncompliant. Youre mad because you were challenged by a woman of color, youre mad that a woman of color is more compassionate and better at her job than you. Because you dont like us, and i know why, its because we have the thick wavy hair you so desperately crave. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i lose more hair in the shower in the morning than you have on your whole head. You [ speaking spanish ] [ laughter ] so remember, if you know whats good for you, dont step to a puerto rican woman. You cant handle it. [ speaking spanish ] back to you, seth. [ cheers and applause ] seth jenny hagel, everybody. [ applause ] but you know its not fair of us to keep harping on the fact that trump is dumb and lazy. Lets not forget, hes also a liar. And any trump crisis would not be complete without a bizarre and unnecessary lie, fabricated out of whole cloth. Like this tweet when trump tried to brag about his response to the hurricane. People are now starting to recognize the amazing work that has been done by fema and our great military, all buildings now inspected for safety. Sounds reassuring, except for the fact that puerto rican officials literally, had no idea what trump was talking about. Asked about trumps tweet, the governor of puerto rico said all buildings . Im not aware of such inspection, perhaps he was referring to a particular set of buildings, im not sure. [ light laughter ] just imagine how scary his lie about building safety would be if his previous job was buildings. Oh, [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] someone better check those inspection papers. [ applause ] seriously, and you better pray they dont look like this. [ laughter ] with his insults this weekend, trump proved once again, how petty and cruel he can be. And look, i know he wont listen to me, or the media, or the mayor of san juan, but he does usually, listen to the military. So ill let retired Lieutenant General russel honore, who was in puerto rico while trump was at his golf course sum this whole thing up. What is your reaction to the president s tweets this morning . I have no reaction, the mayor is living on a cot. And i hope the president have a good day at golf. Seth damn. [ audience oohs ] were you in the army or seal team sass . [ laughter ] this is the cruel racism of donald trump at work. When the victims of hurricanes in florida and texas needed help, he didnt hesitate. But when the victims are people of color, and when the critics challenging him are women of color, his reaction is to insult them, drag his feet on sending help, and bring up financial issues. For example, no one ever asked how texas and florida would pay for their recoveries, but trump has repeatedly raised the issue with puerto rico. Tweeting about its massive debt, and the billions of dollars owed to wall street and the banks, which sadly, must be dealt with. And then at the same time, his own administration is pushing forward on a plan that will help the rich. A giant tax cut. President trump and republican lawmakers making the case for their newly unveiled tax plan. An independent, Nonpartisan Group has come out and said that 80 of the benefits by 2027 will accrue to the top 1 . If that means, if youre a family making over 900,000, under the plan, the details that we know so far, youre going to get a 200,000 tax cut. The Tax Policy Center also estimates the plan would add 2. 4 trillion to the deficit over ten years. Seth so while he chides puerto rico for not paying its debts, trump is willing to spend trillions on a plan that would cut his own taxes. That is, if he even keeps his money here in the u. S. I have a feeling hes got his money stashed away on an island. Surrounded by water. Big water, ocean water. Seth water, water. [ laughter and applause ] so, in the middle of a disaster, trump is worried about finding the money to save lives in puerto rico, but isnt as concerned about spending 2 trillion on tax cuts for the ultra wealthy. And not only that, trumps cabinet of millionaires and billionaires is so out of touch, they cant even lie about their tax plan effectively. Last week, trump Economic Advisor gary cohn, a multimillionaire, former Goldman Sachs executive, try to claim middle class taxpayers would get a tax cut of about 1,000 a year. But when he offered examples of ways families could spend that money, he didnt seem to know how much everyday items cost. If we allow a family to keep another 1,000 of their income, what does that mean. They can renovate their kitchen, they can buy a new they could buy a new car. Seth huh . [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] you think it costs 1,000 to buy a new car . The best you could do with 1,000 is take uber everywhere for a week. [ laughter ] also, i love that he thinks the first thing a middle class family would do with 1,000 is renovate their kitchen. [ light laughter ] okay honey, we can pay off our Student Loans and these medical bills, or we could get that hot property brother to add subway tile to the breakfast nook. [ laughter ] oh, hey, i just found a 5 bill in my jeans, why dont i take us all to the movies. [ laughter ] popcorn . Of course, ive got 5. [ light laughter ] so trump doesnt have the basic human decency to show compassion and grace towards victims of a natural disaster. And his party is more concerned with cutting taxes for the rich, but if theres one thing we can all agree on, surely its that children deserve health care. Republicans have always proclaimed themselves the party of family values, so im sure they would never let a Government Program that provides health care to millions of children, expire without doing anything about it. And theres no way this next clip will prove me wrong. Funding for the Childrens Health insurance program, known as chip expired today, after congress failed to come up with the necessary 15 billion. Created 20 years ago, with bipartisan support, chip provides insurance for 9 million kids whose families make too much to qualify for medicaid, but too little to buy their own insurance. Seth man, how soulless do you have to be, to let Childrens Health insurance expire. Id say paul ryan would have trouble looking at himself in the mirror, if he had a reflection. [ laughter ] this week is once again given us very clear proof of who donald trump really is, and who he and the gop really serve, suffering u. S. Citizens of puerto rico are desperate for help, and millions of children need health care, but trump and the gop have no problem spending 2 trillion on tax cuts for the rich. Wed all be a lot better off if trump would just stop being president , then he could anywhere. You know, even an island. Surrounded by water. Big water, ocean water. Seth water. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth well be right back with Michael Strahan, everybody [ cheers and applause ] announcer for more of seths closer looks be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Posting hashtag yeehaw. Hashtag i have no signal and i still cant post out here. Woah look out, coming through. Hey thomas. Howdy there joy. See joys got the new iphone with verizon unlimited. You bet i do. Best phone, best network. Americas largest, most reliable 4g lte network. She can post out here like she does in the city. Hey twelve likes. What . Likes wont get you didly around these parts. 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