This brings us to a new segment entitled it slowly dawns on seth that this man is our president. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] seth this man is our president. [ light laughter ] announcer this has been it slowly dawns on seth that this man is our president. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats right. President trump said i really believe id run in there even if i didnt have a weapon. I got to say, i find it hard to believe trump would voluntarily run inside a place of education. [ laughter ] the only way he would run inside is if a reporter asked you a question outside. [ light laughter ] in a new interview, President Trump repeated his suggestion that teachers should be armed with firearms. Teachers do our countrys most important work, they shape our nations future leaders and deserve our utmost respect. But do we really want to give guns to people who havent fully mastered chalk . [ light laughter ] according to the washington post, russian spies hacked computers at the Winter Olympics in south korea, which explains why another trump won. [ light laughter ] you know. [ applause ] all right. That joke won the bronze. [ light laughter ] in a new interview, President Trump said that he would like to have a military parade on july 4th or veterans day. Added trump, whichever one comes first. [ light laughter ] theres no way of knowing. President trump today called for the revival of mental institutions, saying that there is no halfway between jail and leaving troubled people at home. Well, sure there is. Its called the white house. [ laughter and applause ] you know, those guys. A new cnn poll has found that democrats have a 16point lead over republicans in a generic congressional ballot. Which means that with a little hard work and some elbow grease, they can still blow this thing. [ laughter ] a couple in North Carolina recently had their wedding at a whole foods store, which explains why when the officiant asked if there any objections, someone said, 12 for milk [ laughter and applause ] Department StoreNeiman Marcus is selling Dolce Gabbana toaster for 600. Or for the same results, just buy a regular toaster and put 600 in it. [ laughter and applause ] a company has developed a new sex toy called the rub grub, which has a button that will order a large cheese pizza from dominos after the user orgasms. [ laughter ] to see what that would look like, watch any porn in reverse. [ light laughter ] and finally, we were on hiatus during the Winter Olympics. So here with a recap is one of our writers, amber ruffin, in a segment we call amber says what. [ cheers and applause ] hey. You guys the olympics were crazy. Okay. First of all, usa won its first Cross Country skiing gold and i was like, what . Then we won the gold in womens hockey. And everyone was like, what . [ light laughter ] then 17yearold red gerard overslept, lost his coat, began in last place and ended up winning the gold for snowboarding. And everyone was like, what . [ light laughter ] but hes a snowboarder, so he was like, what . Then he said holy [ bleep ] on Live Television and everyone was like, what . [ laughter ] then the north korean cheer squad had everyone, like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, this is creeping me out. [ light laughter ] then figure skater adam rippon refused to meet with mike pence at the opening ceremonies. Tweeting, i personally have nothing to say to mike pence. I was like, what . [ laughter ] [ applause ] neither do i. I like this guy. And then i saw adam in an interview and he said this. 28yearsold, skating the best you ever have in your life. How do you explain that to people . I cant explain witchcraft. [ laughter and applause ] what . What . How do you explain witchcraft . Is it this . [ light laughter ] witchcraft, this is witchcraft. Scares me a little bit. Then i saw curling and i was like, what is this sport . And why am i so drawn to it . [ light laughter ] then i found out a russian curler was doping and was like what, why . [ light laughter ] did you get bored . [ laughter ] then american figure skater nathan chen hit six quadruple turns in his routine and i was like, what . [ light laughter ] what . What . [ light laughter ] what . What . [ light laughter ] then something great happened. Novice skier Elizabeth Swaney used a loophole to sneak her way onto the hungarian olympics team. It was the most average freestyle run of alltime. Look at this. [ light laughter ] i was like, what are you doing . [ light laughter ] she looks like she fell asleep standing up and then someone pushed her down the halfpipe. The woman did nothing and then had the nerve to be mad that she got last place. [ laughter ] thats what happens when you do the least. You end up in last place. [ light laughter ] then ivanka trump flew out for the closing ceremonies and took a picture holding a medal. And i was like, what . [ light laughter ] i didnt know nepotism was an olympic sport. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] did she steal that medal from that black lady . [ light laughter ] oh, im sorry. Did that joke go too far . [ light laughter ] cause you know who liked it . These guys. [ laughter and applause ] this has been amber says what. [ cheers and applause ] seth give it up for amber ruffin, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show for you tonight. Shes starring in the broadway production of the parisian woman at the hudson theater here in new york city, uma thurman joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from unsolved the murders of tupac and the notorious b. I. G on usa, jimmi simpson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] a fantastic actor. Her moving new memoir everything is horrible and wonderful is available today, Stephanie Wittels wachs joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] its a great show. Before we get to all that, its been almost two weeks since the horrific shootings in parkland, florida, and the never again movement started by students at Stoneman Douglas high school, continues to intensify. Putting more and more pressure on republicans and the nra. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth President Trumps Approval Ratings have fallen back down to historically low levels amid an avalanche of scandal and chaos in his administration. And yet, on friday, trump went to the conservative Political Action conference and made this outlandish claim about all the promises hes made that hes supposedly kept. Remember this, weve gotten you know, somebody got on television recently and they said, actually this is the first time i can remember, trump made campaign promises. He may be the only person that actually fulfilled more promises than he made. I think thats true. [ light laughter ] seth oh my god, what is he talking about . [ light laughter ] trump is so garbled, his speeches are becoming logical paradoxes. [ light laughter ] i fulfill promises i havent even made. I married a woman i havent met. And i made a rock so heavy, i cant lift it. [ light laughter ] so trump claims he heard someone on Television Make that claim and hes just repeating it. And i think he must have gotten it from this guy a few weeks ago. I was there four months. You know this poll, and they were saying, he didnt fulfill a promise. But now weve fulfilled far more promises than we promised. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] seth does trump think that the trump on tv is a different guy . [ light laughter ] hes back. Hes on tv again. Oh. I like the cut of his jib. Im going to copy his haircut. [ light laughter ] of course, the immediate crisis facing trump and the rest of the government right now is our countrys epidemic of gun violence. The National Conversation over gun safety has only intensified in the days since the parkland shooting. And people are demanding action. And in response to those demands, trump has spent the last week or so rambling nonsensically about his truly deranged idea to arm teachers. And today he took that rambling one step further, insisting that he personally would have run into the school to confront the shooter, whether he was armed or not. You know, i really believe, you dont know until youre tested, but i think, i really believe id run in, even if i didnt have a weapon. Seth nothing about that is believable. [ laughter ] forget running into a school to confront a shooter. I dont believe youd run anywhere, period. [ light laughter ] you cant even be bothered to walk down a flight of stairs. [ laughter ] then, again, i said before that i didnt think hed run and man did i get burned. [ light laughter ] theres really nothing worse than a fake tough guy. Trump lives in a fantasy world where hes some sort of action movie star whod rush into danger and save the day. Im sorry, but youre not exactly liam neeson. If youd been in the movie, taken, they would have had to change the name. [ laughter and applause ] all right. So you have her . Okay. Okay. Thanks for the call. [ light laughter ] but it kept getting worse, because trump lashed out at the media accurately describing his plan to arm teachers as his plan to arm teachers, insisting that he would only give guns to teachers who knew how to use them. When the press covered it, the headline was, trump wants all teachers to have guns. Trump wants teachers to have guns. I dont want teachers to have guns. I want highly trained people that have a natural talent. Like hitting a baseball. Or hitting a golf ball or putting. How come some people always make fourfooter and some people under pressure cant even take their club back . Right . Seth well, even when hes laying out his plan to prevent School Shootings, he cant hide how much hed rather be playing golf. [ laughter and applause ] also, the only people who ask how come some people always make the fourfooter are the people who never make the fourfooter. [ light laughter ] when trump putts, i bet he makes eric lie down on the green to try to blow his ball into the hole. [ laughter and applause ] father, im running out of air. [ light laughter ] of course, the only reason were still talking about the issue of gun violence is because of the students at Stoneman Douglas high school, who have demanded action and sparked a National Movement for gun reform. Their passionate calls for action have disrupted the usual routine that seems to unfold after every mass shooting. And for that, theyve been subjected to deranged attacks on everything from their maturity, to their credibility, to their tone. Like Stoneman Douglas student sarah chadwick, who was scolded by conservatives when she tweeted we should change the names of ar15s to marco rubio because they are so easy to buy. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] damn. Damn. That is a white hot burn. [ light laughter ] theres only one thing to do when you get burned that hard, marco. [ light laughter ] yeah, drink up after that tweet, fox news host Laura Ingraham quoted chadwicks line on twitter and added how teens speak to and about adults, calling her Stoneman Douglas sophomore sarah chadwick. Which prompted this response from chadwick. Im a junior. [ cheers and applause ] Laura Ingraham, what is wrong with you . Dont go after teenagers on social media. You saw what happened to marco rubio. [ light laughter ] so in short, Marco Rubio Might be easy to buy, but Laura Ingraham is easy to own. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] oh. And then there are those who have spent the last two weeks lecturing students on their maturity and their qualifications for talking about gun reform and claiming their movement is somehow being hijacked by leftwing groups. The medias focused more on a teenagers expertise in supplyside control measures for guns which, tucker, lets be candid. They probably have not studied a very complicated layered issue. Their sorrow can very easily be hijacked by leftwing groups who have an agenda. But do you think it has been . Lets ask ourselves, do we really think that and i say this sincerely. Do we really think 17yearolds on their own are going to plan a nationwide rally . Seth you dont think 17yearolds can plan a rally . [ light laughter ] 17yearolds know how to plan things. When youre 17, youre too young to do most things. You have to find ways around it. You got to get fake i. D. S, coordinate alibis, figure out how to make a bong out of an apple, an inhaler, and a straw. [ light laughter ] you got to bring scope with you so you can wash away the smell of alcohol. But then your parents smell a ton of scope and they knew you were drinking. But theyre also a little impressed you remembered to bring scope. [ light laughter ] the attacks on these students are clear evidence that the movement is working. The nra and their supporters are scared. And now the nra and their allies are resorting to increasing ludicrous suggestions for how to deal with gun violence in schools. Trump, for example, spent the weekend repeating his deranged idea for giving guns to teachers. In a cpac speech, and then again in a interview with fox news. We would have had some Great Teachers that were gun adept, meaning, you know, really understood weaponry and guns. And if they had concealed permits you wouldnt have this problem today. Seth this is one of the worst things about having trump as president. Every time he goes on tv and blurts the dumbest things in the world, the rest of us have to debate it like its a real idea. [ light laughter ] he said, hey i think we should take incredibly stressed out people who make 30,000 a year and give them guns. And then wolf blitzer has to stand there and go, [ bleep ] well, lets ask the panel. [ laughter ] he said it. So now i got to ask you all. You have to give me answers like its a real thing. And theres no evidence anywhere close to 10 to 20 of teachers have Firearms Training as trump claims. Nor is there evidence that it would actually prevent School Shootings. Second, theres the question of how teachers, themselves, feel about this idea. And in the days since trump floated it, the response from teachers, including those from Stoneman Douglas, have been a resounding no thanks. You heard the president today. He in effect, wants people like you to be on the front lines. To be armed. If you have the aptitude for it, aptitude, as he described it. Is that a good idea . No. [ light laughter ] i have no desire to own a gun, carry a gun, shoot a gun, touch a gun. And the president said that those of us who would be willing to be armed would get some kind of a bonus. Im not even given adequate money to buy supplies for my classroom. But now if i choose to carry a gun, a gun will be provided for me and i will be given a bonus . Seth now, i know we didnt get to them in the clip. But just in case youre curious, the guy on the right is progun. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, i know. I know youre all watching the clip. Youre like, yeah. Whats the guy in the super clean cowboy hat think . [ light laughter ] very progun. But seriously, the teachers right. Teachers need supplies, not guns. The only guns that should be in schools are glue guns. And they should be used the way all students use them, to glue the shop teachers butt to his chair. [ light laughter ] and when theyre not calling for more guns in schools, gun supporters are complaining that its actually video games and movies that are causing violence, as trump did last week. Im hearing that more and more people say the level of violence on video games is really shaping young peoples thoughts. And then you go the further step and thats the movies. You see these movies, theyre so violent. And yet, a kid is able to see the movie if sex isnt involved. But killing is involved, and maybe they have to put a Rating System for that. Seth does trump not know that movies already have a Rating System . [ light laughter ] i love how hes always trying to suggest things that already exist. Movies should have a Rating System and on top of that, you should have to buy a ticket. I think we can all agree. [ light laughter ] and they should have a concession stand where they sell some sort of snack made from popped corn. [ light laughter ] you could call it corn pop. [ light laughter ] but you know what, trump is right. People are way too influenced by movies. Just take this guy as an example. In fact, i have a license to carry in new york. Can you believe that . Nobody knows that. [ cheers and applause ] [ light laughter ] what was the famous movie, you remember . [ audience speaking ] no. Remember . Where he went around and he sort of after his wife was hurt so badly and killed. What . Charles bronson, right . The late great charles bronson. Name of the movie . Come on. Death wish. Remember that . Oh, were going to cut you up, sir. Were going to cut you up. Oh, oh, oh. One of the great movies. But could you imagine with trump, somebody says, oh, all these big monsters arent around. Hes easy pickings, and then [ light laughter ] seth and you think 17yearolds are too immature to discuss gun control . [ light laughter ] hes literally making gun sound effects. [ light laughter ] and the wrong ones. Bink, boink, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop. [ laughter and applause ] commentators on the right have spent the days since the parkland shooting insisting that teenagers are somehow too immature to comment on an issue like gun reform. When in reality, the only people who sound like children are the ones using phrases like good guys and bad guys and pretending that all you need to do to stop a School Shooting is have someone there to run in and go bink. [ laughter and applause ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with uma thurman, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] announcer for more of seths closer looks be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Introducing the npower jean aka the perfect straight. And introducing the new relaxed slim for men. Power up with up to 50 of