Legendary roots crew. Questlove 763, minnesota steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. That is a hot crowd. That is a hot crowd right here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the tonight show. Welcome, everybody. Lets get to some news. [ shouting from audience ] i love you too. [ laughter ] lets get to some news here, because theres a lot to laugh about. This is actually nice. The trumps just invited kids to the white house for a Halloween Party next week, and i saw that it will have pumpkins carved to look like president s. Of course, its going to get awkward when one kid says, wow, this one looks so real, and it says, let go of my face. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but halloween at the white house is going to be really fun. Theyre even bringing out the ouija board trump uses to make all his decisions. [ laughter ] are you moving it . You would tell me if youre moving it right . This is interesting. An article that just came out that says most military officers have a negative opinion of President Trump. Trump says hes doing fine with the two that matter, captain crunch and colonel sanders. [ cheers and applause ] hes hes a captain, captain. Some people have questioned trumps fitness to be president , and theres even talk about using the 25th amendment to remove him from office. But to make sure trump understands what that amendment actually is, they made him this video. Check this out. Its the 25th amendment and its there just in case the president goes crazy and he needs to be replaced the cabinet votes and if he dont fit the president will say i wasnt fired i quit oh yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats helpful. I was gonna say good singing, by the way, higgins. Steve oh, thank you. Oh, yeah [ laughter ] jimmy oh, yeah. Big story here. Last night, President Trump released thousands of documents on the jfk case. People were a little suspicious when the report said hillary did it. Steve really . Jimmy yes. [ laughter ] [ applause ] how is that possible . Thats odd. Actually, i read that the cia, and the fbi asked trump not to release some of the files. When he heard from the cia and the fbi on jfk, trump said, omg, wtf. [ laughter and applause ] this is cool. Today, nintendo released a new game called super mario odyssey. Its really good. But you know what that means. Its time for mario, mario. Mario Mario Mario Mario mario riding mario riding mario muscle mario muscle the crock he rocks the best the best mario playing mario brain mario posin mario chosen mario jimmy there you go. [ cheers and applause ] my man my man love you, buddy. As i mentioned earlier, you guys, halloween is just a few days away. You guys excited for halloween . [ cheers and applause ] of course, kids everywhere will just be trick or treating. Several states are warning that candy could contain marijuana. [ cheers ] well, officials in colorado are warning that some candy may not contain marijuana. So be careful. [ laughter and applause ] be careful if youre just eating regular candy. [ applause ] this is pretty crazy. I saw that a man flew 15 miles over south africa in a chair attached to 80 balloons. [ laughter ] well, his buddies on the ground were like, oh man, hes going to be so mad when he wakes up. [ laughter and applause ] hey, larry get this, a new study finds that seeing a show live and in person, doesnt get you more excited than watching it on tv. [ audience oohs ] anyway, welcome again to the tonight show, you guys. How you doing . [ cheers and applause ] no respect. Its the end of another crazy week, you guys, and since theres too much to talk about, instead of giving you a full week in review, we decided to put together a little montage that just focuses on the key words used this week. Its something we call this week in words. Check it out. Creepy. Haunted. Eerie. Flooky. Trump as a clown. Ooh, hes spooky. Body double for Melania Trump . Will the real first lady please stand up. Going to talk about antibullying. Her husband does well with that kind of thing. Dividing the country. Ugly fumes. My top priority. Coin two. Trick or treat. Do it right. Please stay safe. On halloween night. Take care of yourself. That may come in handy when getting sick from lots of candy. Jimmy we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, everybody. We had a fun show last night. We had kelly ripa and Jim Jefferies were here, and Jim Jefferies was joking around and he said something about ryan seacrest. Or Something Like that. It was a funny joke, and then he said, well, dont worry about it. Its like, im not going to run into kelly ripa in the hallway, so dont worry about it. And what he didnt know was he went backstage, and kelly ripa went in his dressing room, turned the lights down, and was waiting for him. [ laughter and applause ] you know it was a funny bit. I had to talk about it on the show, cause its just a funny. Shes awesome. The lights were low. Shes sitting there. Oh, yeah [ light laughter ] all right, guys, be sure to tune in for our show next week. Set your tivos, and your dvrs. We have a big week of shows. Blake shelton will be here. [ cheers and applause ] Millie Bobby Brown will be here. Chris hemsworth, alec baldwin will all be joining us. Steve oh, man. Jimmy thats all in one week. Thats a big week. [ cheers and applause ] plus performances from kelly clarkson. Maroon 5 featuring sza. And wiz khalifa with ty dolla sign. You dont want to miss it. [ cheers and applause ] im very excited. I want to get into this. Do you have an instant pot . Do you know what that is . Steve no i know that they are, but i dont have one. Jimmy does anyone know what that instant pot is . Do you have one . [ cheers ] is it good . Yes. Jimmy you know, something im not buying about it. [ light laughter ] so you can make anything in the instant pot, right . Yes. Jimmy like anything . Yes. Jimmy but what makes it what makes it good . Its fast . But how fast . Like, 15 minutes . Thats not true. What, in 15 minutes . What can you make . Deer and almonds. [ laughter ] jimmy what . What did she say . [ cheers and applause ] steve what was it . Jimmy what did she say . Get an oven . What . Deer and almonds. Steve deer and almonds . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, its a warmup reference. You had to be there. Jimmy you guys had to come. You had to be there. You had to come before the show. [ laughter ] steve its hilarious, its hilarious. Jimmy anyway people at home are like, what is that . That doesnt make any sense. Steve yeah, what is deer, and almonds. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah, deer and almonds. Yeah, all right. [ laughter ] or beer and almonds, i dont even know what it is. Steve beer, i know what that is. Jimmy anyways, im excited. I want to get one of these things. I want to figure out how to do it how to use it. Steve cause its like a a pressure cooker, and a slow cooker in the same cooker. Jimmy but its no, but then its like a rice cooker. You know its weird though, somebody said that you can make yogurt in it, right . Yeah. Jimmy yeah, but then i go, well how do you make first of all, i dont have a problem right now getting yogurt. Steve getting yogurt jimmy yeah, but [ laughter ] steve where where can i find yogurt . Jimmy so i go, how do you make it . They go, its easy, you put four cups of milk, and then a a couple spoonfuls of yogurt in it. [ laughter ] im going to put yogurt thats how i make yogurt i got to put yogurt in the yogurt . Steve the yogurt. Jimmy i know how to make chili, man. Steve how do you do that . Jimmy you get a can kidney beans, you get chili powder, and you get like two pounds of chili. [ laughter ] and just pour the chili over it. I dont know, well see. Maybe well talk to mark bittman or something. Steve yeah. Jimmy over at new york times, he knows how to do that stuff. Right . Steve hes like a cook guy. Jimmy yeah, hes the best. Ill get bittman on this, man. Steve get the bittman to do a bit with you on the thing. Jimmy a bittman, and do the bit, man. Steve yeah. Jimmy and then [ laughter ] first, guys, we have a huge show tonight. We love this guy. He has a new book here, its called, why we dont suck. Steve yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy denis leary is here. Denis leary is a stud. Steve dr. Denis. Jimmy dr. Denis leary. Why we dont suck. Dr. Denis leary. Plus, he is a grammyAward Winning artist, and host of a a great new show on viceland called most expensivist. [ light laughter ] 2 chainz is back on the show tonight. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were going to talk with 2 chainz, then he and travis scott are going to perform their hit single 4 00 a. M. To close the show. Tonight is a party. [ cheers and applause ] tonight is a party its going to be great [ cheers and applause ] guys, today is friday, and thats usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. I check my inbox, i return some emails, and of course i send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] i was running a little bit behind. I was wondering if you guys dont mind, can i write out some thank you notes right now . [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . [ laughter ] jimmy hes all business. Hes all business. Steve wow. His haircuts business in the front, business in the back. Jimmy hes all business. Steve yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy its all steve all business. Jimmy all beer and almonds with that guy. Steve yep, beer [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, pumpkin patches, for basically saying, hey, kids, lets go take glamour shots in front of some dead fruit. [ applause ] thank you, waking up the morning after halloween, and seeing your costume on the floor, for making it look like i had a onenight stand with a a ninja turtle. [ cheers and applause ] donatello, yeah. Steve hello. Jimmy thank you, when my friends dont text back after 20 seconds. Its nice to know you absolutely hate my guts. [ applause ] steve what did i do . Jimmy whatd i say, man . Did i Say Something wrong . Steve what can i have said to him . Jimmy thank you, couples Halloween Costumes for being a a fun way to make your single friends feel even lonelier. Happy halloween. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, cereal, for being the only food you have to drown before eating. [ laughter and applause ] thank you, suburbicon, for hitting theaters this week, and for sounding like the worlds lamest transformer. [ applause ] steve turn into a minivan. Netflix and chill. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, trying to get a bartenders attention, for forcing everyone at the bar to compete in a game of who can make eye contact the hardest. [ cheers and applause ] hey, man, how you doing . Hows it going . Take two of a steve yeah. Jimmy thank you, staple removers, for looking like youre going to suck the blood out of my other office supplies. [ laughter ] there you have it, those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with denis leary, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. You stand out in a crowd. And are pulled together. You follow your own lead and show your strength. Always comfortable in your own skin. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx introducing degree ultracle r black white saves your white clothes from yellow stains. And black clothes from white marks still with 48 hour sweat protection. Degree ultraclear black white it wont let you down remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The new moto z with motomods. Get a moto z2 for only 20 a month. And a free projector mod. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a talented actor, a a bestselling writer, a very, very, very, very funny man. This is his hilarious new book called why we dont suck and how all of us need to stop being such partisan little bitches. Its [ laughter ] its available now. Please welcome, dr. Denis leary, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey denis leary, looking good, buddy. Hi pal. Jimmy we love you. Good to see you, pal. Questlove jimmy yeah, the roots. There they are. Questlove [ cheers and applause ] jimmy lot of love going around. I want to say happy belated birthday, right . Yeah. Jimmy it was a big one this year. Yeah. Jimmy 60 . I turned 60. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you look great. Yeah, i look i guess i feel 40, you know . Jimmy yeah. But i did i had i had my first senior moment. The birthday went great. It was fantastic. Jimmy that was all good. Yeah, it was all good. And i remember everything. Im doing great. No, i really do. Im telling you. I remember every grudge. I am telling you. [ light laughter ] i remember every nun who hated me and told me i wouldnt become anything. I remember every egg i threw at that convent they lived in every halloween. [ laughter ] jimmy that is so irish of you. I dont forget anything. Jimmy yeah, of course. Yeah, im so irish. So [ light laughter ] so but like, two weeks ago, i was sitting at home and im watching the bruins game. Early season game. And they have all these new calls, the refs are supposed to make now. And they were calling the game really tight. And within the first couple minutes, the bruins get a a couple penalties and a couple of powerplay goals get scored. And im pissed. You know what i mean . Im sitting there like, i cant believe these refs. They suck. So, i got to call my brother. Cause i know hes watching the game. Hes probably pissed, right . But of course, i cant remember my brothers phone number. Because were all such slaves to technology, rights . [ light laughter ] so im like, now i got to find my phone. And i cant find my phone. So im like, where the hell did i put the phone . And now Something Else happened in the game. And im like, i cant believe these refs. They suck. Jimmy yeah. So i start Walking Around the apartment looking for the phone. I forget that im looking for the phone, i start making a a sandwich. Right . [ laughter ] so, it gets better. So im making the sandwich. And im thinking, oh, man, this is going to be such a a great sandwich. And then the refs make another call. And im like, oh, yeah, my phone, i got to find my phone. So i grab the land line. And im going to call my phone. And i dial it up. And i go like this and a fight breaks out and im like, oh my god. This is going to be a great fight. My phone rings, i pull it out of my pocket. And i go, cant talk right now. Got to call you back. [ laughter ] jimmy you called yourself. That is so sad. Oh, my gosh. That is thank god i didnt call myself back. [ laughter ] jimmy you called yourself. And i was by myself so i just laughed my ass off. I was like, dude, im losing it. Jimmy i love the book, why we dont suck. Now, i got to say, youre a a pretty famous guy. Yeah, ive been famous for 25 years now. This is my what is that . [ cheers and applause ] 25 years. 1992 to now. Jimmy is that right . I know. Jimmy but, you write in this book about how you get mistaken for other celebrities. Yes. Jimmy all the time. Because we have a a a president who was a celebrity before he got elected. I think it was i thought it was important to talk about fame. So i wanted to finally put down on paper, a chart for people, so that they understand what happens to me. Now listen, let me tell you something. Ive been saying this for 25 years. Okay . And i still remember the first day i was famous. I was in an airport. Yeah, i was famous from these mtv spots and no cure for cancer. And they all like blew up. And i was walking in an airport. And i could see people were walking by me and smiling and nodding at me. And i could see a couple people approaching with a camera and some stuff to sign. And i was like, oh my god, im finally famous. [ laughter ] im all pumped up like, this is so awesome, man. And a guy walks up and he goes, hey, man, will you sign this . And can we take a picture . And im like, yeah. Take a picture. And i sign, you know, all the best and denis leary. And he looks at me and he goes, what the hells that . [ light laughter ] so i have pretty messy handwriting. I thought he meant like, i said, well, thats my name, denis leary. He goes, i thought you were willem dafoe. [ laughter ] and he throws the picture the thing into the trash and walks away. Jimmy no. And i was like, hey, what the hell is this . Jimmy yeah. And from that moment on, i have spent the bulk of my life being recognized as various other people. Mostly dafoe, okay . But heres the list. I put it down in the book. Here it is. Its in order of how i get recognized. Willem dafoe. Jimmy uh huh. Kevin bacon. [ laughter ] bryan adams. Bryan adams. Jimmy oh, bryan adams. Bryan adams. Okay . Okay . Jon bon jovi. Jimmy really . Jane lynch. [ laughter and applause ] ellen degeneres. [ laughter ] jimmy really . And christopher walken. Jimmy there you go. Thats not bad. Ill tell you something. The great thing about it is, people love me, wherever they see me. On the street, in the airport. People just needed to love me. Because they think im somebody else. You know what i mean . Jimmy all those people have great fans. I know. Its amazing. Its amazing. Jimmy do you ever answer as the person . I do. You know, i got to the point where sometimes its just so difficult to explain who i am when they think im somebody else. And the worst one i ever did was this summer, it was like 190 degrees in new york. I was leaving the office going home to the apartment. It was only going to take me, like, you know, 15 minutes. And i called an uber driver. And i get in the car. And maybe a block and he goes, hey, you. And i go, yeah. And he goes, footloose [ laughter ] so, look, i dont want to get into an argument. I dont want to make him google diego or the ref. Im like, yeah. Yeah. Im just going to roll with it. And he goes, hey, my wifes favorite movie, footloose. we love you. We love you. You do your own dance. I go, yeah, i did all my own dancing. Yeah, the whole time. Another red light he goes, my wife on the phone. My wife on the phone. So i get on the phone. I love you. I love you, kevin bacon. But i love kyra so much. Kyra kyra, your wife. Shes such a great actress. Kyra this, kyra that. Kyra, kyra, kyra. And as fake bacon, im starting to get jealous [ laughter ] that my fake mrs. Bacon is all she wants to talk to me about. She goes, oh, she win golden globe. I go, well, you know, i won a a golden globe too. [ laughter ] i did a movie called taking chance about a soldier bringing another soldier home. I was pretty good in it. Jimmy you defended kevin bacon. Yeah, exactly. Which is a big mistake because i could see i could tell the tone in her voice. Shes like, okay, give me back to my husband. So i gave the phone back, i was like, i t