[ laughter ] during the interview, President Trump told dobbs he watches his show absolutely, almost all of the time. And lou dobbs told trump that he is quote, one of the most loved and respected president s in history. Lets go to a clip. [ laughter ] seth it was just a classic, hardhitting fox news interview. [ laughter ] white house chief of staff john kelly reportedly told the Trump Administration that if it were up to him, the number of refugees admitted into the u. S. Would be between zero and one. Said betsy devos, so, 13 . [ laughter ] starbucks has launched a limitededition halloweenthemed drink called the zombie frappuccino. The way it works is, it has no caffeine. [ laughter and applause ] saudi arabia, yesterday, became the first country in the world to grant citizenship to a robot. Oh, please, we made one vice president. [ laughter and applause ] such an honor. Such such such an honor. Such such such reboot. Rebooting. A pennsylvania mother recently threw her 3yearold daughter a targetthemed birthday party, which explains why every mom just went to drop off their child, but somehow left with 300 worth of stuff. [ laughter ] nba star Charles Barkley is launching his own wine brand. But as usual, hes having problems putting a cork in it. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] Queen Elizabeth has reportedly earned over 9 million from horse racing prize money in the past three decades. And when i say she earned it, i mean she earned it. [ laughter ] and finally, according to a recent study, 16 of americans believe that big foot is a real creature. But they might just be confused after watching the world series. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a fantastic show for you tonight hes the star of ray donovan on showtime, a fantastic actor. Live schreiber is here tonight, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you know her from hbos curb your enthusiasm. Shes also got a very funny new film coming out, a bad moms christmas. Cheryl hines is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] and you know him from snl. He is also one of the voices and the writer of the david s. Pumpkins halloween special. Mikey day is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] very excited to have mikey here for the first time. Before we get to all that, the Trump Administration seems permanently inundated by scandal and constantly under siege, including from senior members of trumps own party. Which might explain why many on the right seem to want to live in an alternate reality where trump actually isnt president. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth just in the past week, senior members of the Republican Party have warned that the president is a threat to democracy and national security. And the president himself lashed out at the family of a fallen soldier. In fact yesterday, trump gratuitously waded back into that controversy by insisting that his account of the call he made to the widow of sgt. La David Johnson was correct. And in the process made one of the more absurd claims of his presidency. I was really nice to her. I respect her. I respect her family. I certainly respect la david, he who i by the way i called la david right from the beginning, just so you understand. They put a chart in front, la david. It says la David Johnson. So i call right from the beginning, theres no hesitation. One of the great memories of all time. [ laughter ] seth his memory is so great, he has to point to his head to show us he remembers where it is. [ laughter ] my memory is so great. Thats thats where i remember thats where my memory is. Its up here in my brain. [ light laughter ] which if i remember correctly, is inside my head. I went to a very good school. [ laughter ] also, you do not have a great memory. Im not even talking about stuff that happened a long time ago. Back in april, you couldnt even remember which country you had just bombed. Weve Just Launched 59 missiles heading to iraq. Well, you headed to syria. Yes. [ light laughter ] heading toward syria. Seth so nice of her to correct him. Fox news hosts are like dance moms quietly doing the routine in the background so their kids wont mess up. [ light laughter ] syria. Say, syria. Somehow [ applause ] somehow trump can even turn the issue of condolence calls to gold star families into an opportunity to brag about himself. And in an especially gross turn, he insisted of that the big takeaway from his condolence calls to gold star families should be how great he is. You know, its interesting, you folks have called many people that i spoke to, everybody has said unbelievable, good things about me. Seth in a way, i agree with him. If theyre good things, theyre unbelievable. [ laughter ] what is wrong with you . Its a condolence call. You dont get a yelp review afterward. Im sorry for your loss. Now if you wouldnt mind, please give me five stars. [ light laughter ] trump has the perverse ability to take any solemn moment and shoehorn in an absurd and excessive brag about himself. For example, trump discussed his feuds with republican senators who have warned that hes a danger to democracy and national security. And when asked if he should be more civil, said something that doesnt really add up. Well, i think the press makes me more uncivil than i am. You know, people dont understand. I went to an ivy league college. I was a nice student. I did very well. Im a very intelligent person. [ laughter ] seth are you . Because you talk like a Rosetta Stone video for remedial english. [ laughter and applause ] i was a nice student. I did very well. Where is your library . So trump is supposedly a very intelligent person with the worlds greatest memory and people are saying unbelievable things about him. Now, to be fair, you might also have an inflated ego if there was a whole tv channel dedicated to showering you with praise. Last night, trump sat down for his 18th interview with fox new as president. This time with fox business host, lou dobbs. And right out of the gate, dobbs hit trump with the tough questions. In nine months in office, you have already accomplished more in the way of job creation, all of the indexes at or near record levels. You have accomplished so much in that nine months. You came into this job fighting like hell and you are fighting like hell every day. You are a, if i may say, everything as advertised as you ran for president and appreciate everything youre doing. You are one of the most, i would say by the left particularly, reviled, even hated men to ever hold your post. I would say so. You are also one of the most loved and respected. I would say that also. Seth ugh. [ light laughter ] usually when you see an old dude slobber that much, he has a nurse with him. [ laughter ] mr. Dobbs, you have pudding on your chin. Im saving it for later. [ laughter ] later in the fox interview, trump got a chance to show off that Ivy League Education when talking about his relationship with chinas president , who was just granted enormous new powers. So lets see our Ivy Leagueeducated president talk about perhaps the most important bilateral relationship in the world. He represents china. I represent the usa. So, you know, theres going to always be conflict. But we have a very good relationship. People say we have the best relationship of any president president cause, hes called president also. Now some people might call him the king of china. Right. But hes called president. Seth thats right. They have the best relationship of any president president. Incidentally president president sounds like how you describe someone in comparison to trump. Sure, trump is a president , but obama was a president president. [ laughter and applause ] also, i love i love when trump says things like, some people call him king of china, which just gives away thats what he used to call him. [ light laughter ] so im going to meet the king of china . The president , sir. Wheres the king . There is no king. They killed the king . [ laughter ] i should call the queen of china and give her one of my fivestar condolence calls. [ laughter and applause ] of course, in reality, trump has been massively unpopular and dogged by scandal, in particular the russia investigation. Which might explain why when theyre not interviewing trump, fox news is much more interested in talking about the candidate who didnt win the election, Hillary Clinton. And in particular, theyve tried to dredge up a series of debunked and overblown stories to muddy the waters and make it look like it was actually hillary who colluded with russia. Which is why if you watched any fox news at all lately, youve probably heard one phrase in particular over and over again. The big bombshell in washington, the real russia investigation. Could bill and Hillary Clinton be the center of the real russia story . The press secretary tweeting out last night, quote, the real russia scandal well take up the real russia collusion story. This is real russia collusion. This is the real russia story. Robert mueller, wake up tonight. Seth oh, you dont have to tell Robert Mueller to wake up. Hes the guy who tells the rooster to wake up. Look at him. He looks like he sleeps with his eyes open in a rocking chair holding a shotgun. [ laughter ] he paints eyelids on his eyes to trick you into thinking hes sleeping. [ laughter ] the reason for this latest fox news freakout is a report in the Washington Post that the Clinton Campaign and the dnc paid for research that led to the infamous russia dossier. Now we already knew that some democrats had paid for the research. And in fact before that, the research was funded by a republican client during the gop primary. But there really is no one more obsessed with this dossier and the salacious allegations contained in them than sean hannity. For some reason, he repeatedly goes out of his way to discuss those embarrassing details. And now that the dossier is back in the news, it gives us an opportunity to add a new entry to one of our favorite montages sean hannity trying to protect trump from the embarrassment of the alleged pee tape by talking about the alleged pee tape. Enjoy. Remember, thats the dossier that talked about trump at a ritz carlton in moscow with two prostitutes urinating on his bed . Remember they published the fake document about President Trump and that goes to the ritz carlton and that goes to hookers . That phony dossier quoting russians and the ritz carlton and hookers. Remember, that was about the ritz carlton and hookers . They ignored the dossier, you know, talking about hookers and urinating in beds. Theyve been perfectly fine repeating in public unproven information from a dossier. Member . Hookers, ritz carlton, urinating on the bed. And remember, the democrats, media, they were happy to repeat, for example, oh, that donald trump was in the ritz in moscow and he had hookers urinating in his bed. [ laughter and applause ] seth yeah, who would be dumb enough to repeat such an embarrassing rumor . I mean, besides bmw frankenstein here. Fox news would much rather talk about hillary than donald trump. Thats because the right in the trump era doesnt have coherent principles or an ideology, it just has enemies. Which is why they prefer to inhabit an alternate reality where Hillary Clinton is president. And what little you will hear about trump wont be negative, that is except for donald trump was in the ritz in moscow and he had hookers urinating in his bed. [ laughter and applause ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with more late night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Simon and garfunkel ] the 7seater volkswagen atlas. Lifes as big as you make it. How do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. break my bones by john taylor while other Insurance Companies just see a truck, state farm sees something youve worked really hard for. 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Now spend 50 on royal canin and save 10 on your next purchase and when you buy any bag of dog or cat food we give a meal to a pet in need. Petsmart for the love of pets. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back if you if you got a chance to look at paper this morning, you might have seen there was a new study on migrating tree frogs and in that [ sniffing ] wait, im sorry. I could be wrong here. But i think i can smell smoke. And that can only mean one thing. Its time for ya burnt. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome to the burn zone. Weve got a lot of topics to sizzle through, but not a lot of time. Over here is the burner. Lets turn on the gas and load her up woohoohoo spicy margarita l[ light laughter ] first up, autumn autumn . Umm, no, bitch, you fall. [ laughter ] the only people who call it autumn are people rich enough to use the word summer as a verb. We summer in barnstable. Well, i hope you fall down a well. [ light laughter ] hey autumn, peep this, ya burnt. Moving walkways, why are you so short . I need to get from security to the gate not from one cinnabon to the other cinnabon. [ light laughter ] also, parents, can you keep an eye on your kids . Because if i pass owen going the wrong direction on this thing one more time, im gonna tell the tsa hes wearing a shoe bomb. [ laughter ] moving walkways, move, bitch, get out the way ya burnt quiche. Oh good, its everybodys favorite type of pie scrambled eggs. [ laughter ] you know what quiche is french for . Grandmas losing it and just made a pastry out of ham cubes and old salad. [ light laughter ] quiche is the worst thing to happen to brunch since we started inviting stephanie. Sideburn, stephanie. She knows what she did seth quiche better get out of that oven cause ya burnt. Sexy sculpture. The louvre recently decided not to install a sexually explicit sculpture that was supposed to go on display this month. Come on, look at this thing. Its just two buildings doing what buildings do. [ laughter ] whats wrong with that . Sexy sculpture, youre a tiny ray of sunshine in these difficult times. And thats why youre this weeks unburnable. Ascend to safety, my friend. [ laughter ] ah, bow ties. The perfect accessory for when you want to look like an old man and a little boy at the exact same time. [ light laughter ] why are bow ties considered more formal than regular ties . If you want to look fancy, put on a tie. If you want to look really fancy, put on a tiny propeller. [ light laughter ] bow ties, ya burnt. Postmodernism. Hey postmodernism, the existentialists called, they want their objective reality back. I havent seen an epistemological criticism this morally relative since immanuel kant. [ light laughter ] more like immanuel wont. Seth also michel foucalt, id stick my foot up your ass, but youre so high on heideggers farts, you would probably tell me there is no ass without foot nor foot without ass. Postmodernism, deconstruct this. Ya burnt. Late night writers trying to sound smart. Ooh, so you guys took an intro to philosophy course in college and now you want to show off . [ light laughter ] im sure your parents are super psyched they spent all that money on a College Education so you can grow up to write ya burnt. David and christine just wanted to support their angel [ light laughter ] seth also, i hope you were paying attention. That bit [ bleep ] bombed [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] late night writers, ya burnt. Draft beer snobs, if you want your beer to take like pumpkins, i have some bad news. You dont like beer. News flash, whether you had eight miller lites or eight scrunchy frog ipas, youre still doing the same thing peeing out the window while drunktexting your ex. Sarahs never coming back let her live her life shes moved on why cant you . [ light laughter ] seth craft beer snobs, i got something on tap for you. Ya burnt. Next up, babies in Halloween Costumes [ buzzer ] oh, that buzzer means weve run out of time. Looks like ill have to burn you chubby bunnies next time out. This has been ya burnt. Well be right back with more late night, everybody [ cheers and applause ] smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. [hello moto] snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. [hello moto] moto is here. The new moto z with moto mods. Buy the new moto z and youll get a free projector mod. Hi, i need your help. Ive been trying to find a knee specialist. But nobody has an opening for months you cant always control your feelings. Oh, i found one innetwork next tuesday. But unitedhealthcare can help you control your care. Thanks, stephanie. Unitedhealthcare new charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin halloween break which house do you want to go to first . The kat lady bell rings trick or treat its go time kitty cats cats meowing have a break, have a kit kat with 33 individual vertebrae and 640 muscles in the human body no two of us are alike. Life made more effortless through adaptability. The perfect position seat in the lincoln continental. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. And please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also all this week weve had a