Featuring brent faiyaz and shy glizzy, and featuring the legendary ots crew. Questlove 773 chicago steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, oh, oh, i feel the love. I feel the love out there. Welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it, you made it. Youre here. [ cheers and applause ] the tonight show. We got a hot, fresh new show tonight. You guys, thanksgiving is just three days away. [ cheers ] i saw that tomorrow President Trump will pardon a turkey at the white house. [ light laughter ] then hell spend the next week criticizing him for not thanking him enough. [ laughter and applause ] i shouldve let you got eaten. [ laughter ] actually, the white house just posted photos of the two turkeys trump will pardon and they also released of the two turkeys trump refuses to pardon. Take a look. There they are, yeah. Steve wow. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy a bit of a scandal. A bit of a scandal. Steve really . Jimmy yeah. It came out that National Security advisor h. R. Mcmaster called President Trump an idiot, and said he had the intelligence of a kindergartner. [ light laughter ] and trump said, oh, yeah . Then why am i reading at a a first grade level . [ laughter and applause ] and tweeting at a sixth grade level calm down. [ light laughter ] im gonna go have lunch with the turkeys. Steve what . Jimmy not only am i pardoning them, im hanging out with them all week. [ light laughter ] this weekend trump sent a tweet where he criticized senator jeff flake for saying bad things about quote, your favorite president. [ light laughter ] people were like, he said bad things about obama . [ laughter and applause ] hes talking about me well, this is pretty big. After saying that hed let people import elephant trophies into the u. S. , trump got a lot of backlash from the public and changed his mind. Yeah, trumps really really trying to win back animal lovers, even made his own Nature Documentary thats coming out. Steve oh. Jimmy yeah, watch this. This is donald trump, and i love animals. Which is why i made trumps planet earth. Im gonna tell you about all my favorite animals, such as the chimichanga. The walrus. Mitch mcconnell. [ indiscernible ] the topanga. Mufasa. And, of course, my favorite. Orange tan. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy its weird right . Steve orange tan . Jimmy orange tan. Steve wow. Jimmy meanwhile, al franken said that he isnt resigning, but will spend the next few days reflecting. Reflecting is a political term meaning, hope someone else gets busted and this whole thing blows over. [ laughter and applause ] smart. Another big story here, last night Charles Manson died at the age of 83. Which means today he met his new roommates, adolf, osama, and the time warner Customer Service reps. [ cheers and applause ] thats right, Charles Manson passed away. Then dancing with the stars was like, well, on to o. J. All right here we go. [ laughter and applause ] we gotta make some calls. Get on that. This is cool, last night the balloons for the macys thanksgiving day parade were inflated. Its a big deal. This year is actually the parades 91st anniversary. Isnt that wild . Thats amazing, yeah. [ applause ] i think you can sort of tell the balloons are getting a a little older though. Ill show you what i mean. For example, heres what the elf on the shelf balloon used to look like. Heres what it looks like now. [ laughter and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy yeah, i mean heres what the Charlie Brown balloon used to look like. Heres what it looks like now. You see what im saying . Steve wow. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy and finally, heres what the Ronald Mcdonald used to look like. Heres what it looks like now. Steve wow. [ cheers and applause ] and its just very, very they might want to work on the balloons a little bit. Well be there. Thats right, this thursday is thanksgiving, its going to be Donald Trumps first thanksgiving as president. And a lot of people are wondering what a trump family thanksgiving is like. Well, we have an expert on the topic. Please welcome tonight show correspondent patty harrison. Hey, patty. [ cheers and applause ] thanks, jimmy, its really great to be back. Jimmy patty, what can you tell us about the trumps thanksgiving plans . Im actually a longtime friend of the family, so i eat with them every year. Jimmy really . Mmhmm. Jimmy you spend thanksgiving with the trumps . Yeah, a few years ago, i told them im eric trumps wife, and no one questioned it. [ laughter ] jimmy makes sense. Okay how does a typical trump family thanksgiving work . First, lets talk seating arrangements. I sit at the big table with donald, melania, ivanka, and jared. Jimmy mmhmm. Eric and don jr. Sit at the kids table. [ light laughter ] jimmy oh, perfect, yep. And tiffany sits outside. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] jimmy okay now, do you guys say grace . Absolutely jimmy, the trumps are a family driven by values. We all hold hands and read from the good book, the art of the deal. [ laughter ] jimmy okay, yeah. And then what happens . They bring out the turkey and its a free for all. Eric grabs a wing, ivanka grabs a thigh, donald trump grabs a a turkey by the jimmy all right, all right. [ laughter ] okay, patty, patty, patty. Wait a second. Jimmy what about dessert, do they have apple pie or pumpkin pie . Actually, for dessert, we have creme brulee, which melania flambes just by staring at it with her fiery gaze of steely regret. [ laughter ] jimmy wow, and how does the night end . Its beautiful. Trump, don jr. And eric all sit on the couch watching football. And if you squint hard enough, they start to look like the colors of the changing leaves. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy oh thats beautiful. Thank you, patty harrison, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you patty. Hey, i saw that the georgia dome was demolished today in atlanta. Did you see this . Its fantastic. A cameraman for the Weather Channel had a perfect shot lined up, because they were going to demolish the georgia dome, yeah. So hes got it all lined up, perfect shot, and then he ran into a little trouble. Take a look at this. [ crashing ] jimmy there he goes. [ laughter ] bus, get out of the way. Bus. Get out of the way, bus. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy meanwhile, everyone on the bus was like, wow, what a view when are you going to see Something Like this . Its award winning. Some news out of england. I saw that Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip are celebrating their 70 anniversary by getting new portraits together. It was a big day for them and a a huge day for the photographer at sears. [ laughter and applause ] cock your head like that. This is going viral, at a High School Wrestling match in texas. A referee used a pretty interesting move to get into position. Take a look at this. [ crowd noise ] [ laughter ] jimmy come on. Steve come on. Jimmy come on. Steve what, thats it. Jimmy come on. Can we see that again . I just want to see steve its not about me, man. Its about the kids. Jimmy even crazier, he walked home like that. Steve are you serious . [ laughter ] jimmy i think it might be time to start drug testing the refs. I really do. [ light laughter ] and finally i read that for the first time, youre going to need a reservation to visit santa at macys. But if you dont mind the smell of whiskey, theres still a a zero wait to visit santa at jc penney. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, guys. Guys we have a fun show tonight. I had a i had a great weekend, i went to boston, which is one of my favorite cities. And i went to this event called comics come home, hosted by denis leary. And it benefits the cam neely foundation, which is just fantastic to Cancer Patients and their families. But there was so many great comedians. So its all comedians its like the garden. Its giant and its boston, but i got a i was just blown away, i just want to give a a shout out to the comedians. cause ive been out of the standup game for a long time, i dont really really even know how to do standup really any more. But these guys are unbelievable. Lenny clarke was very furious and funny. Robert kelly, gosh this guy destroyed. He has a good bit about [ light laughter ] again, i cant steve go see it. Jimmy lil rel howery. Jared freid, jeff ross jeffrey ross . Does he go by jeff ross now . I used to know. Is it jeff now . Steve was jeffery, but now hes hip. Jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] hes un hes on fire. Ive known him for years, and he crushed. Jeff ross was great. He also you know, the roast master he does the steve i love how he does that. Jimmy he did a speed roast, and he got all the people up on stage. And it was i cant even tell you. [ laughter ] it was great. Dude, he is brilliant. I remember he had a joke years ago, he probably doesnt do it any more. But hes very dry, and he said, i ran into Angela Lansbury at an antique store. 50. [ laughter ] great joke. Thats such a such a great joke. Steve old school jokes, man. Jimmy its just great. He doesnt do it anymore, gosh. Mo amer, oh, my gosh. Do you remember that guy, hes a comedian. Hes a muslim comedian. He sat next to eric trump in first class . Steve yeah, yeah. Jimmy dude, wait til you hear him tell the story. He got upgraded to first class. Hes like [ laughter ] juston mckinney, juston mckinney. Oh, my gosh. Hes really denis of course, denis leary did a whole bit about just how hes 60 and he doesnt care anymore. [ light laughter ] he just say whatever he wants. We did a man, just went off. You could tell he went from host into like his old School Standup thing. Its so amazing to see these guys get up on stage. And like, theyre all so nice, and i brought my dad, and they were talking to my dad. It was really nice. And then its about time for them to go on stage. And youre like, oh, yeah, thats cool. All right, ill talk to you later. Heres robert kelly. And then they standup and they go like walk out and say like theyre going into a a fight. [ light laughter ] its like the its amazing. Its just that they get into that mindset, and they all destroyed. It was really, really i needed a laugh, it was great. And at the end i did a lip sync battle with denis leary, and he beat me. [ light laughter ] but he cheated, he had like, you know, shots of all the boston teams winning championships and stuff. And he did, we are the champions. And they just bostons such a great city. I always feel like its a a different country, just the way they talk and the way they just its like ive never met anyone yes, a totally different world. I loved it so much. Its fantastic. But anyways, i went out and i did my song, and it was okay. And so denis won. But then we sang walk this way together. And i go, great. And we do walk this way. And then denis goes, as were doing the song he goes, and give it up for john mayer, everybody. [ light laughter ] john mayer walks out. And starts playing the guitar. Thats me and john right there. [ cheers and applause ] what a great dude. John mayer totally came out and shredded, hes so good. But that was just it was a a great night. So if you ever next year, you want to go see comics come home in boston, go check it out. You are guaranteed to laugh. And thank congrats to all those guys. [ cheers and applause ] such a great time. Guys, it is monday we are so happy to be back. We have a big week of shows ahead, gwen stefani, Denzel Washington will be here. [ cheers and applause ] denzel. Steve denzel. Jimmy gwen. Oh, and be sure to tune in thanksgiving night, just put on nbc and just leave it on. [ light laughter ] steve just leave it on. Watch the parade. Jimmy just walk away yeah, come in and out, its fine. You dont have to Pay Attention to it. Put on the football game, sit down with your glass of steve chardonnay or jimmy luke warm butter milk. Whatever. [ laughter ] and whatever one does. No, but thanksgiving thanksgiving night, do you have leftovers that night . Steve i usually eat everything thats there, so i have to go buy more food. I have a problem. [ light laughter ] ill break into a boston market. Jimmy boston market. Steve give me that corn. Jimmy oh, my gosh. [ light laughter ] but stay tuned, because we have a really funny show. Jerry seinfeld will be on the show thanksgiving night. Steve come on. [ cheers and applause ] one of the funniest comedians ever. Steve hes the best. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i love the guy. Were going to catch up with jerry, and then for the first time ever, were going to go headtohead in a standup battle. [ cheers and applause ] steve i know. I dont know how im gonna do this. Oh, my gosh, jerry seinfeld. Lll and i dont care if i lose. It doesnt matter. Were gonna be standing up. Battling. Its a stand up battle, not a a sit down battle. [ laughter ] but thats that is thursday night, so set your dvrs, your tivos, its on right after football you have football on nbc. Steve weve got football . Jimmy you dont have to shut off nbc at all. Steve no, leave it on, man. As you call it, turkey day. Jimmy football is something good on nbc. I dont know, whats on during the day . Steve on nbc . The parade. Jimmy what is . Steve the parade, the dog show, football and you. Jimmy and wait, were on were going to be in the parade . Steve what . Oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] that sounds so good for you. Jimmy but its a lot of its a lot of me. Might be too much me. The thing about the parade is you have to wake up very, very early. Steve oh, i know. Jimmy and we go what time, 5 30 . 5 00 in the morning we head over, and you meet in central park. And youre on a bus, they put you on a tour bus, just so they can get all the floats in order and ready cause its a big production. They do really put on a great show. Macys and nbc. And i always its my favorite story. Weve done it three years now i want to say. Three, four years. [ talking over each other ] steve might even be four. Jimmy so this is the first year, i want to say, we were all on the bus. And id never seen the roots before. Probably 6 00. Steve usually see them at 6 00 at night, yeah. Jimmy so, i see the roots. Yeah, we never see each other in the morning. So, were just everyones just tired. And were having coffees on this tour bus. And who comes on the bus, but Ronald Mcdonald. I mean, great. Ronald mcdonald sits down and hes just talking to us, like, hey, guys. Hows it going . But he told me, hes not dressed as a clown. [ laughter ] steve hes just a dude. Jimmy hes just a dude, yeah. And hes talking about you know, traffic or something. And im like, i cant im sorry, its too weird for me, i cant hes got big shoes on and everything. Like, hes got a wig. Steve yellow outfit. Jimmy yeah, white face. But hes so funny, hes nice, and hes talking, and were all kind of just giggling. Were going like, this is so bizarre. And now we kind of know him a a little bit, but i mean, at the time, this is just bizarre. So james comes late, he comes around probably 5 30 or Something Like that so he comes in and were all waiting to see how james is going to react. So were like, kind of giggling, like cause hes steve these guys and Ronald Mcdonald. Jimmy me, the roots, and Ronald Mcdonald yep. [ laughter ] so james comes on the bus, they go, hey, whats up . He looks at ronald, then he goes, whats up, ron . [ laughter and applause ] whats up ron. Like, you know, Ronald Mcdonald. Steve they go way back. They go way, way back. Jimmy guys, we have a great show tonight. We love this guy. Is he unbelievable or what . From the new movie last flag flying Bryan Cranston is here. Steve come on. [ cheers and applause ] love that man. Jimmy also, joining us, this guy is a twotime nba champ, twotime league mvp, with a new sneaker out called the curry 4. The one and only steph curry stopping by tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we have great music from goldlink featuring brent faiyaz and shy glizzy. [ cheers and applause ] steve yeah jimmy this is gonna be the number one jam, tomorrow. Stick around, well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] victoria vo when i was twelve, i started volunteering for national parks. I go out and demonstrate to people what life was like in the eighteenth century. You can have almost a spiritual experience with the beauty of nature or with a connection with the past. Theres no better place to find that than a national park, which preserves that beauty and the history. vo the subaru share the love event has donated over sixpointfive Million Dollars to help the national parks. Get a new subaru and well donate two hundred fifty dollars more. victoria put a little love in your heart. Sourced entirely in france, for a character all its own. Grey goose. Give the worlds best tasting vodka. You know how between the bike rides and the fort making, youre a family of master adventurers . Meet your new partner in crime. Hey google, play mickey mouse adventure. Will you help me . You know it. Hot dog i knew i could count on you. Family time. Like only google can. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the tonight show, everybody. Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching. Guys, we live in a brand driven society. Name recognition is everything. The problem is, what makes a a good name for one thing, might make a bad name for something else. Or a great name for something else. With that in mind, its time for a segment we call long setup, huh . [ laughter ] good name, bad name, great name. Good name bad name great name [ applause ] jimmy let me show you how it works. First up, we have darkest hour. That is a good name for a movie about winston churchill. Is a bad name for a lighting store. [ laughter ] its a great name for the 60 minutes after eating chipotle. [ laughter and applause ] he had to figure it out. Steve prairie dog. Jimmy you gotta to figure it out. After that, we have you cant touch this. Thats a good name for an mc hammer song. A bad name for a petting zoo. [ laughter ] great name for congress. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh oh jimmy next up, we have lil pump. Its a good name for a rapper. It is a bad name for a male enhancement product. [ laughter ] its great name for a sassy baby shoe. [ laughter and applause ] lil pump. Steve sassy